Nov 3, 2022
It's funny.. the more time passes, the more I understand you, and the more I transform myself into who you are. Yeah, I do.
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It's funny.. the more time passes, the more I understand you, and the more I transform myself into who you are. Yeah, I do.
I keep thinking about that thing you said that time.
"What if you were here right now? How would it be?"
Well, you know I'm going. Not this year, not anymore.
Not because I'm a coward, how I thought before.. no.
But because I'm too happy here to go away right now.
I got the feeling you wanted to rush me that other time.
Like, you tried to convince me it was better going soon..
I don't really know. It's all messed up in my head, darling.
All these years.. I never imagined you that way.
But you did it with me, right? Out of nowhere..
I really don't get all of this. I just.. I want you SO BAD now!
I'm really afraid to mess things up forever by meeting you.
Yo quiero un día mirar hacia atrás y decir que todo esto fue parte de una hermosa historia!
Maybe we're fucking soulmates, maybe we're nothing at all. There's no middle ground here. That's the only thing I know.
I keep wondering when will be our time, if there will be such a thing.. yeah, I feel not available right now, and I imagine you're not too. But I still feel it, darling. Oh, I really do.. I'm waiting to being able to deal with all of this. Now I'm working on myself, focusing on my things, getting stuff done. Trying to organize and understand my mind and also my heart. These past few days, hearing your voice again has awaken that peace I used to experience back then, when we talked; but.. I'm not much in peace while I think about talking to you and decide not to. It's not the time for us, I know that. Maybe one more month, or two. Maybe only next year, when I'll see your sweet pretty face in front of me and touch you for the first time. Couldn't help daydreaming with your kiss at this at this very moment. Damn, you're still the only one I really want.. I miss you, boy.
Thinking of you again. I'm here, in the middle of the night, looking at the stars and wondering how you've been. Oh darling, I wanted to tell you I'm missing our talking, but I'm not gonna do that. I just know that it's not our time, and well, don't even know if there's gonna be something like that in the future. But now I get you, I calmed down.. if it's gonna be great for both of us, it'll just happen, right? And if it's not.. I just wanna see you happy. I gotta find myself before meeting you — and that may sounds like expectations.. but the truth is that I keep seeing a potential here. And I gotta find myself anyway, for me, you know. I'm already on my path.. it's been amazing! Hope that you're doing that for yourself too. I only wanted to tell you're still in my dreams.. oh, perhaps I already met your soul there. Your green eyes keep visiting me at my sleep.. but I'm managing to not dream that much about you while I'm awake. Almost told you that I found your playlists.. I couldn't play them. I just feel like I want so bad to know you more and more, but it's not for now. Not now, no. Someday I wish you'll want to share them with me, and that would be even better than stalk you. Maybe all those scenarios won't be true, not even that one where you'll braid my hair as promised.. but I can handle that. I already imagined so many things, a lifetime with you: marriage, even kids! But I don't really wanna feed thoughts like that. Things have changed inside me.. they change every sweet day! Also, you already taught me a lot.. so much, really. In that short time, you made me see many things at another perspective and brought up some stuff I needed to take a careful looking at. You're special, and I'm grateful for knowing you.
Somos luz, mas por tanto tempo andei nas trevas.. preciso me acostumar com a claridade pra seguir a minha caminhada, com ou sem você ao meu lado. Nós temos tanta beleza dentro da gente, mas também há espinhos no nosso coração. Quero me aproximar; eu não quero te assustar, e não quero te perder. Seu olhar me encanta, é por isso que não posso te ver – sei que vou ceder. Espero conseguir organizar o caos que que está dentro de mim, e ir ao encontro de tudo aquilo que fugi por grande parte da minha vida. Não vou fugir de você, não é isso. Te deixo pra depois, com a fé de que tudo aquilo que tiver que acontecer entre nós vai se dar no tempo certo e da melhor maneira possível pra ambos. Te quero!
Eu não sei como isso é possível.. mas você é tudo que sempre sonhei. Nunca pensei que encontraria alguém tão parecido comigo! E pelo que pude conhecer até agora, as partes que não se assemelham tanto assim comigo são aspectos que eu admiro, que gostaria de transformar em mim. Você nem faz ideia do quanto me faz bem, do quanto me incentiva em tantos sentidos a ser alguém melhor. Ah, eu só quero poder finalmente viver algo real!