#onlinejournal

[jellyphone]

The quiet rush of cautious and gray river tides flowing between us

And a full moon that is too much, too bright for any facades tonight

I want to keep this longing as close to my heart as humanly possible

But I know that the Moon knows my secret when it shimmers in her eyes, dazing mine

So I will keep these stolen glances between the Moon and I

[livingthoughtfully]

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[hinatashoyo-desu]

062224

I decided to revisit a book in my shelf habang naghihintay ng mga confirmations sa mga inapplyan ko. Para din kasi mabalik ko yung hilig ko on reading books. Pinili ko ulit tong book na to. I bought it, I think, in 2016 ata? I'm not sure pero yun binili ko siya years ago.

And damn, revisiting books seems so helpful din talaga. Siguro kasi nasa age na ko when the author was at the same age when he published this. And this fucker made me cry. Kasi lahat ng nakalagay sa libro, totoo. From curiosity hanggang sa maging in-denial ka until ma-realize mo na you have to accept the reality but not abandoning what you really are as a person. Life lessons in a nutshell ganon. Tas sobrang timely din kasi gawa in my situation right now, nasa point na ko na I'm looking for my purpose in life. Nakakapagod, nakakasawa. But when I read this book again, I realized na it's pointing me from where I stopped the last time (iyak malala talaga). We're too busy finding our purpose in life to the point that we are forgetting who we really are as a person. Dahil na rin sa mga trials and challenges natin in life kaya ganon pero the book reminded me na it's all valid but always remember one thing, love and forgive. Always. Love yourself so that you can love others. Forgive yourself so that you can forgive others and have a peace of mind na sobrang hirap hanapin and makuha nowadays. And na-realize ko rin don na failures are things that you should accept so that you can ascend to even greater heights. Sa book, I saw it as Morrie's disease and death (sorry sa spoiler). It helped him realize the greater things in life not just being present or alive literally. And not just Morrie, even Mitch got his world turned upside-down when doing this "final thesis" with his coach.

Wala lang skl. Dami ko pa na-realize bukod dyan eh pero that's for me na lang din siguro. Sa ngayon, kung umabot ka man dito, I want to recommend you the book. If you're struggling to find yourself, try reading that. It really helps.

Yun lang. Salamat sa pagbabasa and sana masarap ulam mo today.

[minuluver]

3/7/2023

Work as normal. Went outside to view the cherry blossoms that were blooming to appreciate them before they're gone🌸 still trying to stick on my caloric restrictive diet~ picked up some lowishhhh calorie vinaigrette dressing.

Made appointments to go try on wedding dresses in Knoxville👰🏻‍♀️ I'm super excited! Looked at asking bridesmaids to be gifts~

Went to the gym and did a bunch of cardio~ a person near me ripped a smelly one while I was on the treadmill. The most terrible experience while running 🙀 I think it was the girl doing weighted sit ups lol~

My cat Meatball is super cute.

Did the new deep dungeon with Jaja, Split, and Suzu 🎉 stayed up too late trying to unlock the loporrit tribe quests and island sanctuary up keep🥹 also Devon got a haircut and is as always super handsome💕

[formeandmytherapist]

what is this for?

as it says, for me and my therapist. I just wanted a place where I could come and dump my thoughts. typing is faster and let’s my brain think as fast as I can type. so it’s like a journal. but, i want it to be public. there’s something about putting my thoughts, feelings, and emotions out there for others to see - even if no one sees them. and to keep it truly like an online journal - i’m anonymous. if i discuss people, they’ll have fake names. you’ll be able to gather some information about me, purely based on context clues, but hopefully, nothing that will lead you to me.

who is the you? the you is you. sure. but also me? anytime I ever tried to write in a journal growing up, i always would start to write it like i was talking to someone else or writing a book about my daily life. so. the you is you. the you is me. the you is the fictitious reader in my head (which is also kind of you).

CLEARLY, i am not trying to be proper with spelling, punctuation, grammar, or writing rules. these posts are purely streams of consciousness. 

is this actually for my therapist? well, probably not honestly. if i share this link with my therapist, i’ll likely write for my therapist and not for me. masking even in anonymous writing and that’s not the point. however, my therapist does give me writing props now and again or questions to think about and mull over. it may be easier for me to write those thoughts out here and then transfer to my therapist. that’s why its for me... and my therapist. 

i am still working on figuring out what i’ll be writing. will there be a sign off? will there be posts about people in my life? (fake names as previously mentioned). what about the places i live, travel, or deem important? my daily habits, my choice in food, my favorite tv shows and books. i am completely unsure. honestly i just don’t want people i know to find me out (especially if i’m talking about them). currently, i don’t see that happening, but what if i become this huge viral sensation where the WORLD demands to know who i am? then my secrets are out. for good. soooooo, you see the dilemma. 

anyway,  i got on here today to finally create this tumblr because i had something that i wanted to write about, but then i figured i should create some kind of introductory post. oofta. 

so signing off i suppose? by a letter? by a phrase? by a call to action? unsure. but just because i don’t do it in post one, doesn’t mean i can’t introduce it later. (she tells herself) (also I'm nonbinary) (so i’ll probably use different pronouns throughout) 

-me 

[latherthebloodonurhandsromeo]

having a bottom locker is so humiliating you're telling me i have to get on my knees to get my books fucking bullshit

[latherthebloodonurhandsromeo]

this is exactly how i feel everytime i ask anyone for help

[latherthebloodonurhandsromeo]

realized that i've seen the sun go up almost every day this week and that makes me happy. i'm glad i get to see the sun, and especially to see her get up in the morning even if it's later than i do.