They could feel the energy in the Reach as soon as they walked through the illusioned entrance.
Of course they heard tell of what happened at Castrum Oriens, and how because of it the Eorzean Alliance finally had a presence in Gyr Abania. It is why they had made their own way back, to help where it seemed they would make the most impact.
Still, El had never seen so many people here before, all moving with purpose and with an excitement that was far overdue for the resistance.
Though honestly, it made her nervous.
Too many people, too many opportunities for something to go wrong. Too much has already been sacrificed for them to have this chance. But she couldn’t begrudge them their hope, either.
Perhaps this time would be different.
She let Elio take the lead as they made their way through the camp, heading for the command tent near the back where they would most likely find Kemp. Her eye was caught on an Ananta training some recruits as they walked, so she didn’t notice that he had come to a stop until she ran into him.
“The hells is wrong?”
He didn’t respond, seemingly frozen in place staring off into the distance. El tried to follow his line of sight, though it was difficult with the disparity in their heights. So she scanned the crowd, curious what might cause such a reaction in her companion.
Then she saw her—a big Roegadyn woman in shining golden armor. She was apparently gathering plants around the edge of the water. As she watched she could feel a pull deep in her chest.
El has always been good at reading people, thats what her uncle used to say. She knew now it was more than that: a heavenly gift that allowed her to take the measure of a person on sight. It only took a moment for her to know exactly who this woman was.
The Warrior of Light.
“Robyn?” Elio’s voice was quiet, the question almost a whisper. And yet the woman turned and looked at them. Perhaps she could feel the weight of their stares, or she just happened to look their way at the right moment, but even still El felt a chill run down her spine at her piercing gaze.
The smile that broke across the woman’s face, though, was as warm as the Ala Mhigan sun. She immediately jumped up and jogged towards them. Elio finally seemed to break from his stupor and met her halfway, pulling her into a tight hug.
She watched them from a distance, happy to see Elio’s joy written so plainly across his features.
This must have been the Robyn he had told her about from his time in Thanalan. It was interesting that she turned out to be the Warrior of Light, though from his stories a part of her wasn’t surprised. She had to admit she was curious what her successor was like. Curious to know what made her tick, and what made her fight.
She certainly had the look of a warrior, could imagine how terrifying it would be to see someone her size charging the battlefield. But there was something that didn’t fit her expectations about the way she was gathering herbs before. Or the way she laughed and looked at Elio with so much happiness in her eyes.
All of a sudden, Elio turned and pointed at her, saying something she couldn’t hear. As Robyn looked her way, a blank stare moved across her face—not unlike how Minfilia’s had done a very long time ago. So she had the echo, too.
She idly wondered if Louisoix’s spell would prevent even the echo from seeing anything from before the calamity.
Whatever she saw, it only took a moment to pass and for her smile to once again settle in place. Though this time she had a different look in her eyes—a look like she had taken El’s measure, and was pleased with what it is she found.
They both quickly made their way back to her, but Robyn didn’t stop as she drew closer, instead immediately lifting El off the ground in a strong bear hug.
She didn’t know what to do. Every instinct in her body screamed to fight the woman off but the sound of Elio’s cackling caused her to pause. Instead, in her indecision, she just flailed in the taller woman’s arms, her shock and confusion plain for all to see.
Eventually Robyn put her down, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” There was mirth in her voice, “I cannot thank you enough for saving this knucklehead’s life. And for looking after him all this time.” She smiled as she put a large hand on Elio’s shoulder.
“I…well, it has been my pleasure. Turns out he is handy to have around.”
“That he is! That he is,” Robyn laughed, loud and clear. “I’m Robyn, by the way. I’ve only arrived here a few hours ago, though if I had known Elio was here, I would have tried to come sooner.”
“I’m El,” she was taken aback at the ease Robyn seemed to exude, unsure how to handle her instant friendliness. “Are you looking to join up with the resistance, then?”
Osk could feel it as they listened to the explosions shaking the ground when Baelsar’s Wall was attacked. She could feel it as the bright glow from a magical cocoon cut through the forest canopy. She could feel it as a battle between unimaginable beings was waged in the skies above.
And throughout the weeks following, more and more people crossed their threshold. Some needing medical aid, some running from the conflicts in Gyr Abania, and even some alliance soldiers brought away from the front. While they were not the closest settlement to the Castrum, they were certainly the best equipped to handle wounded, and that knowledge quickly spread.
But today was different. Chocobo carts laden with injured continued to arrive all throughout the afternoon. Every bed occupied, the yard overrun by tents and makeshift bedrolls.
The resistance’s base of operations had been decimated, or so she was told.
Osk moved from bed to bed, looking for those who would be best served by her magic. There was so much blood, so much pain, so much shock all around her.
Raimon’s voice shouting her name caught her attention, and she quickly made her way to the bedside he directed her towards. She was not expecting, however, to find another mage already there working, the strain and exhaustion on her face belying any sunny disposition the woman’s bright yellow attire suggested.
Osk started looking over her patient—a miqo'te woman with white hair, her clothes drenched in blood with a long gash across the front of her shirt. It seemed like the external wound was already closed and mostly healed over, but the paleness of her skin and the shallowness of her breath suggested that there was still something amiss inside.
“Her heart,” the Lalafell woman spoke hoarsely while she continued working, “it was damaged, and I can’t seem to get it beating again. I’ve been moving her blood myself to give her more time, but I’m at a loss for what else to do.”
Osk’s eyes widened at the thought of keeping blood flowing like that for hours, and the concentration it would take to do so while being transported malms in the back of a cart. Something to ask the woman about later if she gets the chance.
“I’m going to take a look, if that’s alright?”
The Lalafell nodded, and Osk carefully let her magic flow. She could feel the other woman’s magic and was careful not to disrupt its flow while she focused in on the heart. A familiar shape to her mind’s eye, and it was easy enough to locate the damage.
Osk started to mend the pieces back together, starting from the inside and working her way out. Carefully mapping each chamber wall, stitching each bit of muscle back into its place until it was whole again. Then, with a deep breath, she did what she had done many times before and coxed the heart back into rhythm.
“Let go for a moment, let’s see if it holds.”
She could feel the other woman’s magic withdraw, and they both held their breath as they watched and waited. And they both let out a sigh of relief when it did. The heartbeat was still weak, she would need time to rest and to let her body to finish healing on its own, but she would be alright.
“Oh, I cannot thank you enough,” the Lalafell woman said as she reached out and took Osk’s hand, “that you were here, knowing just what to do is nothing short of a miracle.”
“I’m just glad it worked,” Osk smiled back, “we’ll still need to keep an eye on her, but for now I think you both just need some rest. I’ll see if I can get some food brought over, you must be exhausted after all of that.”
“Yes, that would be greatly appreciated,” and she seemed to lose herself looking down at the woman on the bed before them for a moment. “It has been a hard day.”
Osk nodded and stood up, “and there are a lot of other people who still need my help.”
“Of course.” She seemed to look around at where she was for the first time, “give me a few minutes to recover and I’ll gladly help out wherever I can. Magic or no, there is always a need for more hands in times like these.”
By the time Limsa Lominsa came into view, Robyn was pretty sure every person on that ship had weighed in on their conversation. To be fair its not like they were being quiet, and sailors do love a bit of gossip. And she was surprised to find that she didn’t mind. As the suggestions got more and more ridiculous so did the laughter, and even if it all was a bit embarrassing, it made her forget her nerves and made the last few hours of their voyage pass quickly.
Robyn stood with the others near the bow of the ship as they pulled into port, eyes scanning the docks for a bit of white hair. When they came around the final bend, she spotted her standing at the top of the stairs leading up into the city proper, and smiled to herself.
Of course Y’shtola already had it planned out, it was silly of me to worry.
Lyse noticed her soon after, and elbowed Robyn as she waved energetically. Y’shtola must have already been watching them because she immediately waved back, and Robyn could imagine her endearing chuckle as she saw Lyse’s antics.
She felt both the twin’s hands on her arms before she even realized she had started moving. “It would be better to be dry, don’t you think?” Alphinaud laughed as they held her back, and she had to admit he had a point.
Though, as soon as they pulled to the dock, there was nothing that any of them could do to stop her as she leaped over the edge, landing heavily and startling the workers who were getting ready to unload the ship’s cargo. And as she jogged the rest of the way, she took in the sight of Y’shtola waiting and smiling back at her.
Her Shtola. Butterflies filled her stomach and she knew there must be a big goofy grin on her face. Y’shtola’s hands reached out as she Robyn finally closed the distance, immediately searching for skin.
Robyn pulled her in tight, leaned down and kissed her with all the love and relief and joy she was feeling. She could feel Y’shtola’s smile as she kissed back, her hand pulling at the back of Robyn’s neck to bring her closer. It was like coming home—familiar, comforting, and where she belonged. A kiss that spoke of past regrets, of future promises, and of the joy of this moment, here and now.
Eventually they had to stop to catch their breath, pulling apart only as far as they needed to and no further. Robyn managed a breathy “hi” which made Y’shtola laugh, so light and beautiful that Robyn couldn’t help but lean down again and capture it with her lips.
They stayed like that for a while, lost in each other and completely unaware of the world moving around them. At least until the bag containing Robyn’s armor and affects was unceremoniously dropped next to them with a loud thud. “I’m not lugging this around any further. What do you have in here? Rocks?” Alisaie complained as she walked by. “You two love birds have fun, we are going to find some real food.”
Both of them blushed as they remembered where they stood, but still they didn’t make any effort to move. Y’shtola wrapped her arms around Robyn’s waist, tucking her head against Robyn’s chest as she softly spoke. “Oh, how I have missed you, my love.”
It was one thing to know it, but to hear her say it? It made Robyn’s heart swell and she buried her smile into Y’shtola’s hair. “Say it again?” she asked.
She could feel Y’shtola’s chuckle, “I missed you?”
“No, the other part.”
Y’shtola leaned back so that Robyn could see it on her face as she said it, “My love.”
It felt like Robyn had finally exhaled after holding her breath for years. In some ways she had. She reached up and caressed Y’shtola’s face with her hand, which Y’shtola nuzzled against, and finally took the chance to say it as well, “I love you, so much.”
Y’shtola’s answering smile was the most beautiful sight Robyn had ever seen. And just because she could, she kissed her again.
With mirth in her voice, Y’shtola pulled back and said, “I think its time we move this show away from the docks, don’t you?”
"Oh, gladly."
Picking up her bag with one hand and taking Y’shtola’s hand in the other, they followed their fellow scions towards the promise of food and a bit more privacy.
Playing through StB post-MSQ and I'm curious about Robyn's reaction to Magnai asking if Y'shtola is his Nhaama. On the one hand, he recognizes that Y'shtola is special. On the other hand, Y'shtola is *her* girlfriend, dammit!
honestly? she didn't react well. a bit of jealousy, a bit of protectiveness, and no small bit of insecurity.
after all, them actually being together is quite new at this point. during the war for ala mhigo it was all stolen moments, a brief reprieve between battles and missions finding comfort in each other's arms. this trip to the far east is the first time they have really been able to spend any significant time together since they've confessed.
not that robyn thinks there is any chance shtola would choose magnai, mind. the insecurity is more, still, in the realm of 'why did she choose me?' robyn feels a kinship with the people of the steppe - she honestly prefers their 'beat the shit out of each other until we agree' approach to politics, and their seemingly more humble and simple way of life. the fight they just fought was some of the most fun she has had for a while.
so when shtola rolls her eyes at their antics and so easily handles magnai's advances, that long seeded insecurity that robyn isn't good enough either shows itself.
i think robyn would have jumped back into the fray to work out her frustration on magnai's face if shtola didn't turn, take her arm and drag her away (drag isn't the right word - robyn of course immediately yields to her touch, but that insistent pull is what gets her moving nonetheless).
and i think later that night, as they find their rest at mol iloh, shtola teases her a bit for her jealousy. and while she doesn't know the full extent of robyn's thoughts and fears, she does reassure her that she wants to be with robyn and no one else. and for robyn, that is enough.
When Lyse poked her in the shoulder, Robyn jumped so hard she almost fell off her seat.
“What is up with you lately?" Lyse asked now that she finally had her attention. "Pacing the decks, lost in thought, and its only gotten worse since we've been in sight of the Vylbrand shoreline—I’m almost worried you are going to jump overboard and swim the rest of the way.”
She briefly glanced down at the paper in her hand before fixing Lyse with what she hoped was a reassuring grin. “Oh you know me, just antsy from being stuck on this boat these last few weeks.”
“What I do know is that I’ve never seen you nervous before.”
Robyn huffed in response. While she was usually very open with her companions, this line of questioning was only going to get her in trouble. Her eyes scanned the deck for any sort of escape, but couldn’t find one before Lyse pressed further.
“Come on, I’m not blind you know—not that, I mean—what I mean is that I noticed your bright mood after the last time you went to Kugane. And I’ve seen the look in your eye as you look over that letter there when you think no one is looking,” Lyse gestured towards the letter Robyn was holding.
“I’m not sure what you are insinuating.”
“I recognize that look from when you were gazing at a certain sorceress. A certain sorceress, I might add, who happens to be waiting for us right now in Limsa.”
Robyn really was just a big open book wasn’t she. Incapable of hiding anything—well almost anything—from her friends.
“Ugh. Fine.”
Lyse pumped her fist in victory, and pushed Robyn over to sit next to her on the crate.
“Y’shtola and I have been exchanging letters while we have been in Othard—mostly just to keep each other apprised of what was going on.”
“Uh huh,” the doubt thick in Lyse’s voice.
“What? I am hardly alone in worrying about her well being, am I? Not after the state we left her in. And if you recall I did share the news of her recovery with you.”
“That’s fair, though you kept writing?”
“I did. After facing Zenos again—after being beat by him, again. I have to admit I was not confident that we would find victory in Doma. I was not—am not confident that I will survive facing Zenos a third time.”
Robyn paused to take a deep breath, eyes glued to the letter in her hands. And Lyse didn’t move a muscle, not wanting to give any reason for her to stop now.
“I told her about my fears, and I told her about my feelings…my feelings for her. Maybe it was selfish, but I wanted her to know how much she meant to me if the worst happened.”
Robyn seemed to drift off into the memory.
“She seems to have responded?” Lyse prompted.
The smile that overtook Robyn’s face instantly chased the doubt and fear away.
“She did.”
When nothing more was forthcoming, Lyse lightly punched Robyn in the arm. “You can’t stop there!”
Robyn chuckled, “Y’shtola was much more confident that we would be victorious, and was looking forward to having us back in Eorzea soon.”
“AND?!?”
“And…” Robyn’s smile was now radiant like the sun, “she loves me back.”
Lyse “whooped” in excitement as she jumped up and did a little jog around the ship’s deck (ok, maybe they both have been cooped up too long).
“I knew it, I knew it!”
Her shouting drew the eyes of everyone on the upper decks, including the gaze of the twins who were not-so-subtly eavesdropping on their conversation nearby, but Lyse was unconcerned and continued to celebrate.
Alphinaud, aware that they were noticed, decided to just join the conversation. “If you already have her answer, then why, pray tell, are you nervous now?”
“I am not nervous,” Robyn crossed her arms, indignant. The three of them just looked at her, waiting her out.
“Do you really think we are just going to give up now?” Alisaie asked.
“Fine…I don’t…I don't know how I should greet her.”
The look on her companions’ faces made it clear that that was not what they expected her to say in the slightest.
“Like, do I pick her up and spin her around out of joy? Do I kneel down and hug her? Do I kiss her then and there in front of everyone? It’s not like its our first kiss, but we haven’t in so long… Or does she not want a public spectacle and I should just let the emotion in my voice suffice? Maybe I could kiss her hand like some sort of knight?”
Lyse burst out laughing.
“I’m serious! I don’t want to mess this up.”
“Didn’t she kiss you in front of the entire Lominsan Navy?” Alphinaud asked, trying to recall the specifics of the story.
“It wasn’t the whole navy…”
“Still, I think she will forgive a bit of public affection given the circumstances.”
Alisaie tried next, “We all heard the relief in her voice when she heard yours over the linkpearl. I bet she is just as excited to see you.”
“Yes!” Lyse cut in, “and between all of us I am sure we can come up with the best option!”
Robyn knew this was a mistake.
~
jic anyone is curious about the content of those letters 😉
also, look forward to a part 2 for this in a couple days!
Osk stumbled through the kitchen, looking for anything that might help alleviate the exhaustion settling in her bones after the last few days. She put the kettle on for some tea and started rifling through the pantry.
“You’re just jealous you didn’t get to meet her.”
Juttie and Averitt were sitting at the table, seemingly seeking their own moment of respite from the chaos outside.
“How did you even know it was her, anyways?”
Osk was delighted to find a bushel of strawberries, popping one in her mouth as she went to also cut off some bread from what was left over from lunch.
“The man who’s bandages I was replacing at the time told me so. Said he saw her fighting at the Reach.”
She added some soft goat cheese and some carrots to her plate. Hardly a proper meal, but enough to tide her over for a bit.
“Don’t you think if she was really there, the resistance forces wouldn’t have been decimated like they were?”
“Come on, she is still just one person.” Juttie sounded offended on whoever it was they were talking about’s behalf, “she can hardly be expected to take on the entire Garlean army by herself.”
Osk finished up making her tea and brought her treats over the table to join them. “Who are we talking about now?”
“Oh! The Champion of Eorzea!”
Osk quirked her eyebrow, “what would the Warrior of Light be doing here?”
Juttie shrugged, “I don’t know, visiting someone I suppose. She seemed…sad, and in a bit of a hurry, but still made a point to stop and thank me for taking care of ‘her people’ as she was leaving.”
“The one time you help change someone’s bandages and you get thanked by an actual legend,” Averitt teased.
“What can I say, maybe I am just that good.”
They all laughed, knowing full well how queasy Juttie gets around open wounds. But none of them would deny how vital her job is for the clinic, so they wouldn’t dare begrudge her the well earned gratitude either.
“A legend…here in the flesh,” Osk said thoughtfully, “it’s hard to envision her as a real person and not just a character in her stories. Though the thought that she would take the time to check in on an injured friend is rather endearing.”
“You almost sound like you’re not a fan,” Averitt teased.
Osk shook her head, “it’s not that at all. She has done amazing things and saved a lot of lives—even if only half the stories are true. It’s just hard to imagine someone like that being modest or practical enough to care about individuals, you know? Not just paying attention to nations or armies or everything that is bigger than any of us can even comprehend.”
“Sounds lonely to me.”
“I’m sure it is.”
Averitt, never one to let things stay melancholic for too long cut in, “but it can’t be all bad if she gets to go around meeting people like our Juttie! Come, you have yet to tell us what you thought of the dashing hero.”
Juttie beamed, “truly you missed out! She is so handsome, and never have I seen anyone so tall.”
“You really haven’t met a lot of Roegadyn, have you?”
“Not all of us have been as fortunate as you growing up among the giants, no. But even more than that: her furrowed brow, her sharp jawline! The size of her arms and hands! She took my hand in hers while she was talking, and I swear I almost passed out.”
“Sounds like I need to warn my brother that he has some competition.”
She shoved Averitt’s arm, “Mani has nothing to worry about, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the show when it is so generously presented to me! Besides, I’m sure a woman like that has a girl in every city clamoring for her attention. I don’t need that kind of competition.”
“Hmm, I wonder what kind of person would catch the eye of the Warrior of Light…”
what if, random brainblast time, osk was summoned to the first (like meta lore version idk, rambling into the askbox) because of idk, a shared 'i miss robyn/osk' dynamis sentiment and this was able to drag them back together idk if that makes sense or plausible but anyway a what if.. <send ask>
now listen...you are absolutely correct. of course it was dynamis! (i hadn't really thought about the how of it before)
for osk, its easy enough to imagine that her thoughts wandered to robyn while she was listening to gatty's stories.
but robyn?? now that one is more interesting to think about!
so, for those keeping score, osk got yoinked the same time as alphinaud, which means we know the moment that it happened in robyn's story.
specifically (i had to look it up), robyn and alisaie get called to ala mhigo because maxima just showed up with news about alphinaud and the impending attack by garlemald forces on ala mhigo.
and while robyn does care about the war and the armies moving, she is a bit distracted at the moment (and really strategy is not her role in all of this, just tell her where to go and who to fight). she is worried about y'shtola and thancred and uriangier. she is worried about alphinaud.
she is worried about alisaie.
she sees how alisaie is barely holding it together, sees the way she is panicking about her brother being lost and in danger. she knows how it feels to worry about a sibling, to not know where they are or if they are ok or if they are even alive.
so it makes sense for her mind to wander to osk in this moment. to wonder where she might be, and if she is ok. to wish that she could see her again.
Robyn loves easily, but that doesn't mean it is any less deep or meaningful. She may have only been with the Scions for a little while, but already she loves each and every one of them in their own ways. How could she not after all they have been through together?
But even she was surprised at the pang in her chest as she watched Y'shtola that evening.
Y'shtola was lost in her studies, working through some theory or another that she seemed close to cracking. Pacing back and forth, juggling multiple tomes and scribbling notes on the edge of Tataru's desk - it was all just so endearing.
Oh. I love her.
Such a simple thought, and yet it would end up changing everything.
~
Y'shtola had surprised her with a kiss a few weeks earlier - all relief and adrenaline after her close victory over Leviathan. Finding herself in Y'shtola's bed later that night was less of a surprise. Robyn was hardly a stranger to the occasional tryst, and she certainly had to admit an interest in the beautiful scholar.
And really, who could blame her? Y'shtola is exceptionally smart and exceptionally beautiful. Her passion to understand the mysteries of the world is only seconded by how much she cares about the world she is helping to save. And all the small kindnesses she has shown to Robyn has made her feel far more welcome with the scions than any large gesture.
Ok, so maybe it was more than a single night. But it was never supposed to be anything more than letting off some steam and having a little fun. It certainly wasn't supposed to become something more.
It's fine, Robyn would just deal with it. No need to make things awkward with something like feelings.
~
Moenbryda's death hit them all hard. Honestly, they had gotten cocky - after so many impossible victories it was easy to start feeling at least a little invincible. But in an instant, that perception was shattered.
When Y'shtola came to her, Robyn thought it would be for comfort. She was not expecting her to put an end to whatever it was that they were doing. It made sense - their lives were too dangerous, anything between them would be a liability and was bound for heartbreak. Better to stop now before any feelings were involved and things were still simple. Robyn would agree and do whatever Y'shtola wanted, her own heart be damned.
So Robyn threw herself into her work. There was so much that needed to be done, and if she spent as much time away from Mor Dhona as possible, well no one was the wiser.
~
Of course Y'shtola was right. Robyn sat upon the battlements of Camp Dragonhead, tears streaming down her face and clutching a mug of hot cocoa like a lifeline. How could everything go so badly? How did she so utterly fail to protect any of them? What was she supposed to do now?
Nothing but questions and the sound of a crumbling tunnel ringing in her ears.
~
They found her. Plucked her from the lifestream - not unchanged, but still her. A sorely needed balm for Robyn's heart, and a bolster for her resolve.
Hope. Hope for a path forward, hope to find the others, hope to have her friend - her friend and nothing more - by her side again. And whatever Y'shtola needed she would provide. An anchoring touch, eyes in the dark, a shoulder in a moment of weakness. Anything to stay by her side.
~
Robyn is leaving her. Y'shtola is hurt and Rhalgr's Reach is burning and Robyn is leaving to go to the other side of the world to face a foe she has already lost to. Might lose everything to. Never has she been so unsure of her next steps, never has her actions been at such odds with her heart.
She asks Tataru to pen a letter for her apologizing to Y'shtola for failing her in every way. For not being fast enough to protect her, for being too weak to defeat the man who hurt her, and for leaving instead of making sure she would be alright. For not being there when she woke.
The letter she receives in reply does little to assuage her guilt, but it does fill her with such relief knowing Y'shtola is awake and on the mend.
~
Dear Y'shtola,
Nothing fills me with as much relief as hearing of your recovery. I feel like after all of this is over, I should personally thank those who have watched over and cared for you all this time. And as much as I am sure you are ready to get back into the action, I hope you heed their advice and let your body heal.
I faced Zenos again. I faced him and I lost to him again, and again he just walked away. He is toying with me and I don't understand his game. I am worried about what will happen when he gets bored of it. Surprisingly though, the Domans have faith. There is a new hope rising in the people, and so we are bound for the Azem Steppe to find their lord to lead a new revolution. It is easy to get swept up in the excitement, but I fear it is still a hard road ahead of us. All I can hope for is that whatever trials we face, that they will help make me strong enough to actually make a difference the next time.
But, in the event that it isn't enough, I have a confession to make, before it is too late. Though I know this goes against your wishes and may cause more pain than its worth, I feel I must take this opportunity regardless. I love you. I have been in love with you for years. And I think you deserve to know - not because I expect any sort of response - but because there is something important in knowing that you have been loved, that you are capable of being loved. And you are. You are the most incredible person I have ever met, and I have been so privileged to know you, to walk by your side, and to marvel in your beauty, your intelligence and your heart. And despite all the fear and pain that has come from almost losing you time and time again, I don't regret it in the slightest. Not for a moment. The joy of loving you far outweighs any negatives. Please know I am perfectly content in how things are now, and we never need to mention it again. I hope you forgive me this momentary selfishness.
I pray you continue to mend and that you will be back on your feet soon. The Alliance and the Scions will continue to have need of your wisdom, and I know Lyse is eager to hear of your recovery as well. I have no doubt you will rise to the occasion to face whatever may lie ahead.
With all my heart,
Robyn
Y'shtola sat on the bed in her small infirmary room clutching Robyn's letter. She didn't know if she wanted to cry, leap for joy, or run to catch the next ship bound for the Far East, but the tightness in her chest kept her in place.
Was she surprised? Terrified? Relieved?
Memories flashed in her mind's eye - The smile on Robyn's face after she kissed her. The way Robyn held her in the utter darkness after she lost her sight. The small touches as Robyn subtly guides her through crowded streets. How Robyn always seems to seek her out first when the scions are together. Even Mhitra and Matoya have both commented on Robyn's attentiveness - she really should have realized earlier.
Perhaps a part of her had. She certainly was aware of her own affection. But Robyn's heart is the most precious of treasures, and the last thing she ever wanted was to be the source of it breaking. To think that she has already caused her such pain in the attempt to save her from it.
Besides, personal feelings were not the only things at stake here. They both had important work to attend to - Robyn often carried the hope and future of Eorzea on her shoulders, and Y'shtola's work could change their entire understanding of the world as they know it. If it came to it, she knew she would do what was needed over what her heart may desire. Could Robyn forgive her for such a choice? Could she forgive herself?
Lost in the maelstrom of her emotions, Y'shtola jumped when a hand touched her shoulder.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."
It was the chirurgeon in charge of her care. A kind woman who was surprisingly talented with both the chirugeon's art and healing magics. Krile's ministrations may have saved her life that day, but it was this woman's work that allowed her body to actually heal. Perhaps...perhaps with all her experience she may have an answer to all these burning questions.
"Can I ask your opinion on something?"
"Of course."
"In your line of work, I imagine death is a constant. You have probably seen what grief and loss does to people more than most. Do you think it's worth it? Loving someone when you know it will end in tragedy? That you will only end up hurting them?"
"You certainly know how to jump into a conversation."
"Apologies, I..."
"No, no it's fine. Being in one of our beds often brings out people's introspection."
She sat down on the edge of the bed, taking a moment to gather her thoughts.
"You are right, no matter how hard I try, death is an ever present companion. People regret a lot of things at the end - things left undone or unsaid, anger or yelling, leaving or fighting. But never love. Love is what helps them to hold on, to find peace or meaning in the lives they have lived.
And for the ones left behind? Well, I lost my love just over a year ago. She was a patient before she was more, and I knew from the beginning I wasn't going to be able to save her. As you said, I knew it would end in tragedy, and still I chose to love her. It gave me the strength to keep searching for ways to give her what life I could, and I still use the knowledge I gained to help others with similar conditions. Even now knowing the pain of her loss, the grief of it all, I would do it all again given the chance.
Love is a motivator - it pushes us to be better versions of ourselves, makes our lives more meaningful, and connects us to others in surprising ways. It may not solve all our problems or protect us from the hurt, but it is never a waste.
So to answer your question: yes, I do think it is worth it."
~
My Dearest Robyn,
I won't keep up any pretense that I have anything to say that is half as important as this: I love you too, Robyn Ostornwyn. I think I have for far longer than I would admit, even to myself. I have been afraid - afraid of causing you pain, afraid of being forced to compromise, afraid of admitting a weakness. But life is too uncertain to hide behind fear, and we are people of action.
I love you. I long for the warmth of your presence, the softness of your touch, and the comfort of your arms. I miss listening to your stories and the sound of your laughter, and I certainly miss the taste of your cooking. All the ways you have been showing your love to me all this time, that I have felt and cherished, even if I was too blind to see it.
So go, do what needs to be done. Defeat the imperials, free Doma, and triumph over Zenos. Achieve the impossible, as you are wont to do, and come back to me.
Yours,
Shtola
