#ocean.mp3

[honeyviscera]

THE WAY THEY ROUGHLY CUT TO THIS FRAME FOR A FEW SECONDS AND THE MUSIC ABRUPTLY STOPPED WAS SO FUCKING PERFECT. perfect embodiment of the manga panel. it felt like a meme edit

[honeyviscera]

hrmmm... very annoyed about something irl right now but i also don't feel like sharing all the intricacies to internet strangers and also people who know me irl who follow me. so instead i want you all to agree with me and be righteously indignated. no need to know what about, because im right about everything of course and only have correct takes. just leave a comment saying something like "ugh i can't believe it! that's crazy!" in order to make me feel better. please and thank you

[honeyviscera]

re: my end-of-degree stress. im so burnt out that i have been going through hyperfixations at a rate never seen before. in related news, i impulse downloaded umamusume a couple days ago bc i wanted to meet the mad scientist horse. when i told 🥢 this, he was like 'but you don't play gacha games???' uhm correction ☝️ i have never spent money on gacha. i have been playing a gacha game (prsk) for almost 4 years now. ive also tried bandori and enst before, but neither of them really got their claws in me. anyways you all get my stream of consciousness bc im going insane. so i am no stranger to gacha. but yes. back on topic: me impulsively playing umamusume. i really like the weirdo morally questionable horse. yes. i really wanted to pull manhattan cafe or agnes digital as well and (checks notes to see if jungle pocket is in game) bc i know they have relationships with tachyon. im waiting to watch the movie with agnes tachyon in it until after im out of this mess bc i need to keep myself motivated. god im so tired can someone release me

[honeyviscera]

went to physiotherapist to start to figure out whats wrong with me and she confirmed my suspicion that im hypermobile #yay

[honeyviscera]

hrgh. it's just. jinshi's love for maomao is so palpable-- you can feel it. you can feel how far gone he is for her. it's in the way he looks at her, the things he does to get her attention, his care for her, his concern, how high he holds her in his regard, everything he does just for her. and it just keeps getting worse. watching the anime episodes out so far, i was already like oh. oh he loves her. then i read the manga, and his love only grows. with every passing chapter, you think, surely this man can't possibly fall harder, and then he does. he's so blatant about it too, even if he tries to keep it hidden, just how much he adores her, he simply can't because there's too much love. he doesn't know how to hold it.

and then i started the light novels from where the manga drops off. and jinshi's love for maomao only gets bigger. just reading about it is overwhelming: i can't imagine how much his pining presses at him, how much he is plagued by it. he's just so, so desperate for the first woman in his life who looked through all of his various masks, sliced him down to his core and saw him. he just wants to hold her, to be around her, to take care of her. this man is pining harder than anyone has pined before, or will ever pine. he's so far gone for her. it's pathetic. it's incredible. it's earth shattering.

and maomao. is so. deeply, horrendously, oblivious. she doesn't get it. she doesn't understand the significance of any of his actions, how she is the only one he does all of this for. why he gave her his hair stick, why he comes to save her when she's kidnapped, why he keeps visiting her. but you can see it: it's very slow, painfully so, but you can see she goes from being annoyed by him, to tolerating him, to enjoying his company. i'm only on the 5th light novel, so right now we aren't there yet. you can tell maomao doesn't know it yet. she says to herself she wants to touch the scar on jinshi's face to see how well her father stitched it up, but you, the reader, know. she's just begun to fall. this is the beginning. you know it's coming. she will not last. im so.

[honeyviscera]

the most infuriating thing for me in mha though is like. the double standard with regards to who gets to be saved and offered forgiveness etc. is literally acknowledged by the villains. they literally point out all the time how unfair and performative hero society is and how they dont get offered the forgiveness and redemption that others do. AND YET. horikoshi STILL chooses to punish them?

mha is like "here look at this tragic villain who has been failed and betrayed by the system and abused/manipulated and wants to get revenge on those who caused them pain and rejected them. isn't it interesting how hero society favours the powerful? how morality is assigned to quirks? how endeavor gets to be a hero while actually being a piece of trash in his private life? interesting right?"

and you go oh yeah wow that's fucked up! so the main characters end up discovering this right and they try to fix the fucked up system? right? and then mha goes "............. so yeah those victims are actually overreacting and should have just tolerated it >:( so they're bad and evil and need to be killed bc uhhh they're super problematic and have committed--gasp--literal m*rd*r :(. and natsuo you're making endeavor sad for not forgiving him when he's literally done nothing to improve >:( get over it jeez...... >:( there's nothing wrong with hero society at all"

i think i would be less frustrated with it if it wasn't like. self aware of this if that makes sense? like if none of these ideas ever got presented i would be like "okay it's just a shallow good guy vs bad guy powerscaling series". but it literally sets itself up for this commentary on abusers and victims and then........ completely backpedals on all of it. thats why i say mha betrayed me LMAO like i literally actually get so mad.

and you might be like "ocean it's a shonen what do you expect" BUT I KNOW THERE IS BETTER! mp100's take on its antagonists is 100x more nuanced and compassionate than mha and it doesn't make the ~epic fighting~ any less impactful. same with windbreaker. windbreaker is so so so good for that ~epic shonen manga action~ and also has the capacity to be forgiving and understanding. and because of that i am way way way more compelled by both of them! fuck. i could fix mha i swear i could fix it.

[honeyviscera]

claiming the open tag from @miku-miku-autism-beam to do this picrew and list the songs you've had on repeat recently!

songs: 'gaspanman' and 'my name ismy name is' by masa works design, 'sweet devil' by hachioji-p, 'spot late' by inabakumori, and 'miss crazyspeed' by cosmo

no-pressure tagging @theguardianace, @princess--bongwater, @stardustfanfare, @kenmacel, @fishgirlautism and anyone else who wants to join ^^

[honeyviscera]

sometimes its very startling being around very christian people bc everything will be normal and fine and then something will happen and instead of saying "oh i fucked up, i'm sorry" they'll be like "i am a terrible person and i need to go to confessional because I have sinned against a friend" and its like oh! kay.....