Rating all the power equipment i am certified to use
I can’t sleep so here are some thoughts I have at work while i move stuff around with dangerous machines
Electric Pallet Jack
I guess you count as power equipment? I had to pass a training to use you
[Image ID: a red and black electric pallet jack, a tool used to roll pallets along the ground]
Vroom: 0/10. you are so quiet and just a hair slower than a natural walking pace. i think it is on purpose
Fear: 0/10. you have the equivalent destructive power of a kitten, in that the most dangerous thing about you is the possibility of tripping over you
Spinny: 0/10. you are a pallet jack. you turn like a train trying to turn off its tracks. you turn worse than a normal pallet jack and that is already a high bar. using you is awkward as fuck
Special Rating:
Cute: 10/10. we name each one and they are our perfect children.
Narrow Aisle Reach Truck
AKA the Diet Forklift.
[Image ID: a yellow and black narrow aisle reach truck, a small forklift with its front wheels out in front of it for extra stability, and extendable forks]
Vroom: 5/10. Very speedy but quiet, except for the constant beeping.
Fear: 7/10. You move too fast in tight spaces. I will run over somebody’s toes in this someday, possibly my own.
Spinny: 9/10. Would be 10/10 except for the fucking wheel arms i always forget about. RIP to anything stored on ground level, i am running into everything
Special Rating:
Controls: 0/10. Some engineer is extremely proud of your ergonomic controls, but your steering wheel is sideways. Besides, just because you *can* mash five different control functions into one everything-lever, doesn’t mean you *should*.
Order Picker
a rolling Tower of Terror
[Image ID: a yellow and black order picker. it is a machine with an open platform that raises and lowers. The driver wears a safety harness and drives from the platform.]
Vroom: 5/10. You are a reach truck, except the driver is also the cargo.
Fear: 10/10. You are a torture device. You are a railings-free platform fifteen feet in the air where I load/unload expensive heavy things. I would like to melt you into scrap.
Spinny: 7/10. Zero turn is nice, unless you have a big long platform swinging around behind you like a giant destructive metal tail
Special Rating:
Fear (again): 10/10. I will drive you into the fires of mount doom
Forklift
My boy. My lad, even. My best friend.
[Image ID: A yellow and black propane-powered forklift]
Vroom Factor: 8/10. Goes goes goes, and barely notices the bumps. Gets loud, but only when fast
Fear: 3/10. I should be more afraid of you but I love you too much
Spinny: 9/10. So spinny. But you have a fat ass and big long forks.
Special Rating:
Zoom 10/10. You are so fast and I love driving you. Let’s go stack pallets all day.
