I'm not really sure how to convey exactly how much I miss you. It's been another year since you've passed away and although the pain has numbed over time, it's never really gone away. Not that I expected it to. From the moment I heard, I knew that this tragedy was something that I would carry with me for a lifetime.
I miss you every day. Every time I see an idiotic meme on the internet, or something funny on TV, I think how much you would have enjoyed it. It's like you're a constant presence in this apartment, even though you've never seen it. Blaine and I talk about you all the time. I think he knows that it's the only way I can cope. I don't think I would have been able to just push you into the back of a shelf and just forget. I need to feel like you're still here...even if you're not.
For a very long time, you were one of the most important people in my life. You were (as embarrassing as it is to remember) my first crush, the only person that ever saved me from bullies in high school and then later (and most importantly) my brother. The greatest (and only) brother I have ever had. I am close to my father and to Carole, but I don't think I've been able to connect with someone as much as I did with you. I know we weren't brothers for a very long time, but you truly were, and still are, my family.
Carole is good. She never stopped being your mom, even after you were gone. She calls me at least once every two weeks to check that I'm feeding myself and she's always sending over care packages. I adore her, Finn. There are so many things that I don't remember about my mother that Carole has reignited just by being there for me. She is the most incredible woman. The strongest. Not many have been through what she has and still had the strength and the courage to endure as she has.
My dad is great too. You'd think he'd want to retire after all the health problems he's been through, but he's powering through as a congressman. I think he really loves what he's doing. He's very generous with his time and he's willing to listen to anyone who has a voice. He takes so many meetings and then he takes meetings with pretty much anyone who leaves him a worthwhile voicemail. He's a worthy opponent for those other congressmen, I think.
I think you'd be happy to know that so many of us from the New Directions are still in touch. Blaine and I are married and I love him beyond anything I could have ever imagined. We have a lot of issues, as all couples do, but we do our best to work through them and I'm generally happy the majority of the time which is all anyone could really ask for. He's working a lot lately, though and I don't think he's really realising his full potential working at that coffee shop. I'd never say anything, though. He loves it too much. Rachel and I are also still incredibly close. I think, aside from everything we've shared over these years, our shared love of you has kept us close. I haven't told her my concerns about Blaine, though. I haven't told anyone. I hardly let myself think about it, to be honest. After all, it's his life. But at the same time, marriage is about sharing a life, right? I don't know. I still occassionally talk to Puck and Quinn. Mostly my days are split between Blaine and Rachel and the occasional correspondence with Eliott, who's been a good friend to me ever since I met him years ago. He's moved out of New York, though, which isn't all that great considering the fact that he was probably my closest friend here other than Rachel.
Oh, and one other thing. I've kind of had a big step in my career recently. I've been cast as the lead in a musical. Pinnochio. I know it sounds really lame, but I'm the lead. On Broadway. It's everything I've ever wanted and hoped for. Even the dull things are exciting for me. I wish you could be there on opening night supporting me. But I guess some things weren't meant to come to pass. I know you would have loved to be here though. You would have been there, front and center, that big, proud smile on your face. And you would have clapped the loudest. I can imagine it so well. Almost as if it were real.
Anyway, I should probably end this off. I miss you so much, Finn. But somehow I feel like you're still with me. I feel like you still care. Even if these words are just going to become like tears in the rain, I want you to know that I will never stop thinking or talking about you. You were an incredible part of my life and I will never forget the impact you've had on me or everything I've learned from you.
