Oct 10, 2022
me vale.... mucho 🥹
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me vale.... mucho 🥹
Essentials. Mi bon bon 🥺❁☽
Living in California isn’t bad if I close my eyes n don’t think about the cost of rent 🙃
I guess it's true what they say, NY built different...
Hi 😗
i know of love because of her
21 Memories
1. When it was you and me and mom was watching her mexican novelas. We went into that little play room we had in our old house on B street. And we decided to make a horse, like the ones that we would see that had the horse face and it was just a stick. We used a pink bucket as the head and we used so much glue, and we somehow got it to stick on that big stick and then we worked on that horse stick all night. I'm pretty sure we even got some hair on it like used the end an old mop and we just worked on it so much and the next day we went out to test it out and ride it around, and it broke so fast, the bucket that we used as the head fell off. It was really funny and we just laughed it off. We couldn't believe we worked on it so much only to have it break within minutes.
2. That one day that I had received this little glow in the dark ball from school for reading or winning some contest in second grade and I didn't understand the purpose of it, but someone in the bus had told me that you were suppose to light the ball on fire and that it would sky rocket to the sky. I asked mom if she would let me do it and she said no. When mom was inside the house talking on the phone, I made you help me light it on fire and I didn't just light the ball on fire, but I also lit the backyard on fire and we tried to put it out by ourselves but we wouldn't and we had to tell mom so she could come help and put the fire out. The fire really accelerated fast almost to the neighbors backyard. Its funny now, but it wasn't then. I got you and I in so much trouble. I always made you get in trouble with me.
3. I think we saw this in an episode of Arthur. Our childhood consisted so much of Arthur,Buster, Francine, Muffy, and DW. You had a lose tooth and we were in the bathroom and I would say you were just anxious for it to fall out already.and looking back at it now you say and swear that you said it jokingly, but you said "punch me in my mouth so it falls off" and apparently you were kidding, but I was like 9 I didn't know better so I remember I said "okay" and I punching you in your mouth and your tooth fell out. And I think I just remember you saying ouch and putting your hands over your mouth and us telling dad and mom about it later. It was just so funny.
4. I always remember us riding our bikes all the time. We played outside a lot too. We loved our big backyard I think it was our favorite, our absolute favorite. I remember when I was learning to ride my bike I would fall off a lot. It was a pink bike I had, you had a blue one. But I remember I would always push off that little cover plastic thing that covered that big hole or attic that was outside or whatever it was. We never knew, I would always push off from that though. One day we were riding our bikes I kind want to say it was in the summer and I fell really bad and hit my knee on the cement really bad and you could tell it was bad because it was one of those big gauge on my knee. and it was bad, because it was bleeding slowly, but there was massive chunk of skin missing and I remember you were just looking at it and I was sitting down sort of like :"ow, shit" and you went inside to get paper towels or something. I don't know I just remember that vividly, maybe because I still have the scar to proof it, but you were always taking care of me.
5. Remember Randy who got you into swimming, he signed you up and he taught me how to swim. He taught me how to do the breaststroke, but he got you into it and you weren't very fast at first, but one summer or one day out of no where you were just this little fish and you swam and swam and you really loved it and I remember you told me that the swim team one day was playing this game you were the shark or something or everyone was swimming behind each other and the purpose of the game was not to let the person behind you catch up to you and I remember you told me that you had caught up to Tanner and he was out of the game and he started crying because you had caught up to him and I think to everyone it came as a shock that you had improved so much and that you were actually fast. I think it was shock that this little mexican girl actually had it in her.
6. I really miss the old house. I miss that, that old house represented us and our whole childhood and that backyard and the neighbors all the neighbors loved us. Remember the neighbors behind us were old and they had a really nice garden and backyard and we always liked looked at it or the neighbors to the side of us where the lady worked at Dillon's and they loved us and their dogs would always bark and the old man was sort of bad ass, smoker, tattooed, riding his motorcycle type of guy. And every year when time for fundraising came around and we would go around selling that stuff house to house and we would always go to those neighbors because we knew they would buy us stuff, they would buy from both of us and when we moved away and came back one Halloween to the neighborhood and they gave us extra candy and they said they missed us. I really miss that old house.
7. Remember when we were really good friends with those girls from Dodge City because our parents knew them and they were all mom and dad were the god father/mother to lele and you they were the god father/mother to our siblings and just so many god mothers and fathers but it worked out. We would always beg our parents to take us over and when they would come it would just be so much fun. We always played house together all of us Susie, you, me and lele and we would fight over who was what power ranger. lele was always pink and I think I was yellow and you were red, then other colors were added to the power rangers and it was just stupid. We were so close with them and at all the mexican parties we would play so much and I don't even know or can't remember how we would play so much but we would gossip too and it was a lot of fun.
8.We had different teachers in first grade I had Mrs. Roderick and you had Ms. Lemonade or something like that I always called her Ms. Lemonade and you told me that one day she was reading a story to the class and that you farted and you thought it wasn't loud but it apparently was and that you were really embarrassed and that the other kids just laughed and typing this out I want to laugh, but I'm at the library in the quiet zone. haha
9. February 2009, I fucked up. I really fucked up. I went out and came home really drunk the drunkest I had been since I started drinking that year we were juniors in high school there was snow still on the ground that day in February and I had lost track of time and my mom kept calling me and it was like three in the morning and my friends had to drop me off at my house even though I couldn't even walk and I felt so bad for them, because as soon as the car pulled up to the house my mom came outside and i stumbled outside and my mom yelled at my friends and told them that they better leave before she called the cops and my mom had never slapped me before but that was the first time she slapped me and I couldn't feel anything because it was so cold outside and I was too drunk and I was just numb and then right outside our front door my mom started hitting me with the belt and you told her to stop and told her to leave me alone and you stood up for me even though we hadn't talked in months and you were going to cry and my mom was so upset with me you could just hear the disappointment in her voice and in her eyes the disgrace I had caused and I felt so shitty and I remember just yelling at her and crying, telling her that she had no idea how I felt or what I was going through and that she didn't know me and didn't know anything about me. I'll never forget that day, you still stood up for me, I'm not sure if it was because you felt sorry for me or because you felt it was your duty as my sister. I don't think I'll ever know.
10. Remember we would have dance competitions in the kitchen as I simultaneously tried to clean and we would put on this big show like as if were on stage and we were really funny about it and I'd pretend to push you off the stage and take the spotlight and we would laugh and bust out all these random embarrassing moves that nowadays we wouldn't ever think about even talking about it. We were something else.
11. Every time we would fight psychically I'd put up a good fight and back then I'd always say when people asked if we fought and who would win "Well sometimes she wins and other times I win" correction, you would always win. Always, you were stronger than me and you always knew exactly what do to make me cry you would dig your nails in my arms and it would hurt so bad or you would get me from behind and twist my hands back and it got me every time and you knew it did and you knew that every time you got me in that position it was all over. It was funny, because we would fight then we'd like mutually without saying a word agree on taking a break and then we'd cool off and then we'd get back to it we'd go from downstairs to upstairs to the living room and you would rip my shirt and I would push you hard against a wall and just get on top of you. We never through punches its like we both knew that was the crossing line but we would kick each other. I do remember that one time I socked you in your jaw. I had never been so scared in my life.
12. Remember when we would always go the zoo in the summer with mom. We spent so much time at the zoo in the mornings mom would wake us up early and we hated it, but we had no choice and we would go to the zoo so much and it was fun. We didn't know it then, but we know it now.
13. For Christmas when we finally got what we had wanted, when mom and dad finally hit it right on the spot and we got scooters, because in 3rd or 4th grade it was the cool thing to have a scooter. And we got scooters yours had green wheels and mine had white and we were so damn happy. And we rode the shit out of those scooters every where, around the block, in the zoo, on the talley trail, everywhere.
14. On your 18th birthday when we hung out with Taylor and Taylor and I had decided we were going to get your drunk because it was your 18th birthday, but that Friday night nothing was going on and we had alcohol so we just parked by a house close to the dean wiley park and we started taking shots, it was awkward because that's when we were't sisters anymore we were sisters outside the house. But we got you drunk and when we got home you wanted to clean the kitchen and I was like no, haha, I'll do it later you need to go to sleep and you were just drunk and funny.
15. In 2009, it was rough for us. When we would fight, we would get over it eventually, because you would either make some family guy joke or we would just start talking again. But this time it was different. We didn't make up. It had been days, then weeks, months, and years. In 2009 we got into a fight and I said something along the lines of "I'm the popular one, I'm the better one out of the us. I have friends, my friends only say hi to you because they know you're my sister even Kendra said it she said that she says hi to you because she knows your my sister, you're good at swimming, but that's the only time you come before me. Theresa and Rosa are your only friends, everywhere we go people recognize me. Its not my fault you don't have friends and your my shadow." I think I even went as far as saying "I'm the prettier one out of you and me". I said all of that to my older sister, to my best friend in the whole world. I always knew you were better. I can't confirm if I was jealous or bitter, because I can't really pin point what it was. You always got the most certificates in elementary school, you always got the better grades, you were an A student I was a B student. You were faster and stronger, you had better handwriting, and you could color better and prettier. You were better at swimming and playing the clarinet. You could write better and you were the creative one.You were the favorite sister my siblings would rather have you than me. You had the patience, you were better at everything. You came first all the time. I told myself in high school that I had accepted that you were smarter than me and better, but I guess after all I wasn't okay with it. I'm okay with it now though, because if anyone deserves to be good at those things and be the better one its you.
16. In 2010 you were a lifeguard for the first summer and I noticed a change in you. I noticed you were getting out there more you were meeting more people and you were always out, you were making more friends and you spent a lot of time with your friends. We were still really cold with each other. I didn't know about your life and you didn't know about mine. I noticed you would try harder just with your image and to do this and do that and go out more. 2010 was the year you became somewhat of a rebel, you weren't the nice or obedient girl anymore you had this attitude with you and you did what you wanted, when you wanted, whenever. You didn't care anymore. I mean you did care but you not as much as you had before. It was a different side to you and I can't help but feel that I pushed you that way.
17. In 2011 we graduated and we still weren't sisters, we graduated and we don't have a single picture of us together with our cap, gown, and diploma. We don't even have one with our parents. After the graduation ceremony I decided to with Carley and her family to go eat instead of going with my family. Nothing more that I regret, because I now realize how selfish I was and now I feel how bad it hurts. I don't talk about graduation even though I realized that we don't have a physical memory of us graduating together a year ago, because It upsets me so much. There are some things people don't forget from when they are really young or things that happen through out their lives. Some people at a young age are traumatized, others never forget the day they lost their parents at the fair, and for me this is it. I don't even think I said congratulations to you or even give you a hug. I'm very resentful with myself, because I didn't go to graduation with my parents or my sister my sister and I went our separate ways. I went to graduation with my friend rather than my own sister. I'm very resentful towards myself and I always will be, because I had no right to do that to myself or you or my mom and dad. I didn't even see my parents after graduation . . .and that pains me like no other, because I should have been with you and them. I wasn't thinking and it hurts a lot more than anything. I remember going home after and my dad saying "we waited for you so we could take pictures of you and your sister". It took me so long to know and figure out the value of family, a little too long and a little too late. I really can't believe myself and I'll never forget or forgive myself. Such an important time in our lives and not even a damn picture to prove it. If I could do things differently I would. I'm proud of you and I'm proud of us for having graduated together, even if we weren't together and I am sorry, but a sorry doesn't do it in this situation, I hope we get a second chance when we graduate from college. I really really hope we do.
18. Remember that one time you stood up to dad and I could have sworn he was going to hit you and not hit you as in like pull on your ear, slap your back, or even the belt, but hit you as in slap you and it was the scariest thing ever, because everyone always thought I was the rebel I was the crazy one the one most likely to confront dad or mom, but it was you. It was always you, and you were defending mom and I remember that you pushed dad against the kitchen cabinet and holy shit, you didn't give a fuck and you would have done other shit that I can't imagine if mom hadn't told you stop or who knows what it was. I'd never seen that side of you.
19. That summer of 2012 where we went to that lifeguard party and you got pretty drunk and I was drunk too, but since you definitely aren't the drinker when it comes to the two us, all that alcohol you had was quiet a lot for you and I remember taking charge and driving. I remember getting home and you went to bed and then you started crying and you never cry, ever, and you said "Lesly I miss you being my sister can we please go back to being sisters" and I said, Laisa, yes! but be quiet because you're going to wake up mom and dad just go to sleep. The next day we both woke up like nothing had happened.
20. This recent November or December when we were on break from school. Things were some what better between us. Things were still awkward, but we were over the "we're not talking or acknowledging each other" I got home drunk one night and I was such an emotional wreck and I started talking to you about stuff and I started crying in bed and you came over and sat on my bed and I cried in your arms and you said it would be okay and you made some jokes about it. Humor and our jokes always made it better. I always wanted to thank you for that, but never did. I hope you know I am thankful for that.
21. I remember last year or maybe the summer of 2012 realizing the emptiness I felt of your absence, the absence of my best friend, my older sister, my other half, and most importantly the one person who maybe knew almost all of me. I remember having all these thoughts go through me and I remember thinking so much on how I was towards you all my mistakes and words that I made towards you. I remember seeing how much you were progressing and how happy you were. I see it more now than ever how happy you are, how you're so involved, you have this glow to you that I may be somewhat jealous, I see this warmth in you all this confidence and happiness and it makes me somewhat upset, but more than that it makes me so incredibly happy for you. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of who you were, I'm proud of who you are and who you're becoming and what you're doing. I'm incredibly proud of you. Today you turn 21 and in a way it seems surreal to think you're 21. I can only imagine all you have to achieve and accomplish. Everyone asks if we're better, and by everyone I mean those who really know, and I can say we are. We are better, we talk a lot more, and I know about you more than you might know about me, because I keep up with you and your life. I know we're on our way to how we use to be and a year or maybe two years ago I would have said, It'd never be the same again, but I feel it. I know we are going to get there eventually. I look forward to that day so much. I really do. I wish, pray, and hope nothing but the best for you. You deserve it all and more, and I love you, I really really really love you.
perfect playlist ! xo
thank you:)