#ouatsstarter

[robbingthehoodonequeenatatime]

"If only they had, had NyQuil in the Enchanted Forest." He mumbled as he stood up from where his son lay finally sleeping, unaware that someone had approached the two.

[hookedxpirate]

lost

He had to leave when the bar closed and he really had no where else to go. Granny's diner didn't seem to suit his mood, and he wasn't yet ready to turn back into the inn yet. Four walls that were so confining, so trapped-- so unlike him. Maybe Smee had been right that day. Maybe he  should  have left the town behind once he returned Swan home. He'd done what the message had asked for, so.. what was he waiting for? 

Especially now. 

His footsteps had found their way to the docks, and that's when he realized; it wasn't what he was waiting for--it was what he missed. Missed more than anything in that moment, as he stood there. His home. Everything that he'd given up, just to be in this world-- 

lost. 

Lost in this world and lost in his heart, messed up beyond all imagination. He'd thought that maybe--but no. It just wasn't meant to be. And that was okay, as long as she was happy. Hook reached into his pocket, pulling out the flask and taking a swig from it. 

He just... didn't know where he stood anymore. And maybe that was the problem. 

Maybe he just felt too... lost. 

[hookedxpirate]

he didn't regret it

He stood at the end of the docks, looking out over the sea. The ocean's waters waved and moved in the night's light, the moon cast down over them, the stars twinkling brightly in the black blanket overhead that was the sky. There was an empty spot that had been empty for almost a year now, and it would remain empty. 

But he told himself he didn't regret it. Whether that was a lie or not, Hook still hadn't figured out. He told himself that the empty spot didn't sting every time he looked at it, that it didn't feel like a wound was opening up in his heart that wouldn't be repaired-- Because the price had been worth it. He'd had to do it, had to give it up, because there had been no other way. She's not just a ship, he had told Smee, and he had been right. He hadn't been lying when he'd said those words and now-- now he was coming to realize just how much he'd really meant them. 

Now that she was gone. Truly gone. Not just missing. Not just misplaced. But gone. Given away. All for the purpose of bringing Swan home. Which is something he didn't regret--at least that's what he told himself, over and over, day after day, when the doubts and thoughts would start to creep up again. When he would remember their conversation in the bar and his heart would break all over again. It had been bad enough when there were still questions, still things hanging in the air; when there had been a chance that maybe-- 

But even that, too, was gone. 

So what did he have left? He'd given it all up, for her happiness, and he was left alone, without anything at all. But he didn't regret it--

Did he...? 

[hookedxpirate]

drunken wanderings

Hook stumbled along Main Street, not quite sure where he was going; just knowing that the bar was closed for now so he couldn't stay there, drinking away, any longer. At least for the night. The diner was always an option, but it was too bright; too cheery. One step in front of the other, mate, he told himself, his drunken state (mostly) obvious. 

It was times like this, he wished he had his ship back. He yearned for the familiar feel, the familiar surroundings. She'd been more a home to him than anywhere else ever had, after all. And you went and gave her up, said the nasty inner voice that he wanted to curse back into oblivion--and Hook tried, with another swig from his flask. 

[hookedxpirate]

an afternoon drink

It was the middle of the afternoon, and Killian found himself in the dankness of the bar, The Rabbit Hole, the one place that was set to his mood at the moment. Dark and brooding, smoke filled the air, and low music played in the background. He sat in one of the tables in the corner, letting the shadows cloak over him as he nursed what had to be his fifth or sixth drink of the day, but the pirate captain didn't care. As he downed back another swallow of the burning liquid, no longer feeling it, Killian watched the door from the shadows, waiting to see if anyone would come inside. 

[hookedxpirate]

it was worth it

He wandered the streets of the town, no particular destination in mind. He knew he could always go to the diner, back to the room at the inn; or sit at the counter, drowning away in something. His feet took him in the direction of the docks, as they were wont to do, and he paused at the edge, looking over the waters that flowed out to the sea ahead. He saw the ships moored in the harbor, and none of them held the majesty of his own, but that didn't make it any easier; didn't make it simpler to dull the ache that had been inside him since giving it up. 

But it was worth it, he told himself. Over and over, the words reverberated, repeated, echoed in his mind. A mantra that he refused to silence. Because Killian had to believe that. Had to believe that he hadn't given up everything--for nothing. 

[itsrumple-dearie]

Being married is quite different than what I remember. It's much less dreadful this time around. Perhaps true love really does change people? Even a slight bit.