This question has been dwelling in my inbox for a while now. I apologize for the wait, but when I first received this question and thought about it, I... stumbled across a strange feeling. When I really think about my tree, I felt some kind of sadness, or nostalgia, or-- something, an emotion that washes over me and made me feel off. So, between this ask being sent and me typing out an answer now, I've been searching for answers. The full story is hidden below for those interested, but I can't promise I have an answer. I can only tell you what I do know.
I remember when the world was young, father created this tree along with me. It became my home, and the tree hasn't moved since - that's why it's seemingly in the middle of the city, father did not move the tree. I never really asked about it, why I have my tree as my home, while Cedric and Prototype have regular houses. It just never occurred to me as a question I should ask, but also it's because for as long as I have lived, the tree felt like... home. It felt right, it had what it takes to feel like home, but after focusing on why it felt like home I felt like the home-ness of it slowly disappeared. It's like a memory you remember so fondly but when you try to recall the details you end up forgetting more than you had remembered.
That was what I already know at first, and I was going to leave that as the answer. But, I didn't feel satisfied with the answer. It feels like I should've known more about it? I lived with this tree for my whole life, but I can't remember why it was important, why father bestowed this tree to me, why it had significance to me specifically. Then, I... I never realized that I don't know much about myself, in the Old World. I know I existed there, because Cedric exists and he has his memory retained, while Prototype doesn't exist in the Old World and he's a robot. Every non-robot here originated from the Old World in one way, and I am clearly not a robot, right? If I close my eyes, I don't see a memory dump or the settings menu or anything, if I close my eyes I can daydream. I don't feel like a robot. Then, the more questions I asked the more I realized every facet of my life are taken for granted. Why did I call father my father? Why is Cedric and Prototype my brother, why am I here?
At that point, I had more questions, enough that I asked Cedric about it. I asked Cedric if he can remember anything involving my tree or myself in the Old World, if I had ties with father or not. Cedric admits he doesn't have much information, but he remembered his house having a large tree. Then he told me that one day while he was a teenager, he saw our father outside and kneeling on the tree while just sobbing. He was crying for minutes, with his hat pressed on his face. Mother tried to comfort him and bring him inside, but father pushed him away. When I asked Cedric if he remembers anybody that could relate to me, he doesn't remember. His siblings were all male, he doesn't remember father bringing in a girl or even a co-worker that resembles me.
At that point, I was too involved into wanting to know the answer, that I couldn't let go. I reached out to The World Machine, and I asked if they could remember anything while they were in the Old World. It took a while to coax everything out, especially since their memories were corrupted by themselves and their grief, but... nothing. They remembered nothing that could relate to me.
...why do I feel homesick for something I don't remember? It doesn't make sense, who was I in the Old World? Was I somebody important to father? If so, why did nobody remember me? Why don't I remember myself? What happened to myself? Why did father cry at my tree?
I keep having these faint answers in my head, but then they get lost and I
can't
remember...
