Help My Relationship

You don't know me. You have no reason to trust me. But you're not sure who else to ask or confide in. So give me a try! I'll do my best to give you compassionate, thoughtful advice to whatever your relationship conundrum for whatever type of relationship (professional, platonic, romantic, sexual, monogomous, non-monogamous, vanilla, kinky, complicated, etc.). It's just internet advice. If you don't like it, you don't have to take it. What could it hurt to ask?

[help-my-relationship]

I (39M) Slept With A (Potentially) Mentally Ill Woman (35F). Not Sure How To Handle?

Met a woman recently on a dating app. Ended up sexting pretty quickly. She sorta started the sexting and I was intrigued. I got somewhat weird vibes from her on text. Bypassing my better judgement, we agreed to have sex at a hotel. (Both our places were not an option.) She said she had not been with a man in a long time.

The vibes were somewhat weird when we met. We spent about 20 minutes talking before the sex. I was thinking with the wrong head.

During sex at one point, I noticed tears running down her face. But she wasn't crying. Didn't seem to be in pain. I stopped and asked if anything was wrong and she told me no and that she wanted to keep going.

A few hours after I dropped her off she texted me saying I was amazing in bed and lovely to her in general.

The next day she texted me that the sex had awaken something in her.

The following day she tells me she is having trouble focusing on anything but me.

I do not want to see her again. She knows my first name, has my phone number, and knows what town I live in. I have a unique first name. Probably could find my address online with effort.

I have not responded to her last text. (More compliments about me.) I don't want to tell her I don't want to see her again. I fear this will emit a dramatic and scary response and action. For now, I think the best thing to do is become distant on text and if she says she wants to see me again, which she will, I'll just make up an excuse.

I would however really appreciate any and all advice. Jokes and/or negative responses will immediately be blocked.

asdfghjkl; omfg im SCREAMING are you accusing a woman of being mentally ill because she enjoyed having sex with you??? 😂 Talk about telling on yourself

[help-my-relationship]

Seeking perspective: How to interpret my partner's "tactless" comments and behaviors? (26F, 26M)

I (26F) am dating my second "consistent" partner (26M, virgin). After years of chaotic exes, I value the stability and loyalty he brings. However, he has zero relationship experience, and I’m struggling to understand if his behavior is just extreme social clumsiness or a sign of low investment/attraction.

I’m recently unemployed, and I’m finding myself questioning if he actually likes me or if I’m just "practice" for him. I need outside perspective on whether these behaviors are common for inexperienced men, or if they signal a fundamental lack of respect:

Tactless critiques: He frequently makes unsolicited comments about my appearance (height, skin tone, underyes, etc.). For example, he told me I looked better in a different outfit than the pajamas I was wearing, i got mad and he said he was very sorry.

Sexualizing others: He stares at other women and once made a "joke" post-intimacy about "being able to" sleep with my roommates.

He is obssesed with his hobbies, and has a hard time paying attention to certain things about me.

I keep wondering: Is this just "inexperience," or do these behaviors point to a lack of genuine attraction and respect? If a partner acts this way, are they just "dumb with their words," or is this how they act when they aren't actually invested in the person they are with?

I look for a long term partner not someone that isn´t shure about me and will dump me once we finds a girl he founds prettier or that is truly his type.

You know there's a difference between "better than the absolute shitshow I'm used to" and "actually healthy" right?

[help-my-relationship]

I(M 23) am dating this girl(F 38). I want to take a big risk for her. Any advice ?

So as the title says, I've been seeing this girl that I really like. She's 38 and she's working as a teacher now, while I'm doing my bachelor's degree and I'm in my first year. The thing is, I recently got chosen for a scholarship at a way better city and university, which is going to help so much for my future career. But even though everyone is telling me to go there, I'm still thinking about staying in my current university and city to be with the girl. My friends told me I shouldn't risk that much for a girl. But they don't know how I feel. I feel like she's my soulmate and that we were destined to be together. We've got such chemistry. I'm here just to ask you guys for some advice on what to do. It's between staying in my current city with her or moving to a better city and university with the high risk of messing the relationship up. I'll follow what you guys recommend. If you have your own stories, please share them.

If this relationship is really that good, then she will completely and fully support you in building your career and you'll make long distance work or this destiny you're talking about will bring you back together later since you're meant to be together.

[crabussy]

I saw an anonymous ask that got sent to an artist I follow that was along the lines of "I need an outlet for my stress, and being mean to people makes me feel good" and I would really like to say. to anyone who is mean to others for the thrill of it. I understand you completely and I was EXACTLY the same a few years ago. you're right!! it DOES feel good!!!!

for a few minutes.

[crabussy]

and then you feel even worse than you did before. you're not "letting off steam", you're building a dependence on bullying, and you WILL end up with misery as your default emotional state. even if you don't behave this way to your loved ones, it WILL start showing.

I've had to distance myself from friends whose main form of entertainment seemed to be upsetting strangers over harmless disagreements. play a stressful video game. join a sports team. get into media analysis and get angry at a shitty tv show. there are ways to blow off steam that won't make you a miserable person who has a hard time finding ways to relax.

[crabussy]

if I got out of that "get angry -> take it out on people -> feel good -> feel worse and need an outlet -> repeat" cycle, that means it's possible.

as soon as my efforts to escape that cycle started paying off, I was NOTICEABLY less stressed, I was VISIBLY healthier, and the urge to fight with people died down.

[crabussy]

these days, I'm quick to delight, I find it very easy to be kind to people, and I can calm myself down before jumping to conclusions. and I can tell you with absolute certainty that life feels IMMEASURABLY more enjoyable this way. my good days outnumber my bad days 10 to 1 despite the fact that I still deal with the same things I used to, and those bad days are much easier than they used to be anyway.

[crabussy]

but how do you even escape? what's the first step?

the next time you find yourself itching to lash out at someone to get that good rush of anger, try taking it to private dms with a friend who gets you! this stops the person you're angry at from responding and continuing the argument, which helps that reward-response feeling fizzle out.

from there, try a high-focus-high-stress fun activity instead of talking about it AT ALL. like I said earlier! video games! horror movies! go for a bike ride at full speed! let the cortisol and adrenaline or whatever it might be course through you until you feel calmer.

once you've got that down as a skill, you could even try flipping that anger on its head. MAKE something out of it. someone's artstyle pisses you off? make your own art the way YOU think it should be. someone hates something you like? talk with your friends about how that same something brings you joy, and why!

best of luck. been there. this isn't meant to be patronising or condescending. I don't know better than you. I only know how good it feels, and how bad it can be for you and the people you care about.

[help-my-relationship]

What boundaries or comfort can i (24F) offer when moving in to my (22M) boyfriend’s family’s home with few days notice?

we have been best friends since last year, dating for the past 6 months. i (24F) am bengali and spiritual, and they are indigenous ecuadorian and catholic. due to divorce-related trauma, bf (22M) never felt comfortable to introduce anyone to his family and they had no idea we were dating. i understand the feeling, as i was raised muslim. most of our relationship has been healthy & happy, and today he did a really scary thing: asking his dad if i can move in for a few months. and dad said yes!! it was bf's idea to offer, bc i'm a victim of DV from my own family, became hospitalized for over a month, and after trying many ways to afford housing, my only other option would be shelters. we didn't want this to be a last second thing ofc. but i really wanna do my best to make this transition as comfortable as possible for everyone involved. i want to contribute with rent and chores too. current lease is ending & moving out this weekend ;-;

family is super shy & quiet, and his parents don't speak english fluently, so i plan to pick up duolingo. he has 3 younger siblings in hs/ms. divorced parents living together, but dad + his partner live in the basement. many dogs!!!! bf is very independent, values mundane quality time, is introverted but high-energy for dancing/djing, silly, very passionate & busy w his career in film. family does community & advocacy work. we are both neurodivergent & would be gone most hours of the day, working. im extroverted, also silly & put my film career on pause (looking for any job now), value words of affirmation the most and then quality time, highly communicative, and independent but also very emotional and sensitive to abandonment & disassociate a lot. he has grown into someone more "chalant", and me "nonchalant", which we're happy about. i am approachable & bubbly, but probably not the type of person they expect for their son. we're religiously & culturally different, plus i have tattoos and a septum lol. i worry it will suffocate us social-battery wise that im sharing his bedroom (we thought i'd be in the guest bedroom). i especially worry for the shock it puts on his siblings. we aren't getting engaged or anything, and everything about this is new, so soon, and scary.

I'm glad you're okay and that you're getting to leave a dangerous situation! My two pieces of advice are to 1) not wait to be invited to help. If you're eating together, when you're done, just jump right into helping to wash dishes. If you cook, make sure to clean up after yourself. That kind of thing. And 2) I know you know this, but treat this as temporary. Go in with a plan on saving money and looking for another living situation. Don't try to put it off for as long as possible. Make sure you've got a workable plan for getting out and it doesn't look like you're just moving in forever.

[help-my-relationship]

My (F34) boyfriend (M33) randomly started the most bizarre argument

I (F34) have been with my boyfriend (M33) for over 4 years. We havnt had a fight in about 4 months. Things are going great. Today I had a job interview for a full time position and I left feeling so confident and really happy. I explained all of this to my partner. Helen Keller could of noticed how confident and happy I felt.

I am currently working as a transcriptionist monday - friday at home and on the weekends I do disability support.

I called him yesterday afternoon to tell him I received free tickets to a really major event last night. He said he didnt want to go because he had work early the next day (which is totally underatandable). He called me back a short time after and his entire mood had shifted. He was asking about the event and said "you wouldnt understand because you dont work" i responded with "I do work" and then he unleased on me. He told me I sit on my ass all day, that i wouldnt know what real work is and that i have absolutely no work ethic and that all i want is hand outs". I went from feeling so happy and confident to completely defeated.

To be clear, I dont ask for hand outs. Ive never asked for money, ive been there for HIM financially.

He hasnt spoken to me since.

My nervous system was not coping at all yesterday, I felt sick, my whole body was shaking, I couldn't speak.

I just dont understand it, I feel like no matter what I do i am just never enough.

How do I respond to all of this? Ive messaged a few times but im being left on read. I really need some advice.

I'd straight up block his ass and consider it over. If I needed to send a message, it might be along the lines of "Don't ever fucking contact me again". There are some lines you just don't cross. His behavior was absolutely ridiculously unacceptable.

[help-my-relationship]

I (20F) am not sure if my relationship of 3 years with my bf (19M) will work out. I really need advice from a fresh set of ears.

Sorry for the long post but I really really want advice about this. I'm going to try and explain it the best I can. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now, since junior year of highschool and now we're almost in our second year of college. He comes from a very conservative background (my family is super chill). We have always had to keep our relationship very secretive so that others don't find out, and even if someone does, we stay really really really under the radar. To this point that we've never had a date, just the two of us, in 3 years. Never. He is really sweet and always looks out for me and he always wants the best for me. I know that very well. He's genuinely such a kind and sweet and supportive guy. He helped me more in the final year of high school more than he worked on himself. He's super talented and a great guy overall. But somewhere inside, I do know that it will not work out in the future because of his background and even if it does, I'll be the one to adjust. He family is borderline crazy strict. An example, we went out to the movies once (had a friend, difficult to plan but we made it work, we've only done it once) and we decided to grab a bite afterwards. His parents literally started calling him just as the movie finished to check on him because they knew how long the movie was and wanted to know when he'd be back. Didn't even give him 5-10 extra mins. He goes out with his friends, never for more than 2 hours. Being a borderline adult male, it's crazy how controlling they are. Many more examples but why go there. Family background is very important in my country and I know if I ever marry him, I'll be the one adjusting to their wishes. Even if you remove the family, he doesn't like so many of my habits that don't match with his culture (for example, I eat non-veg and he's a strict vegetarian and he's never liked that about me and keeps subtly insulting that). Then there's another thing. He is great really but he is kind of a miser. It's always, I'll get you this later or that later and never let me try and show efforts. I'd never ask him to spend a lot of money on me but any girl likes to see some effort, right? I literally always keep giving him things, I'm artsy so I've given tons of handmade and actual gifts, tons. I've done the give the same number of gifts as the age they're turning, extra special valentine's day, simple things every once in a while, I've always tried my best. Him? I think I've only ever gotten 5 gifts overall, including my birthday and valentine's and everything in 3 years. I have done at least 5 times more than that, at least. Again, I don't want him to spend money, but at least he could try? I have never even received a bouquet from him all this time and I've given him handmade and actual bouquets. My mum knows almost everything and she's told me multiple times to look out for a new guy because she knows it won't work out in the long term because of the cultural difference. But it scares me, you know? Leaving him, being single when all of my friends are dating, who would I talk to? I'm scared of being alone and leaving behind a great guy. And the reason I wrote the whole paragraph about gifts and everything is because that really matters to me. My love language is gift giving and I've seen how beautifully my friends' boyfriends treat them and it really hurts knowing I've never had that. It's not really an effort from his side if I have to beg him to show some effort. Any advice if my relationship is worth saving and putting effort in?

You're gonna do what you're gonna do, but wow. I do hope you don't waste time in what sounds like a rather mediocre relationship and miss out on a lot of the good things you could be experiencing instead out of some misguided sense of caving to your anxiety.

And why don't you and your friends talk if you're in a relationship??? Those are some pretty shitty friendships. Maybe one of the things you can do to overcome your fear is go out and do some things and meet some people and build some better friendships that aren't just about being single or whatever.

[help-my-relationship]

My (26M) GF (23F) refuses to argue in person, how do I remedy this?

My girlfriend (23F) and I (26M) have been dating for almost 2 years. Honestly, there’s very little negative I can say about the relationship itself. We have a strong foundation, communicate well in most areas, and I genuinely see a future with her. The one recurring issue we have is how we argue. About 90% of our conflicts happen entirely over text. I’m not exaggerating. We can spend the whole day together, everything seems fine, and then the moment I get home I’ll receive a long text explaining something I said or did that upset her. I’ve brought up multiple times that I don’t think this is sustainable long-term. Texting during arguments feels counterproductive to me because tone gets lost, misunderstandings drag things out, and there’s no emotional release or resolution the way there is when two people actually talk things through face-to-face or at least over the phone. It also feels unnatural to me to avoid discussing issues in person with your partner. Her response is usually that she “just can’t get herself to do it” in person. I try to be understanding about that. I know people have different communication styles, past experiences, anxieties, etc. But I’m starting to feel like there’s no real effort to meet me halfway here. Outside of this issue, she’s very outgoing, confident, smart, and accomplished professionally. She communicates with people all day at work, so it’s not like she’s incapable of difficult conversations in general. It’s specifically conflict in the relationship where she seems to completely shut down. I've tried being soft and understanding, but that doesn't really seem to change anything, and just makes me feel like a punching bag or emotionally drained and unsatisfied. I've tried playing hardball and telling her I'm not going to continue the argument unless its on the phone or in person, but then she tells me that I'm leaving her to process her emotions alone. For me, being able to work through conflict verbally is probably a non-negotiable in a long-term relationship. I love and care about her a lot, but I’m starting to lose patience waiting for this to improve or for her to make an effort to compromise. How do you approach this kind of issue?

If she doesn't want to change, she's not going to. She has a lot of options for sitting down and working on this. You do not. You have extended your best option already, which was to communicate and hope she agreed. She didn't. She told you this is what you get. So, your limited options are:

Lay down an ultimatum. She figures out how to address this (therapy is never a bad idea) and genuinely works on it or you're out. This requires some sort of time limit. Not a definitive "you need to be perfect by [x]" but "I need to see real change and effort by [x]".

Make your peace with it and decide all the good is worth putting up with this.

Hold your tongue and wait it out and hope she matures with more time and is willing to do this growth without prompting.

You can always continue to fruitlessly argue about this, but that's going to erode things in a really bad way for both of you, so I really don't suggest it. You can continue trying to discuss it for a while, but eventually this route just turns into the above: arguments. Especially since she's not on the same page about wanting to change this.

[help-my-relationship]

I (24M) and my boyfriend (25M) are being forced apart by circumstances, unless I stay?

I moved to the other side of the world last year and have since met who I can only describe as the love of my life (yes, I know I'm only 24 but I'm totally smitten so just allow it). I only planned on being in Australia for about a year before I would then move back to Ireland, and part of me would have felt ready to go back had 6 months ago I not met this guy. I cannot begin to describe how much I idolise this man and how much he has grown to mean to me. I've never felt this way about somebody before, (especially a man as I had only ever been with women before), and the connection I feel we have is so real. We get on so well on multiple levels and part of me feels as though I will never meet someone quite like him ever again. I see myself growing old with him. It's always been on the cards that I was to be going back to Ireland (I have an Aussie passport so it's not a visa issue). I could stay here, but I'd have to give up my job I have lined up at home and do a career change. I'm far away from my friends and family, who I miss dearly, and he is not able to move with me. The thought of leaving makes my chest hurt and go cold. It's all I can think about, trying to work out what I should do, whether I'll regret having left or resent staying somewhere I didn't plan on being. I almost feel as though I'm posting on here for someone to tell me to stay (it's what I want to hear), but deep down I know I need to follow my head and continue with my life. Leaving feels totally insurmountable. It will destroy me.

It's honestly really concerning to me anytime I see someone saying they idolize someone they're dating, especially not that they'll die without this person. That's not healthy, babes. You want a partnership. You're not, like, a priest worshiping a god. This man is a person. He's certainly not perfect. He's got flaws and problems and issues like anyone else. Your telling use of the word idolize and the length of this relationship let me know this is lust. This is the honeymoon phase. You do not really know this man yet. Don't give up your life and family for a man you've put up on a pedestal because that's a hard crash.

Best case scenario, you destroy this relationship yourself because he can't balance on that pedestal forever, and he's eventually gonna run away from your standards and expectations rather than let you down. Best case.

You can always stay in contact long distance and continue getting to know each other. Make a decision once that shine wears off because I promise you, he's got skeletons in his closet just like anybody else, and you're nowhere near discovering them at this point.

[help-my-relationship]

My (51M) fiancé’s asking for 50/50 for me (41F) to go to visit his family

My fiancé (51M) (finance over 200k salary) has planned a trip to visit his family in England for our summer trip. Then we’re spending a week in South of France. He’s already made me pay for my flight and then said that we’ll only split hotel 60/40 (so it’s not fully 50/50). I’m a (41F) who is consulting while I look for work. I have savings and can definitely afford the trip but I cannot be more turned off. I don’t even know how to handle this situation. I men, the man did make me cover half the cost of my miscarriage surgery so I shouldn’t expect anything less. But I feel like I’m spiraling inside. How do you all handle this situation?

You're engaged, so I would have to presume you two have had plenty of discussions and are on the same page financially, so quite frankly, I have no idea what your question is. If you're not happy in this relationship, what in the earth are you getting engaged for? Your post is just all over the place. How is he making you pay for these things in a trip you both agreed to and will presumably both contribute to? Are you an active participant in your own life (and relationship) or not? If not, that sounds like a You Issue.

[help-my-relationship]

My (M35) friend (M41) is dying and I have a difficult choice to make.

My friend Roy has been married for about 15 years to his wife Sara (F35). At the end of last summer Roy was diagnosed with cancer. The prognosis was bleak from the start and it’s pretty clear he’s getting to the end of the road now. Here’s the problem: I’m around 95% sure that I’m the father of Roy and Sara’s 10 year old daughter. One night about ten years ago, Sara and I were really drunk, her and Roy had been having problems and to make a long story short, we slept together. It was one time, it was a mistake, and her and Roy went on living life. Shortly thereafter she found out she was pregnant and I met the person that I eventually married. The child looks a lot like me, but Roy’s never seemed to notice. Sara and I both have pretty similar features so he’s always just chalked it up to the girl taking after her mom. Sara also said the math makes more sense for me to be the father. Last time we spoke I told him my wife and I will help Sara however I can after he’s gone, and years ago I set aside money for a college fund for her (which my wife doesn’t know about). So here’s the question: do I tell him? Would you want to know if you were in his shoes? If I let him die without knowing do I eventually tell the girl? I’m ready to live with the guilt of not telling him, but part of me wonders if I would want to know if the roles were reversed.

Why the fuck would you even consider destroying your dying friend like this??? JFC, who needs enemies with friends like you around?

[help-my-relationship]

How can I (27F) stop myself impulsivly lying and ruining my relationship with my partner? (27F)

How can I stop myself impulsively lying and ruining my relationship?

I'm a 27 year old woman, and I can't stop impulsively lying about things no matter how small.

To get this out of the way, I grew up in an abusive house, where I quickly learnt how to lie, and always seem presentable to avoid consequences from my parents; justified or otherwise.

However, I can't stop.

Just today, my partner (27F) asked me if I injected my estrogen yesterday, and I immediately said yes. When she asked me what time at, I started fumbling for a time and she immediately shut me down by saying she saw the full syringe on the table when she got home last night.

I felt this hot flush of anxiety, dread and embarrassment that I was called out by her, yet again.

Because this isn't the first time something like this has happened and it's reaching a boiling point for me because I don't want to lose her trust or make her feel like I think she's stupid!

I've tried to be mindful, and even pre & post-conversations, I'll try to remember techniques to keep me focused. But then as soon as she asks me about something like this, and I start talking I feel this flight or fight response kick in.

Which sucks because my partner is the sweetest, kindest, gentlest woman on the planet, and I've loved the seven years we've been together yet I'm still reacting to her the same way I'd react to my dad squaring up and interrogating me.

I know that I wouldn't be "in trouble" the same way I was with my parents, and I can't imagine how exhausting this all is for her to deal with.

If anyone has any tips or tricks or something I'm not getting because I don't want my bad habits and impulses to ruin my relationship.

If you aren't ready for traditional talk therapy yet, I really can't recommend EMDR enough.

[libraford]

Advice I gave someone today was: 'do it stupid.'

She wants to learn photography. Do it stupid. Take a million photos. Don't think about why they're not good. Enjoy the process of taking photos.

Pick out tge ones you like the most and figure out why you like them. Is it because the subject is centered? Is it because you caught them doing something cool? Is it because the light made cool shadows?

Do it stupid. If you try to do it smart, youll get stuck. If you think too much you'll never get to doing. Do it stupid.

[etherdiver]

Holy shit

[quill-ting]

This is honestly how I started quilting! I had fabric, I had a knowledge of backstitch, I had a quilting magazine. I asked "how hard can it be?" and now here we are. Just have fun and give it a go!

[help-my-relationship]

My boyfriend 24M never reaches out after fights unless I 25F come back first how do I handle this?

So whenever i fight with my boyfriend and stop texting or calling him , it’s usually the most time that i go back to him , asking him why he cant just text me call me ,? And after we make up , when we get to normal he tells me he froze and does not understand what to do , he miss me, stalks my profile and admires our pictures but never gets the nerve to call or text me . And he really loves that i always come back. But this is not healthy to me because it makes me feel my wrong and feeling neglected or breakup in heat of the moment and he’ll never come to me to resolve our issues. And i have to be the one to go back . And thats not easy because he’ll be rude not disrespectful but rude , why you wanna talk now i dont wanna talk, dont call me , text me , we are over . The thing is i really love him and i dont know what to do. Even when we end up not talking for couple of days , i miss him to the extend that my chest hurts. Or when we breakup of or something i feel fine for 24-36 hrs and then i start getting depressed. I could never imagine my life without him, like its impossible to think or imagine my life without him in it . But him not trying to make up makes me feel a little disrespectful to my self respect.

Grief gets better, but you have to be willing to go through it. If you can stand this shitty, toxic relationship, I promise, you can make it through the effort of grieving it. You may find this easier with the support of a therapist to talk to.

Useful: https://dbt.tools/distress_tolerance/index.php

[help-my-relationship]

I (28F) think my friend (27 F) stole from me

My best friend and I have been best friends since elementary school. While in middle school, sometimes I would go to her house and see my perfume (that I didn’t give her) sitting in her room, or a shirt I had been looking for. During high school we visited a mutual friend, and my friend in question went through her parents medicine cabinet and was going to steal her pain meds (the mutual friends mom just finished chemo and was in remission for breast cancer). I told her not to, and that is the last time I have ever experienced her stealing or trying to steal. She has openly talked about how she was a klepto over the years and from my understanding, she deeply regrets it. The other day she and a mutual friend picked me up from my home to go get some drinks. I had just gotten home from a family event so I took my earrings off and left them on the bathroom counter, as I usually do, and changed into some comfier clothes. When she got to my house she asked to use my bathroom really quick. She used the bathroom and left. That night we were having deep convos about our childhood and she brought up how she thinks she was a klepto in the past because she was never shown attention at home. Yesterday I was getting ready to go to another family event and my earrings are nowhere to be found. I’ve looked in every room in my house, in my car, everywhere. I always take them off in the bathroom and it occurred to me that she was the only one besides my husband in my bathroom since I took them off. Now I am just frustrated because although the earrings weren’t expensive (I think they were cheap Amazon/target earrings), they still were my favorite pair that I wore everywhere and now I am having to question whether my friend did it. If you were in my position, is it easier to just move forward and hide things around her from now on or would you confront your friend?

Why would I hide and tiptoe around a friend stealing from me??? That's very weird behavior. Why is not triggering her rightful shame at stealing from me more important than my feelings about a friend I'm trusting around my house stealing from me? I'm just calling the friend up and letting her know I need those earrings back, and if she argues about it, I firmly affirm I'm not attacking her but I we both know she has a stealing problem, and that I want the earrings back. Clearly you value her friendship, so just approach this calmly and directly.

[help-my-relationship]

My(26M) Gf(23F) has a history of constantly breaking up during conflicts and this time she decided to shit talk about me to her last ex. How do I move on and get over this?

This has been a relationship of almost a year with constant breakups during conflicts. So far it might have happened almost around 20 times. None of them ever initiated by me since I genuinely saw her as someone I’d want to marry. While for her it hasn’t been the case and I immediately get broken up with and blocked. I have always been available to her through all of it trying to understand where I went wrong completely ignoring where she could be wrong. Unfortunately during the last break up she decided to talk to her ex sharing everything bad about me. There were a few moments where he laughed at me while she was talking shit. He tried to invite her out for which she asked the time and day and then made an excuse later. She also shared screenshots of a few of my emails where I might have been begging and was really vulnerable. Things I would avoid letting anyone at all ever see. The thing is she also deleted some of the texts right in front of me without letting me see. Something which happened in my last rs too and I immediately broke up with that ex. But with her I still tried to tell her that I am willing to work through this if she wants to put in the work as well. She was really apologetic and it felt like things would turn for the better.

You've broken up 20 times in less than a year, and you think this relationship is marriage worthy?

I'm sorry, but do you also believe the Earth is flat???

Please seek some therapy to work on your mental health and self-esteem because nobody who likes themselves puts up with toxic bullshit like this. You deserve better.

[notlayingroses]

Everything I read about recovering from burnout is like “it takes months or even years to fully recover” and it’s like okay…. I have a weekend before I gotta clock in on Monday

[hellothanksjellyfish]

Just gonna leave this here