May 14
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Cleaned my bedroom tonight and found this note from my father from earlier this year and it sparked so many good thoughts: Dad still calls me "T." They'd given me the middle name Jean so I could be TJ. But that just didn't fit me. But for a little while, I was called T, up until 1st grade. Dad still calls me T. Yes I'm 24 years old and my father still occasionally packs me a lunch. And I let him. Dad used to work shift work in the mines, so during the summer, if I was around at midday, I'd often help pack his lunches for afternoon shift. Sometimes I'd have the unpleasant task of waking him up at 9 pm for midnight shift. God, I still hate thinking of midnight shift. So when I leave early Monday mornings after a weekend home, sometimes Dad makes me a sandwich and packs me a pudding or a fruit cup. And I let him. Dad is obsessed with the Weather channel. He is always checking the Local on the 8's. Except in the early evening, because they don't run the local on the 8's on every eight. They only run them at 18 after and 38 after. How do I know that? Because my father is obsessed with the weather channel! I can't tell you how often I've walked in the living room to find him just blankly staring the weather channel. I'll ask what he's watching on the flip channels and he'll say "...good question. I don't remember anymore. I've been watching the other Jennifer Lopez for a while now." He calls himself The Palindrome because I once pointed out that Dad is a palindrome. He couldn't remember the word until I pointed that out. I got him a t-shirt that says "Dad: The Ultimate Palindrome" 2 years ago. All this from a short note he left on the kitchen table for me.
[Notes from dad/Private ECHO Recording] "Hey there my little Angel. I know I may not seem like it at times, but I really do love you. You're my world sweetheart."
She wanted to believe him--and she did--but she didn’t want to believe him either, he’d lied too many times. But...no, he’d put her in the Core and hooked her up like a battery, none of those things said ‘love’, but...
A sad smile.
“Thanks Dad.”
"It all would have been easier, if you had been born a boy."
"Yeah, yeah. You've said that every day for the past 25 years, ya old bastard..."
To Light, You're a little shit. From, your dad.
Send my muse notes from their father
"Eloquently put, ‘Dad.’"