#notlock

[keagan-ashleigh]

Pretty sure it’s on that mixtape.

[keagan-ashleigh]

Still catching up on Supernatural and so s14 spoilers.

I'm laughing by myself at the deal Cas made with the empty, because I've kinda heard it before.

So the deal is: the empty will come to claim Castiel - his life and soul basically - when the latter will experience real happiness.

Back when I was around ten, in the late 90's, there was a show - a very special show because it's one of my all time favourites and was really important to me as I grew up - and it goes like this: there is a vampire who falls in love with a human, a teenage girl, a very special teenage girl who kills monsters because she's the chosen one. And despite killing vampires for it being her duty she falls in love with the vampire because he happens to have a soul, and a beautiful one. Now you've guessed the show. That vampire - it's Angel - has a curse upon him that says when he experiences real happiness, his soul would be lost. And then he does lose it, by having sex with the girl he loves. If course it's not really a sexual thing, he experiences real happiness when his defenses are all lowered because he feels safe with the person that makes his life worth living. Nonetheless, the kind and loving soul he had: gone. So Buffy has no choice but to kill the empty shell that once was the love of her life. He dies - twice, actually (soul and body) - and later comes back in a beautiful scene.

That's a coincidence, in the end "I'll strike when you're happy" is a common threat but it sounds so alike it makes me laugh. There's many parallels to make between those two shows, they kinda have the same backbone in my opinion, but this one is downright glorious. Even more to me when you consider both characters are actually angel - by nature and by name, it's perfect. I don't know yet how it ends for Castiel (alright I assume), I'm sure it doesn't end quite like in Buffy, but... just picture it...

What great things parallels and imagination are.

[keagan-ashleigh]

So I'm catching up on the last Supernatural seasons, [there'll be spoilers] and the 13th season starting and ending on Nothing Else Matters by Metallica is beautiful not only because that's one of my favourite song ever, but also because the season starts with Castiel being dead (which I cried a lot about) and because of the meaning of this song, if you know it you watch the episode with a grin, I tell you.

The song is about Hetfield longing for his girlfriend while being on tour away from her. He wrote it while he was on the phone with her.

That's a song from a man who misses the woman he loves. That's beautiful. And Hetfield didn't meant to let this song out, at first he wanted to keep it to himself because it was intimate, I suppose it wasn't easy to give the world a piece of his heart you know. But eventually he agreed on making this song about their fans, so turning a "I love you" into a "I love you all", you see. Hetfield also said that the song was about being away from home and missing someone back at home. 

The meaning of this song is about - you’re gonna love it - expressing your feelings even though it makes you vulnerable, because it can be too late in a blink of an eye. The first part of the song states literally that they are close to each other, they are bonded, “no matter how far”. In fact, Hetfield here is saying that the physical distance he’s been putting between them because of his job is not enough to pull them apart and to make him forget how much he loves her. He’s saying that the bond they have - a strong and sort of innocent and pure connexion - is all that matters. It also says that Hetfield is not good with open-hardheartedly expressing himself. The story doesn’t tell if he actually talked about his feelings with his girlfriend on the phone or not, or if he just expressed himself quietly on the piece of paper on which he wrote the song. Truth is, he needed the support of music and song writing to let it all out. The words didn’t come easily, even though the message was honestly simple. He tells that in the second verse “all these word I don’t just say” - it implies the words in themselves aren’t that complicated (at the end of the day what he meant is “i love you and i miss you”, but still are hard to tell because they’re meaningful and especially heavy for someone who’s not used to tell them.  He also says that they have their own way to tell those words and to live those feelings, and that’s ok, no one should expect more from them because they understand each other and that’s all that matters. The outside world doesn’t have a say in how they love each other. He says, “I’m not good with turning my feelings into words, so what?”, doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there, doesn’t mean she doesn’t get it. I believe he truly means it but that also sounds like a tiny bit delusional - because he acknowledges that talking to each other is important - otherwise he wouldn’t be writing a song about it, see what I mean? He’s aware that it’s important. There is a paradox here, because on one hand he says “I should tell her how I feel” and on the other hand he says “I trust her to understand, I trust our relationship to be strong enough not for us to need putting feelings into words”. In conclusion, what this song is really about: their bond is strong and what matters in the end is the faith they put in their relationship, and it doesn’t matter what is going on out in the world and it doesn’t matter what people think about their relationship and how they live it - the singer wants his girlfriend to understand that he loves her and misses her like he misses home, even though he doesn’t talk about it. 

Now, in relation to the show, it rings some huge bells and I really believe they didn’t put it in there to illustrate Castiel’s death and Dean’s mourning without knowing that this is a love song. If they weren’t aware about shipping and destiel I would give it a second thought but they did acknowledged it several times. I believe they do play with it, being on the edge of "outing it”. I don’t think they’ll make it canon at all, they had too many perfect occasions for it, but they give us just enough, playing the “you can see it how you want to see it” card, and isn’t that song perfect for that. Yes they love each other in their own way, and the rest doesn’t matter, be free to ship them if you want to, but it doesn’t need to be canon - to be said out loud - to be meaningful. I don’t say I agree, because that is cowardice and queerbaiting to me, but that may be the correct way to understand their choices, even this song. This is on the edge of outing it as a romantic relationship while keeping it subtext.

I feel like the song is beautifully saying Dean loves and misses Castiel, but also that it will never be put into words because they don’t need it (doesn’t matter if we need it or not). And to be honest I’m on the verge of being mad about it. Like ok you put innuendos in fun and/or clever ways but at the end of the day it’s still queerbaiting man, and it has been going on for eleven years, and it’s not clever to play the “you read it how you want” card, when 99% of other shows also play that card and don’t actually SAY things. I love that show, and at times the subtext makes me laugh, but it’s also not cool. If we can understand something from Nothing Else Matters is that in the end Hetfield needed to express what he was feeling because deep down he knew his girlfriend needed to hear it and that there was nothing wrong with being open-hearted. Anyway still, I heard this song in this show, very explicitly being about Dean mourning Castiel, and I thought it was beautiful, beautifully chosen, and gosh did I cried, but also it was maddening knowing it’ll never be more explicit than that.

[keagan-ashleigh]

Here comes the mad man in his little box! This shit took me my whole day. Feat the pics for the shore and sea are photos I took like four years ago, never thought I’d use it someday. ^^ So somehow that’s the Doctor landing on a fantasized version of Sète. Hope you like it! :D

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[keagan-ashleigh]

Sorry to bother, this has nothing to do with Sherlock whatsoever but I’m sharing here the donation pool my best friend has created to help him cover the cost of her kitty’s surgery. It’s in French but I guess you can donate from anywhere (?), idk. It’d be very helpful to him if people could at least share it. :) Thank you for Jim and little Malice if you can donate or share. <3

[keagan-ashleigh]

Space witch

See more here ✨ keagan-ashleigh.carrd.co✨

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[keagan-ashleigh]

My last one! Not Sherlock but I’ll get back to that soon. ;) Since january I’m kinda re-learning to draw stuff that aren’t Sherlock, I’ve been drawing fanarts for so long it basically took most of my time. I used a reference for this, here, but you’ll see it’s not a copy.

If you wanna see more of my recent drawings, I post them on Instagram (here) (bonus: you will see a lot of pics of my kittens. 🐱 ) 24/18,5 cm; various pencils (HB, 6B, charcoal, pastel, mechanical pencil, black pencil), black and white pens. Took me about four hours. [Do not remove caption / Do not repost]

[keagan-ashleigh]

Dat moment when I wanted to write “with” and wrote “we’ve” instead. Dafuq brain... x)