As I sit on the roof of the house, I'm looking at trees high up in the sky. So tall, so strong, and so proud. They move with so much grace and elegance that it inspires me. I will be tall, strong and so proud one day. One day.
Today, I want to rest. I want to breathe normal. I want to feel normal. I want my chest to stop flickering.
Today, I want to grieve my friend, my lemon. I want to grieve what we shared. I want to grieve the parts of me I gave him but more importantly I want to grieve the parts he gave me. Where does the love go?
I don't know who I am without him. "Like any unloved thing, I don't know if I'm real when I'm not being touched".
(I feel tender, so tender. I'm slow, I'm so easy to break. I'm second doubting my capabilities and I don't know how to not give in. Can somebody assure me ? I don't seem to have the strength. )
(I will be happy no? I will find great companions no? I will be at peace no? All of it seems so far away.)
(a part of me is nagging to think about radical self love, and she's right, but not today I think. Not soon. I will feel it all, and do what I need to do anyway)
