his hands fall from their half-raised position, reaching out to hold her, comfort her, but he retreats at her snap and his hands clasp each other. he steps back, biting the inside of his lip ( trying not to show how her words sting, how they make his hearts bleed ).
he doesn’t say anything at first. he didn’t want any of this to happen – he was just trying to save another planet, one more victory ( before the universe cuts off his winning streak once more ). but in the process he let the single treasure he cherishes most slip through his fingers: HIS COMPANION. and not to DEATH, but to FEAR. to terror and disgust and HATRED ( ‘ EXTERMINATE ! ’ ).
the doctor’s head hangs low, eyes closed. slowly his chin raises, and his eyes arevulnerable even as he tries to ignore the pain. his hearts have been laid before her, raw, and she sees him for the monster he is underneath the bowtie and the grins. this is what he deserves. “ YES, ” he admits in a quiet breath. “ YES, I AM. ” there’s no use denying it, there’s no reason to deny it. his movements still, restless hands ceasing to shift. ‘ a nameless, terrible thing, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies…’
careful, clara. in this moment she holds his two hearts in her hands. it’s as if she can feel them beat with each moment that goes on. break him. let him feel it. she’s on the verge of breaking herself. the adventure hadn’t been an adventure at all for her; he’d scared her. for the first time in ages, he had actually made her afraid. why had she called him a monster? she had no answer, but it seemed like the only fitting word as the tears pushed their way out through her tear-ducts. it wasn’t until now that she was beginning to realise how much she loved him & idolised him. she backs away from him a bit.
❛ do you even know what you’ve done? ❜
partially, even she has no clue. but it’s what seems right to say. all of the people he saved & yet she felt the least important. she stares at him partially in horror, while the other part in curiosity to see what he’ll do. what does it mean to him to be accused of this? the answer he gives toward being a monster is yes, but his face begs to answer no.
