A few big things have happened since the last time I wrote a thing. In some kind of chronological order:
I met my S.O. in person for the first time ever since we became official
I am therefore not single for the first time in my life, and we’re hoping that I will never be single again
I went on a great trip with my S.O. and two mutual friends
I have been awarded a doctorate!
My sister is breaking up with her boyfriend of 8 years
So I guess I’d just like to jot down some thoughts I’ve had about... all of the above and more. For record purposes and future reference.
My PhD was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve lost time, health, and so much of myself to it, and maybe some of the damage is permanent. Still, recovery is very possible, and often quick.
I cannot recommend anyone to do a PhD unless they really want a career in academia. It has the potential to destroy your self-esteem, skew your sense of self-worth, and it will take years before you get the you should be writing internal mantra out of your head, if ever.
Though if it doesn’t kill you, it hardens you and makes you resilient as hell. No criticism can hurt you, no condescension can harm you. Nothing can be worse than what you’ve been told, either by supervisors/reviewers, or in my experience, by yourself.
You will approach every problem assuming there is a solution, or at least some action that can be taken to address the present situation. It’s not only practical, it’s proactive and assertive.
In comparison, I feel much more passive when it comes to romance. It found me. My S.O. and I found one another. It was luck, or fate, or chance, or destiny. We pursued and perused, sure, but the impetus sure didn’t draw primarily from either of us.
Despite what society may tell you, obtaining romance is not an achievement, having a date is not something to boast about, and getting married is not some amazing feat. (I can now say this without sounding like a bitter single.)
However, a romance that has matured, a date that has developed into something deeper, and working to stay married - these are all extremely admirable and deserve utmost respect.
I was happily single, and both my S.O. and I were fine with remaining single for a long, long time, when romance came into the scene. This is how we know we love one another, and not the idea of our being a couple.
You can be single and happy. Of course, there are times when it’s lonely, and I’d be lying if I didn’t look at the way my sister was pampered by her boyfriend without feeling some hard-to-place sort of ache, but on the other hand, I was spared from a lot of pain that only coupled people experience.
My sister claims that her boyfriend of eight years was convenient: she only needed to ask and he would drive her to the hairdressers, watch movies with her, dine out with her. He bought her expensive things, lived close by, and had a good reputation. They were in a relationship that, conveniently and comfortably, made her feel loved and wanted... but that doesn’t mean she loved him.
He answered to her every whim, and was willing to offer and give without asking much in return. And so she took and took and took. It was not an equal relationship. If you want him to treat you like a princess, then you must treat him with the dignity of a prince.
Being equals in a relationship doesn’t mean being the same, nor does it mean the same level at all times. When one is weak, the other gets strong. When one is vulnerable, the other protects. When one is impulsive, the other must be rational. It’s a matter of taking turns, of give and take, of balance and compromise.
I can’t stress enough how thankful I am that my S.O. and I have been friends among a group of mutual friends for five years before we got romantically involved. Thanks to that, so many potentially awkward or even dangerous topics were already addressed and resolved when we were friends.
I have nothing against those who go straight from stranger to dating, but please for the love of yourself and the other person, take your time to know the person first.
Maybe it’s because I’m in my late-twenties... I know some people don’t like to talk about more sensitive personal boundaries (e.g. physical, psychological, religious, political) right off the bat, but I think, if the other person doesn’t respect that from the start, are they worth the time?
Lastly, seeing as my sister left her boyfriend hanging after getting close to another guy with whom she’s “just friends” but have talked about very romantically-exclusive matters, one of my best friends said it best: If you must jump into another relationship, end the current one properly. You don’t want your ex to say “he/she cheated on me”. You don’t want to be that person in their story.
I think it says a lot about the present state of anime when the thing that impressed me the most about the new season of Boku no Hero Academia is this lady:
Yes, she is a BDSM-themed heroine whose quirk is being able to release sleep-inducing aroma from her bare skin - hence the body suit. But the most pleasantly surprising thing about her is this:
Do you see it? Do you see it?
You don’t? NEITHER DO I.
There. Is. No. Boob. Jiggle.
I’m so happy about this right now. Good on you, Bones!
Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (or however many you have altogether. WIPs count). See if there are any patterns. Then, tag your favorite authors.
Taken from @cathcacen. I’ll include both fiction and non-fiction in here, and going back in time from #1. Details and thoughts under the cut.
1. The narrative for an illustration (AoH)
Having somehow figured out the way to control Wind to the point where she was no longer cutting up herself, she decided to continue with her attempt to "branch out", seeing as she could really refine her Lightning nowhere further in this academy.
2. A narrative to complement a single comic page (AoH)
"Why don't you just try out some of the other classes?"
3. A reflective piece on my beloved pets (Non-Fic)
A piece of my heart went with Otto, my family pet of twelve years, when he died late last year after surgical complications.
4. A short piece to explore a new character (RP)
She dusts off the thick slab of sandstone and inspects the line gleaming in the late-morning sun - a vein in the rock, possibly a precious metal, more probably not.
5. A piece from the perspective of my pettiest character (RP)
He’s on his way to the archives room to make sure their intelligence is updated as per Captain Haile’s orders when he strides past the other lieutenant.
6. A solemn piece with lots of action and emotion (RP)
The bells sound - not the melodic tolling that preludes a joyous occasion, but the quick, deep bangs that shake him to the core.
7. A reflection based on the movie La La Land (Non-Fic)
The movie attempts to illustrate the struggles of free-spirited artists who nevertheless fight their hardest to pursue their passion, but I don’t think it quite… gets the whole picture.
8. Back to fiction, we have the dork being serious for once (RP)
His entire body hurts when he wakes up.
9. A reminder for myself and all the researchers out there (Non-Fic)
Research is hard, and you go through a lot of disappointment because of failed experiments, unsupported arguments, insufficient references, lack of samples/resource/data, bad timing, not to mention all the politics and conflicts of interest on the human side of things.
10. Something dramatic and made me really use my imagination (RP)
This day has come finally, but at the same time it has come too soon.
11. A poetic outlet (Non-Fic)
I’m tired.
12. Backstory time (RP)
Despite what people say, Serrah still thinks of her father as a loving, caring man who wants nothing but the best for his family.
13. A PSA (Non-Fic)
Please please please please PLEASE never assume that an artist will draw for you for free.
14. Another short piece where the dork gets antsy and a bit angsty (RP)
She didn’t come home with you?
15. Some free prose in an attempt to cope with a pet’s death (Non-Fic)
In a few hours, we’ll say goodbye.
16. Personal testimony regarding mental health (Non-Fic)
Experience tells me it’s possible.
17. An attempt at overcoming an impending panic attack (Non-Fic)
So I’m going through the manuscript of the fourth chapter of my thesis and golly my supervisor’s really ripped into it hard eh.
18. A few months before my dog passed away, his best friend died (Non-Fic)
I went to visit a dog who is spending her last day in this world as I write this, thinking I could give her something before she goes.
19. Encouragement from a famous poem (Non-Fic)
Far be it for me to compare my situation to a victim of such inhumanity, but the lines of this poem has given me strength in recent times.
20. A reminder to myself to look forward to the future (Non-Fic)
The Rock-It Scientist is back in the lab.
I guess I either don’t mince words or I make it really vague with some random line with no context huh. My tone really changes between fiction and non-fiction of course, but there’s a lot of variation within the non-fiction pieces too.
Research is hard, and you go through a lot of disappointment because of failed experiments, unsupported arguments, insufficient references, lack of samples/resource/data, bad timing, not to mention all the politics and conflicts of interest on the human side of things.
Once in a while, though, you get these moments when you feel like you’re making a real difference to the world. Moments when you have an idea that you feel can really contribute to the pool of knowledge. Moments when you feel genuine love and passion for what you do.
Oftentimes these moments eventually turn out to be moot, and the reasons for your joy get negated or nullified by one thing or another.
Nevertheless, hold onto these moments.
Just that they were officially insufficient for your research, doesn’t mean they weren’t achievements. They mark moments when you think of something you’ve never thought of before, in ways you’ve never used to think before. They mark moments of your personal growth as an academic.
Be happy for yourself. Congratulate yourself. Know that these achievements matter - if to no-one else, they matter to you.
Tired of being an accomplished child,
Tired of being a supportive daughter.
Tired of being a role-model cousin,
Tired of being a caring sister.
Tired of being a passionate scientist,
Tired of being a curious worker.
Tired of being a disciplined student,
Tired of being a helpful tutor.
Tired of being an efficient catechist,
Tired of being a reliable conductor.
Tired of being a knowledgeable liturgist,
Tired of being a punctual teacher.
Tired of being the pillar of strength,
Tired of being rational.
Tired of being the voice of reason,
Tired of being careful.
Tired of being told
I’m essential, indispensable, irreplaceable.
Tired when people hold
Me liable, responsible, accountable.
Tired of seeing another false-image,
Tired of hearing another’s fears.
Tired of smelling another stale coffee,
Tired of tasting another bout of tears.
Tired of feeling like anxieties are secrets,
Tired of “I’ve got to be tough”.
Tired of feeling like smiles are masks,
Tired of “not enough”.
Tired of chasing that beacon of hope,
And missing it each time I leap.
Tired of finding that faith in myself,
And losing it when I dig too deep.
Tired of living up to expectations,
But never satisfied.
Tired of longing for freedom,
But my hands are always tied.
I’m tired.
Sometimes I want to break the tether.
I’m tired.
Sometimes I want to sleep forever.
And wake up in a place
Where I have no name -
A place where I am free,
And can cry without shame.
I’m tired, I’m weary,
But I set my face as stone.
My cross is mine to carry
Onto a path unknown.
