#oneyearoftumblr

[weirdgardener]

1 Year anniversary of Tumblr!

Well, I have been here for a year! I guess I have enjoyed it. I feel like I didn't do anything revolutionary though. I have enjoyed my one year of Tumblr, and can't wait to spend another one here!

[wishofmystery]

Wish of Mystery/CradlesChild ist heute 1 geworden!

A whole year now....great

[myvirtual0fantasy]

One Year of Tumblr

I may not be perfect or the person you want me to be, but all I ask of you is to accept me for who I am. Otherwise it’s not worth my time talking to you.

  The ghost of my shadow is the demon of my past, with such devouring evil nothing will ever last

  Faced with a dull reality We are pushed to exceed against all odds Taking ideas and creating someone unique We are a canvas for the world to see Our mind and body are our own Weather we follow like sheep or separate from society 

  All that I've done and talked about and for nothing... For all I've given and for what? What am I suppose to do now? Why has this happened to me? Who am I going to trust knowing that the people I had trusted the most had let me down? I guess all that's left to do is wait and watch as the days go by, wondering what could have happened if I had done things differently. I can only watch the days go by, do things that where a usual routine, and don't do anything but keep to myself..... 

  Due to a recent turn of events I have been lost in myself more and more, seeking answers that aren't there or won't show. All I can do is wait, watching the days go by and hoping something will happen, something good, something that would make me want to live again, to make me look forward to something, anything at all. Every day I had thought about one person I kept wanting to talk to, that I kept in my mind after so many years because each day was a constant reminder of how we use to be, and I've done that I thought I should which eventually made us go our separate ways. So I ask you this, would you be good friends with me, talk to me about things that you are comfortable with, and do anything enjoyable with me? It's been a little miserable not being able to have any fun, not enjoying others company, and not being able to look forward to anything.

  I am just going to stay here dwelling in my own self hate Why must it be I who suffers such bad fate? Slowly I die inside myself, barely able to keep awake For all I have given, there isn't that much at stake 

  Beware the temper, pain and regret As looks deceive what I can’t forget Come forth the time I’m sad and alone Lost in a world full of blind clones

  You've manipulated me with you caring behavior Soon there will be no one as my savior Take back your evil wicked words Before I am scarred too much it's burned Inside my mind I could strive for greatness Yet you've molded me for such faithlessness Dying inside I have nothing but to be alone in these dark days With such an empty feeling in the pits of my stomach I don't care for any craze Every day is a repeated routine, the same events with the same actions Some day someone will push me way to far for a simple reaction But for now I must rest, nothing can prepare me for such a test I must repair the scars that will never go away Every day is a constant reminder of one who wouldn't stay They never forgave me for such simple things, instead set me up to finish me by pulling on some strings Never will I be able to stand any emotional games again, I am on the verge of breaking beneath there game

Taking all these ideas to make something and claim it as your own Something that we all do, no matter how big or small, as we grow Everything is no longer original, just a mixture to make something somewhat unique And if it seems like something already created then it will just fall back to your feet Try to make something unique, build it up from scratch then analyze it Every aspect of your idea is somehow linked to something else or is a mix of ideas that somehow fit

I've trusted in you too much I've made sure i will never again Why is it whenever I have a hunch I eventually fall down in pain

  We are gains of sand compared to the world, and the world is just a spec compared to the entire universe. You and I are not so different in the eye of the beholder, it isn’t until they see and hear what we do differently before they begin to think otherwise. I myself, like many other people, am looked upon and thought of very differently to how I actually am. I behave differently to what they might think and when I do they abuse me, because abuse solves everything supposedly. No one likes change and people would do what they can for thinks to stay the same. As time goes on the more things change, the more they stay the same. For example music changes more and more, and even though it may sound different, all music still uses at least one of the following; a beat, tempo, volume, pitch and/or rhythm, Show me a song that doesn’t have any of these. Another example would be peoples idea’s (Such as movies, artwork, songs etc.) since there would be no one that would come up with something of their own creation, all ideas are made up of at least part of something else, if it’s something taken and made into something similar or a mixture of ideas put into one to create something that may seem unique yet it really isn’t. What would be the use of living knowing you have nothing to live for? To know that there isn’t anything you can do for anyone, including yourself? This is what some people think at time, thinking that there useless when there not. Only your own self can change what you do, what influence you have on others and what you do to make your life the way it is. There are sheep, and then there are the Sheppard’s. The sheep follow and act like each other, doing what the Sheppard’s want them to do, whereas the Sheppard’s are the victors, the people who strive and achieve greatness. The Sheppard’s prove that they can do whatever they desire. I am one of those people who am lost, being neither the sheep nor the Sheppard, the one who does what is needed for himself to excel in life without even know what to do or how to act. He remains relatively quiet until he know what he wants, then and only then will he decide if he wants to be a sheep, or a Sheppard.

  Ask me something, such as who I am, what I want to be and what is wrong. I will tell you these if its either straight away or after awhile, I will tell you...

  Wanting to be somewhat close Your kept at such a distance My words and what I write Mean nothing due to my features My expression and how I look Disguise the person I am And everything that I've done I really can not be damned I lose myself with these words That may not mean anything now Or maybe the will not ever So I can just emotionally drown

I don’t know why I keep rejecting myself from others, I done it so much now it’s become part of my behavior. What others think and what I think they think of me are two different things, even though I think I always make others feel uncomfortable by my presence and what I say. I think no one understands me a I don’t know when (if ever) I will realize how wrong I am.

So bye All that goes on in my mind and what I want to say and write will not be told to anyone so soon. I wish for this and wish for that yet leave behind such little facts and I really don’t think people are so sure I won’t say what I have to say but I am sure I will go away to a place where no one can assure I have such a confusing mind and with such commiting times I really can’t afford to fall below This message, as it seems may confuse you, when you can figure it out you still wouldn’t have. So don’t worry about it and continue focusing on other more important things in life. Just take a moment to realize how good your life is. You have friends that talk to you about anything, best friends that would talk to you about everything and a figure/image that only self centered people would hate. Real friends wouldn’t call you ugly, they would argue with you over how pretty or beautiful you. All this is important and should be the reason you want to wake up every morning and commit to everything that goes on in your life every day.

Don’t ask me anything…

  Just when you think all is lost, someone or something comes along sometime And when that time comes it lifts you off the ground and help you strive Strive to continue living, and aim for what you want to be Because you have to take that chance while you have it, before it all goes again backwashed to the shadows of life.

  Only people that talk to me and understand me will know who I am, they should notice who’s drawings these are and what some are from. I am a person just like everyone else, I have my own perks, flaws, behavior and understanding. Just about no one accepts me for who I am and just want me to change to better suit society and what’s “in”. Well I say fuck everyone else, I’m just going to be who ever I want to be. Eventually I may say my name on here but not today…

And as usual, here is my alliteration.

Grow like the tree’s of sand stone ground, flow like the waters of the sea. Flow like the wind that passes day by day, because in the end sheep can’t change society.

-myvirtual0fantasy

  Stringed Desires

Wickedness lies in your poisoned lips, matching body movements of lust. I cannot stand the words you twist, disguised by words of trust. I fall so deep into such a heap, why can’t I be left alone. I can’t climb back up to my feet, I am just left to moan and groan.

  Why? Why do I have to keep trying? Why do people want me to be someone I’m not? Why can’t I just forget about things and just move on? Why can’t I find a reason?… A reason to live, a reason to become successful, a reason to try… At everything I want instead of being so unsure it suffocates me and makes me fail at every attempt… Why? Because I have to… I am made to, yet I don’t know what to do

  When you want someone because you think it will back you happy, but when you finally get what you want your still not happy with that you have. Simply, this is my life with depression. I withdraw myself from group just so others don’t feel uncomfortable, intimidated or annoyed by me at all. There is and has never been anyone that can or could help me with any of my problems, my cries fall on death ears. I don’t know when I’m going to give up, or maybe I’ve given up already, but I would never end it no matter how bad it is. Sure I wish my life was different but I would never want to change the past because it has made me who I am. Lets just hope I can handle what is to come…

  Sometimes it’s just not for you All the pain comes two by two Nothing changes your regrets Reminders that you want to forget Such mistakes come crashing down Just let yourself mentally drown Blank expressions mask your pain Kill some bastards make it rain What you want won’t make you smile Why don’t you just wait awhile Your hope will just descend to darkness Let it devour you, become possessed

  What is good without bad? What is right without wrong? What is gain without sacrifice? What is relief without pain? What is mercy without suffering? What is purpose without meaning?

What is life without death?

I regret many things, things that toss and turn within my pain and suffering. I can not forget these things as they have made me who I am and who I am yet to be but this is not without sacrifice. I no longer change myself just to please other, I no longer push myself and others away from reality to see what it’s like without someone. I can’t just sit back and watch as all this bull shit goes on, with all the lies and abuse. But there is nothing else I can do, I have to let myself be washed away. I am devoured in hatred and pain yet it still doesn’t reach far enough to make an action that would speak louder than these words. I’m trapped in my own mine, living each regret as if it where yesterday and hoping that eventually such things would be fixed. No one forgives or forgets the significant things that have happened to them, no war has been won or lost without bloodshed. Some minds are more clouded than others and are deceived by the majority of the people that think they know everything about life itself, they do not see what is real and what isn’t. They can not care enough about someone who is less fortunate than them… It’s just the ones who give up, or the ones who keep it all for themselves… They would need the most help. As things become too clear some question why they should even exist, why must we be here when it won’t make any difference. But the difference they make when they end their own life is something no one should live with. Knowing someone close to them ending their life and not being able to do anything about it, it’s heart breaking, torturing and regretful. When you want something so much and it’s in your reach but then it goes away, or when you finally get what you want but your still not happy… That is what people fear, living a life with no goal… No object to look forward to or live for. Living for family because you would hurt them if you went, wondering what they could have done differently or what they did wrong. This is life, my life that isn’t as clouded as the people who enjoy making other people’s life hell. They see that as a sacrifice without cost, making others feel so shit for their own entertainment. For anyone that is reading this, please share… I just need hope, because nothing is worse than a world without it.

  The worthlessness of finding friends seems to be an inevitable task i sway towards ever day of my life, looking through the white lies to find something that at first seemed like someone you would need, but its just something that you wanted for so long it blinded you from the truth of more pain and suffering that you keep trying to get away from. The more you struggle the more it seems to devour you until you give up on trying, flowing along with it to see where it would take you.

  Why is it that I always manage to fuck up everything? There is never anything to fall back on… I can’t do this but I have to. Days upon days I think about others lives without me and how they would be a fuck load better, because I just manage to get more and more people to hate me… There will never be anyone by my side that love me for who I am knowing EVERYTHING that had happened, good or bad. Because in their eyes, in anyone’s eyes I’m always such a fucked up ass hole that shouldn’t even have a chance.

No this isn’t aimed at a specific person, this is my fucking life and I’m over it. This is why I want to be someone else and not who I am because I am the person people hate.