#osha approved

[huffy-the-bicycle-slayer]

Absolutely bonkers that I'm now one of those weirdos you hear about on Twitter

[osha-official-2]

I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me .jpeg

[raisans-art]

No art. Have a bunch of bugs in hardhats, high-vis vests, and steel toed boots that I made for a presentation

[alialmans]

Don't forget your tetanus shot before hitting that gilf robussy

[ntls-24722]

👏 Fellas,

We ALL like a Man in uniform. But is your Man safe in his uniform?

I present to you: Personal protective equipment for construction specialized for the Man of enlightened individuals: Music Man.

the PPE was specifically for construction because construction has the inherently sexiest PPE.

Music Men come in a lot of shapes and sizes and their needs and restrictions change with all of their forms. However, there are many overlaps:

Hard hats: All of the Music Men wear hats. Stupid dinky little clown hats, that is! Their hats couldn't protect their view from sunlight, let alone falling debris. I highly doubt the Music Men actually have any important components inside their heads specifically, but it stands to be protected.

Long sleeved, fitted shirts: All of the music men have exposed arm joints, exposed joints that shrapnel, debris, dirt, rocks - just about anything! - would love to get into and completely lock up your Music Man's limb. To prevent this, although usually OSHA can give leeway with short-sleeved shirts, long sleeved shirts are always recommended and I feel like in this case it is mandatory.

Hi-Vis Vest: 2 of the 395 Music Men are very large. However, ALL Music Men, due to their horror game heritage, are very sneaky, and to counter this, their dress code mandates a hi-vis vest, ESPECIALLY to the 393 "wind up" individuals who, due to their stature, are not very visible.

Safety Gloves: All music men have gloves, and while unlike fanon they all seem to be rubber or some kind of latex that could be protective, their designs were primarily decorative and to be safe, their gloves have padded undersides in order to reduce cuts.

Without further Ado, here are the music men's PPE particularities.

Homo Sapiens' societal courtesies have instructed us to look towards the face of a subject, and when you did, you may have noticed that Music Man has his cameras visible, like a whore.

Much like the situation with the gloves, the safetiness-level of likely decorative aspects of the Music Man's design is ambiguous, and to prevent ambiguity, Music Man and DJ Music Man have replaced their tinted-black eye-lenses with clear, polycarbonate lenses in order to withstand possible debris flying into them. Creepy, but doesn't it make that just make it easier to gaze into his eyes?

Music man, unfortunately, lacks child-bearing hips, and the reason why this comes up is that the lack of a hip makes it hard to put pants on. Pants that are all too needed for an individual whom most of his debris-philic joints are below the shoulders. To combat this, I have given him and the Wind-Up Music Men 8-legged overalls.

Finally, Safety Socks. To be frank with you, this isn't entirely for protection, Music Man's plunger feet would likely take the impact of a vehicle running over them just fine (though the socks would help), the socks are primarily to discourage climbing on his own.

Music Man (Homo Mousike) is a species of animatronic spider that evolved from a basal vent-climbing species, and while he does still have the adaptations for climbing, they have evolved towards more terrestrial adaptations that might endanger Music Man should he fall; Music Man is listed as a Heavy Animatronic and would be in great danger if he were to climb on his own, for if he fell, he would probably implode. If the situation does call for him to climb, Music Man can wear a harness and be hooked up to a fall arrest system just like the rest of us.

I don't care about the infinitely diverse levels of facial injury that the Wind-Up Music Men can have. All of you wear a full-cover helmet, now.

The Wind-Up Music Men were all chucked into a fire and it has absolutely ruined all of their faces: their carapaces or/and internal mechanisms have faced some level of either being melted, torn off, or both, which is why I am not letting any of you motherfuckers have a bare face.

Along with a hi-vis vest, I feel like it's in their best interest to extenuate their visibility with a removable, dinky little flag on their hard hats. It can be plastic or fabric, depending on what level of fire or electrical hazard their work entails. However due to trauma I think it's a good guess they won't be working with fire anytime soon.

The Wind-Up Music Men actually retain the privilege to be able to climb freely, without the need of a safety harness. They seem to be able to withstand falling/landing from incredibly high heights without taking much damage at all, like how you can chuck a squirrel from the empire state building and it'll probably live.

Finally, DJ Music Man. Yes, he still has to wear a vest even though he's the most visible thing on the site.

He has a face mask! DJ Music Man's default mouth position is with his teeth open, and due to the size of his mouth, it is very easy for shrapnel to get in and lodge itself right into the LED display inside his mouth. To prevent this from happening, I gave him a muzzle.

DJ Music Man is completely prohibited from climbing any sort of structure for any reason whatsoever. His habitat inside of the Pizzaplex was built to facilitate his arboreal lifestyle, but construction projects were not, especially not when the structure in question isn't even finished!

I don't know if there's a million tiny little hairs on the bottom of DJMM's gloves that facilitate his climbing, but I still replaced them with safety gloves to discourage this.

Finally, headphones. Every Music Man could change their internal microphone sensitivity, and even if they couldn't, prolonged loud noises are harmful and annoying only to the original Music Man. DJMM just wears them to have a sense of style.

[citycept]

He wanted to feel like he was in constant danger. Unfortunately, I have my limits. We needed OSHA.

Much better

[rynling]

Much love and respect to the ray cat, which was genetically modified to glow in the presence of nuclear radiation.

[fanotastic]

Threw a little forklift certified party for my bro 🥳