a small surprise part 7 (gravity falls g/t)
sorry guys i disappeared for five months again. ugh. i hate when that happens. anyway here's a new chapter of this fic that we all probably forgot about. even me
also on ao3! part 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6
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Progress was slow. Unending. Unrelenting. And, dare Jay say, completely fruitless.
They had taken a little break for the holidays, but in many ways, it still felt like they were on Hanukkah time. The snow was feet thick outside – something Jay was forever thankful she no longer had to deal with. She wiped the fog off little portions of the kitchen’s glass windows, thinking of everything she had left behind out there and how much it felt like she was cheating in here. She supposed Stan was the karma for living such a lavish life in the safety of a human house.
But even so, Jay had noticed a shift in Stan’s demeanor ever since she gave him that photograph. The wisecracks about her size were still plentiful, but there was something… softer about the way he talked to her. A little more respect and accommodation for the way she needed to live. He had gotten good at knowing if she needed a hand getting from one surface to another, or if there was something small she needed that she was too embarrassed to ask for help with, like turning a page or sifting through material. Not even Ford had done that for her.
Ford.
The reason they were doing all this.
He still loomed large in both their minds, so much so that he was the only thing they talked about some days. How Ford would have solved this problem months ago. How Ford would be so disappointed in their progress. How Ford might be suffering on the other side of that portal. If there was another side.
“I mean, how do we even know?” Stan said for the ten thousandth time. “Other dimensions? That’s crazy person stuff!”
“So are tiny people,” Jay shot back. “And shapeshifters, and eyeballs with bat wings, and everything else Ford was studying. It’s all real. I saw it.”
“Yeah, well, I’m still not convinced you aren’t some hallucination in my head I’ll never be able to get rid of.”
And in between the bickering, Stan was hard at work on his tourist trap idea. The Mystery Shack, he decided to call it. He would carve out big, wooden letters to place on the outside. The upstairs living room would become the gift shop. He’d turn the rest of this run-down house into his home, so he could make money by day and fix the portal by night. Jay hated everything about the idea, but there was literally nothing she could do about it. Stan had already started snatching up weird stuff scattered around the house and turning it into some kitschy display he was so certain would enamor people. Jay didn’t buy it for a second. He didn’t care.
“How are we ever gonna figure this out while you glue the arms of a raccoon onto a bear?”
Stan whipped around, one hand covered in glue, the other holding the bottle, both caked with fur. “How dare you insult the bear-coon!”
“Not calling it that,” Jay mumbled, crossing her arms. “Seriously, shouldn’t we be working on the important things here?”
“This is important, pipsqueak,” Stan said, narrowing his eyes and sticking his tongue out in concentration as he carefully glued a claw back into place. “I don’t know how many times I gotta tell you, this is what’s gonna make us money. Y’know, the thing we need to keep the lights on in this place.”
“Speak for yourself. I’ve never needed it.”
Stan snorted. “Yeah, because you live off sticks and mud and could get swallowed by a bird at any moment.”
Jay frowned. “A bird would never eat me.”
“Maybe if you were better lookin’ it would,” Stan said with one of those grins he only wore when he was very proud of his joke. Jay could only roll her eyes. “Did you whine this much around Ford? I barely know you and I can’t catch a break.”
That made Jay pause. Stan’s stupid wisecracks sometimes had a way of getting under her skin. Was she that whiny? Was Ford ever annoyed? If he was, he didn’t show it, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t. What she did know, however, was how Ford was when they first met. He wasn’t irritated in the way of somebody never shutting up, he was just… frustrated, that he couldn’t get what he wanted out of her.
“Hello? Earth to tiny?” Stan snapped a finger in her direction, not close enough to scare her, but just enough to make her jump. “Gah, I hate when you do that.”
“Do what?”
“Zone out like that.” Stan had put the glue down, finally, and was facing her now. “Seems to happen a lot when I mention Ford.”
A long, almost suffocating silence followed. Jay knew what Stan was about to say, and he knew it.
“Did… something happen?” Stan asked, more carefully than Jay’s ever heard him say something. “Y’know, before the whole – portal business. You never really talk about it.”
“Yeah, because I didn’t want to tell you,” Jay said with a breathy laugh. “It, uh… it wasn’t exactly an argument. Not like what you guys had. It was more like… he became unrecognizable.”
Stan tilted his head. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It was…” Jay paused. She wasn’t sure how much she wanted to tell him about Ford at his worst. “He just… changed, a lot, from when I met him. He got more paranoid, more scared of everyone around him. Any time we told him something he didn’t wanna hear, he’d get upset.” Real upset.
“We. You mean, you and that… other guy.”
“Fiddleford.”
“Yeah. Fiddleford. Ugh. Who would name their child that?”
“Hey, be nice. Fidds was a nice guy. He was always kind to me.”
“I’m sure he was.” Stan paused, wondering if it was appropriate to ask this next question before he remembered he didn’t care. “And they really let you hang with them? They weren’t… I dunno, freaked out by your gross little hands touching everything? I mean, you’re the kinda thing my brother would just stick in a jar and ‘observe for science.’”
Jay shuffled in place, clearly unnerved, and Stan squinted.
“He did stick you in a jar, didn’t he?”
“Must run in the family,” Jay shot back, a little too defensive. She sighed as Stan threw his arms up.
“Hey, I said I was sorry! And I actually meant it!”
“Whatever,” Jay retorted. “I mean, it was fine. He let me out. Eventually.”
Stan groaned. He was tired of how vague she got any time they talked about Ford. “C’mon, kid, why won’t you tell me anything? He’s my brother, for pete’s sake! I can handle it!”
“Because!” Jay took a breath, not wanting this to get out of hand. “Because. I don’t… it feels – weird, to like, talk about all the things me and Ford did, knowing he, like… well, didn’t want anything to do with you.”
Stan blinked. He certainly wasn’t expecting that answer, or the kindness behind it. He didn’t know how to deal with niceties like this. He had to deflect.
“Psh.” He waved a hand. “Please. You think I’m gonna start cryin’ or something? C’mon, kid, you know me better than that. I’m tryin’ to gather evidence here, you know, so I can figure this damn thing out faster.” He jerked his thumb toward the portal room. “Besides, I wanna know what he said when he first saw you. Maybe, AUGH! Or or – OH, GOD, WHY?!”
“Okay, okay,” Jay laughed, rolling her eyes. “But he wasn’t exactly… welcoming.”
~~~
She had never seen a human quite like this one.
Sure, they were all weird and loud and intrusive. But this one was all those things dialed up to 100. He had just appeared in the forest one day, turning over rocks with a magnifying glass and frantically scribbling things down in a notebook. He wasn’t the first person to sniff around the woods, but he’d certainly lasted the longest. So long, in fact, that he built a house right in the middle of it all. Jay had watched the entire thing from afar, always cautious, always intrigued. She had seen the way he would treat these “anomalies,” as he loved to call them – most of the time, it involved wrangling the thing up and putting it through all kinds of stressful situations. If they could talk, he would talk back, but only while taking measurements and asking them invasive questions.
It captivated her to no end.
She knew getting anywhere near the house was a bad idea, but the base of the tree was so cold. So lonely. If nobody was going to travel with her, she’d have to seek out company other ways, like watching the human. Maybe that's why no one wanted to be around.
Today, Ford was buried neck deep in some kind of plant he found outside. Jay had never seen it before, but it’s not like she had encyclopedic knowledge of everything in the forest. Ford muttered the word fascinating no less than 30 times. It looked like he would be here a while. Perfect time to snag a snack.
Taking stuff from the kitchen in broad daylight was no more dangerous than doing it under the cover of night. If anything, these guys were more active after midnight – it’s when they would guzzle gallons of coffee and finally remember to eat.
Or so she thought.
Ford was scatterbrained, sure. He was often consumed in his work to the point of his own detriment. Half the time, he forgot Fiddleford was even there.
But he was nothing if not observant.
It didn’t take him long to notice things shifting from their usual spots, even by a few inches. Food and drink he swore was there one minute was gone the next. But the real evidence was in the traces this little creature left behind – notably, the tiny little hand and footprints Ford was able to see with a blacklight. At first, he thought they were just amorphous blobs, but upon closer inspection, his breath was taken away – they looked just like human hands, only much, much smaller. He thought it could be a fairy, but why would a creature with wings be taking long treks across the counter? No, this had to be something different. So he laid the perfect trap.
Based on the frequency of his observations, it was clear this creature lived in the house, if not spent the majority of its time here. It was clearly intelligent to some degree, based on the attempted stealth and managing to stay fairly undetected. And almost all his evidence being in the kitchen pointed to its priority being food – as it would be for any wild creature, he reasoned. So he manufactured this exact situation – doing something he’d normally do, looking engrossed in something otherworldly, so the creature would let its guard down and scope out the kitchen.
Ford snuck up to the door frame and pressed his back to the wall, clutching a glass jar with holes poked into the lid. His hand twitched as he peeked around the edge. The anticipation was killing him. What could it possibly be? Some kind of mouse-human hybrid? Or maybe a very tiny animal with human-like hands and feet. Maybe it was a fairy, but it was injured and couldn’t find its way out of the house.
A twitch of movement caught his eye. He held his breath and rapidly scanned the counter until his eyes fell right on it.
On her.
Ford had spent so long cataloguing and studying this dimension’s weirdest and most horrifying creatures. The last thing he was expecting was… something so normal.
It looked exactly like a person. Just. Small. Smaller than anything he’d come across in his research. It – she – had to be no more than a few inches tall. Her clothes looked like they had been fashioned out of scraps. She wasn’t wearing any shoes – that explained the footprints – and she had a miniature bag slung over her shoulder, another item that looked like it was made from a human-sized object. Her long hair was braided, slung over her shoulder, and she clutched a sewing needle in her hand, something that charmed Ford from the second he saw it. But he had to focus. He had to catch her.
Jay stalked across the counter, carefully hunting for any crumbs left over from the 4 a.m. snack session. She could have sworn she heard a bag of chips being opened at some point. But the more she searched, the more a pit began to form in her stomach. Something felt… off. Quiet. A bit too quiet for her liking. But not quiet enough to make her turn back and hide. She kept her usual level of caution, ducking behind whatever objects littered the surface, but not constantly checking the door.
When she did, it was too late.
The jar slammed down over top of her at an alarming speed. It came so fast that she ran right into one of its walls, stumbling backwards and slamming her head onto the glass. Her needle clattered to the ground as she reached up to rub her throbbing temples.
Ford crouched down to get a better look, keeping one hand rested on top of the jar as he fished his journal from his coat pocket. Now that he was this close to it, he could confirm she was indeed a she. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her. He didn’t even know where to start.
Jay couldn’t believe it. This wasn’t just bad luck. No. She knew his patterns, and him coming into the kitchen like this was out of the norm. The realization came crashing down – she had been set up.
“Fascinating!” Ford’s voice was distorted through the glass, but commanding enough to still make her jump. “What a remarkable little thing you are. Are you a miniature human? Or a different species entirely? I haven’t encountered anything like you in my studies.” He adjusted his glasses as he began sketching. “Are you literate? Can you speak? Oh, I hope so. I don’t think the square-cube law applies to anomalies. Can you understand what I’m saying?”
Jay blinked. Was she supposed to answer all that?
“Ah. Well, I suppose if you were to speak, I doubt I’d be able to hear you.” Ford waved his free hand. “You can just nod your head yes or no.” He dropped his head and muttered, “Well, that’s all contingent on if she can even understand me…”
Jay was breathing so hard she thought she was bound to pass out. Humans were already fast enough, but Ford was moving at light speed.
“Let’s start with this. Can you understand my language?”
Jay stayed standing, her back pressed against the jar, cautiously eyeing Ford through the glass. For all the thinking and watching she did, she was wholly unprepared for this scenario. She knew she shouldn’t answer. She knew she shouldn’t give him anything to work with. It was against all sacred law to even be in this situation right now.
She had no idea why she nodded.
Ford’s eyes lit up like a light. “Wonderful! That makes this much easier. Can you speak?”
Another nod. Another smile from Ford. Another note in the journal.
“Do you have a name–? Well, I suppose you can answer that for me in a moment.”
Jay raised an eyebrow, but Ford kept going.
“Your bag and your clothes – you made those items yourself?” Another nod. “Remarkable. What craftsmanship. And the needle–” He pointed at it with his pen, completely missing the way she flinched. “–is it a weapon, or something of a tool for you?” Ford was still scribbling in his journal, so even if Jay had answered, he wouldn’t have noticed. In fact, he seemed to have entirely forgotten the question as soon as he asked it, because he simply wrote carries sewing needle before moving on.
“Now, we’ll need to start with basics.” He reached down to his side, but Jay couldn’t see for what. “Don’t worry, this won’t hurt at all.”
Jay stood there a moment, but it was too late. By the time she fully processed what he said, the jar was already lifted up and his hand was halfway to her.
“WAIT!” she cried, sticking her hand out and stumbling backwards like it would stop him. Ford didn't even notice as his fingers completely engulfed her view.
As if the normal five human fingers weren’t enough, the sixth added a sense of dread that felt inescapable. She squirmed and kicked and punched up at his fingertips, but all he did was smile in amusement as he lightly turned her from side to side and pulled her closer to his face.
“Calm down, now. I said I wouldn’t hurt you. I just need to take some measurements.”
Before she could blink, a wooden slab was smushed against her side. Jay shifted, trying to adjust her shirt collar so it wasn’t choking her.
She had never been picked up by a human before. Hell, she had never even been this close to one. As much as she skirted the line of what was acceptable for a borrower, she never even dreamt of being so much as arm’s length away from a human. And here she was, dangling hundreds of feet in the air because this one wanted to know how tall she was.
It was like death was gnawing at her from behind. She was so paralyzed with fear she couldn’t even think, couldn’t even formulate an escape plan. If she did manage to wriggle free, where would she go? Straight down onto the counter in a splat? All she could do was struggle. And hurt.
Ford sighed, and Jay’s eyes widened like saucers. “Please, stop squirming. I don’t want to have to pin you down.”
If his intention was to scare her, it worked like a charm, even if it was hard to stay still while being manhandled. The alternative was far, far worse.
“Ten point eight nine centimeters… approximately four-and-a-quarter inches… fascinating…”
Ford could hardly believe what he was seeing, let alone holding. He took some horizontal measurements of her torso before pinching her arm and holding it out to get her wingspan. He was amazed he could feel the way her muscles twitched and tried to pull away, no matter how hopeless the effort. Her arm felt lighter than a toothpick between his fingers. In fact, her entire body probably weighed no more than an ounce. Probably less. He’d have to make a scale sensitive enough to find out.
She was thrashing in his grip, and for a moment, Ford felt guilty. He supposed being dangled in the air wasn’t fun, but he had told her twice now that he wasn’t going to hurt her, and it would be much more comfortable for her to stay still.
“You’re certainly a feisty one,” Ford muttered to himself, jotting down another number. “It feels like your strength is quite great, proportional to your size. I wonder…”
Jay didn’t like the sound of that at all. But in classic Ford fashion, she didn’t have time to think. Just as promptly as she was picked up, she was plopped right back into the jar, her head spinning, her muscles aching.
She mustered up enough energy to get to her feet. “YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME HERE!” Jay shouted with all her might, and by some miracle, Ford heard her. His head whipped down, peering at her like she just spilled a secret only he knew. She flinched.
“My, your voice projection is much greater than I would have thought capable.” No matter what she actually said. “Were you shouting, or is that your normal level of speech?”
Jay was confounded by the question. He was captivated by the most mundane things. Of course she was yelling. The context of what she said should make it seem obvious. But he clearly didn’t hear her – not really.
“Hm. I’d imagine you were likely projecting. The glass probably absorbs a good bit of sound…” he trailed off, head back in his journal once again.
A terrible thought occurred to Jay. If Ford wouldn’t even let her answer the questions he was asking her directly… was he going to listen when he didn’t ask? Would he even realize she was talking? Would he ever hear her?
As she craned her neck to look up at him, she suddenly realized there was a sharp, nagging pain pulsing at the base of her head, right where her shirt collar was tugging at her. She rubbed it and immediately felt a rash. She closed her eyes, hoping for just a second where the world would stop spinning and she could get her bearings. Ford was touchy. He was inconsiderate. He lived in his own world. He would never listen to her, never let her go. So what could she do, to get out of this mess she made?
Unbeknownst to her, Ford had noticed that she’d gone still. He put his pen down in the spine of his open journal as he regarded her with something he usually didn’t with his discoveries – concern. Ford was science-minded, but he wasn’t an idiot. She was in clear distress. He must have been missing something. None of the other things he’s discovered have reacted like this; sure, the more beastly creatures didn’t know what was happening, and therefore needed to be contained. But she wasn’t the first intelligent being he’s found. The gnomes were quite pleased to have someone take such a liking to them. The fairies were dismissive, but begrudgingly obliged. Even the zombies responded in grunts. Did this – she – need to be in a jar? Probably. She clearly intended to bolt the first chance she got, and Ford couldn’t let a discovery of this magnitude go quite yet. Not when he had so many things he needed to ask. Not when he was this close.
But she seemed smarter than the gnomes. More aware of what was going on. She knew she was being observed and measured. Maybe Ford needed to incentivize her somehow.
And then he remembered.
Without a word, he stood up and shuffled to the side. The tiny thing didn’t even notice. He rummaged through the cabinets, trying to find something he could use. Cans of soup? No. Cereal? Maybe. More cans, this time vegetables. Yeesh. They needed better food.
He settled on the Cheerios. Honey nut, to be exact. Fiddleford liked a little bit of sweetness.
Jay pried her eyes open and turned her head when she heard the crinkling of a bag. She breathed in disbelief. Was he really about to bribe her?
“I’ve noticed your footprints in the kitchen,” Ford began, sticking his hand into the box. Jay clenched her jaw. How have I been leaving behind footprints? “I can’t imagine your stomach holds much, if your anatomy is even the same as a normal human’s. Have you come here for food, or something else?”
Jay wasn’t sure how to answer that. Yes. No. Both? Everything?
Ford waited a few seconds for a response and got nothing. “Have you ever tried Cheerios? I like the plain ones, but these honey ones are all we have at the moment.” Nothing. Ford kept going.
“Well, I imagine you’re quite hungry. Your body must burn a tremendous amount of energy at that tiny size just to stay alive.” He pulled a single Cheerio from the bag, marveling at it for a moment. Something he could pinch to dust with his fingertips must be the size of a beach ball to her. “Besides, I found you in the kitchen, so you must have been hunting for food to begin with." He lifted the jar, too quickly for her to realize what was happening, and slipped the Cheerio inside.
“There,” he said, feeling satisfied. “All yours.”
Jay stared at it like it was a bomb.
“Go on now,” Ford nudged. He had crouched down lower now, his face level with the jar. “It’s for you.” It sounded like he was speaking to a stray animal.
“...or what?”
Ford’s expression perked up at her voice. “Nothing. I want to keep asking you questions, so I figured a little food might help you along.”
Jay blinked. “You’re just… giving it to me?”
“Yes.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“And I don’t have to… you won’t…”
Ford raised an eyebrow. “I hardly think I’ll miss a few Cheerios.”
Jay was awestruck. He was being serious. This wasn’t some kind of sinister trick. At least he was candid about one thing – he wasn’t going to stop questioning her. There was probably nothing she could do to talk him out of it. But he had clearly recognized her intelligence on some level and was trying to placate her, however patronizing it was.
And then it hit her.
She could bargain.
“...how many more of those do you have?”
Ford tilted his head. “The cereal? The entire bag, practically.” He tilted the box at her, and she saw it was indeed nearly full. “Plenty for you, though I suspect you could only handle two at most before getting full.”
Jay did her best to ignore that. She had to be smart about this. Careful. One wrong move and –
“Would you be willing to answer more questions if I supplied you with food every day? Perhaps water?”
Jackpot.
“Um…” she was really hamming it up now. “You’d really do that?”
Ford shrugged. “I don’t see why not. It’s not like you’ll exhaust my supply or anything. Though I must say, you’ve been putting quite a dent in the bread. Fiddleford thought we had mice.”
That made her stop for real. So they did notice. Gah! How could she be so careless? This is why borrowers always move. This is why she was told to never get comfortable.
But did she not have all the comfort in the world ahead of her, if only she answers a few questions?
“Well?”
Ford was staring at her, wide-eyed, no doubt electrified that he was even bargaining with a being as big as his thumb right now. Jay sighed. She couldn’t believe she was about to sign her life away to a mad scientist for a little bit of food. But it wasn’t just that, was it? It was food, water, shelter, and protection from the outside world. If she was Ford’s little prized possession, he would make sure nothing ever hurt her. She would be safe here, even if she was under a microscope.
It was worth it. She had to keep repeating it. This is worth it. Not dying is worth it.
“...Okay.”
Ford beamed brightly. The next word came out of Jay’s mouth before she could stop herself.
“But–!”
Ford had moved to grab his journal, but paused when she said that, turning his attention fully back to her. She shuddered. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to get used to that stare. It wasn’t exactly the kind of look that made her confident to say what she was about to say.
“I… you… you can’t keep me in this jar.” She searched his face for a reaction, but he gave none. He was simply observing. “It’s – you – you need to let me out.” She thought for a second, then added, “Please.”
Ford kept staring, mouth agape, trying to make sure he just heard her properly. Jay gulped. I think I just made a big mistake.
~~~
“Well?”
Jay blinked. Ford was gone. Stan was here.
“Well what?”
“What next? What did Ford do? Did he let you out?”
“No, he never did. I’ve been stuck in that jar ever since. A harrowing tale.”
Stan rolled his eyes and smiled. “C’mon, squirt. I’m serious. Y’can’t leave me hanging!”
“This isn’t exactly fun for me to recount, you know. Maybe you should tell me something from your childhood.”
“Oh, no. Don’t go turning this around on me. I asked first, and you haven’t finished yet.”
“Fine, fine.” Jay studied him. “You… don’t seem surprised.”
“HA!” Jay jumped at the noise. “Kid, this is the least surprising thing I’ve ever heard. The only thing that shocked me was that he actually offered you somethin’ to eat.”
“Me too, honestly. I thought I’d have to beg.”
Stan looked like he was going to make a joke out of that, but refrained. “Honey nut Cheerios, eh? I’ll have to remember that.”
Jay smirked. “It can’t possibly be that hard to remember.”
“Oh? What was that? Looks like I already forgot.”
“You’re insufferable,” she muttered with a dry smile. “Can I continue now?”
“Yeah, yeah.” Stan waved his hand. “But can you hurry it up? I’m getting bored with all this buildup and detail. Get to the drama!”
“Fine, fine. I guess it’s time for you to finally meet Fiddleford.”