baby steps
chapter nine
read on ao3
juniper was supposed to be finishing her astrophysics thesis, not sitting in a diaper and onesie. after repeated suicide attempts, she's declared mentally unfit and placed under involuntary protective guardianship. Reclassified as a Little, she's stripped of her autonomy and forced into bottles, bedtimes, and behavioral protocols she never agreed to.
bucky always planned on taking in another Little after Steve, just not exactly one that was a brilliant, feral girl with a biting tongue and a death wish. his job is just to stabilize Juniper. but, the more she fights, the more he realizes: she's exactly the kind of mess he's not ready to let go of.
tags/warnings: suicide ideation, forced age regression/infantilism, mental health issues, angst, hurt/comfort, alcohol abuse, adhd, bipolar, human trafficking(?), dubcon, eating disorder, implied child abuse, panic attacks
Warm sunlight filtered into the living room, lighting up strips of hardwood flooring and furniture. Juniper used the shadowed outlines of the windows as a racing track for her little red car, zooming it around the rays of light with a soft hum under her breath, acting as the roar of the car’s engine.
Sam’s truck rammed into hers as soon as it came within arm’s length. “Hey!” Juniper protested, scooting closer on her knees. “You crashed it!”
“That’s what trucks do, kid,” Sam replied without apology.
Juniper huffed indignantly. Like a petulant child, she slammed her car into Sam’s once more out of revenge before dropping the toy from her hand. She crossed her arms as she glared down at the floor. “I don’t wanna play with you anymore.”
A soft snort escaped him. “Then who’s gonna play with you then, huh? ‘Cause Daddy’s working and you pout when told to play quietly by yourself.”
“I do not pout,” Juni retorted, her pout evident from her voice alone.
“You totally do.”
Juniper grabbed her red car again and shoved it toward Sam, bumping his knee harder than necessary. He faked a pained gasp, grabbing onto the offended knee in faux pain.
“That’s what you get,” she sassed.
Across the room, Bucky looked up from his tablet with an amused smirk. He quietly worked through his virtual stack of papers, signing off on important documents without fully reading them. Every so often, his eyes drifted up from the screen to watch Juniper and Sam lean into their game with an intensity that made something flutter in his chest.
Her hair had slipped out of its tie at some point. Tiny strands fell into her face as she leaned over the cars. Every few seconds, she would let out an annoyed puff to blow them away. “Time for a pit stop,” Bucky said, shifting on the couch and placing his feet on the floor. “Let me fix your hair, baby. Come here.”
Juniper brushed her hair back to try to hide the loose strands before standing up. “It’s fine,” she whined, but walked over regardless.
Bucky set the tablet aside when she reached him, guiding her to stand between his knees. His fingers worked gently through the loose strands, gathering them together again. “You’re gonna get knots if you keep letting it fall out,” he muttered under his breath.
The girl tilted her head obediently while Bucky fixed the tie. “Sam is cheating.”
“I am not,” Sam called from the floor.
“How do you even cheat at toy cars?” Bucky asked as he finished tying her hair, giving it a gentle tug to make sure it was secure. “I think you need to be less bossy.”
Juni shrugged dismissively, reaching back to feel the ponytail. She nodded in satisfaction before heading back towards the cars. While Sam was distracted by his phone, Juniper seized the opportunity to grab his blue truck and drive it along the strip of sunlight on the floor. Her tongue peeked out between her lips as the soft vrrrrmm sounds started up again.
Sam made his way over to the couch and sat down next to Bucky. His arm fell over the man’s shoulders, pulling him in close. “Think she’s gonna notice she’s making sound effects again?” He whispered in Bucky’s ear, not wanting to alert Juniper to his observation.
“Probably not,” Bucky replied with a chuckle.
A beat of silence passed as the two men watched as the girl lined up all the cars along the outside of the sunspot. Sam was the first to break it. “She’s not very good at playing with others. I don’t think now’s the time for daycare.”
All Bucky could reply with was a resigned sigh. The topic of daycare came up last week— Bucky’s leave was ending, and he needed to return to work and missions sooner rather than later. His team needed him, and while he trusted Yelena to lead in his place, ultimately it was he who needed to be there on the front lines. As much as he liked spending his days being Juniper’s daddy, it just didn’t align with their work and reality.
“I know,” Bucky finally said under a sigh. “But we don’t have any other choice. We’re going to have to suck it up—”
Heavy boots trudged down the hallway before stopping just at the threshold of the living room. Sam and Bucky looked up only to find Yelena Belova standing in the doorway behind the baby gate like she owned the place, one hand braced against the doorframe and the other holding her phone.
“Barnes! You ignore calls for three hours,” she said as she barged in. “So I assume you are either dead or avoiding responsibility.”
Bucky sighed, sinking further into the couch. His eyes fell to his phone resting on the side table before looking back up at the Russian woman. “My phone’s on silent.”
“Yes, I noticed.”
Only once he realized the rolling of tiny metal wheels had stopped did Bucky look over at Juniper. She sat on her knees, holding the toy truck in her hand as she looked up at Yelena with wide, fearful eyes.
It was as if time had stopped. That familiar, dreadful pit formed in her stomach again as her brain screamed at her that she had been caught by both Yelena and herself. She was playing with children’s toys, willingly and proactively. This wasn’t what she was supposed to be doing, and now there was a witness to her crime. The truck fell from her hand as the moment froze.
Knowing what was to come, Sam briskly walked toward Juni before the scared tears and cries could come. He took a gentle hold of her arm and softly began to pull her to her feet. “Come on, Junebug,” he murmured. “Let’s go to your room for a second. Let Daddy do his work.”
“No!” She wailed, aggressively pulling her arm away from Sam’s grasp. Juniper landed flat on her bottom, using her feet to kick away the toy cars from their neat lines on the floor. “She saw! She saw me like this!”
Everything happened in a blink. Juniper’s breathing grew rapid as she clawed at Sam’s arms. The man tried to pull away, give her the space she needed, but she only dug in deeper with both nails and teeth like a cornered, feral animal.
“Ow!” Sam loudly cried, still trying to pry the scared girl off of him. “Juniper, that hurts!”
Without even noticing him approaching, Juniper felt herself being lifted from behind by Bucky. His cool metal arm wrapped around her middle with ease, picking her up and away from Sam until her feet dangled just inches off the ground. “Juniper,” he hissed in her ear. “That’s enough.”
“She saw! She saw!” Juni continued to wail, twisting and turning in Bucky’s relentless grip. She looked at Yelena, her face red with anger and tears as she yelled at the offending stranger. “Go away! Get the fuck away!”
Yelena threw her hands in the air, eyes wide with confusion. “Okay, okay.” She tried to appease the toddler’s tantrum as she walked backward towards the doorway. “Not a people person. Got it, little tiger.”
The nickname only made Juniper shout angrily.
“Yelena,” Bucky’s voice came out in a tired huff as he dragged the overwhelmed Little further away from Sam. “Just go to my office. I’ll be there soon.”
“Take your time with… that,” Yelena replied with a wave of her hand toward Juniper. She disappeared down the hallway without another word, the door of Bucky’s office clicking shut behind her.
The living room fell into a heavy silence broken only by Juniper’s ragged breathing. She still thrashed in Bucky’s grip, twisting and kicking like she might break free if she fought hard enough. His metal arm stayed firm around her middle, keeping her in place as he carried her down the hallway without a word.
“She saw me,” she sobbed, voice breaking between gasps. “She saw— she saw—” Her words dissolved into incoherent crying as she struggled against him.
Sam followed behind, rubbing his forearm where angry scratches littered his skin. In some places, dark red blood beaded along the raised scratch lines. A small crescent of teeth marks darkened near his wrist. “Goddamn, kid,” he chided under his breath.
Bucky lowered her to the floor once he reached the nursery, trying to gently place her on her feet. Juniper fought tooth and nail until she ended up on her knees, purposely flinging herself onto the floor as she cried into the creme-colored carpet. Hiding her face in her arms, she lay spread out now that she was free from Bucky’s arms.
“Juniper…” Bucky started, his voice a gentle pity as he watched her body shudder with uneven breaths and sobs. Unsure of what to do in the moment, his attention fell onto Sam instead.
He reached a hand out, taking Sam’s right arm, and assessed the damage done. Most of the blood had scabbed over by now, the puncture wounds small enough that they wouldn’t have had the time to bleed out too much. His gaze then fell to the angry teeth marks around his wrist, reminding him of a scared animal’s bite. Maybe that’s how Juniper felt in the moment— a cornered dog more so than a panicked child.
Perhaps it wasn’t a temper tantrum but a panic attack turned wrong and violent.
“I’ll be okay, babe,” Sam whispered with a reassuring smile, gently pulling his arm out of Bucky’s grasp. “Let me go see what Yelena wants.”
“You do that.” Bucky let out a stressed breath, casting his eyes back down to Juniper, still sobbing her heart out. The situation spooked her more than Bucky initially thought.
With a kiss to his cheek, Sam left the room, keeping the bedroom door slightly ajar. Bucky looked down at Juniper, now alone and completely at a loss for what to do. He called her name one more time, leaning down to try and pet her hair soothingly, only to be met with harder cries and an angered whine. Quickly, he straightened back up.
Bucky scrubbed a hand down his face. “Alright,” he muttered quietly to himself. Not wanting to make a scene, he silently left the nursery and headed toward the kitchen. Juniper was in no position for emotional negotiations.
A bottle sat in the drying rack— the baby pink one with a cute, chalk-drawn cat on it, Juniper’s unspoken favorite. Or, at least the one she tolerated the most. The nipple would need to be replaced soon, given how much she absentmindedly chewed on it. Bucky grabbed it before refilling it with tap water, wanting something quick and easy to rehydrate the dysregulated Little.
At some point, the crying had lessened, turning into snotty sniffles and gasped breaths. When Bucky stepped foot into the nursery again, he found Juniper hadn’t moved an inch; she lay on her stomach still, but now she rested her head sideways on her arms as she looked up at him. Her lashes were wet and clumped together with unshed tears as she bit her lip to keep the sobs at bay.
“Oh, babygirl,” Bucky cooed, closing the door softly behind him. He sat on the ground himself, keeping his back against the door and his lap open in case somebody needed comfort and cuddles. He kept the bottle upright on the floor next to him, not wanting to potentially further upset Juni with its presence. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“No,” she sniffled, turning her head to wipe her face in the crook of her arm. Her body closed in on itself now that she had an audience, now resting on her side in a half-formed fetal position. Bucky noticed her missing socks and wondered which part of the fray they had gotten lost in.
Bucky nodded slowly. “Okay,” he said gently. “You don’t have to yet.”
Juniper sniffled again as she kept her face half-hidden in her arm out of embarrassment. Her shoulders still rose and fell unevenly, but the previous sharp edge of panic had dulled into a workable quiet.
“Can you look at me for a second?” He asked softly.
She hesitated. Then, slowly, her red-rimmed eyes opened and landed on him. Bucky felt himself melt under them, seeing her so sad yet still so small.
“Hi,” Bucky murmured with a smile.
Her lip wobbled. “Hi,” she answered back.
Bucky patted his thigh. “C’mere, Junebug.”
Juniper blinked, looking between his lap and his face. He kept that reassuring smile on his face, arms open to engulf her in a comforting hug. While she’d never admit it aloud, Juniper felt she needed it more than anything. She just wasn’t sure if she deserved that kind of love and reassurance.
She pushed herself up on shaky arms. It took a lot of effort, both physically and mentally. Her limbs felt like semi-cooked noodles, worn out and tired from her previous tantrum. Somehow, she managed to crawl the short distance across the carpet to Bucky.
Just within his reach, she stopped. Bucky could feel the hesitation radiating off of her, but he didn’t reach for her. To rush her now would just ruin all the built-up autonomy she needed right now. A sense of control of the situation was all she needed.
Her face crumbled after a second’s hesitation. She suddenly folded into him with a cry, climbing into his lap and burying her face against his shoulder. She tried so hard to hold it all back, but couldn’t stop the innate need for comfort as fresh tears slipped free again.
“I didn’t mean to!” She cried out, tears wetting his shirt. Bucky wrapped his arms around her tightly, settling his hand at the back of her head.
He shushed her softly. “I know, I know,” he repeated in an attempt to soothe her. Small fingers clutched into his shirt.
“I didn’t want her to s-see me,” Juni choked out between sobs. “Didn’t wanna be like… like that.”
Bucky exhaled softly as he rested his cheek atop her head. “You got scared. You don’t know Yelena that well.”
She nodded against him with a soft, high-pitched sound of agreement. Bucky began rocking her gently, hoping the soothing motion would quiet down her cries. It mostly seemed to work.
Once the hiccups and sobs passed, his hand paused in its slow, steady strokes through her hair. He pushed her away ever so slightly so he could look at Juniper’s face as he spoke.
“You also hurt Sam. That’s not okay.”
Juniper’s gaze fell as big tears continued to fall. She knew she hurt Sam fairly badly. She had seen the blood on his arm before he left the room, feeling an uneasy guilt in the pit of her stomach. No words came to her; all she could do was guiltily nod.
Bucky’s mouth started moving again, but Juniper couldn’t hear a single word. She was too caught up in her own head, overthinking about how Sam must hate her now. He wouldn’t want to play with her anymore now that she hurt him.
Noticing her quiet, spaced-out look and lack of response, Bucky sighed as he realized scolding her now wouldn’t accomplish anything. He pulled her back into his chest and continued to gently shush and rock her as she worked herself up into a harsh cry again.
Just as Bucky shifted her slightly (his poor legs could only take so much), the pink baby bottle came into Juni’s view. She cried as she tried to reach a hand out for it.
“Baba, baba!” She cried out, sounding much smaller than normal. Juni never called for it by name, always referring to the bottle as ‘it’, better yet calling it her ‘baba’ like Bucky had been. He stilled for a beat, the word hitting him harder than he thought it would. Juniper didn’t even seem to realize she said it, too caught up in her own anguish and the aftershocks of the day.
Quickly, Bucky handed her the bottle before standing up on aching legs, Juniper resting firmly on his hip. Her fingers curled tightly around the bottle as soon as it was placed in her hands, bringing it to her lips with urgency.
“Hey, easy,” Bucky softly reminded her.
She latched on anyway, taking quick and uneven sips of water as she tried to ground herself. Her breathing was still off, and small hiccups broke through every few seconds.
Bucky adjusted her on his hip as he swayed, metal arm supporting her weight as the other hand rubbed slow, steady circles into her back.
“Atta girl,” he praised in a whisper. “Just breathe.”
She leaned heavily into him, her body slack now that the earlier fight had fully drained out of her. The bottle stayed pressed to her mouth as she rotated between suckling and biting at the plastic nipple. The sharp-edged panic eventually smoothed over into tired sniffles.
Carrying her over to the rocking chair, Bucky lowered himself into it with a relieved exhale. The chair creaked as he began a gentle rhythm with Juni on his lap. She hardly even reacted— only curled closer and fisted one hand into his shirt as the other held the bottle.
“Better now, bug?” He asked softly. A small nod against his chest was all he got in return.
Bucky pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Good. Are you ready for a big girl talk?”
He felt Juniper tense up on his lap at that. Juniper wanted nothing more than to delay the inevitable consequences of her actions, but knowing Bucky, she wouldn’t be getting away with it for long. Shyly, she nodded her head again against his chest as she anxiously nibbled on the bottle.
“You remember what happened out there?”
“…Yeah,” she whispered after a beat, keeping her gaze low.
“What did you do?”
She swallowed hard, struggling to form words. Bucky took hold of the baby bottle and removed it from her mouth, forcing her to speak up and not muffle herself with the nipple. “C’mon, bug. It’s a big girl talk, remember? Big words.”
“I…” Her lips trembled, uncertain now without the nipple to protect her. “I scratched Sam.”
“And?”
Her eyes screwed shut as she let out a shaky breath. “…And I bit him.”
Bucky nodded once more. “And the cars?”
“I kicked them,” she admitted quietly. The guilt was plain as day on her face as she fought back more tears.
“Good girl,” Bucky softly praised, running a hand through her hair. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”
“I didn’t mean to, though,” Juni murmured. Without her comfort bottle, Juniper hid her face in the crook of Bucky’s neck, desperate to hide away in shyness and shame. Bucky brought the bottle back to her lips, letting her latch on for another nervous sip.
“I know you didn’t mean to,” he continued, “but you still hurt someone. And we don’t purposely hurt the people we love. You aren’t in trouble for being little, or for getting scared, but you are getting a timeout for hurting Sam.”
More often than not, Juniper found herself in some form of timeout. The corner or a chair facing the wall had become her second home at this point, but something about this time felt different. Like she’d actually earned it. She shifted slightly on Bucky’s lap as she tried to keep her face hidden in his shoulder while also getting as close as possible for comfort.
It took all the strength Bucky had not to fold right then and there. Feeling her uneven breaths against his neck as her fingers anxiously tugged at his shirt made something in his stomach churn, but he had to remain firm. She had crossed a serious line, and it was his job to keep that boundary drawn for everyone’s safety.
“I’m giving you a choice, lovebug. You can either apologize to Sam first or do your timeout first. You pick.”
Anxiously, Juniper tapped her fingers against the baby bottle as she stared down at it. “Timeout first,” she finally decided after a moment’s hesitation.
“Alright.” Bucky stood with Juniper still clinging on his hip, his vibranium arm keeping her steady despite her nervous twitching. They walked straight into the kitchen where Bucky lowered her down into a dining chair. He pushed the chair closer to the table before ruffling Juni’s hair slightly. Bucky took the bottle from Juniper’s grasp, setting it on the table next to her. “You can sit here for five minutes. I’ll have a timer going.”
Juniper nodded solemnly. She rested her head on the table, cocooned by her arms as she watched Bucky leave down the hall. The quiet landed heavily around her.
She stayed exactly where he had left her, cheek pressed against her folded arms. Her eyes remained trained on the pink baby bottle in front of her, unsure if she was allowed to drink or touch it while in timeout.
Her eyes burned with unshed tears. Each blink felt like sandpaper from the constant crying and lack of sleep. Without Bucky there, without his voice or his hands or the steady rhythm of the rocking chair, everything started to feel too big again. Too big, and too loud.
Juni sniffled loudly as she turned her face further into her arms. The thoughts wouldn’t go away: she hurt Sam. Guilt twisted deep inside her as she recalled the angry scratch marks on his arm and the deep imprint of her teeth on his wrist. Sam definitely wouldn’t want to play with her anymore after this, and it was all her fault.
Down the hall, Bucky took a deep breath before entering his office. Yelena sat spread out on the couch like she owned the place while Sam stood behind Bucky’s desk, browsing files and printing off any necessary documents.
“Did the little tiger finally calm down?” Yelena asked. She straightened up slightly from her previously relaxed pose as Bucky entered the room.
Bucky ran a hand down his face in exhaustion. “She’s just tired now. I’m hoping she falls asleep while in timeout— she’s overdue for a nap.”
Sam hummed quietly from behind the desk, not looking up from the papers in his hands. “Yeah, well,” he muttered, “she’s got a mean right hook when she’s tired.”
Yelena snorted at the quip, crossing one leg over the other. “You let her bite you. That one’s on you.”
“I didn’t let her—” Sam started defensively before cutting himself off with a sigh. He rubbed at the back of his neck. “She caught me off guard.”
“Mhm,” Yelena hummed, standing up and taking the papers out of Sam’s hand. “Keep telling yourself that, Cap.”
The Russian made her way to the exit, only to stop at the doorway. “Oh! I remember now. Movie night is on Friday. Don’t miss it.”
Realization crossed Bucky’s face as he remembered the scheduled team movie night. It had been planned weeks in advance, and just slipped his mind. “Can’t make it this time. Juniper’s got a doctor’s appointment that day.”
“And I’m scheduled to be overseas by then,” Sam added.
“You’re excused,” Yelena said, pointing a finger at Sam. She moved her hand to point sternly at Bucky. “You bring small child with you. She needs people skills.”
“She’s not gonna like that…” Sam chided lightly.
Before Bucky could get a word in, Yelena was already halfway down the hall. He called after her, but she had already turned the corner, ignoring him.
His phone briefly buzzed in his pocket before the alarm sounded— Juniper’s timeout was finished now. Bucky took it and swiftly shut off the alarm. “I’ll be back,” he said to Sam, brushing a small kiss against his cheek. Sam hummed, barely glancing up as Bucky slipped out of the office.
Bucky made his way back toward the kitchen, his steps slow as he took in just how quiet the apartment felt now. No cries, no screams. It would’ve been peaceful had it not been for the sulking girl at the table, still curled up exactly where Bucky left her.
She was slumped over the table, cheek pressed into folded arms. The baby bottle sat untouched beside her, right where he’d left it. One of her hands rested loosely near it, fingers twitching occasionally like she thought about reaching for it but didn’t.
“Hey, bug.”
Juniper flinched before lifting her head. Her eyes were still red and puffy— the only thing that remained from her previous crying fit. There was still that dull, exhausted look to her face, as if crying had wrung everything out of her.
“Hi,” she whispered back.
Bucky stepped fully into the room. Instead of going straight to her, he leaned against the counter. “Are you ready to apologize to Sam?”
“Mhm.”
“Okay then.” Bucky reached a hand out for Juni to take. She stared at it for a moment before shyly taking it and allowing Bucky to lead her down into the office.
Slow, dragging steps followed him as if each step took too much energy. Her hand stayed tucked securely into Bucky’s own, fingers curling tighter the closer they got to the office.
Once they reached the baby gate, Bucky let go of her hand to lift her over the gate. A small, disappointed chirp left Juni’s lips as her hand was dropped for the brief moment. Bucky immediately took it back once over the gate and rubbed his thumb soothingly over the back of her hand.
Juniper always struggled with apologizing. It was one of the hardest things for her. The feeling of being wrong, of hurting someone, and of having to admit it— it just overwhelmed her. That, and the small hit to her pride, made her feel small and cornered.
Bucky gave her hand a small squeeze before knocking on the door once before pushing it open. Sam looked up immediately at the sudden noise.
His posture shifted the second he saw Juni. His shoulders relaxed, and his eyes softened in a way impossible to miss. Juniper noticed the sudden change, but it didn’t make it any easier.
She froze inside the doorway, her hand tightening around Bucky’s as her arms dropped to Sam’s arm. The scratches looked worse now that they’d settled. They were angry lines against dark skin, but the bite mark was what stood out the most.
Bucky felt her hesitate and gave her hand another gentle squeeze. “Go on,” he murmured quietly.
Juniper swallowed hard. Her feet moved in small, hesitant steps around the desk until she stood just a few feet away from Sam. She tried to look up at him, but she couldn’t look at his face without wanting to cry again. So, her eyes stayed locked on the floor. Her fingers twisted nervously in her shirt.
“I…” her voice came out barely audible.
She tried again, a little louder. “I’m sorry. For hurting you.”
Finally, she forced herself to look up. Sam was already looking at her with a fond smile, face entirely devoid of any anger or resentment, like Juniper initially thought.
“Hey, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it,” he gently soothed. His tone nearly broke Juni again. “But you gotta keep those teeth to yourself, alright?”
Juniper let out a shaky nod as she hummed affirmatively.
“C’mere,” Sam said, holding out his arms.
She hesitated for a second before she stepped forward and leaned into him, carefully avoiding the arm she’d hurt. Sam wrapped his arms around her tightly as he gave her a squeeze.
“See?” He murmured. “Still like you.”
That did her in. A quiet, relieved sob escaped her as she pressed further into him, hiding her crumpled face into his shoulder.
“I’m sorry!” She cried into his shirt.
“I know, kid,” Sam said softly. “I know.”
Behind them, Bucky watched the whole thing with arms loosely crossed over his chest. The tension in his shoulders finally loosened. Pride filled his heart as he watched, knowing Juniper had already gotten through the hard part. Now was the time for love.