I know how to be yours.
bc it's true isn't it? yeah, sure he can't drink any coffe but the one she makes but he also has memorized the minute details of her expressions. he knows the furrow of her brow when she wakes up after having fallen asleep, still reading. he knows which of the two identical armchairs in her apartment is her favorite spot to sit. he knows she likes his food spicier than he likes his, but he's begun to build up a slightly better spice tolerance bc how else would she be able to steal from his food? he knows that lattes are for fun, cold brews mean business, and green tea is for when everything is too much.
lando never really thought about it, the way her things still live in the glove compartment of his car - a stray chapstick here, a forgotten hair tie there. lando isn't really the type to care but perhaps he has noticed the way she squints to see the roadsigns even though y/n insists that she has perfect vision. the only pasta dish he actually knows how to make is the one he made with her - though made is a loose term. it was all just a matter of convenience really. just like the note he keeps in his phone of all her go to orders, the way he keeps always keeps a spare hoodie in the backseat of the car, or the way he always sleeps on the side closer to the door anytime they sleep together. knowing her by the pattern of her footsteps or the rhythm of her breathing is all just logistical, just convenient.
it's all just convenience... until it isn't.
because is it still convenience when he starts to hum the songs she plays in his car? is it still only a matter of convenience when he has a guy who messages him any time there's a rare or unique book, in case it's something y/n might like? maybe it's not convenience that makes him leave his house in the middle of the night, subject himself to the chill of autumn by the sea as he makes his way to any store that'll have the plants she wants. maybe it's something other than convenience that caused the pit in his stomach when he knew grief had stolen her appetite and weakened her smile. in fact, he remembers it being rather inconvenient when he gave up smoking, because he figured 'it was about time'. it was definitely inconvenient when lando would trod all the way up to her apartment - sleep deprived or drunk or some pathetic combination of both - just to sit at y/n's doorstep, simply because he needed to know she was there that she was alive. it was something else that gripped his heart with terror at the prospect of y/n becoming a greater target once he was no longer around her, when he couldn't protect her because she would let him near.
when lando sees her with tears in her eyes and knows he would do anything to fix it, fix this, fix whatever it was that hurt her, he knew it wasn't about convenience. when she flops onto the couch in her apartment with all the grace of a sea lion before 'sneakily' tucking herself into his side, his heart thrums with a different feeling altogether. when he sees fear in her eyes for the first time, fear of him, the splintering of his chest proves he's never felt like this before. when he walks into brews & books and finds his worst nightmare come true, the ringing in his ears tells him that this feeling vibrating behind his sternum is a lifelong condition. when he sees the sunlight stream in through the slants between the blinds in the windows of his room and drape itself across her sleeping figure, even he knows that this is love.
so yes, he knows how to be hers. how could he not, when that's what he was made for, when that's all he's ever been?
