Why Does My Life Need Fixing?
First of all, having seen the amount of whinging that goes on on the internet, I suspect most of our lives need at least a bit of fixing. If not 'need' then 'could be improved by'.
Second of all, my life gets periodically taken over by reruns of a show called moderate to severe clinical depression and anxiety disorder. This illness is seriously debilitating and, at its worst, makes it practically impossible for me to take care of myself or hold down a job. Being as I now pay rent and have to buy my own food and stuff, being able to earn money is kinda critical (as I'll come back to in a minute). Being able to take of myself (eating, drinking, most basic hygiene etc.) is even more important. Staying the right side of suicidal, most important. While I'm not saying a few life hacks and getting up a bit earlier are enough to cure depression, they can certainly be important steps to recovery. They're essentially the 'Behavioural' part of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (which, by the way, I think is the most worthwhile and helpful therapy I have ever been through and urge pretty much anyone with depression and/or anxiety to try out if you possibly can). Third, this pesky job/money thing. I live between an hour and a half and two hours' train journey from my workplace. It's hellish. And, after five months, I'm starting to find it impossible to get to work on time or stay awake while I'm there. I cannot afford to lose this job, so I need to do something about that. Like, now. That's going to mean getting less but better sleep. Currently, it barely matters how much sleep I get - I still wake up absolutely exhausted. If I can train myself to sleep better then it shouldn't matter that I'm never going to get more than about 6-7 hours' sleep a night.
Fourth, my dreams and my relationships suffer horribly from the chaotic way I live right now. I'm too tired to write, too tired to do things with my boyfriend (with whom I live, so it's not like I even have to leave the house to do fun stuff with him). Doing stuff with anyone else then gets shoved into the priority list somewhere under those things. I'm usually too depressed and non-functioning, by the time any space opens up when I could see my friends, to actually go see anyone or tidy up enough that someone could come see me. So I become a useless hermit who makes rubbish excuses when her friends want to see her. That's not the life I want. And that's not the kind of 'friend' that my awesome boyfriend and friends deserve.
So, those are the reasons my life needs fixing. Watch this space to see if it actually happens.
