#on a personal post

[gruenesgrasoderso]

slowly coming to terms with the fact that i’m dealing with depression again, man this shit sucks.

got an appointment at my doctor’s office next week to maybe get some info regarding therapy, how i can get onto waitlists, ask for tips on what to say, etc. also going to ask about counselling options in the meantime, all that stuff.

fucking hell, it’s so obvious looking back but it still somehow snuck up on me that it got this bad

[levynite]

f1r3hunt3rz replied to your post:

So, a Malaysian footballer (not even a national...

Mate, not everyone is a native English speaker or at least able to speak English well like you do. He is from Malaysia, a country in Southeast Asia. But he made up for it by receiving the award that made him stand among the best in the world. That’s still something bigger than not being fluent in English. Hell, even Ronaldo is not really well-versed in English.

Child, you need to stop assuming everyone who can type good English are all white Westerners, especially when my #oh noooooo #poor baby is because I know guys like him all my life throughout my entire Malaysian school life in East Malaysia in Malaysia in Southeast Asia in Asia where I am born and raised excepting for 2 years of college so I know his pain very much because these are the awesome guys who love their sport so hard to the point of ignoring pretty much everything else because it’s just not interesting enough in school and the pain of knowing that your country’s football team has said goodbye to its Dream Team years ago and the government has silly ideas on what proper sport incentives are where you don’t have to work a full time job while training for hours at night and so maybe you dream of ONE DAY BEING CALLED UP TO DON A NATIONAL JERSEY but it’s still a bit far in the future but one day in a Malaysia Super League match you produce the MOST AWESOME RIDICULOUS WTF KICK THAT LEFT OTHER PLAYERS’ MOUTH AGAPE AND THE STADIUM IN A ROAR AND WENT VIRAL ON SOCIAL MEDIA and you get freaking nominated for a FIFA Puskas award where the other nominees are crazy freaking millionaire pro footballers (not all maybe)??? And you fucking won??? You just went from a Super League to freaking FIFA levels of fame????

I assure you, if Faiz had even had an inkling that he would have even achieved this insane long shot award, he would have had a major panic attack like the rest of us Malaysians then called up the nearest friend who speaks better English to help him.

So, “mate”.

How’s about we not be all condescending and assuming that a mastery of any language is an immediate indicator of one’s skin colour and nationality?

[gruenesgrasoderso]

losing all respect for poly people at this point ugh

(not literally, just lost all respect for one specific person who is poly and, due to specific things that happened, very clearly has NO respect for people who are monogamous if they are attracted to one of the people in that monogamous relationship)

(smth smth people using being poly as an excuse to not be good partner and instead to just fuck around - if i had a fucking nickle, etc.)

(seriously, i’m so mad at this person for the way they disrespected my friend and his relationship. and i feel extremely sorry for his ex if they pursue this person because they’ve become So infatuated with them)

[gruenesgrasoderso]

vibrating with excitement because my befwe is coming home from his holiday in prague with his best friend on sunday and because i’m officially on holiday too and the fact that my befwe and i will visit my grandma next week and i get to show him all the places from my summer holidays as a kid 🥹

seriously, i adore this man so much and i’m so excited to show him all of it. it’s still baffling to me that i *want* to share this part of my life and history and to just… let him in like that tbh.

i love him so much, and i’m so happy we’re going to have two full weeks together without me having to work.

once again, this relationship is Proof(tm) that i’m demiromantic because with my ex i couldn’t even Consider making her such an intricate part of my life.

[gruenesgrasoderso]

really wanna get back into hermitcraft, probably by heavily switching up who i watch. i used to primarily watch grian, mumbo, gem and docm but i’ve found it difficult to vibe with grian and gem for a while now. especially with grian i feel like it’s largely due to his target audience clearly being on the younger side, idk.

i watched etho’s latest episode yesterday and loved it. i think i’ll seriously start watching him beyond just an every now and then. watching tango right now is also very fun because i loved him building decked out 2, so revisiting that in a new way will be very fun.

gonna see about watching more of cleo’s and joe’s videos again too.

oh, and i used to watch bdubs a lot and still do. mumbo’s videos are nice to watch here and there too, but at least for now i do need to switch it up a lot more when it comes to hermitcraft i think.

all of which isn’t a bad thing, just gotta accept that with my overall taste i no longer fall into the target audience/majority audience of some of the hermits i used to watch all the time.

[gruenesgrasoderso]

currently in the process of migraine medication trial and error.

took sumatriptan for an attack last week and ended up with quite bad nausea, not quite as bad as the time i had to go to hospital for an attack and they gave me sumatriptan though. but that’s definitely due to the fact that in the hospital they gave me that though an iv.

trialing novalgin today because i mentioned it to my doctor (a colleague gave it to me once and i could handle it quite well). got important infos about possible side effects too. feeling quite okay with it so far, just a bit heated in my face for now.

next time i’ll probably try sumatriptan once more, to see if my reaction to it is as bad as before. because if so then i’d either like to try a different triptan or maybe i’ll end up sticking to novalgin if my body continues to deal well with it

[gruenesgrasoderso]

shoutut to my bf, y'all don't know him but this man just called me again to say our usual goodbye-catchphrase again cause i didn't hear him and he wanted me to hear him say it instead of just texting it to me in reply. we haven't seen each other in a week atp and the last time we didn't see each other for two weeks it wasn't nearly as hard as it is now.

though tbf, the last time we didn't spend an entire one and a half weeks together every day lol

anyway, i love this man so much and i miss him lots and i just wanna be cozy and cuddled up next to him. i'm practically counting down the hours until friday :((