must have
i must have really loved you to listen to this song and cry to listen to the way he sings in his hushed tones, singing about “tell me you don’t want to leave”
i must have really wanted you to stay to feel my heart break when i realize that i won’t be there next to you anymore and that we won’t be growing together
i must have really lost my mind when you stood up and walked away towards the sun and better things; the horizon greets you with open arms.
i must have misunderstood when you told me that this was special that this was something that would last through the ages, stand against the storms.
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there you are with your completed life. you weave a heavy and thick quilt with all of its colors and magnificence, and anything that catches your eye will be caught in the spaces between. you see me, and i cannot fit in the vastness of you; i’m too jagged, too broken, too much of an unfinished thing to fit into the grand scheme of your brilliant life where roses bloom into fireworks and my weeds must be removed.
i must have really loved you to want to be whole again.