(35f) wife constantly loops during more serious conversation I (36m) can't seem to get her out of it without being stern. Any advice?
Been with my wife going on 15 years. She always had this quirk but it seems to be getting worse. I need advice on what to do. Whether she's venting about something at work or we are having a disagreement she keeps repeating the same thing over and over and over again. A 5 minute conversation takes 30. In both instances I have stopped her and restated everything and asked her if I am hearing her right and she agrees but then starts again. Most of these things are thing I have 0 control over so outside of letting her know I hear her there is nothing I can do. If it's something I can do I restate what my direction will be from now on and she agrees... But then loops again. I thought this may be a me thing but this past fall she came home upset because her otherwise glowing yearly review at work had a section about essentially her looping. Someone would mess up something at work. It was noted and was really inconsequential but fixed but she seems to bring it up over and over again to a point her bosses noticed. My worry has shifted now to my son (8m). Recently he got in trouble at school for talking during work time. It's an issue and needs to be corrected but she is constantly bringing it up every time they interact like he did something heinous. We both had a talk with him and told him our expectations and he received a punishment and we need to make sure he follows through, but we don't need to harp on him day in and day out. In some instances I have been "stern" with her and tell her "you keep saying the same thing. You agreed with everything I said when I restated your argument, we need to move on from this" Any advice on how to handle this?
You've never tried talking about this during a neutral time and seeing if she even noticed it??? That is always the first place you start. Seems like something she might need to address in therapy if she's not even mindful that she's doing it.