Tremble (3/3)
WINTER
EQUINOX
SPRING
***
“I’m started questioning for what you had your studio for and bought it with such a fortune if you’re pretty much splattered on the floor of my house almost every day like this.”
Kibum kicked his leg on the way to drop himself on his favorite couch. He has lots of paperwork on his hands, round glasses hanging on the bridge of his nose.
“There’s no food there.”
“Delivery reached that area too. And that studio is literally two hundred meters away from a sushi restaurant!”
Never during his career Kibum sold a place without doing a research of the pro-cons from the neighborhood. Taemin stirred and moved to Kibum’s kitchen to prove him that he’s there only for food. But the words came out from him later said differently.
“It’s just lonely over there. Woke up there, worked there, then spent the whole evening editing pictures or sketching some concept for the next photo session. I feel trapped.”
“Wasn’t that the exact reason why you wanted that building at the first place? To save time not to drive back and forth from your apartment and work place?”
“Hah,” he gulped the strawberry’s milk he found in one shot, must be Gwiboon’s, he thought “I never knew it would be that lonely. Guess it’s just a stupid ambition I had to show the world that I’m finally here, at the very top of my career in such young age, after so many objections I faced in the past?”
Kibum torn his eyes from the paper before him, “Honey, your ambition is not stupid. Everyone has a dream and it worth to fight for even if merely a simple one.”
“So you don’t mind if I stop by your place anytime?”
He shrugged, “You’re my only friend, Tae, if I kicked out the last person who can deal my stubbornness, then who’d stay to take care of me on the days I decided to weep?”
“Lots of people want to take care of you but you pushed them away and whose fault is that? You can just literally point your finger and those men and women would voluntarily crawl toward you!”
“Stop it right there or I’d really kick you out of my house. We started with your issue how come you dodged the bullet so easily?”
“Trying to be a secret lover and you'd have thousand tricks to not get caught in an awkward situation.”
“Wow. That’s huge coming from you. Leave him then, and go find another one! You deserve so much better!”
“You sound like Jinki just now. So annoying.”
“Ah. Talking about that friend of yours, is he still pestering you asking for my number?”
“Nope. He stopped about a week ago. I thought it was because he already got your number somehow from other place.”
“I would attack you first if that happened, knowing you’re the only human chain linking us. He might just get tired.”
“Hmm, that would be possible. He tried to get you but you are more slippery than eel, so yeah.”
“Did you just compare me to a water creature?!”
This time is Taemin’s turn to shrug, “What else should I compare you? Jinki was there hot skin and flesh and you just washed him hard with your cold treatment with a simple sentence ‘I need to call my daughter’? Weren’t you just being sneaky?”
“You don’t know how it feels to be me at that time, Lee Taemin.”
Kibum and Soyu were best friends back in college. Both are free spirited and love to run against the world circling around them. One day they met during lunch break, two years after they graduated and already worked and were climbing into steady career. Soyu blurted out that she wanted to have baby. Kibum was jokingly suggesting her to go to the sperm bank and get the donor. What he didn’t expect was she suddenly asked him to be the donor instead since she already knew him and claimed that Kibum has everything she needed for the good qualities for the baby.
He was dumbfounded for a while but then without hesitation, he agreed to the request. The following months, they went to the hospital and learned about all the procedure and got it done on their fourth visit. Soyu said she would raise the baby by herself, she didn’t ask anything from Kibum besides to be present on the labor for the moral support.
However, Kibum couldn’t find him detaching from them. He loved Soyu and their daughter. He stood by their side the whole time and when Gwiboon turned two, there was nothing on the way stopping Kibum to ask her to marry him. Soyu herself, didn’t find anything to turn the request down as she loved him as well.
Their wedding day was the cutest, it was a simple ceremony, with the closest family and friends, with little Gwiboon waked her mother down the aisle. Taemin spent four of his precious roll films to capture the moment and proudly said up until these days that those were one of his best works so far.
The marriage was their beautiful sanctuary for the three of them. It was actually pleasing, physically, mentally, sexually. Until one day, they realized they loved each other not more than best friends. The fight came more often, the buried dreams reappeared to the surface, and they blamed each other more easily than worked out the obstacles together.
Kibum stopped trying and Soyu stopped caring. Being a wife was never been her dream and Kibum started to get scare with the idea of him only forcing his dream to have a family to someone he cared the most who had a very different goal in life. He still loved her as best friend, as his daughter’s mother, but she cannot fill the hole gapping inside Kibum’s heart.
He turned his priority to Gwiboon and Gwiboon only. Moreover after their decision to end the getting unhealthy marriage. He focused his mind and devoted his time for the soon to turn six years old girl. The smile of the love of his life was enough to mend the wound he has. It was hard a little bit when the court gave the custody of the girl to Soyu. But they talked about it and Soyu job’s in Paris turned out requires her to travel more often so secretly, since a month ago, they’re preparing all the paperwork for the kid to be able to move back with her father and started her school here instead in Paris.
Then came Jinki, out of nowhere, confiscated Kibum’s mind with his blinding smile, putting him in the middle of the scale with Gwiboon and him in each side. He needs him to concentrate with his life and Gwiboon’s at this very moment. But he cannot lie to himself that he wants Jinki to be part of it. It’s super silly and ridiculous, he thought, how can a man ruin his composure just with a kiss? How can he be lured just with something that looked like a remedy for his lust?
“No. I wouldn’t know. But don’t be scared. Who knows he might be the answer of everything?”
“I’m currently not asking, I don’t need an answer.”
“Kim Kibum, you know what I mean.”
“Then tell me. Tell me how you sit down an innocent little girl and said that her father already has someone he likes and that person is not a woman like her mother but a very handsome and charming chef she met at the supermarket instead? How you can tell your own daughter that you’re bisexual?”
***
Jinki’s driving his truck back to the city after traveled east to get some goodies for his new recipe. He rolled down the window and poked his elbow out, enjoying the breeze blowing his side, gently reminds him that spring’s finally here.
Ah, spring.
He almost forgot that he hates spring. It was spring when Donghae dropped the bomb in the middle of heartfelt reunited dinner, asking him to stop seeing each other, after three weeks of break since their biggest fight ever. Having his expectation already high in the air when he called Jinki telling him that he missed him and wanted to meet, of course the question was a perfect jab on his chest.
Jinki remembered how he was stammering asking the reason why and apologizing to Donghae continuously for forcing his ambition to actually start a family together with him. However, behind his tears he could see how Donghae didn’t budge at all and stayed stern, indicating that was his final request to Jinki.
He said he loved Jinki but the relationship getting harder because Donghae thought at that point, they supposed to already know each other by heart but he still found the needs to try and try harder to please or at least understand Jinki.
Jinki knew it was bullshit but he couldn’t do anything. He’s exhausted to force himself and chase Donghae who kept insisting running to the directions pole apart with him. Donghae was his first and longest serious relationship. The empty space he left swallowed him hard. Jonghyun had to nurse him the whole next month after the breakup to prevent Jinki harming himself. He even took a break from the restaurant to heal himself before realized that the more he became busier, the faster he would forget the man he used to dream to have a family with.
When the packed-restaurant’s schedule didn’t help, the news of Donghae’s engagement that reached him three months after the dreadful evening did. The pain slowly became hatred. And when the hatred piled up in each corner of his mind, he had the urge to wash it off with alcohol and series of one night stand. Once the person he spent the night with left, the pain started to grow back and his only escape is repeating the same pattern again and again.
Months and years passed by, and he doesn’t care about spring anymore. It was back to be just a season until Kibum and his sinful lips dragged him into the new cycle of sleepless night. Never in life after Donghae he waited for something. He was done waiting. It was dreading and disappointing. But here he is, expecting his phone to ring and show him unknown number with that cheery voice entailed behind if he picked it up.
We burned and we bled We try to forget But the memories left Are still haunting The walls that we built From bottles and pills We swallow until We're not talking
He turned up the volume of his stereo when the new song from the radio started playing. Blasting the music helped him back then, might as well give it another try this time.
I I am a man on fire You A violent desire What a dangerous night to fall in love Don't know why we still hide what we've become Do you want to cross the line? We're running out of time A dangerous night to fall in love
Jinki slammed the steer wheel. The possibility meeting a new person after Donghae was never passed his mind. Let alone developing a crush to them. Call it miracle, but Kibum did flick the switch inside him so easily, forcing him to forget whatever he believed about soulmate and stuff before.
He wished he was in a fairy-tale where he everything can just have magically have happy ending at the finish line. The hope though, just evaporated to the thin air when he faced the reality laid before him. Kibum is a father and Jinki understands very well that blood is thicker than anything. If he couldn’t compete with a woman from another rich family to marry his high school sweetheart, how on earth he would be able to win the heart of a man who already gave his life to the cutest girl he ever met?
Started a stranger A lover in danger The edge of a knife The face of an angel The heart of a ghost Was it a dream? He was stranger. Kibum was stranger. Jinki thought the latter would prefer that way. Three weeks into the spring and Jinki’s about to believe that way. He slowed the speed of his truck when he arrived to the neighborhood of his restaurant. If people said everyone would have the one that got away, maybe for him, Kibum is that one.
Jinki jumped off and slammed the door, unaware, or choosing to ignore his surrounding, he doesn’t care that the sound startled some people who shared the small street next to his kitchen back door. He unloads one by one, the wooden cart carried the fresh ingredient he acquired this morning. Usually, Jinki only did the buying in the beginning of the week. He went on Friday morning just because he couldn’t sleep well these past three days and Jonghyun suggested him to take some air and go check the farm knowing that his best friend loves it so much.
Jonghyun was right, Jinki hates to admit but that man is always right. Though it doesn’t completely cure him, at least he feels all the burden tad lighter. Strangely, the weather is warmer today, making him nonchalantly rolled his oversized white t-shirt sleeves up his shoulder causing two women walking by almost tripped their own heels.
He chortled, smirk’s evident in his face knowing he still got it after beaten up quite hard by the reality.
“If you told me before you have that cute mole on your bicep, I wouldn’t have waited until spring.”
How unreal it is, hearing the voice he could only imagined these past days. Holy shit, he couldn’t breathe, he actually kept his promise. Kim Kibum’s standing there, at the sidewalk across where Jinki parked his truck, looking more astonishing now when he’s under the sun instead of moonlight. The pair of bow lips curved beautifully, speeding up Jinki’s heartbeat with the sight.
“Well, someone forgot to tell me he has some kind mole fetish last time we met, I guess.”
Now that he saw Kibum giggling and walking closer to the side of the street where he is, only Jinki can start believe his own eyes. The pink tint is crystal clear adorning his cheeks, prominently shading the fine sculpted bones underneath. If before he said Kibum was already beautiful, this time Jinki honestly doesn’t know how the man who stepped closer to his side manages to be even more mesmerizing.
“Did I keep you waiting for too long?”
“Since it’s 21st century already, I was expecting a phone call. Or at least text message. This.. this is something beyond any scenario I ever think about.”
“I don’t do anything mainstream,” Kibum ran his hand toward Jinki’s forehead to wipe the sweat that makes his bangs stuck on it and the tingling grazing his fingertips are still the same, “So you think about me a lot?”
“More than I was planning to if I may say.”
“Good. Because I would be very disappointed if you said any different.”
“It was very flattering, but I’m actually the one who has the right to be disappointed.”
“How could so?”
“Spring started three weeks ago yet you only appeared today when I’m putting the ugliest outfit out of any day?”
Kibum looked at Jinki, he wears his plain white shirt with old washed jeans, blue plaid shirt tied around his waist with old converse covering his feet, he then burst into huge laughter that ringing like a Sanctus to Jinki’s ears, “Seriously, I would jump you right away with this outfit if we’re not surrounded by two grannies over there and group of kids exploring the neighborhood near my car.”
With that, Jinki’s sold. He slid his hand over Kibum’s waist and captured the pink flesh under his nose he’s been longing. As if it was automatically, Kibum wrapped his hands on the nape of Jinki’s neck, pressing their mouths as close as possible.
All the anxiety clouding Jinki’s mind slowly wiped out with every bites Kibum left on his lower lip. Their tongue tied to each other, trying to match the shape of imaginary puzzle they kept in it and lock it forever.
“So this is it?”
They rest their forehead to each other’s, nose brushing lightly, and Kibum hands secure Jinki’s face by his cheeks, hesitantly detached their lips just because they realized they still are human who needs some air to proceed.
“I kept my promise, didn’t I?”
“Appreciate that a lot,” Jinki pecked Kibum’s lips quickly making the other blushed once again, “Worth the wait.”
“Then.. care to continue where we left before?”
“I finished working tonight by ten.”
Kibum pouted immediately and Jinki couldn’t help to laugh, “What about fifteen minutes quickie in my car?”
“Honey, I’m afraid if it’s involving me you need at least one hour.”
“It takes that long to get it up?”
“No, it takes that long to get it down.”
Kibum whined, chewing his inner cheek, “Great, now I need to buy iron trunks to restrain myself until ten.”
Jinki cracks on the spot and deep kissing Kibum once again, doesn’t even care his lips already slightly swollen after his moves.
“You would look godly good in it, I bet.”
“I leave it in your imagination.”
“Damn, now I need to buy those trunks as well!” Kibum threw his head back laughing at the curse, Jinki didn’t miss a chance mouthing the adam apples on the his exposed neck, “My place or your place?”
“Mine. My daughter’s staying at her Nana’s house.”
“Fine with that. But what would be my guarantee that you’re not going to vanish after this?”
Kibum found Jinki being possessively anxious cute. He pulled out his phone and pressed some number, “Let’s have some fun.”
He put it in the speakerphone mode. Jinki still has no idea until someone shrieked from the other line.
“You better have a fuckin’ good reason disturbing me during my work.”
“Lovely to hear you scream. Can you do me a favor?”
“What?”
“Can you give me Jinki’s number?”
They can hear Taemin choked so hard, both need to suppress the laughter that almost spoiled the fun.
“Can I give you what? Did you take some drug? Did you crash into some—oh, dear Lord! Are you okay?! You’re not in an accident, are you?!”
“Chill, Lee Taemin.. I just think, since Gwiboon will stay at my Mom’s place until weekend.. Why not inviting him you know.. to fool around and maybe have some sexy time.. who knows?”
“Shit! Kim Kibum! As much as I want you to stop pushing away people around you, doesn’t mean you can being a cheap jerk like this! Jinki’s my friend and if you’re going to hurt him even a millimeter, I won’t allow it with all my might bec—“
Kibum nudged Jinki’s sides and he took the clue so well.
“Taem, just give him my number. I don’t think I can hold it anymore since Kibum learned a new move with his tongue and I want it somewhere else.”
“Wait. Who is th—WHAT THE HECK! LEE JINKI?!”
***
“You’re right. You have the best bed in the world,” Kibum mumbled, cheek pressed to Jinki’s chest, his arm secured on Jinki’s naked waist.
“It’s just because it has me on it,” he said sleepily, his palm tracing Kibum’s back. He can’t get enough touching his smooth skin.
“Oh, aren’t you cocky?”
“Of course I am.. I have a really good one down there.”
Kibum slapped his tummy affectionately, “You’re by far, the most perverted person I’ve ever been with.”
“Should I be happy or should I be sad?”
Instead of answering, Kibum lifted his limb and start peppering Jinki’s navel with the kiss, going straight up passing his chest and collar bones before finally devouring his plump lips.
“I still wonder sometimes how could I betrayed myself and made you wait more than I intended.”
“I was this close to sell my goodies since you seemed uninterested.”
“Hmm,” Kibum slipped his hand under the blanket and rubbing his length just like the way Jinki likes it, “You’d get lots of money with this size, though.”
“Are you willing to trade it?”
“After almost every night have it? Not a chance,” he pecked his nose, making Jinki beamed into huge grin. He lowered his hand to Kibum’s ass and when he grabbed handful of the flesh, the latter voluntarily pressed himself closer to his side.
“You’re so beautiful, Jinki.”
“You’re more beautiful.”
“That I know.”
Jinki chuckled before he pulled Kibum’s chin closer to catch his lips, marking the bow lips as his, again and again.
“I want you to meet someone.”
“Who is that?”
“My daughter,” Kibum smiled nervously, and Jinki caressed his cheeks to ease his mind, letting him know that he’s completely find with the fact that Kibum is a father.
“I don’t know if you know this, but I sort of have met your girl before.”
“I know, she told me. And that brat never stops whining to me ever since she wanted to meet his Mr. Handsome Prince again. She even cut your face from that article in the magazine and put it on her wardrobe. I never imagined before that I need to compete with my own daughter.”
Jinki smiles remembered the sudden nickname he got after helping her with her yoghurt.
“If I need to confess, I was very worried before how you would still give me chance if your entire being already own by that little girl.”
“Well, that kid is already an obstacle in such a young age. I wonder what she would grow up into.”
“She already has your look, at the first place.”
“Even her mother complained she has no trace at all on her.”
They talked about Kibum and Soyu situation since their second date. Jinki’s very mature handling it all but Kibum still worried to death he brought more than burden to Jinki with his baggage. On the other hand, Jinki already came up clear with Kibum that even though they started everything slowly, he’d take every step seriously and wished he would try as hard as Jinki.
“Let her be, she still has a very long way to go.”
“You sure you never had kid before?”
“You think I’d be still chasing you if I already had a daughter?”
The shocking expressions on Kibum’s face giving a wave of laughter once again to Jinki. He’s one that hid his feeling very personal to himself, it’s still fascinating for him to see Kibum just put everything up on his face.
“Just kidding, Honey.. So, when do you want me to stop by your house?”
“Err, tomorrow?”
“Is nine too early for her?”
Kibum kissed him again excitedly, “She woke up at five and nags at me to make her pancake.”
It will be hard to explain to her about their relationship but Kibum wants to dismiss at least one of his worry by getting them familiar to each other first. What happened after, he’ll let the future Kibum deal with it.
“Ah. So she likes pancake? Then tell them her Handsome Prince will make her ones.”
“Stop making me jealous already,” Kibum pouted cutely and Jinki needs to control himself not to turn their position and ruined that mouth again.
“Do you want me to prove myself again?”
“Try.”
“Well, I know you’re tired, but can we have another one before we go for lunch?”
“Are you a machine or what? Trying to destroy my ass, huh?”
Truthfully, Kibum’s been waiting for those words came out his lips. But play hard to get once in a while won’t hurt.
“It’s because you kept me waiting for too long!”
“Why you kept bringing that up? I already admitted it was a mistake!”
“Because that stupid trick wasted my time. Wasted our time. I need to catch up the amount of sex we should have had if we hit it off right away.”
“God, Jinki!”
“What?!”
“You’re such a dork, you know that?”
“I don’t mind.. You like me anyway.”
“Jonghyun would complain once we exited that door.”
“Let’s just say this is me getting revenge. Hundred days I spent sleeping with my earphones plugged and woke up with the sore in both ears because Jonghyun and Minho were beyond what you can call loud.”
Kibum ducked his head and lapped Jinki’s collar bone painstakingly slow. When he raised his head up, a mischievous smirk spreads all over his face.
“So what are you waiting for?”
Jinki’s never been so aroused in such early morning.
***
“Mr. Handsome Prince!!!”
“Gwiboon be careful!”
She’s too excited she has no time to listen to her father and just ran to Jinki’s open arms. Once she’s in his reach, he wrapped her so tight and swept her from the ground.
Kibum secretly rubbing his back, afraid to upset the little girl if he just sprung and kissed him, “I thought today was supposed to be our date.”
That’s how they planned it one week ago. But the last minute, Jinki texted him to bring Gwiboon as well to join their lunch.
“This is a date,” Jinki whispered in between rambles the little girl kept making since the first second she saw him.
They headed to the table Jinki already reserved, this time as well, Gwiboon refused to sit next to Kibum as well and glued to Jinki. Even when the waiter came to take their order, she only listen to Jinki’s suggestion, completely ignore Kibum’s offer.
“Oh here we go again,” Kibum rolled his eyes but Gwiboon’s busy telling Jinki about how her week’s going, “Ya! Kim Gwiboon. Aren’t you too young to make me jealous? I’m your father!”
“I know, Daddy,” she spat her respond very fast before turned her head back to Jinki, “Nana said, I need to eat carrot but it tastes weird.”
“Look at you, the exact carbon copy of your Daddy.”
“That’s what Nana said!” she screeched enthusiastically , “What is carbon copy, anyway?”
“It means, you’re exactly like me, Honey.”
Her eyes rounded to a pair of crystal ball, “Really?! I looked like Daddy? I’m cool like Daddy?!”
“Gwiboon, Honey.. You’re waaayyy cooler and more beautiful than me.”
“Nooo, Daddy is more beautiful,” she turned into a ball of glee, eyes almost swallowed by her puffy cheeks.
“Now that I agree,” Jinki winked and pleased with the bashful smile arose on the other man’s face.
“So, Mr. Handsome Prince, why are we here today?”
Gwiboon folded her arms together in front of her buffed chest, “Daddy! That’s my nickname!”
“I can’t call him Mr. Handsome Prince?”
“No!”
“So what should I call him?”
“I don’t know.”
Jinki saw the gap for him to slide in, “Can Daddy call me ‘Honey’ then?”
Kibum almost choked to death, how dare he say such things? Quickly he wiped his mouth and glance to the little girl who’s now knitted her brows together and pursed her lips, put her best effort to concentrate as if it’s a sudden death question, not even aware that her father’s nervously waiting for the next thing spilled out from her mouth.
“Umm, okay, he can. As long as he’s not calling you Mr. Handsome Prince.”
Both men relieved in unison, however, Jinki hasn’t convinced yet. He’s about to ask further but their food came, he had to wait after the waiter the waiter finished serving all their order and left.
“Kim Gwiboon, do you know why we are here?” Jinki’s back to his initial talk.
“To eat lunch?” she answered innocently, leaving Kibum shaking his head, still amused with everything she managed to compose with that little copy of his own bow lips.
“Besides that?”
“Umm, no? Is it Mr. Handsome Prince birthday?”
“No, it’s not my birthday,” he fixed the uneven bangs on her forehead, “We have lunch today, because I need Gwiboon’s permission.”
“My permission?”
Questioning looks not only washed over her face, but also Kibum’s who’s totally clueless where this conversation heading to.
“Yes. I want to ask Gwiboon, can I be your Daddy’s boyfriend?”
Kibum doesn’t know where Jinki found such gut to bring this up. At the moment he’s torn to the idea of runaway and kick Jinki’s ball under the table. Strangely, Gwiboon doesn’t seem to be bothered at all. He hoped Jinki would turn his way so he could ask some explanation or at least moral support because the little girl might explode to the fact that he’s dating her idol.
Far from anyone expectation, she quietly scoped the cream pasta in front of her and nods slowly while savoring her lunch.
“Aren’t you already?”
Kibum’s eyes almost escaped his skull. His heart beats rapidly and he can feel blood rushing all over his head. Gwiboon continues telling some random stories on what happened to her during her stay at her grandmother’s house and about their puppies who’s getting smarter day by day, while eyes focusing on her favorite pasta dish, her little hand struggle to handle the weight of each strand of the fettuccine, but refused the help from Jinki, proving to the world once again that she’s the daughter of Kim Kibum.
Contented with the rhetorical question, Jinki’s finally lifted his head to Kibum who’s about to shoot hundreds curses and questions. Before he’s able to open his mouth, Jinki stretched his hand across the table, with the palm facing the air, inviting Kibum to reach it.
No need more words, he took one deep breath, and wrapped Jinki’s hand in his. Their eyes talking silently, making a beautiful melody only they could listen to.
To Kibum, out of all the times their eyes caught each other’s smile, Jinki beams the brightest today. His heart trembled once again, remind him to the first night their world clashed together. And with that, Kibum knows, he entrusted his heart in the right hand.
***
corrected a bit from the initial post in my AFF, typo wise only, so didn’t change anything. written in an alternate universe where people can love anyone they want and show it to the world as they pleased because love is beautiful. happy pride month! :)
