#otp(op)

[abysskeeper]

This is old, but I was thinking about it again, so into the tag it goes.

*********

It is at your darkest point that you will know the touch of love.

It is when you walk away from a wreckage you didn't prevent, you couldn't prevent no matter how much you did. How hard you tried. It is when your legs are weak, and grow weaker with each step. It is when your hands are trembling and your vision is hazy and exhaustion is robbing you of every function that love will come.

You wanted to do more. You couldn't, everything was stacked against you. Fate itself denied you this. You couldn't do more but help alleviate what had already been decided. But you wanted to.

You feel a hand lay gentle on your arm. Fingers squeeze lightly into your flesh. No words pass his lips but you know what he means. Enough. It is not harsh, not a warning. It is sympathetic, kind. Even pleading you to recognize what you already know. What you wish to deny...but you already know.

His fingers squeeze against your arm again. Please, enough. If not for yourself, then for him. He does not abide watching you drive yourself to ruin to bash against a predetermined outcome. Not like this, anyways, not when it's already lost.

His gaze is on you, you do not see it but you can feel it as sharp and warm as ever. There is regret from him in a way, but it is mostly concern for you. A quiet, patient concern waiting for the proper time.

That is your end, the point which you snap. You are away from others, it is fine to do now. Your legs finally give way, buckling under the weight of catastrophe, and a few tears finally slip past the barrier you erected for yourself.

He catches you before you hit the ground as you have so many times before. And that is, quietly, what love is. Someone unwilling to let you fall again. He pulls you close and angles himself between you and the way you came, as if his presence alone can shield you from the horror.

No words pass his lips, but his message is clear. I am here, I am sorry.

You mastered the art of silent weeping long ago, when you realized exhibiting such emotions was only to your detriment. People rely on you to play the role of leader, to be strong. But he feels the small tremor in your body and pulls you closer still. Holds you tighter. Strokes your hair and envelops you as much as he can as if to give you a reprieve, however temporary, from the horror you faced.

And that is what love is. An ability to stumble, to fall apart and expose yourself to someone else. A knowledge that at your darkest point, you can shatter, and know with certainty someone else will pick up the pieces.

[abysskeeper]

Commission by the wonderful @quincysue-art

I love them and this piece dearly. Happy 12th anniversary to them and them only.

[wraithsquadron]

cute 'blorbo as a weird cat' commission of my Tavon and @abysskeeper's Trick by @hokage!

thank you so much, they're adorable!

[abysskeeper]

Shoving my nonsense in my tag. If by chance someone does read it, please disregard the pretentiousness and like...7 stylistic changes. I'm working on something.

***

"I am not loved as something treasured."

He looked at her, both startled and confused by her statement and how readily, how easily she made it. "What do you mean by that, exactly?"

"I mean exactly as I said." She stared back at him and gave a weak shrug. "I am not loved as something treasured, I am loved as a giver. A protector. A beacon of Light and hope. And I...I am not ungrateful for that. I am not unhappy, it is exactly what I wanted, to be able to stand for something more. To be able to stand and shield those who need it most, who can't do it for themselves..."

She smiled as she stared down at her hands in her lap, watching as she flexed her fingers a few times. She let out a soft chuckle, "It is, perhaps, more literal now than I anticipated, but it is everything I wanted when I wished to become a Jedi." The amusement in her smile fell, slipping into something sadder, more nostalgic and beautifully melancholic. "It is more than I could have ever hoped for while growing up, and I hope it ensures several like me now have more than I ever did while growing up."

She fell silent after that statement though, her smile slipping away entirely. He watched her quietly as she folded in on herself a little, her shoulders slumping while she wrung her hands. A shadow of doubt flickered across her eyes, and she glanced away with a sigh. "It is enough," she whispered.

"And yet you do not seem content," he noted softly. He slowly walked over and eased himself down until he was sitting next to her, silently awaiting her response.

"I am content," she insisted, quickly whipping back to face him. He didn’t respond immediately. Instead, the longer he watched her, the more her earnestness wilted under his gentle scrutiny. She was not lying, but there was much she was not admitting to that rested in the sad stillness of her eyes, until the guilt finally took over and she turned away from him again.

"And yet...I am a greedy creature. A selfish creature, desiring more than I ever deserved." She sighed and leaned back on her arms, tilting her head up to gaze at the clear night sky. "Sometimes I yearn for more...to be loved as something treasured..." she paused and motioned towards the sky, "To be loved as the darkness of night loves the light of stars. It's been a pleasant dream of mine for a long time, but a far-off one. One I knew was unachievable, but I enjoyed indulging regardless. Only now has it begun to leave me aching, and I hate that it has."

There was much he could reply to, much he could say in response to this asinine notion she wasn't lovable, but he found himself drawn to the last part of her statement. "Only now?" he echoed in question, unabashedly curious over what had changed.

He had his suspicions, but what made a dream such as that change from being a comfort to being a pain?

She didn't answer. Instead, he saw the corners of her lips twitch up in the ghost of a smile and the faintest hint of brown dusting over her cheeks. "Only now," she agreed faintly, her eyes drawn to roving over the very stars she spoke of.

When it was apparent she was not going to further elucidate what she meant, he chose to switch tactics, focusing instead on everything else she said. She often accused him of hiding behind pretty words and vague meanings--an accusation he hardly denied--but she also always understood him regardless of how well he tried to veil his intentions. In large part, he had come to accept that was due to her having an understanding of him that few others in the galaxy could claim--she had earned that right with the time she spent insisting on learning about him. But it was also, in part, due to her propensity towards the exact same disposition.

"Alright, then how is it, do you suppose, that the night loves the stars?" he asked.

She shifted her weight on her arms as she contemplated for a moment. Finally, her attention returned to him, her head tilting his way as her gaze languidly traveled over him, cataloging every detail she could see in the dark. "As the stars love the night, of course," she answered, her eyes snapping up to meet his, "Wholly, and without request."

A beat passed, and then another as she held his gaze. The seconds were stretching, spreading into uncharted territory, he was distinctly aware of it with every heartbeat in his chest, but he refused to be the one to break the budding moment. Finally, her green eyes dipped from his and looked at the ground. After another moment, she fell back, sprawling out on the grass and settling to stare up at the vast, dark sky and all its stars.

"As you know, stars are always present, but only shine at night," she continued. He sat back, watching her as she pointedly kept her stare fixated on the heavens above them. "A show just for the darkness, the one and only light the night needs from its one, constant companion--for even the moons go through phases. But the stars...the stars always accompany their beloved night."

Her hand rose, finger pointed towards the sky and tracing invisible lines connecting the pinpoints of light. "As for the night, well..." she trailed off with a chuckle. "We always see the starlight at night. We are the ones who give it meaning, both practical and metaphorical, and yet we can only ever glimpse the front of a star. The night sees all of the star, every aspect of it. It cradles and caresses the light in its inky dark hand and asks for nothing in return."

She sighed, her hand dropping back down over her chest. "The night gives them a space to shine, and asks nothing but for the stars to just be."

She fell silent, and he turned his attention from looking up at the sky over towards her face. A wry smile hung on her lips, and some of the nostalgic sadness still twinkled in her eyes as she gazed ever upwards. He was at a loss for words, uncertain of where her thoughts were or what he could say to ease the bittersweetness that seemed to loom over her. He was uncertain if he should even say anything at all.

"It's a foolish notion, I know," she said after a moment. A quiet, self-depreciating chuckle escaped past her lips. "It's the sentimentality of a girl staring up in wonder at the night sky with her mother. But then..."

Her voice trailed off to nothing, the wry smile pulling into a frown. Her hand rose again, though instead of connecting the stars, it twisted and turned as she examined it against the backdrop of the night. "But then...her mother was gone...and then the stars themselves were gone when the girl went to Nar Shaddaa...and the only way she could think to ease the sadness around her was to retell the story of love between the night sky and the stars, perhaps the oldest love story there is, and the only one repeated over and over."

"I hardly believe that to be a foolish notion," he refuted. She had spoken enough of her history for him to understand what she meant between the spaces of what she said. "If anything, it is one full of hope as much as it is one full of love."

Her hand stilled in the air, fingers outstretched as she stared at them. Or, more likely, as she stared silently between them. He was more than content to wait for her to gather her thoughts. "As I said, the story has been with me for a long time," she said at last, "It is a sentiment full of hope, as much as it is full of love."

Slowly, her fingers relaxed and her hand descended back down until it rested flat against her chest, over her heart. Her eyes fell shut as well and she grimaced in something that was almost like pain. Almost. "I never intended it to be a sentiment full of longing," she admitted on a near silent breath.

She drew a breath through her nose and she turned her head to face him again. Her eyes opened, and her small, wry smile returned. "I suppose that's the tragedy of growing older, I began to understand the complexity of finding such a complimentary love. I began to understand just how special a love like that could be." Her eyes flickered back towards the sky, and she let out a heavy breath. "And I had to accept just how out of reach both the stars and the night truly were."

He blinked, and his attention flickered back to the sky. "Just how out of reach do you believe them to be?"

She let out a soft sigh, as if frustrated. "I'm no fool, I know there's light-years between what we see and where they actually are."

Silence fell between them, and it left him feeling unsettled. He shifted his weight and glanced back over to where she laid, her eyes glittering up at the stars. It was only when she blinked several times and the effect disappeared that he understood he was seeing the reflection of a few, unshed tears. That only left him more unsettled.

"Trick?" The sound of her name coming from his lips was the only thing to cut through the silence churning between them.

"Hm?" she mumbled, obviously distracted.

"May I ask you something?"

She stilled, so much so that even the quiet sounds of her breathing ceased. Her wariness was palpable, and he could not find fault with that. There were a number of things he could ask, there were a number of things he wished to ask that would cross the carefully constructed boundary they danced around. It was a boundary he yearned to break, if only because he knew it was already bending dangerously far with the increasing weight of all the words, all the glances and touches...all the moments they shared with one another.

Now more than ever it would be so simple to let it snap, to tell her those stars were in reach and incredibly close at that, and he knew it because of her. She was the one who made him believe in the closeness of those stars, and he would pluck them all and press them into the palms of her hands if she so desired. He would grant her every last one and then hold her as the night sky cradled its own stars.

"Sure?"

Her voice was breathy and a note too high, though he was surprised her stutter did not make an appearance. Still, he granted her a reprieve and chose the easier option. Other chances would come for him. "Is this why you enjoy stargazing as much as you do?" he asked.

There was a short pause before her surprised laughter rang out around them. Despite the lingering ache he felt in letting that opportunity slip through his fingers, he could not regret the decision. Instead, he smiled at her, fully aware her laughter was its own reward. For tonight, that was more than enough.

"Sure. We'll go with that," she agreed.

Another couple of giggles bubbled up past her lips before she settled and the silence returned between them. It was far more companionable this time, and he was content to let it linger between them when he saw her earlier tears were replaced now by the small smile she wore. If that was the only thing he was capable of changing tonight, then it was worth it, and he settled into the silence with ease, intent to remain for as long as she needed out here.

It was a while before another, small sigh escaped her. "Tavon?"

"Hm?"

He looked over to find her sitting up and then getting to her feet. Once she brushed some dirt off the skirt of her robe, she proffered a hand towards him. He gladly slipped his hand into hers and let her assist him--albeit unnecessarily--up on his own two feet. Yet, once standing, he did not release his grip on her hand.

"Thank you for indulging me tonight." The smile she flashed him was one of the sweetest things he had ever received. "I needed this, I think," she added, "W-with...with you, especially."

A blush swept across her cheeks, darker than before, and her gaze pulled towards the side. "Talking with you always clears my head," she admitted quietly, "And...m-most nights it makes those st-stars feel a little closer."

A warm sensation flared in his chest, and he didn't bother to even attempt to smother the smile it caused. His hand itched to move, to thread his fingers through hers and tug until he pulled her into himself and held her as close as she desired. Instead, he simply gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"The pleasure is mine, Trick." His voice was soft, but he hoped it conveyed just how fully he meant it. "Anytime."

[abysskeeper]

Can't believe I never put this in my tag. Quintessential ship dynamics for Trick and Tav.

[abysskeeper]

Romance ask, 8, 15. Trick.

Hey, @flytehwire thanks for indulging me (here) as I go increasingly crazy over the impending doom of just...so many deadlines approaching.

8. What are their most prominent memories of each other?

Trick has so many three prominent memories of Tavon that aren't universe dependent. The first being the first time they meet, and the fact he would have attempted to kill her if not for extenuating circumstances; given how they later develop, she finds it hysterical...him, not so much.

The second is the first time she got him to actually laugh, not just humor her. It was some dumb joke, an offhanded, sarcastic comment at the situation they found themselves in, but he really, fully laughed, face lighter and eyes bright with amusement and goodness her heart soared. She never knew she could fall in love with a sound, and she later correctly identifies that moment as when she should've known she was completely and utterly doomed.

And the third is having the opportunity to actually watch Tav utilizing his marksmanship. It was the moment she realized she actually did appreciate confident, competent men...so long as they carried themselves appropriately, and he definitely did both of those things with his self-control and his aim. Or maybe she just has a thing for snipers in general.

For Tavon, I think one of his most prominent memories is getting her to geek out in front of him for the first time. The topic didn't matter, she was incredibly passionate and well-spoken...and unfortunately very cute, and the fact that she felt comfortable enough to open up with him was rewarding. The same with the first time he heard her singing, actually. She does so idly, usually only when she's alone and comfortable, so the first time he got to hear her sing to herself was pretty special.

And of course, the time Trick set herself apart from others around her. It never really matters what universe, Tav is usually wary of some prominent, social feature of Trick (Jedi/magic wielder, usually), so when she finally proves she is not as biased/bigoted towards him as others of her standing, it always sticks with him because that's the moment Tav decides he can start trusting her.

15. Does their view of themselves differ from their partner’s view?

Trick believes herself to be the girl who can't be loved, and Tav believes himself to be the boy who can't love, and they both vehemently deny that for each other.

So...yeah. They both view themselves in far worse light compared to how their partner sees them. Trick constantly tells Tav he's a better man than he (and the world around him, in a lot of cases) gives himself credit for, and reminds him he's not a weapon, and Tav constantly tells Trick she's priceless as a person despite what others might have convinced her, and reminds her she has no need to become a martyr. Eventually, they even start to believe each other.

[abysskeeper]

This week is the week to chew on Trick and Tav, apparently.

[abysskeeper]

Trick or treat!

Hi @keldae!

I'll admit I'm trying to tailor these as much as I can and we don't talk much...so, I'm going to say the quiet part out loud and then get back to this. I will be the first to admit I 100% followed you because I was intrigued you were the only other person I could find writing consular/agent or Jedi/agent fic in some way shape or form.

Of course, I stayed for the awesome writing, cosplays, and general taste in Tumblr posts...but I don't think I've made it any secret on this blog that consular/agent and the characters we write in those roles are incredibly dear to me. That said, finding someone else who was not only writing that pairing for their own OCs...but co-writing the pairing with a friend was amazing and immediately made me go 'oh sweet, same vibes as me and @gothamcityneedsme'. Plus you clearly had impeccable taste sooooo...easiest decision to follow =D.

And so, for a moment, I'm going to rant about an agent/consular project I willingly took on myself. Because for some reason, two years ago, I thought it would be a good idea to do a sort of...character study/relationship study on how our agent and consular actually progress through a relationship and get to where they are the power couple of the galaxy. I say two years ago, because a 4-part project turned into a 6-part project turned into a now standing 8-part project. Part 1 is ~28k and still has 3 or 4 story beats to hit before it's completed. Various ideas and scenes written consist of 41 separate documents on my phone and 7 or so separate documents on my computer.

I've made my mistakes.

I do not regret my mistakes, but I certainly acknowledge that I made them. The intricacies and depths it takes to analyze two incredibly traumatized individuals, standing on opposites sides of the war, and how they get together, AND THEN consider one of them technically isn't even your character are uh...a lot. And even though I don't know all the intricacies of your consular/agent pairing (I probably don't know most of them, as is the nature of co-writing and all I think)...something just tells me you're one of the few who can understand and appreciate these specific frustrations and the need to comically scream about them sometimes.

If I'm over-assuming, then if nothing else I at least hope I got a chuckle out of my hopeless endeavors. Happy Halloween! :D