Annoying urban chivalry rant
Just for clarity, I don't care if you do chivalry with your girlfriend or wife and she likes it. That's your business between the two of you. But c'mon! Don't do it to random strangers in the city. Don't do it to me! I was just eating my breakfast, going over my Seattle commute memories. One thing I like about Seattle is the women here don't typically enforce gender roles on each other, unlike possibly in other regions of the country. They usually leave each other alone if we're strangers. It may be different with family members or in religious settings, but out and about in the street, there's usually not much of that. At least I don't notice it really. But the guys.... It's almost always the guys. Because chivalry is supposed to be a "guy thing" I guess, so if women never ask, then apparently guys are supposed to offer. Whatever. What. Ever. On doors, the rules that I typically go by are if you're with someone and naturally walk faster than them, then it's OK to hold the door for them as they go in, and then casually catch up to them at their side. Holding the door for people should not be used an excuse to creepily linger behind someone. If you're with someone who has both their hands full, holding the door for them is perfectly OK, because nobody wants to put their stuff down to open the door to hold it with their legs and then pick their stuff back up. That's just silly when there is someone perfectly capable right near you. On offering seats on buses and subways: If it's the end of the day and the bus is freaking crowded, and some guy offers me a seat, I don't really care. Call me selfish, but if he wants to be nice, that's his loss and I'll sit my butt down. May as well take advantage while I can. Offer seats for pregnant or elderly people. If they decline, don't act a fool and insist. You might be bewildered that they would decline. Big deal, take it in stride. In fact if anyone declines, take it in stride. On offering for someone to go ahead of you in line: This is the one that really gets my goat. You'll just be minding your own damn business, walking into the bus in an orderly line at a good pace with everyone else, and then some scraggy-ass knight in shining armor will decide to hold up the entire line of other passengers behind you, to stand to the side of the bus door to let you pass in front of him like he's just the coolest dude on the planet since sliced-bread-dude. There are times when I won't give a darn if some doofus wants to offer me to go before him in the bus line. If the bus looks crazy crowded during rush hour, and it's the end of the day and I'm tired, it increases my chances of finding a seat myself and not needing to stand or have someone potentially offer me theirs which just doubles the awkward. Plus people are behind you, so if you stall, it makes things worse, and you're basically trapped between shining knight and all the people behind you eager to get home. You take the gesture of his foolishness in stride, putting aside your pride because you don't want to commit the greater social sin of holding up the bus and taking up other people's time. But if it's the morning or early afternoon when you wouldn't expect people to be tired, and the bus has hardly anyone in it, leaving plenty of available seats, why the heck would you offer someone to go in front of you? Don't give me that "it's just a habit" bs, because if being illogical for the sake of chivalry is a habit of yours, then I'm sorry. That's your issue. Maybe some people might appreciate it, but I just find it annoying. If some guy does this to me, (yes, it's a "to" in my mind, not a "for" because it's only a "for" if you have reason to believe the person would appreciate it.) I'm gonna just stand there with my face blank, looking at him like he's totally lost it until he gets on the bus in the original line order. I don't care if wild west music starts playing in the background like it's a standoff. The seconds that pass will feel like minutes. I don't care of he starts sweating bullets because I'm not complying with the expected response. Maybe I want him to sweat bullets, because he fucked up with a gender nonconforming person and I want him to think about why he's fucked up instead of just going with "habit." It's annoying and this is one of those situations where I don't care if I'm being cruel or ridiculous because he's being just as ridiculous, but his brand of ridiculous just happens to be considered more acceptable by our society. And I want him to know that and become uncomfortable for making me uncomfortable. I will stand there and look at you like you're from Pluto or something until you realize I don't appreciate your gesture, and allowing me to go in front of you doesn't make me think you're nice. It makes me think you think I'm a lady who needs to go first up the stairs because I might trip on my dress. It makes me think you want to stand behind me because you have an agenda, or that you were raised in an environment that taught you to apply chivalry to situations that defy logic. Not that someone like you would actually care what I think, but all in all, it doesn't make me like you. It makes me think you want to control women, even just a little bit, or those you view as women. You won't get a number from me, and you won't get a conversation. You won't even get a second look. Tldr: don't try to be a gentleman if you're actually just a clueless douchebag. Don't be a "gentledouche."