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Horoscope Change

In light of recent studies found, our familiar 12 horoscope signs have added a new friend, making the total 13 zodiacs.

Ophiucus is our zodiacs newest friend. The ancient Greeks overlooked this sign due to the fact they wanted an even twelve symbols. Twelve was regarded as a lucky number in the ancient Greek culture, so they overlooked a thirteenth zodiac sign. Also, the realignment of stars over thousands of years means that the constellations the Greeks were seeing don't appear at the same time they do in this era. Meaning what you think your zodiac is now, may not be your true sign at all.

The industry that has taken the biggest hit from this disaster? 1980's video dating services. Previously happily married couples who met under the familiar phrase "What's your sign," are rapidly divorcing in record numbers.Once one member of the relationship finds out that their spouse isn't quite a Gemini any more, all hell breaks loose. One particularly devastated couple claimed that, "We can't have a relationship built on lies. I thought he was a Capricorn. But it turns out he's just a no-good Sagittarius. A Sagittarius!"

Second biggest industry to take a hit: a tie between psychics and fortune cookies.

As the initial shock of this zodiac shift evaporates, things are bound to return to normal. As people adjust to their new signs and inevitably adopt completely different personalities as preconceived by the stars, things will settle. So let completely unrelated astrological phenomenons dictate your whole life, and kiss those carefree days of being a 'Libra' away, and say hello to workaholic 'Taurus.' And remember, just because you were one way before, doesn't exclude you from having to change your personality to fit your sign. You don't think you have more control over your life than the stars do you?

So here's to the lucky folk who get to change their life. And just for kickers, here's the new traits of an Ophiucus:

"An Ophiucus is bold and deserving. Not one to be pushed around, the Ophiucus never back down from a fight. However, he has a lighter side. Given the option, the Ophiucus will take the gentler approach. Loving and caring, however also cold and distant. The Ophiucus sees beauty wherever he goes, and has the wonder and imaginations of a child. But in most times, the Ophiucus must see things for what they truly are, and be mature and real. He is quiet and reserved. But also, charismatic and outgoing. All Ophiuci are born leaders and extra achievers. But enjoy not having responsibiliy, and often slack off. He is wise, yet simple. And chooses to be strong when he is weak. Ophiucus is confident, yet insecure. Clever, and dull. And of course, the Ophiucus is mostly angelic, but usually devilish."

And if that applies to you too, you are probably an oxy-moron.