#op.dancing9

[idryusan]

soured.

@idjunseo, after filming for ep 1 of dancing9.

the teams are finalized, and they’re left clumped together in their new color-coded labels. red and blue. so simplistically primary. but it doesn’t really feel that way when san meets junseo’s eyes, when they’re pulled on the same side of that dividing line. and san, like most of his schedules, hadn’t picked this. hadn’t fought for it. midas had just written it down, and off he’d been shipped. he hadn’t wanting to make a re-acquaintance out of junseo. and san knows that junseo feels much the same way about him. old rivalries. soured emotions. in the end, in that midas free-for-all battle, san supposes he won. the reward, in the end, seemed lacking. 

a quiet part of him might wonder what junseo feels for the whole affair. but san’s not so receptive to listening to it.

but ryu san is nothing if not shackled to his image, his fake persona within the group. so when they’re grabbed one by one to discuss their groups, it nearly comes naturally. as natural as the unnatural can sound, at least. “it will be so nice working with dahyun, as she’s my label mate, so we can already understand each other’s styles.” that’s the easiest, the most basic. but does anyone expect anything more than vaguely sweet and largely basic when they sit him down in front of the camera anymore? “and maybe you know? actually, before milo was a part of atlas, he used to dance backup for olympus. so i’m really excited for this opportunity to work with him now that he’s managed to prove himself as such a talented dancer.” that comes next.

he wonders if their fans will fight each other more than they already do because it. “sejun’s in atlas too, so i think it will be really interesting to work with them. i’m really a fan of atlas’ choreography.” san admits, and that’s his kernel of truth before the storm of a lie he’s about to tell on junseo’s behalf. the interviewer perking up with a hidden detail “so i heard that you and junseo used to train at midas together for a bit.” and san has to smile. what else can he do? but he’s been in this game for long enough that it doesn’t trip him up so much as drag up that blanket of perfected polite and obnoxiously shy.

“yes, we trained together when we were a lot younger. actually, i remember wanting to get close to him. but i think i just found him intimidating? i guess i was even more shy, then.” a bashful smile, and san hides it behind his fingers. this is very much calculated. junseo’s in a scandal, and he hopes he can stir it up. hopes there are olympian keyboard warriors out there raging about how san had enough sense to stay away from him. hopes it raises at junseo’s hackles. “it would have been nice to get closer to more of my same-age friends and make precious memories. but maybe we can do that now on the show. it’s regrettable that our interests never managed to match up before olympus’ lineup was finalized.”

he’s let off the hook for the wrap of an interview after that. and what does san care if junseo hears? but he bumps into him backstage anyway when they drag off one of the two atlas boys to go next. “exciting, right?” san asks, his voice sarcastic, sharp. and he’s already managed to remind himself of the same haughty, expectant tone he used to level junseo with back in the training rooms in midas so many years ago. it still doesn’t matter to him now, how much progress junseo has made, or how much he’s improved. in san’s eyes, he’s an underachiever and it’s not liable to change. “too bad we can’t trade you off, like baseball.” san notes, despite the fact that he only has the vaguest notions of how inter-team baseball training even works. or baseball in general. 

[idryusan]

hypoxia.

@idmilo, ep 1 of dancing9, during filming.

this is the first real time they’ve worked together while both being established. they had in the past, when milo used to backdance for olympus. but it’s a little different. despite it, it still brings with it a wash of nostalgia, back from those days. san had gotten himself wound up tight. as tight as he was able, anyway. he hadn’t had time for dating around the time of olympus’ debut. his entire focus was on his career., everything else fell to the wayside. potential friendships, finishing high school, and definitely dating. 

but, from san’s point of view, they’d gotten close. he’d been around his age and interested in talking. and so san gravitated toward him and away from his group members. would find slivered out hallways and cram both of their bodies back there between takes, if only to hide from taeho or seokyung. he remembers milo’s fingers working into stiff calf muscles, remembers talking intermittently about groups, or about potential auditions in milo’s future. remembers that overeager zealousness when they found somewhere cramped and quiet, to shove themselves closer. rough lips, curious hands.

but san didn’t have time for milo. his focus was singular, and if it threatened to split, then his mother was already there. ready to slap on some blinkers, or to grab him forcefully enough to redirect his attention. milo should have washed away. evaporated. dried up. something. but he didn’t. san always found him again, but it feels ingrained now to keep pulling back. and at this point, there’s some undiagnosed fear of giving in. milo’s been a presence in his life, sure. but have they ever really collapsed in front of each other? let down those walls for long enough to allow in reality. 

at this point it’s been so long. nearly too long. sometimes it feels fake. whatever understanding they have of each other. sometimes san’s not sure like he feels like himself when milo stares at him, rapt. sometimes it feels like he might be in love with a false image of him. but maybe that’s san projecting without realizing it. maybe that’s what happens when you grow up surrounded by people proclaiming their love for you, people who don’t even know the first thing about you. that want to hurt you just to remember them by. selfish. and that’s what san became.

san tries not to let the backlog of memories catch up to him while there’s a couple of cameras propped up around the room. milo’s sitting at his side, and they don’t even have to pretend that they might not have known each other that well. that fun snippet of trivia had already been brought out by the pd’s, san’s sure it’ll be edited into the teaser. “you think we’ll get sorted into the same team?” san asks, and he’s note entirely sure if it’s all pre-selected, or if they’re actually being judged throughout the show. but either way, he hadn’t gotten a finalized list himself.