#ofdevotedheart

[mercyburned-aa]

@ofdevotedheart​  :  “Do you ever get a little bit tired of life? Like you’re not really happy but you don’t wanna die?”

        Jowan’s sigh was more like a harrumph mixed with a scoff as he briefly met Neria’s eyes,  turning his attention back a moment later to the fire he was attempting to stoke into life.  Yeah,  yeah;  he was a mage  --  but he didn’t know that he really thought some grey warden treaties were enough to keep the templars away from him,  and after Redcliffe,  he trusted next to no one and nothing.  So the less magic he used,  the better.  Blasted templars would probably see a weary old tree branch in his hand and assume he was trying to blood magic the fire.  If that was even a thing.  Shit,  he didn’t know.

“Well,  you’ve just gone and described most of my life over the past year,  so...” 

[pcrseverance]

“Put the paperwork down, we’re going to go down to the tavern and have a drink.” -Neria, 

@ofdevotedheart

There’s a protest on his tongue, a half formed and half hearted attempt at an argument that fades as soon as his gaze rises to hers. He can’t say no to her, he doesn’t think he’s ever been able to say no to her and she’s simply too kind to take advantage of the fact.

“Alright.” He’s hardly at an appropriate place to stop, but then it never feels as if there were an appropriate place to stop and if he were to try and find one they might be here all night. His papers are placed on the desk, and he gets to his feet- snuffing out the candle as he rises. “Is there a particular occasion?”

[mercyburned-aa]

@ofdevotedheart​:  “ stop  apologizing , okay ?? i’ve  already  told  you  i’ve  forgiven  you  a  hundred  times now .   ”​

       but instead of relieved,  jowan looked frustrated.  ❛ that’s....  that’s not the point,  neria.  you can’t just talk away the things i’ve done,  you can’t pretend a few words’ll undo it.  let me... ❜   he frowned.  ❛ let me hold myself accountable.   you have let me do that.  you have to let me be responsible about something in my life. ❜

[mercyburned-aa]

@ofdevotedheart​  :  " everyone else always sees this ridiculously happy, over excited, naive little baby who needs protecting. but... never you. you've always seen the real me. i guess that's what i love the most about you. " grumpy  /  sunshine trope dialogue.

         maker,  but the way she said it,  he almost sounded important.  in the circle,  it was known  :  jowan was an example of the mage you didn’t want to be.  not even a mage mage,  if you asked irving !   no,  he was still an apprentice at twenty-one,  because the bloody first enchanter and knight commander wouldn’t let him take his harrowing.  even though everyone else in his class had already done so,  or had been told they’d take it soon.  but he could say the same about her.  neria had never treated him like a failure,  like a mistake.  like someone who shouldn’t be there,  taking up space in the circle.  maybe the good thing about being the outcast was seeing through all the bullshit. 

❛ you’ve...  always been someone i see, ❜  he said quietly,  the smallest quirk of a smile pulling at his lips.  ❛ you see me,  too. ❜

[mercyburned-aa]

@ofdevotedheart​

         ❛ thank you, ❜  jowan said quietly,  once the two of them were sat beside the fire at camp.  ❛ for giving me a chance to prove myself and make things right.  not everyone would have done that. ❜   morrigan was off on her own as usual  ―  jowan wasn’t sure if he trusted her or if he ought to carefully check his meals from now on.  he didn’t try and talk to alistair,  though he seemed decent for an almost-templar.  as for the others,  jowan didn’t understand zevran.  leliana seemed ... nice ?  for someone who dearly believed in the chantry.  sten made him uncomfortable,  and wynne.   well,  he knew wynne.  still didn’t want to talk to her much.  they’d never agreed when it came to the circle. 

❛ at least your dog seems to like me.  when did you even get a dog ? ❜

[mercyburned-aa]

@ofdevotedheart​  :  “I saw your shirt had a few holes in it so… here you go.”

        ‘ you... ’  gaze fluttered down to the repaired garment,  and jowan admired it for a moment with enough grace for his cheeks to turn pink.  he was old enough that he should probably know how to do that by now,  but,  well,  he didn’t.  so he was grateful.   ‘ are the best person i’ve ever met.  thanks,  neria.  i’d .. probably have just ignored it until it got worse and then wondered why it was worse. ’

[pcrseverance]

“You’d think after saving the world once, the Maker would give ma a moment of peace.” Neria leans against his desk, taking weight off her bad knee. “But here we are! I brought some cookies, do you want any?”

@ofdevotedheart

“You ask too much of the world.” It’s a murmured response, distant for a moment as he seals the letter before him, but as her weight leans closer the glances up. Her weight is likely borne well enough by the solid wood of his desk, but he still rises to clear a chair. Each surface in his office falls victim to his papers, and the seating is no exception. With an armful of of books and scrolls he gestures Neria into the seat.

“I- yes.” He doesn’t even attempt to protest, his enjoyment of sweet things now seemed to be common knowledge and it was pointless to deny. “I have... would you like some juice?”

[mercyburned-aa]

@ofdevotedheart​  :  i can’t believe that you lied to me. 

          ❛ for what it’s worth... ❜  and was an apology from him worth anything ?  maybe not.  probably not.  he was a wanted blood mage who poisoned arl eamon because teyrn loghain told him to,  and he was naive enough to believe the promise of fixing things with the circle.  but he’d been out of options and why shouldn’t he have trusted that the hero of river dane was doing the right thing ?  he’d felt it in his gut,  though.  he’d felt that something was off about the request.  but she wasn’t talking about that.  she meant lying about being a blood mage.  jowan didn’t have a good answer,  only a shit one.  that he thought,  like every fool before him,  that if he only dabbled a little,  he’d get good enough to pass his harrowing and then everything would be fine.  never really worked out that way.   ❛ i’m sorry. ❜