#on writing.

[maeumsim]

I like to say that I write poems for a stranger who will be born in some distant country hundred of years from now. This is a useful notion, especially during revision. It reminds me, forcefully, that everything necessary must be on the page. I must make a complete poem - a river-swimming poem, a mountain-climbing poem. Not my poem, if it's well done, but a deeply breathing, bounding, self-sufficient poem. Like a traveler in an uncertain land, it needs to carry with it all that it must have to sustain its own life - and not a lot of extra weight, either.

A Poetry Handbook, Mary Oliver

[miss-evening]

I’m writing regularly again. It’s been years since I did that.

Right now, I am finishing the last homework for my English class in school, that ends on March 15th. 

But what is unbelievable for me, is that I’ve began to write again, on an old, neglected fic of mine, about Jack and Pitch. 

I am nitpicking and editing through the first two chapters that I posted, long time ago. And I realize just how much flaws there is in it. Overuse of commas, way too much adverbs, and words just taking up too much space. This is terrible. Well, not terrible, but I thought I was a better writer than this. So I’m fixing it. Polishing the hard edges till I feel satisfied, before moving on to writing the new chapter, which I do have the first draft finished of. First draft, that is. The real, hard work comes once you go into detail of a story, adding and deleting text, till you feel complete.

Ugh right now it feels shameful having those old chapters posted online, but I will update them with the newer versions when I’m finished editing them. 

And the thing is I haven’t had confidence in my writing for a long time, but I think that is about to change.

[ewebie]

Writing Update: So... I had hoped to post GGH3 - Ch2 last Tuesday and then Ch3 on Friday. That clearly hasn’t happened. In the past week, I’ve only managed about a page of writing... in anything... (unless you include the little drabbles I’ve been tacking on to hcs and stuff, which I don’t). The only way I can describe it is that I can skirt the edges of extreme emotion and write them well, but there’s a risk in that. If I tip into extreme emotions myself, it’s actually rather crippling to my ability to express myself. Aside from real world deadlines, and a bit of an emotional sucker-punch, and the build up of the holidays, and not a small amount of homesickness/loneliness on Thanksgiving, I’ve had a very rough run at work. I really cannot discuss in detail what it is, but I’ve been reminded of how horrible the bad days can be. And sometimes I see the worst of humanity with my job. And as stable I am in work, and ‘emotionally tough’ for lack of a better way of putting it, this one has some sticking power. I’ve had some intrusive thoughts, and haven’t been sleeping as well as I normally do.

That being said, deadline one is Monday, deadline two is the 6th, deadline three is the 17th. I expect to be on more solid footing by the 7th. And will probably be writing a lot more from then on. I’m venting some of the feelings as I go. My man frand is back and there are cuddles. But I just haven’t found that silly space I need to finish GGH3. It is probably 75% written. But just... not ready. And I’m not ready. But it will be done by Christmas. That I promise.