#ooc blubbin

[clownfluid]

KNEES MYSELF IN THE FACE

i gOT GOOD NEWS TODAY

GENDER STUFF BELOW; AVOID IF THATS NOT UR THING

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ok so i talked to my counselor today about a multitude of things but also i made her focus on some of the trans stuff and what i would need to do step by fuckin step to get top surgery like give me a physical list of goals so i can do it

and then we went through some of that list and checked off enough of it already that she was able to make a thing for me iN SIX MONTHS to talk to the ppl in oakland about consultation!!!!!! and bc theres a surgeon now here IN FRESNO it might be possible that i wont even have to travel to get shit done like i wont have to have that horribly awkward family talk and all the shit along with it i could quite literally just WALK OUTTA THE HOUSE AND WALK BACK W/O TIDDIES AAAYYYYYYLMAOOooo

anyway all that means TLDR i have an appointment in 6 months to figure out what my insurance will cover and how much care i will need pre and post surgery and all the gritty technical details to seriously start gettin my chest fixed!!!!!!

SO IM REALLY HYPE ABT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM ONE BIG ASS STEP CLOSER!!!!!!!!

YALL GONNA SEE SO MUCH OF MY NIPPLES WHEN ALL THIS IS OVER LMAO

[clownfluid]

on oNe hand i feel really good today bc i cleaned house and showered and changed my bed sheets and did laundry and even shaved my faceu so everything is SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN but on the other hand the process of doing all that was fucking exhausting and horrible bc apparently there was some nasty ass fuckin?? mold?? on the wall that my bed is pressed against so i had to move and deep-clean E V E R Y T H I N G and use bleach on the wall and euGH the fumes were bad and i ended up throwing away two of my pillows and fucking . . . UHFUGHUDHGUHGHDSKJH . it was a god damn mess.

but now its all cleaned up and all thats left to deal with is a minor headache and babysitting for another hour so i guess the worst of it is over (i hope)

[clownfluid]

i cant tell if this new binder is too tight and causing my arm to go numb or if its honestly just the weird ass positions i sit around in during that weird ‘already dressed to go but not actually ready to go’ phase

[clownfluid]

so fuckin, im talking to my grandma about Cory coming here and shit and shes asking me what time and location and ‘R U SURE U HAVE UR PHONE CHARGED’ and blah blah and she suddenly sits me down and like

looks like shes gonna start giving me THE TALK™ so im like dear sweet god no but she fuckin,, starts out with like “honey,, just make sure u dont hang out with anyone who curses a lot,, ive heard u and ur friends in those calls of yours,, and u dont always talk nicely for public,,” and im like omfg NO SAYING THE FUCK WORD™ IN PUBLIC ! AGAINST THE RULES !

but i got the feeling that actually wasnt what she wanted to say but didnt say what she meant to say bc my grandpa is also in the room and he very much doesnt approve of me being trans etc etc but she does and she tries to be supportive and i know she hella worries about me in public spaces and like

im pretty sure that was her subtle way of saying keep ya trans ass safe out there (bc i think she figured out Cory was also trans when i kept saying SSSSSSHE with stupidly obvious emphasis,, god,,, take the hint,,,,)

and im like,, thank u grandmammy,, aaaa,,,  ; 0 ;

[clownfluid]

merrrrry holdiay guys  i feel like

absolute shit lmao

not mentally i guess im not actually in a bad mood but

whatever sickness my sister brought home from school just

nailed me square in the nuts. i am dying. and this nyquil tastes like battery acid but i slept like 14 hours so thats good

but i am kinda mad @ myself bc usually i send everyone little memey valentines but this year i could barely get out of bed 2 make this shitty text post so :c hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[clownfluid]

probably tmi but yknow i havent updated my #T tag in forever so

B O D Y H A I R

E V E R Y W H E R E

my gOD

IM SO SOFT??? SO WARM???

IT SSO FUCKING WEIRD BUT COOL BUT LIKE

SHIT

I DIDNT KNOW ITD BE EVERYWHERE SO FAST (dudes in my family arent usually this hairy thats why im like!!! WHAT!!! WAS MY BIO DAD A FUCKIN WEREWoLF??? . . . ‘cause im fine w/ that.)

I GOT SOME FUCKIN CHEST HAIR I GOT TUMMY HAIR I GOT THE TINIEST HAPPY TRAIL COMING IN DOWN YONDER

FUCKIN ARM HAIR IS GETTIN THICKER LEG HAIR IS A SMALL FOREST OF ITS OWN

FACE IS COMING AROUNd a lot slower tbh but still there my chin is gettin fuzzy its just not too visible yet which is ok i dont even know if i want a beard honestly just the ability to grow one would be A+

bUT LIKE

HOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i hope my voice gets even lower though i think it might have hit its max which im ok with i guess this is a pretty good point and i can force it to sound deeper if i put the effort in so this is fine

my face is still soft like a squishy baby so if anything im edging on vaguely androgynous still,

id post pictures but im still pretty acne riddled and uncomfortable w/ that bUT EVENTUALLY,,,, IM SURE,,,, maybe,,,, gufckgjk,,

still debating if i should cut all my hair off or keep growing it out bc right now its just a touch past my shoulders which is NICE but a pain in the ass and i know id probably pass a lot better w/ short hair . . 8(

and also im still excitedly jittering about waiting for an update on the doctor in fresno who can do top surgery bc after finding out my insurance will cover it ive just got to make the consultation appointment as soon as im given the green light and aaaaAAAAAAAA !    ! ! !    ! GOTTABEPATIENT.

anyway theres my update. like. (? 9 ? 10?  ..maybe more ive actually lost track. fuck.) months on testosterone ! \o/

[clownfluid]

>___>

so after another day of waking up unable to speak and being sick for a consecutive three weeks my doctor finally has an appointment slot open

t o m o rr o w . . 

granted the wait is my fault bc i refuse to see one of the random nurses this time bc last time i was super sick like this one of them told me ‘oh u just need to get more sleep sweaty :) and start eating beter!!1 :))’ and it was fucking strep throat mixed with the fantastic return of bronchitis SOOOOO!!!!!!!!

[clownfluid]

i literally cant believe im making this post but like ,

my friend shadows is a precious baby and fuickign convinced me & some friends to try league of legends with her, bc we’re oNLY playing bot matches so we avoid shitty people entirely, and like,,,

the game itself isnt that bad . . . >_____> . . its actually rlly similar to something i used to play except theres a lot more to it so im still very lost and dying

but we’re having fun fucking around when its just our team of friends VS robots, and its free and it can run even on the shittiest of computers so all our friends can do the thing,a ND JUIST, (..the ppl r still shitty but w/e)

so TLDR; i guess i play fucking leg of leg now add me @ meafy