#olddave

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Hello everyone. I have returned with new fan art that I made while blazing 420 smoke weed every day. Enjoy.

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I launched a new music review site today, with reviews of Foxygen, Ty Segall, Stef Chura, Priests, Ra Ra Riot, and Weyes Blood—plus a lot more in the que. Do me a favor and check it out and, if you really love me, reblog! 

HEARDOFTHEM.COM

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Could +44 and Angels and Airwaves be BETTER than blink-182? We discuss: https://goo.gl/YWpgMU

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Reviews of Moon Duo, Surfer Blood, and Alex Lahey, plus an interview with Lydia Loveless are all up at heardofthem.com. Check it out. 

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An electric flying direbear 

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Free Illustrations, from Dave P.

From now until the end of Donald Trump’s presidency, I will donate free illustrations to absolutely any effort that supports any of the groups threatened by Trump. Just send me an email if you have any questions: dpembe01 @ gmail 

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A Few Mediocre Jokes

Here are some jokes that I submitted to The Onion recently. They're not all "great," but maybe some of them are funny. I think some of them are funny. Remember: You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time, and there's nothing the devil hates more than being mocked. --------- Headlines ---------- Area Woman Publicly Flaunts Sexuality Shortly After Divorcing Me Please Come Back Sharon I’ve Changed Donald Trump Jr. Agrees To Keep Local Youth Center Open If Area Nerd Beats Him In Ski Race Cheesecake Factory Adds 666th Item To Menu, Completes “Blood Seal” Needed To Release The Ancient Ones Friends Of Local White Man Still Unsure If “Prince” Halloween Costume Was Racist Man Fired From Calendar Factory After Taking Several Days Off Homophobic Grandmother Insists Local Florist Is “One Of The Good Ones” Area Man Puts Roommate In Awkward Position As Significant Other Basically Moves In For Fuck’s Sake Study: Most Nazis Historically Bad With Grammar Scientists Are Now Making The Bold Claim That You Actually Are Worthless Without Your Morning Coffee, Karen Dad Excitedly Adds “The Shark” After Hearing Report That Women's Cancer Deaths Could Jump Area Man Signs Up For Male Birth Control In Act Of Morbid Optimism Police Deploy Pepper Spray Amid Clash With Bland Tacos Friendless Hag Reports That Most People Too Dumb To Understand Sarcasm Man Accidentally Likes Ex Girlfriends Selfie, Moves To Different City Local Boy Convincingly Pretends Not To Notice Money While Reading Birthday Card Area Stepdad Tries To Tell Stepson What To Do, Is Not Stepson’s Real Dad Ghost Of Julius Caesar Disappointed It’s Not “Caesar Pizza” Study Finds Rorschach Test Really Is Just Pictures Of Your Parents Fucking Report: Exaggerations Rose By One Trillion Percent Last Month Acclaimed Professor Admits That Poor Knowledge of Greek Mythology Is His Achilles' Wrist Drinking Energy Drinks Has Been Linked To Serious Liver Damage, Say Virgins Area Social Justice Warrior Finally Befriends A Gay Insufferable Friend Refuses To Order Guacamole In American Accent Tea Drinking Homosexual Claims He Likes His Coffee Like He Likes His Women Divorced Dad Suspiciously Optimistic About New Apartment -- Briefs -- Area Woman Publicly Flaunts Sexuality Shortly After Divorcing Me Please Come Back Sharon I’ve Changed CHATTANOOGA, TN — Walking around as if she were a mid-tier sex worker, Sharon Blacksmith (formerly Sharon Fisher) was seen wearing an inappropriately short dress with plunging neckline at the Hamilton County Applebee’s, sources reported Friday. “I’ve never been with a younger man,” said Blacksmith, adding that she was interested in riding a purebred buck until the break of dawn. Several eyewitnesses observed Blacksmith drink between three and five Applebee’s Signature Appletinis, even though she claimed that alcohol “upset her stomach” last Christmas. Blacksmith, a notorious liar and known hypocrite, allegedly left Applebee’s with a young man in his mid-twenties, last seen wearing a diamond-studded earring and hemp necklace. Blacksmith’s whereabouts are still unknown, even though her ex-husband has started exercising, taking night classes, and doing the dishes on a regular basis. Donald Trump Jr. Agrees To Keep Local Youth Center Open If Area Nerd Beats Him In Ski Race EVERGREEN, CO — A local high school student interrupted a town hall meeting on Thursday to publicly challenge Donald Trump Jr. to a ski race down the K-12. Trump recently purchased both the town hall and the local youth center and had called the meeting to announce his plans to demolish both properties. “I don’t know who the kid was, but he definitely didn’t look like an athlete,” said Evergreen High School Vice Principal Dewey Hoppenstein, adding that the student in question was wearing a calculator watch and high-waisted pants. It is reported that Trump agreed to the race after some light name calling, and later promised to keep the local youth center open if he loses. This promise was only made, however, after the mysterious student called Trump a “butt chugging dick nose.” The race is scheduled for 11 a.m. Saturday, and is currently open to the public. Homophobic Grandmother Insists Local Florist Is “One Of The Good Ones” HUNTSVILLE, AL — A video of noted homophobe and outspoken flat-earther, Florence Buxton, was posted on Snapchat last Tuesday. The video was allegedly filmed and uploaded by her grandson, Skylar Griggs. In the video, Buxton is seen defending local florist Dominique Hernandez, exclaiming that Hernandez is “one of the good ones.” From off camera a young male voice asks “what do you mean, ‘good ones’?” to which Buxton replies: “You know, one of them godless pole squatters.” Buxton released a statement on Facebook following the video’s viral publication, in which she claims that “...While I disagree with Obamacare forcing the gays to marry, I certainly wouldn’t mind it as much if all the gays were as polite, clean, and well dressed as my good friend Dominique.” After several requests for an interview, Mr. Hernandez declined to comment.

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RIP Vine. Here’s the best Vine I ever made.