How to Love
Title: How to Love
Word Count: 2863
Author’s Note: I don’t own anything or anyone in the Harry Potter franchise. If I did, I wouldn’t be writing fanfiction about them on Tumblr hahahah T.T ANYWAYS, I got this idea that it would be hard for Draco to say “I love you” while walking home a couple weeks ago and then I wrote this thing and please be gentle and nice to me but anyways, enjoy this thing, or don’t enjoy it either, that’s cool too.
It’s been three years since Draco agreed to go on his first, and arguably most awkward, date with Harry and two years since Harry clumsily handed Draco the key to his apartment and mumbled that it would make it easier for Draco to “come and go” as he pleased. Draco brought everything--that could fit that is-- and never left. Even then, despite all the holidays, dates, birthdays, and anniversaries, Draco never told Harry he loved him
On their first Christmas together, while helping Molly decorate, Draco managed to tangle himself up in the lights. Harry walked asking where Draco could be because dinner was ready and everyone was waiting for him. He immediately burst out laughing because Draco-whose -hair-never-fell-out-place-and-shirt-always-pressed-Malfoy was tangled in Christmas lights and pouted like a five year old as he sat on the floor. Harry helped untangle Draco, the muggle way though since it took longer and made Draco’s ears go red, and as Draco muttered something that suspiciously sounded like “Why do we even put lights on trees anyways?” while Harry finally untied the last knot. Harry couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.
“I love you.”
And instead of hearing the words said back to him and the scene ending in sweet kisses under the mistletoe, Harry felt Draco’s body stiffen as he struggled with words, opening and closing his mouth. Disappointment is too gentle of a word to describe Harry’s emotions as he slowly let his arms fall from around the slender, blonde man. As he turned around to hide his face, he felt Draco tug on his sleeve. They stood like that for a couple seconds, Harry with his back facing his lover, Draco, still sitting with his face turned towards the ground, holding Harry’s arm by the sleeve. Harry heard Draco clear his mouth before shakily saying “I know.” They held hands as they went down to dinner.
Draco knew he was in trouble one early December morning. It hadn’t been the first time Draco stayed the night at Harry’s and he yanked open one of Harry’s drawers and rummaged through until he found one of Harry’s Weasley Sweaters. Draco was taller, but Harry was broader, making his clothes fit loosely on Draco’s slim figure. He went through his normal routine without much thought, humming to himself. When he finally emerged from the bathroom, he was stunned by the sight he found. Harry wore a different Weasley Sweater (this one happened to be maroon) and grey joggers. He sat with a book in his lap on the couch. Draco had seen Harry like this many times but maybe it was the way the sun shone through the blinds or the crisp winter air in the living room mixing with the warmth from the soft fireplace. Either way, Draco felt his breath hitch as Harry ran his fingers through his hair because how could someone be some breathtaking? Harry turned a page of the book he was reading and Draco felt dread replace adoration as he groaned inwardly.
“Oh my God, I’m in love with Harry Potter.” he thought to himself.
Harry finally noticed Draco leaning on one shoulder against the doorframe.
“Good morning.” he said with a soft smile.
Draco slowly padded over before drawing his body over Harry’s and snuggling his face into the crook of Harry’s neck.
“Good morning.” he murmured against Harry’s skin. Draco kept this little revelation to himself, he didn’t need to go around proclaiming his love to everyone. Draco was also just slightly afraid--what if Potter didn’t love him back? What if saying those words scared him away and Draco would be thrown aside again? So instead telling Harry, Draco made sure the words never slipped from his mouth, even accidentally, even when Harry washed the dishes.
Draco hates dishes. Draco doesn’t mind cooking, in fact, he definitely prefers keeping Harry out of the kitchen when there are knives involved. Draco hates cleaning. On the other hand, Harry doesn’t mind washing the dishes, an appalling fact for Draco. Harry just shrugs every time Draco asks him. Maybe it’s because of all the dishes he washed at the Dursley’s. Either way, after dinner, Draco likes to sit on the counter next to the sink while watching Harry wash the dishes. Sometimes Draco hangs his long legs over the side and leans back onto his hands as he complains about the administrative procedures from the office or another Daily Prophet reporter tried sneaking into the Department of Mysteries again. This always makes Harry pry as he tries to figure out more about Draco’s work. Draco lives up to his title as an Unspeakable and seals his lips, which earns him a splash of sink water from Harry. These nights contain shrieking laughter as the two tickle each other and almost always end up with Harry wrapped in Draco’s legs leaning against the counter as he cranes his neck to kiss the taller man. Other nights are quieter. Draco sits on the counter, hugs his legs to his chest, and rests his head against his knees as he watches Harry. Harry chuckles and tells Draco that staring is rude. Draco ignores him and stares anyways. Tonight was one of those nights, Draco watching Harry quietly, Harry trying to hide his content smile from seeing those grey eyes under white-blonde eyelashes. Ever since the morning epiphany two weeks ago, Draco has been more content with just watching Harry. He feels his heart swell as he watches Harry load the dishes onto the drying rack before leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms as he meets Draco’s gaze and smiles.
“I love you.” Draco thinks to himself before unraveling his legs and pulling Harry in for an embrace. “I love you.” He thinks again when he feels Harry press soft kisses on the top of his head.
Honestly speaking, Draco should’ve just helped in the kitchen. Instead, Harry insisted on decorating the Christmas tree with him when he found out Draco never decorated a Christmas tree before. The only thing left to do was to wrap the lights around the tree when Harry got called to help Arthur work the blender, apparently he wanted to make cookies the muggle way, Draco decided to start on the lights by himself. He pulled the lights out of the box and didn’t notice how one end caught around his ankle. Before long, he found himself on the ground with the lights wrapped around him and his wand out of reach. He was just mumbling to himself about the what a waste of energy lights on trees were when Harry finally walked back before laughing at the scene in front of him. He bent down to help Harry in probably the slowest way possible. Draco couldn’t be more grateful that Harry couldn’t see his face as he felt his cheeks flush red by the gentle brushes of skin between the two as Harry worked on untangling a knot behind Draco’s back.
“I love you.”
Draco stiffened. Did he just accidentally tell Harry he loved him? Harry began pulling away from Draco as the lights around him fell and Draco just gaped at him before realizing Harry had said the words. Before he could reply, Harry got up and turned to walk out of the door before Draco caught Harry’s sleeve in his hand. He couldn’t bring himself to look up in case Harry was looking back at him. He felt the words behind his lips but when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. He cleared his throat and tried again before replying with “I know.” The walk down to dinner was quiet.
The rest of their evening was tense, even Ron questioned if everything between them was ok. But that night, Draco realized how much he loved Harry. Somehow, in a bed that barely fit two grown-sized men (and yes, Draco did complain about it at first but he secretly loved how close it forced him to be with Harry) Harry managed to assemble himself so that he wasn’t touching Draco at all. Draco felt the threat of tears overcome him as he felt the tingling hot pressure behind his eyes while he stared at Harry’s back. Just as Draco began to imagine all the things Harry would say when he broke up with him after their visit with the Weasleys, he felt Harry turn around and land his arm around Draco’s waist. Draco lay frozen in place before trying to squirm out of Harry’s grasp. Instead, Harry’s hold only tightened around him as he pulled Draco in closer to his chest. Draco strained his neck to look at Harry only to find him still asleep, face in a content smile. Draco felt his own lips also draw into a foolish smile. He didn’t care as he snuggled closer into Harry’s shoulder.
At New Years, when the clock struck midnight, Draco and Harry cheered in celebration as they let fireworks jet from their wands in the field in front of the Burrow before locking in a warm embrace. Harry leaned up and kissed Draco gently.
“I love you.” He whispered. Harry felt his hopes rise when he felt Draco’s lips pull into a small smile against his own.
“Happy New Year.” Draco responded.
Harry tried to keep his face from falling. “Happy new year.”
Despite the lack of response from Draco, Harry insisted on telling him he loved him. He made it a point to tell him at least three times a week. Every time Harry said it though, he couldn’t help but feel slightly hurt as he watched Draco’s shoulders tense and as his lips became a thin line before kissing Harry, coughing and looking the other way, or ignoring Harry all together. By Valentine’s Day, as they lay next to each other in the sheets, Harry told Draco he loved him again. Draco simply kissed the top of Harry’s head.
“I know.” He whispered before pulling Harry closer and falling asleep. Harry couldn’t fight the silent tears that night.
Draco knew he did something wrong, he just couldn’t figure out what. Draco thought they had spent a lovely Valentine’s Day together. They had started out at a muggle cafe for an amazing brunch, walked around in the park, visited his aunt Andromeda and baby Teddy. The two then stopped by Ron and Hermione’s place afterwards and the four arrived at a very fancy restaurant together for dinner. After their dessert wine and hearing Ron whine about the receptionist who refuses to process any of his requests, the two couples parted ways where Harry and Draco headed home for a very romantic night in together. That night Harry had told Draco he loved him again and at this point, Draco responded automatically--except not with the right words. For some reason, maybe because he’s rarely said the words and has even more rarely heard them spoken, Draco still couldn’t say it back. Yet the following week, Harry didn’t tell Draco he loved him once, which was odd, because Potter declared his love to him at least twice a week. Draco waited to see if Harry would at least passive-aggressively tell him whatever was bothering him, but the second and third week after Valentine’s Day came and went and Harry acted the same as always except he still wouldn’t tell Draco that he loved him and for once, Draco couldn’t figure out what he did this time. By the fourth week, Draco decided he had nothing wrong and that skirting the issue wouldn’t resolve anything. He barely picked at his dinner that night and when Harry asked him what was wrong, he couldn’t stop the sharpness in his voice.
“Honestly Potter if you’re upset with me then just say so. Stop acting like nothing is wrong and pretending everything is fine. I’m not as dull as you are.” Harry just stared at him wide eyed..
“Why do you think there’s something wrong?” Harry asked cautiously and now it was Draco’s eyes that became wide because did he imagine the entire thing?
“You...stopped telling me you loved me...so I thought I must’ve done something to upset you,” Draco said quickly while looking down at his twisting hands. “But you kept acting like nothing was wrong and I wasn’t sure what I did and--why am I explaining myself? You explain yourself. This is your fault Potter, I can’t believe you-” but Draco’s rant was cut short by seeing Harry laugh behind his hand from across the table. “And what is it do you find so amusing?” Draco demanded.
Harry watched as Draco’s cheeks flush a beautiful pink as he mumbled and after the first sentence, he couldn’t help but start laughing. Draco did seem a little off the past couple of weeks but Harry never realized it was because he had stopped telling Draco he loved him.
“And what is it do you find so amusing?” Draco demanded but even that couldn’t stop him from the laugh that stemmed from amusement and relief. So hearing the words hadn’t bothered him. All this time, Harry thought he was pushing Draco too hard and was worried Draco would start pushing him away. He should’ve considered the Draco might’ve just been not ready or unable to say the words himself. Draco liked to hear that Harry loved him. Draco wanted to hear that Harry loved him. When he finally caught his breath again, he walked around the table, took Draco’s hand, and looked him straight in the eyes.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Harry looked at the clock as he pulled on his jacket and furrowed his eyebrows. Draco was going to be late for work. Draco was never late for work. Draco also never skipped breakfast. If Draco still needed to make breakfast, he would most definitely be late for work. Harry sighed before slipping out of his shoes and took of his jacket. He padded to the kitchen to start making Draco breakfast. If one of them was going to be late, Harry preferred it to be him. Harry was usually late and rarely seen in the office on time. Draco was anal about showing up on time. He heard the bedroom door wrench open and the bathroom door slam close moments later as Draco moved about, frantically getting ready while muttering to himself the entire time.
“Cannot believe I missed my alarm...never been late in six years… Potter must be a bad influence… figures when you’ve been with someone so long…” Harry heard Draco grumble. Harry smiled to himself, their third anniversary was in two weeks and while Draco still hadn’t told Harry he loved him, Harry no longer minded. Mostly because Harry said it often enough for the both of them now.
“Honestly Potter, maybe I should start wearing “Potter Stinks” badges around the house. Your obsession over me is becoming concerning.” Draco had said at one point. Harry didn’t care.
Harry had just finished pouring Draco a mug of black coffee and placed his scramble eggs and toast on the counter before cleaning up when Draco bursted into the dining area. Draco’s eyes alternated between the food waiting for him and Harry. Harry looked up and greeted Draco with a smile.
“Made you breakfast since it seemed like you were running late. Hopefully nothing is burned.” He said before going back to washing the plate in front of him. Draco felt so grateful for having such a caring boyfriend as he quickly reached for his coffee.
“Oh my God, thank you so much. I love you.” Draco said as he quickly hugged Harry from behind before bringing the mug to his lips. Harry dropped the plate he was working on, the noise startling Draco as he quickly brought the mug away from his mouth and coughed. Harry turned around slowly to look at the blonde man.
“Could you just say that again?” He said as he held the taller, slender man by the waist.
“Thank you?” Draco said before going in for another gulp of coffee.
“No, could you repeat the exact words you just said?” At this point Draco was losing his patience because he’s thanked Harry before despite all his insults.
“I said ‘Oh my God. Thank you so much. I love you.’ Seriously, it’s not like I’m never-oh.” Draco stopped mid-sentence as he realized what he had just said. In the past three years, Draco has never told Harry he loved him. Yet after hearing it just about every day for the past two years and having been with Harry for so long, he hadn’t realized that every time he had said it, it had been in his head. He also thought the words and feelings were implied but here Harry was, looking at him, his brilliant green eyes shining.
“Could you say it again?” Harry asked shamelessly. Draco couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face this time.
“I love you, Harry Potter.” He said firmly.
“I love you too.” Harry replied before pressing their lips together. Neither of them made it to work on time.
