silly little lloyd angst
Lloyd crept away from where the other ninja were hanging out and to his room. He slipped inside and quietly closed the door, breathing shakily. He had been so overwhelmed lately and he had known this was coming, but he wasn’t expecting it now.
He eased himself onto his bed, trying to muffle his sobs so the others wouldn’t hear. He didn’t need them thinking he wasn’t fit to be the Green Ninja. He already thought that about himself enough.
He buried his face in his pillow and just screamed. The world was relying on him, and he didn’t know if he could handle it. All his friends, Sensei, everyone in Ninjago, they were all counting on him to maintain the balance and defeat his father. Again and again, over and over.
And if he failed…
No. He already knew what would happen if he failed. He wouldn’t be able to defeat his father, and everyone in Ninjago would pay the price.
He never asked for this responsibility. He never asked to be the Green Ninja, to be the chosen one. Why him, of all people? Him, Lloyd Garmadon, son of the Dark Lord. Just a kid screaming into his pillow.
He sat back up and buried his face in his hands, his body racked with sobs. I wish Dad was here.
“Lloyd?”
He looked up and saw Kai standing in the doorway. He quickly wiped the tears from his cheeks and turned away so Kai wouldn’t see his tear-stained face or red, puffy eyes. “Hey.”
“I was wondering where you went.” He sat down next to Lloyd on his bed. He hesitated for a minute before asking, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” he sniffled. He could feel the tears coming again and struggled to keep them in. He wouldn’t cry, not in front of Kai.
“Are you sure? You…well, you don’t look so good.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s okay, Kai, really. You can go back to the others.” He definitely wasn’t very convincing, but he honestly just wanted Kai to leave.
“Okay, but as your older brother I am legally obligated to make sure you’re okay before I leave.”
Older brother. Kai’s words hit Lloyd in the chest like a bullet. He had grown to think of Kai as his brother, but he didn’t know that he felt the same. He let out a choked sob, both hands pressed over his mouth.
“Oh, no, Lloyd, I’m so sorry!” he exclaimed. “I didn’t mean- If you’re not comfortable with that- Oh, God, I didn’t mean to make you cry!”
“It’s not…your fault,” Lloyd managed. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
“You know, it's okay to hurt, to feel pain, to be upset,” Kai told him.
Lloyd shook his head fervently. “No. No, not when you’re me. Not when you’re the Green Ninja.”
“Lloyd-”
“Not when you’re the guy everyone else looks to for support. That’s when you have to be strong. For them.”
He hadn’t realized that he had started crying again until he felt the tears running down his face. Once the first tears started, he couldn’t stop. He started sobbing, leaning against Kai for support. Kai put his arm around Lloyd, slipping into the big brother mode that he knew all too well. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not, I have to be strong, I’m the Green Ninja! I have to save the world!” he cried. “And if I fail-”
He put a hand over his mouth to muffle his scream of anguish. At his cry, the lightbulb on his ceiling exploded, showering them with glass.
“Whoa!” Kai exclaimed. “Did you know you could do that?”
Lloyd looked just as shocked. “No, that’s never happened before.”
They sat in silence for a minute before Kai asked, “Lloyd?”
“Yeah?”
“Is this where you go when you disappear?”
“What?”
“When you disappear at night. We all wonder where you are. Is this what you’re doing?”
He took a shaky breath. “Sometimes. Sometimes I train, sometimes I come in here. Whenever I need to clear my head.”
Kai nodded. “We all have our ways of dealing with stuff. I know it’s a lot harder on you.”
“Yeah.”
“You probably want me to leave. I can go if you want.” He stood up and made his way to the door.
“Kai?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you stay? I don’t want to be alone.”
He smiled. “Sure, kid.”