It has been a routine that when I wake up, I think of what to eat, what to wear, or if I should even get up. But today was different. I woke up this morning the first thing that came into my mind was, I never explored. In a few months time I will be 19 and still, I can’t even give one experience which would be worth remembering and would be worth telling. I certainly will not remember the nights that I stayed up late to study, nor the days I listened to a boring lecture.
A lot of people touched my life, most of them unaware. I never had the guts to tell them anyway. People come and go, and I can’t even remember why, how, and when. Not even a slight feeling of longing would befall whenever someone goes. Rarely was I hurt.
I know it’s weird, but I guess I am envious of what I hear people say, how they felt, and how it made them stronger. I learn so much yet experience so little. Maybe it’s also because I never experienced falling out of love and falling in love again with a different person. Never tried to say hi to someone I like. I never tried to mingle and befriend someone, with me doing the first move. Come to think of it, I never do the first move. I am always scared, and I am never ready.
Needless to say, nothing new really comes up with my life. So every time someone asks what’s new, I always answer the same thing.
I am afraid that maybe, just maybe I have to gout out and explore. What if I just realized that I need to do these things when I am already tied up? What if it was too late when I finally decided to try? I know I could hurt someone if I do it now, but would it hurt them more if I do it later?
