#openletterthatmatters

[minnielovedo]

To the person who came too soon,

It all started from just a mere thought of happiness upon reading your messages and upon talking nonsense with you. It developed through time. I came to a point of non-stop daydreaming about you - about us. Then one day came that all of those became a glimpse of reality and just like what glimpse is all about, it ended up to soon.

[minnielovedo]

Sana okay ka lang. Nagsilbing hudyat ang pangyayaring ito para mas pagbutihin ko pa ang pagkilala sa sarili ko. I am always looking forward for that same bright and genuine smile na nakita ko noong huli tayong nagkita. I am always eager to hear your kind words and cheerful stories from your personal experiences. I will always look at you in secret but I hope that no more malice dreaming about you shall come upon my vulnerable heart. Till I see your smile once again for now this is my thoughts. I hope you have no regrets and you are feeling at ease right now.

my heart, crush

March 23, 2017 ㅣ Thursday

[minnielovedo]

To the person who captivates my attention and emotion,

Thanks for not being curious at all. I just realized how much I became so curious about you lately to the point that I really wanna know every details of your day upto the very silly and random things that you were thinking at the moment. I guess it was just me who become so much attached to you. You know what? I would really appreciate if you would make an effort to stalk me or to ask something more about me, but you didn’t.

I know for sure that God is telling me to let myself grow and give up my hopes in you. He is constantly reminding me that it is clearly stated through your actions and your words that there was nothing to hold on to, that there is no legit reason for me to waste my time and emotion thinking whether you also feel the same and whether you also suffers from the same urge of curiosity like what I am desperately doing right now.

Thank you for not being curious, it literally taught me that in building a relationship, you can’t force someone to be attracted to you. It requires motives and choices. When someone completely likes you, definitely that someone will make an effort and unstoppable passion to know you more and more each day.

From seeing myself as a less valued person to the person I came to like - yah its’s you, I am now eager to level up my outlooks in life while making a better version of myself.

Thanks for letting me know that from just a nobody I could be someone without being somebody’s.

The struggle is real. It would take time for me to fully heal myself and to finally remove you from my system but I will not stop until once again I can able to spend each day not hoping for you to look at me.

[minnielovedo]

To the person I once thought to be my First!

While scrolling my news feeds in FB nakita ko sila. Happy together, going stronger. I was in a deep realization, indeed I was happy for him. Natatawa ako kasi nung time na nasaktan ako halos isumpa ko sya, pero pinili kong manahimik, pinili kong umiyak mag-isa, pinili kong maging malakas nung una para sa intensyong makita nya yung halaga ko pero hindi yun naging ganun instead nakita ko yung true value ng sarili ko and yung promising future ahead of me. Nakabangon ako after few months of bitterness and sorrow! Shocks sixteen years old ako nun, Biterenaryang Koleheyala Hahahahahaha nakakatawa talaga.

Ganito pala yung feeling na wala ka na talaga nararamdamang kurot sa puso mo sa tuwing makikita mo sya sa piling ng iba. Yeeez dati kasi stalk ako ng stalk tapos nasasaktan talaga ako kapag may post sila nung gurl kahit ang babaw lang talaga nung relationship na meron sila nung time na yun. I tend to always compare myself dun sa girl na yun, tipong advantageous lage yung tingin ko sa sarili ko. Indeed feel ko talaga na hindi naman ako ang nawalan, sadyang hindi ko lang matanggap na kailangang paasahin ako to the point na lipad na lipad na ako sa ere tapos wala naman pala akong kasamang lumipad! Kahit sana sabay kaming mag sky-diving sa hinagpis eh pero wala ako lang talaga yung nasaktan I guess. Kala ko talaga mag kaka boyprend na ako for the first time in poreber! Hahaha

Clarification lang ha, one of my High School Bestfriends si guy and later part of our senior year, nagkaspark kami hahaha lesheng retreat at prom yan! Bakit magkasunod! Na attached tuloy ako ng sobra! Mutual Understanding lang naman yun but I guess Magulong Usapan lang talaga and at my side MisUnderstanding pala. Tapos yung current GF nya today, hindi sya yung girl na pinili nya after me, bago na! Hahaha karma is life eh, mejo flirty kasi yung girl na yun back then. Pero etong current GF is very much admirable naman I guess based on what I've observed.

I therefore conclude that, I am happy for them. Four years na ata sila. Nakita ko kung gaano sila mag care sa isa’t-isa. I just need to accept na I am not the person designed to compliment him. Kung ano man yung meron samin dati, nangyari na yun… wala na akong laban dun, at mas lalong hindi na dapat panghawakan pa. Natuto na akong magpatawad. In fact, there was a time na nagkatagpo ulit yung landas namin ni guy and with that very short moment deep inside I know that the smile we gave to eachother is a genuine smile of friendship…. nothing more nothing less. Ginawa kong lakas para umusad yung sakit na naramdaman ko and I am perfectly fine right now. One more thing is that, NAKAKALOKA MU LANG NAMAN PERO ANG LALIM NG HUGOT KO! Kasi naman I am a super fan of the idea “High School Sweethearts” akala ko that time matutupad ko na yung pantasya ko eh, kaya push na push ko idikit yung sarili ko. Hindi pala. Sobra lang talaga ako magpahalaga sa feelings. MU lang yun ha, what more pa kaya sa seryoso at matured kind of attractive approach when it comes to love? Hahahahaha

Dami ko talak, again this is my very long story regarding my second heartbreak experience.. yung una “First Love: A One Sided Sad Story” pero ayoko na mag talk about dun.

This is, Babaeng naniniwala sa Seasons of Life, sa Divine Annointing, sa Missing Rib Destiny at sa Forever be yours tagline….

[minnielovedo]

To the person who was unlabeled

My sincerest "Sorry"

If you happened to be my victim for being numb and insensitive.

If you did your best trying to make me want you or to let me feel I’m special.

If you sacrificed some of your time trying to let me feel you’re waiting there on the other side. Whenever I ask, you answer. Whenever I talk, you reply. Whenever I’m sad, you speak jokes. Whenever I’m tired, you cheer me up.

If you chose to give up your sleep just to make time talking non-sense with me.

If you did a lot of efforts just to help me sort things up and you now feel like as if I only took advantage of you.

If you think you almost have seen the inner me but you feel like I’m blinding you to see more.

If you think that I opened my labyrinth of feelings just to lock you up with questions “are we US? secretly sinking inside your thoughts.

Many things to be sorry..

You know what, I just need to because I’ve been here in a partly same situation before. I know for sure that the same feelings are repeating again it’s too personal and I don’t wanna end up hurting myself much harder than before. I just need a break - not a Kitkat! But a total break. I’m trying to make a better version of myself for now. That “Self” that could turn all those “Fear" into “Confidence.”

But sometimes, I’m waiting. Waiting for your concerns. Waiting for our great comeback to the way we used to be…strangers but shares the same struggles together. 😊

#4amFeels #unspokenwords #thoughts

[minnielovedo]

A forward note

I invited you to my world before, but I guess you didn’t have enough curiosity to come and visit. Now if you are reading this by now and if you sense something remarkable or something worth remembering from the past. I hope it’s not too late. I hope I’m still available. I hope that there’s still a place reserved for you somewhere inside. Again I’m an open book eversince all I demand is courage, curiosity and a strong spirit of initiative to know me better. 😊

-Page 12 Book 2017

[minnielovedo]

To the person who used to call me "Andak"

I miss you so much Lolo. Kanina nung nakasakay ako sa jeep biglang may sumakay na matandang lalaki kasama nya yung apo nyang babae, biglang nagising yung utak ko na kailangan ko palang umusad sa loob para makaupo kaagad yung matanda, tapos may isa ding senior na nagmadaling lumipat ng upuan para lang makaupo agad yung kapwa matanda. Naramdaman ko yung compassion sa loob ng jeep, na everyone has the will to give help. Nagkatabi kami nung matanda and suddenly umiral na naman ang pagiging iyakin ko. Ka aura nya somehow ang lolo ko. Naimagine ko na sana naranasan din yun ng lolo ko, yung akayin ng apo nya sa byahe at kung saan man sya pupunta. Sana… pero okay na ako. Okay na kami. Sapat na talaga yung mga alaala ko sa kanya. Sapat na yung sa tuwing naririnig ko ang tito na tinatawag akong “Andak” nararamdaman kong naging kakatuwa akong apo sa mata ng lolo at may nagmana naman nung palaging sambit ng lolo. Minsan okay nadin talaga sa akin na maging pandak kasi yun yung pinakaremarkable na admiration sakin ng lolo. Nakakamiss yung sa tuwing tambay ako sa bahay eh bibiruin nya lang ako saglit tapos aasarin nya ako. Yung sa twing uuwi sya galing bayan eh may pasalubong sya sa amin. Yung tuwing may bisita ipapakilala nya kami isa-isa at feel na feel nya na mga apo nya kami. 🤗💕💜

Its been almost 10 years.. and I still remember you. I just miss you today lolo. 😭

[minnielovedo]

To the person who made me somehow crazy

STOP

I promise, one day. I’ll stop checking on my inbox if you texted, I’ll stop looking at my active friends just to see if you are on-line, I’ll stop refreshing my notifications hoping you wrote a comment or liked my posts, I’ll stop sending you messages to check how are you doing. I’ll stop hoping that one day you’ll notice me. I’ll stop pretending that everything is fine, when actually not. I’ll stop being there for you when you’re bored. I’ll stop being unhappy knowing you never liked me. I’ll stop overthinking that you are having fun with somebody else. I’ll stop creating stories in my head that one day you’ll appreciate my efforts. I’ll stop chasing you when everything you did is run. I’ll stop loving when you make me feel so unloved.

One day, I’ll stop and you’ll start to notice.

Ynah Empuerto @youcompleteyourself —————————————- As I was reading this composition, I evaluated some portion of my unspoken F’s and it was like: Awe… Ughhhh! Nakakarelate!

“Okay! I need to refresh! No more further second thoughts or longing emotions, no more malice dreamings! There’s no undo’s and redo’s when it comes to feelings, once felt? forever it will be.” There’s no easy way to move on but as we go forward we need to make sure that we are growing. What’s moving on if you’re not trying to grow at all cost?!

Just try it in a bit portion day by day, again, “it only takes 21 long days to make a habbit.” 🤗🙏🏻