All That I Am Not (Anonymous Scar)
The only way I can describe this year is a rollercoaster of emotions. It is in and of itself the scariest time that I have ever been through. I am nearing graduating from college and I have no idea of where to go from here. Not to mention that my grandmother continues to get good news/bad news reports from doctors.
Ever since I was little, my family has never been a "peaceful" household. My parents never got along, and were always arguing and fighting. My dad would hit my mom, my brother, and myself. They got a divorce when I was 12, and I blamed myself, like most 12 year olds would. I have always felt alone, and abandoned by everyone, except for one person, and that is my grandmother.
She practically raised me, taught me life lessons, and moral values. She is what kept me on my feet. I have been closer to her than I have ever been to anyone, and how much longer do I have that privilege. She just had part of one of her lungs removed, and the doctors just told her that she still has cancer. I honestly don't even know how to process this right now.
I have never been a cutter. I don't have scars on my wrists, arms, or legs. I have never physically bled from the pain that I have been going through, but there is a cut that is deep in my heart. It is so fresh that it hasn't had a chance to have even become a scar yet.
I know that the Lord is with me though. He has taken care of me, and has brought me through some trying times in my life. I am deeply stressed about all that is going on in my life right now, but he has stayed beside of people, and brought them through much harder times than this before. I'm just going to have to hold tightly to my faith, and trust in God.
Prayers would be greatly appreciated, and thank you for having a site that allows me to share my story. I have never been alone, and neither have you. It just may not have always been evident. The only way to get through the pain is to let someone share in that pain with you, whether that be a family member, friend, fellow smoser, or whoever. It is always easier with the world not solely resting on your shoulders. Above all else, it helps to share it with God. If anyone can understand what you are going through, it is God. We are full of flaws and inability, but thankfully God is all that I am not, and God will help carry me through this!