#oni thoughts

[aerbiscuit]

This is super silly, but I love the thought of some guy who doesn’t have a fart fetish bragging to his other non-fetish friends about his SO’s fart kink. His friends are baffled why this is a positive to him, until he explains:

“Finally, I can eat what I want, fart during sex, and give my SO all the dutch ovens I want without worrying about them breaking up with me. Hell, half of my farts have a chance of getting them instantly horny. My sex life has never been better. I can’t believe more people aren’t open to this."

There’s a moment of silence as his friends process this information. Afterwards, at least one of them will go back into the dating game actively hoping they find someone with a fart fetish.

Bonus: One of the guy’s friends asks if it isn’t crossing a line for the guy to talk about his SO’s fetish. The guy quickly adds, “Oh, they're OK with it. They're into light humiliation. Just enough so that they want my friends to know they’re a little fart sniffer. Once you officially become friends with them, you can even start teasing them about it."

[aerbiscuit]

We’ve all heard about people who can’t stop farting when they get anxious. But I wonder if it could ever be a thing to get super gassy when you’re horny.

Like, if stress can give people bubble guts, maybe those wires could get crossed enough in the brain that a person can’t have feelings of arousal without also brewing up some gas.

Someone with this condition would have to find a partner who is totally fine with farts squeaking out during foreplay, and then getting louder and longer as the sex gets more intense.

[aerbiscuit]

Imagine being just one person in a public men’s bathroom. You’re in a stall tucked in the corner of the room, and for a while, you’re alone.

Suddenly, a whole pack of guys comes in. Obviously, they’re all friends who just came from the same place together. They take their positions at the many stalls and urinals that the room has and, aside from a little continuation of their previous conversation, not much out of the ordinary happens.

… but then one by one, they start farting.

Clearly, all of them had been holding in their gas for a while, and these similarly gassy guys are just NOW unleashing what they’d been holding in when they were in public. The various farts are accompanied by groans of relief, laughter, remarks about what they ate for breakfast, and even a little competition. Their common goal, though, is to get out all of these farts before they have to leave the bathroom, and that’s just what they do.

Finally, they all leave the newly hotboxed room, and you have to recover from witnessing what just happened.

Bonus: When you leave the bathroom, you find the pack of guys waiting for you outside. They actually want to apologize: they realized that there was one other person in there and didn’t want you to think they were gassing you out on purpose. (Of course, if you befriend these guys, that doesn’t mean they’d never want to gas you out on purpose in the future…)

[aerbiscuit]

Imagine a couple where one person is really gassy. Their gas is just a normal part of their life. At the start of the relationship, the other member of the couple would comment on the constant farts, only for their SO to say that this wasn’t a "case of gas" for them. This was normal and nothing to worry about at all.

Then one day, the gassy person walks into the room with their hands on their stomach and suddenly lets out a real peal of thunder, louder and longer than anything their partner has heard from them. They conclude their fart by sighing and saying, “Oof. I’ve got gas tonight."

And the non-gassy person realizes that not only is their partner not done farting (and they won’t be for HOURS) but that they truly haven’t witnessed a case of the farts until tonight.

[aerbiscuit]

Sometimes I like to imagine a person who has had always had trouble holding in their constant gas- their childhood and early adult life filled with people chiding them for ever letting a fart slip out, no matter how much they needed it - finally gaining a friend group who is totally fine with this person passing it as much as they want.

I imagine the relief and happiness they'd feel while sitting on a sofa with their friends, surrounded by laughter and conversation, knowing that these people won't leave when their post-junk food farts start rumbling the cushions. Sure, these friends might crack a joke (or a window) if the farts get particularly ripe, but this person won't ever have to worry about being bullied or excluded. In this friend group, letting a fart fly means you feel safe.

Sometimes I fantasize about sexy farts. Sometimes I fantasize about wholesome ones.

[aerbiscuit]

You know that specific type of novelty clothing that announces how much the wearer likes farts/farting? “Breaking Hearts and Blasting Farts,” “I <3 to Fart,” “Fart Loading,” etc.

I don’t know which idea I like better: a shamelessly gassy person having tons of this clothing in their wardrobe, announcing to the world how much they like to fart...

… or a gassy sub in a relationship being “forced” to wear these pieces of clothing all the time. Whenever a fart slips out of them, their dom SO loudly comments on how accurate the clothes are.

[aerbiscuit]

A cute fart kink thought that I love to entertain is the idea of "fart conditioning."

Basically, one person (A) in a relationship is into gas while the other (B) is still nervous to fart around them. A, determined to make B more comfortable with letting it out around them, starts "rewarding" B every time they happen to fart. Usually, this involves "coincidentally" coming in for a kiss, pressing it softly on their shoulder, cheek, or lips.

[aerbiscuit]

Imagine that Person A accidentally butt dials Person B when they’re really gassy. They leave a voicemail that’s almost entirely loud, rumbling farts, which is already embarrassing enough.

Then Person A learns that Person B (who has no shame) made the voicemail their ringtone for Person A specifically.

(… and THEN they learn that Person B kept the voicemail to repeatedly jerk off to.)