#o5-09

[upper-admin-scp]

Dorian, this is your area of expertise. What would be the typical title of a king's niece?

That would depend on a few factors. Duchess would be the most common. If the king has no heirs, a princess. Or she might even be as low as a lady. Why do you ask?

Since Klein is the king of the Spring Court I figured his GOC niece had to have a title as well. I need it for paperwork reasons.

[The whole room goes quiet, staring at the cat in disbelief. Lawyer's face slowly beginning to shift to one of outrage.]

What? Was that important or something?

[The sound of a chair scraping across the floor is the only sound audible in the room. Lawyer leans forward.]

YES!

Really? The whole king thing is just-

IT'S LEGALLY RELEVANT!!!

This is why you're not allowed to interact with GOI's.

[upper-admin-scp]

[Dorian lounges in the large chair of his personal suite, sipping from Absinthe and smoking a cigar, when a knock comes to the door.]

Oh for-What is it?!

[upper-admin-scp]

Dorian and Lazarus ✨

Well, there is the invulnerability. My body will never be tarnished by so much as a paper cut.

I can't be dismembered, and I'm...kinda? Immune to cognitohazards? Not really in a useful way I just...don't see them. I sorta zone out and miss whatever it was, like my brain just cuts it out and smooths over the hole with plaster.

[upper-admin-scp]

🎼 for Dorian.

Low. It's degraded, year after year. Whatever happened to a good duel? And the "art" I've seen is meaningless! Utterly and completely pointless. I mean, what does some fruit taped to a wall have to do with art?!

[upper-admin-scp]

O5-09 “Dorian” Pronouns: He/Him Species: Anomalous Human Role: Historical Advisor, Interrogation, and Espionage. Description: Tall, fair faced Caucasian man from the Victorian era of Great Britain. Possesses an anomaly in which all forms of harm of any kind, including aging and the effects of various memetic hazards, are transferred to an anomalous painting that reportedly once bore his likeness. Personal Comment: [EXPLETIVES REMOVED] Additional Notes: A book, commissioned to and written by Novelist Oscar Wilde, describes a fictitious rendition of Dorian's tale, ending with his death. This book was based on Dorian's own recollection of events and was edited before being pitched to Wilde as a vague outline, following which Wilde was partially amnestisized, leading the author to presume the plot was his own. HE'S ALSO A LYING, BACKSTABBING [O5-10 is no longer allow to access this document]

[upper-admin-scp]

Hm...Perhaps you could have him swallow some thermite. Since he can't be severely maimed, it'll just sit there inside him. Mix it right, and I'm sure he'll feel it for the whole two days.

[upper-admin-scp]

I can think of someone who needs a bomb in his brain, but it wouldn't do much to him.

Of course. Your head is far too thick to fit even something so small.

Shut it, Dorian.

[upper-admin-scp]

I understand he's a traitor and all, but why go through all the effort? If you want him tortured, the dripping water trick always-Gah! HEY!!

[Dorian's chair has been pulled out from under him.]

For once in your miserable life, Dorian, shut the fuck up.