❝ Lover, you should've come over. . . ❞
𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 (𝐬) ⋮ Daisuke x AFAB! Reader
𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ⋮ 5.7K
𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 ⋮ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ⋮ “ 'Cause it's not too late."
𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐬 ⋮ Cross-Posted on AO3 | Cursing | Extreme Violence | Sexual Assault Mentioned | Rape Mentioned | Non-Consensual Drugging Mentioned | Cannibalism Mentioned | Graphic Gore Mentioned | Psychological Abuse Mentioned | Emotional Abuse Mentioned | Self-Harm | Suicide | Suicidal Ideation | Major Character Death | Childhood Abuse Mentioned | Trauma |PTSD
𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 ⋮ HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!
There are only light-hearted giggles that leave the two of you. You can feel the warmth of his skin against yours, and you're not surprised by the way that his skin holds that golden tan so well; you don't know if it's even possible to be this stunning and to exist with someone who was a practical disco ball.
You can feel your legs tangle with his. There's a warm laughter that coats your heart that makes you feel like you could lie in bed forever…
Breaking News !
The Tuplar remains that have been recently under investigation, after the closure of Pony Express, one of the last manned crew freighter companies, which suspended its manned crews almost 10 years ago, before the company's closure. It seems that two bodies are locked in a cryogenics chamber—We have someone on site at the hospital. Bodies that were also found around the Tuplar are also put into the morgue upon returning to Earth. Our thoughts and prayers are with the family.
The television plays loudly through the white room; it echoes through the eerily quiet area, and you wonder if this is really what you were forced to be given. You don't know how old you are when you wake up in the hospital room; you just want the television off so you can go right back to sleep.
It seemed your mother made a big deal of your disappearance, her last years spent trying to find her missing baby, but you wonder if she did it because she cared or because she knew she couldn't start over if you were gone. You're not surprised that she's absent from your side, but what you do find is Daisuke's older sister with her father and mother. You can hear some quiet gasps from the other side, which reveal two little children you assumed were hers.
The woman looks at you in awe, her eyes lost in your aged face, before she begins to find her cheeks riddled with tears. She latches onto you without hesitation, and you're shocked that someone could find themselves at your hip.
Though you're not surprised that it's Daisuke’s sister who finds this fondness for you instantly. Even her children comment on it as they follow around their mother to surround your bed. “You knew our mom's brother?” You only nod in return; their mother eagerly hushes them, “Boys, please, don't overwhelm ‘em.” Though you can hear her father as he puts his hand on her shoulder, “You might also need to ease up, Issa.”
You can hear the door close, and you wonder where Daisuke's mom went. You allowed ice case sister's warm arms to wrap around you and you can feel her tightening grip whilst she begins to rub her hands up and down your back, it was grounding in a way that feels undeserved, and you don't hug back at first–Not because you don't want to, but because your body hasn't learned how to accept the things given to you yet.
Eventually, though, you allow your face to find the crook of her neck, and the smell of her perfume makes you feel like you're on a beach with a pina colada.
You don't remember agreeing to go anywhere, only that the hospital dissolves into motion—paperwork, voices during tests, and the studies that continue the need to fill out all signs that you’re ready to be dismissed. An insistence that you shouldn't be alone right now. You just nod, nod in response to everything, shake your head when you need to, and avoid your reflection at all costs.
The house is filled with baked goods, a hint of tonkatsu fills the air, his mother tells you that she's already beginning to make dinner as they head to the hospital to do a nightly prayer over you before heading back home, she's so grateful to have you here, they all are and continue to eagerly express it every time you're in the same room as then.
There's clean clothes being brought from their laundry room, warm oil from the kitchen that's still popping as new slices are being prepped for your additional plate, and the faint trace of citrus that clings to the hallway as you begin to make your way up the stairs. You're not surprised, a variety of fruits were found in a bowl in the living room, alongside the upstairs hallway, the kitchen island table, and the front door, just in case Daisuke woke up a little late and missed breakfast.
Though the smell of oranges clings to your nose upon reaching Daisuke's room, a small wooden basket before the door had almost 8 of them with a little sticky note on top. You don't know why you're standing in front of his door before dinner anyway, you're embarrassed by the colorful assortment of letters cut out from magazines when you first decorate his new room after he moved a bit farther, from being only a couple of blocks away.
The bike he had was probably still on the patio outside, locked up, waiting for Daisuke to come and unlock it to make his way down to your house during the times his father and mother used the car for work. Do you hear the way they talk about Daisuke? It's like they're just waiting for him to come down for dinner; in a way, you're waiting like a puppy dog in hopes he comes out of the room.
You almost whimper before his sister finds you. She's quickly on your back as her hands find your shoulders, you're met by her teeth, which are stained a slight yellow, and when she talks, you can see the brown on your tongue from what you assume is coffee.
The woman doesn't take long to usher you down for dinner, they give you simple yes or no questions at the table, even Daisuke's nephews try to be more easy with their questions towards you. You only tilt your head when you try to help with the dishes, you're quickly stopped by Daisuke's mother, who only tells you to get ready for bed, so you begin to take out the pull-out mattress from the couch that Daisuke's mother would use when extended family comes over.
You're about to pull it out before Daisuke's sister gasps, she quickly ushers you upstairs, and you find yourself in her room. It's a lot more bare than it was before. She had taken all her stuff with her to college when you and Daisuke were in middle school. It had some random paintings she did while she was in high school, a Renaissance lover who loved immersing her multiculturalism into the pieces that you admired as you sat on her bed.
Daisuke's sister caught you staring at one of her and Daisuke during his quinceañera, you don't remember it too well since you showed up midway through after sneaking out. It was him in a nice suit with his sister next to him with the biggest smile on her face, then the other, which was a painting of her holding Daisuke in the hospital. You could feel her eyes burn into you as she watched you watch the painting.
You waited for her to leave the room. She gave you one last hug and bid you goodnight. You stayed up staring at the ceiling above for hours; it gave you time to vocalize your thoughts in your mind, but you weren't ready to listen to your voice.
If it aged, or changed, or was something you wouldn't recognize anymore.
That's what terrified you at this moment.
You found your feet against the cold wood floor. As the door creaked open, you could see Daisuke's mother come to replace the oranges in front of his door. You could hear her soft whimpers, but she didn't break out into a full-out sob. You assumed she had already known about her son's demise, having it confirmed when she had to plan his funeral was something that left your heart aching for the woman.
There isn't time to mess up a good thing, so you leave the room unchecked. You don't try to sneak into the room, the only thing that woman has left of her son; you can't ruin that for her, as you ruined him.
Once you awake the next morning, it's Daisuke's sister dropping off her children at school. There's a silence as she begins to drive to a park. It was one she and Daisuke frequented, “I actually took him here when he accidentally took my edibles.” The woman takes a moment, and then some, and you can hear the way her voice begins to crackle before she turns to you.
“We've been talking…My father and I,” she says gently, eyes fixed on the grand view of the park. “About a press release. Just something small we hear about, that even your Captain Curly has taken the new additions to his body like a duck to water…” You find your view broken by the trees, then fix your eyes on Daisuke's sister…
“I beg your pardon?”
You don't hear your voice as your own; you watch her face slowly be filled with shock, but she continues regardless of her point, and you admire this family's perseverance. “Just something small that they plan on doing, it's going to be live televised, and there's a chance you'll be able to talk about what happened, how everything ended up the way they did, so people stop asking questions that aren't theirs to ask.”
Your eyebrows furrow; regardless, you nod in agreement. “You're right.” The woman gives you a smile, you feel your body heat up as you feel her eyes begin to crease the same way, although she had many more beauty marks on her face than Daisuke, it still feels like being lost in those honey colored eyes.
This time, you initiated the hug. There's an eagerness to return it; soon enough, she begins to sob, and you allow her this grief. You rub her back more soothingly, circling your thumbs into her shoulder blades, which causes her to ease her harsh sobs into soft whimpers.
The hug lasted for what felt like an hour; you were met by her puffy eyes as she continually thanked you for being there. You wondered if Daisuke needed this when you left, if he had done the same thing about you to his sister. You don't know if he ever told them what happened to you, and they seemed so eager to have you back in there, regardless of the gap spanning more than a decade.
Daisuke's funeral came and went, ashes stood in a loving urn decorated with hibiscus, and there was still a tombstone thanks to donations. You're grateful for the number of people that attended, you watched as Daisuke's father and sister stood their ground by denying people questions during the service, and trying to overwhelm his mother.
Upon reaching the cemetery, you decided to stay back, Daisuke's family unfortunately not agreeing with such an idea, as they agreed to wait in the hearse for you as you went to look for your mother's grave.
Your mother's grave is smaller than you expected. It's clean and maintained. Someone cared enough to keep it that way, even if you never felt it well, she was alive. You're quick to find your bottom on the grass, no care for the clothes you're probably staining, and the sight of her being just a mother on the tombstone leaves you conflicted.
There's something in you that made you want to tell her that you hated her that you hated how miserable she had grown up and how you wished that you could have knocked out the bloodline from the beginning that if given another chance at life you would just kill yourself when you were a child you tell her how small she made the world and how you for everything was a test you are always wrong.
You want to tell her about the ship.
About Daisuke.
About how right she was right that God just wanted you to be alone.
You want to tell her how you don't forgive her for everything she's done to you, how tired you are of caring for her, but when you stand to leave, the world doesn't feel lighter; things just feel empty, the way they always did.
Back at the house, the lights are low. You pause in front of the door again, fresh new oranges with another note on them, it's in Mandarin, and the characters have noticeably changed from before. You wonder briefly if this is what coming back is supposed to feel like, this hollow and empty feeling that only becomes a bottomless pit with you practically floating in the sea of your issues and thoughts, left with nothing to contemplate but the reality you're being forced to deal with.
The press release was ushered upon the people finding out you stayed at the Juarez residence, you made the executive decision to move to a motel despite the family's wanting to keep you there. They were happy you were speaking, Daisuke's mother using it as a point that they were really helping you be better for your future, that they'd help you get back on your feet, and so on.
Though you disappear without a trace. You go through the streets in a baseball cap and a mask, looking for formal attire for the upcoming panel. The outfit is formal in the way that makes you feel like you're going to a court: neutral colors, no sharp lines, nothing that might be read as emotional. It fits your body, but not your sense of time, as you try not to look at yourself in the mirror longer than you need to be.
Maybe they were helping you, despite the fact that you were hurting them with the letters and people showing up to question you and the family. Daisuke's family was a bunch of Daisuke's themselves, it honestly brought a smile how many times they talked and you could hear Daisuke's voice say those exact words to you.
You don't know how old you're supposed to look when you show up, you're honestly embarrassed as no one really mentioned years. The time you spent so long on that ship for calendars meant nothing now that you were here.
Alive and existing…
The room they bring you to is a little bright, you rode over with Daisuke's sister who gave you a pep talk about how if the questions become too deep that you can signal her to say something, she asks if you want her to join you on the panel, just in case anything happens.
You lovingly tell her there's no need, and soon enough you're making your way to a chair on the platform. Families sit in the neat rows before you, hands folded and eyes fixed forward. Daisuke's immediate family is there, you see Swansea's adult kids, and soon enough you see Curly's family begin to make their way into the area.
One of your biggest fears is that you'll see your mother's face in the crowd praying she would just walk right out that coffin and apologize to you, for everything, how losing her baby changed everything and made her want to be better for you.
Though the only other person to come through that door is Anya's mother, you're surprised by the fact that she's not as aged as Daisuke's parents or Curly's father, you're lost in her features as it feels like Anya is walking right into the room–You quickly rip your eyes away from hers before you find the same images of her bloodied body beginning to flood your mind.
You wonder if Curly also feels this way, and soon enough he's making his way up the platform to you.
The technology is impossible in the way that only corporate funded rehabilitation ever is–invasive, expensive, and still incomplete. A spinal exoskeleton to brace his legs, glossy white and threaded with fiber optic cables that pulse faintly with each assisted step, neural pads hug his temples, translating intent into movement. His hands shake when lifts them and from what you can hear from him ushering his family to their seats, his voice comes through a synthesized modulation, slightly delayed, flattened at the edges.
You're glad it sounds nothing like him.
One word from his mouth and you were sure you'd light the whole place up.
There are people that stare at him, not like they do you but with an uncomfortableness at his exposed nature.
You're dressed up in an outfit you don't know if you like now, you know it's appropriate for someone your age–But how old are you? No one's saying anything like a date, and even if they did, you've been on that ship for god knows how long.
Curly doesn't even face, you watch as he's the first to make his way behind the podium and soon enough the screen flickers to life from behind him. The Pony Express logo appears first, it's the outdated one you saw on the ship, you had heard that they changed it after the company went under and tried to rebrand, regardless, it stays the same as it was when you were on the ship.
“Cans or sludge, that's a mockery of what I had ever thought of. Not being able to sleep for more than 5 hours or we're docked credits, credits that are then used to pay us,” Curly begins, a voice mechanical but steady.
You watch as he pauses before he finally turns to face you for the first time, you find those piercing blue bloodshot eyes back to when he reprimanded you for speaking out of turn or him on that table feeding him those meds.
Does he remember when you beat him?
Will he tell them what you did?
Or is it just another accident?
Curly seems to also be lost in a trance by your age, he remembered your colorful accessories and eager nature to get the job done, the only control you had was your wardrobe when you left the house under the watchful eye of your mother. There was now an adult sitting in place of you, but to be honest, all he saw was that same teenager still sitting there with hair not as long as it was now, or the uncaring expression that plagued your face, or the dried blood and vomit choked that coated your face.
“If I was ever going to survive that cryopod, if I was ever given the ability to talk about what happened on the Tuplar…then I owe you all the truth…”
Soon enough the screen changed behind him, to logs, schedules, ID Card photos that caused some gasps and quiet cries from the families as they saw their once beloved members once more.
Curly goes day by day, no metaphor, no excuses.
You listen as he begins to talk about Jimmy first–the favoritism he played with amongst the crew, especially when it came to when you and Anya reported his predatory nature to the both of you, the excuses he made for the man, the way he allowed aggression to masquerade into incompetence.
Curly names Jimmy's outburst.
The threats.
The way everyone learned to stay quiet around him.
“Jimmy, was the one who crashed the ship after he had…sexually assaulted a member of the Tuplar.” Curly's voice stutters as he says her name, “Anya was raped by Jimmy. Repeatably. Using pills from the medical room that I had noticed had been coming short but continued to act none the wiser. I told myself that I would handle it, I told him I would handle it, that we could all sit down and talk about the situation…unfortunately, she was impregnated. Anya was terrified to the point where she had hidden the emergency weapon in a place only she knew, she told me countless times of how he wanted him off the ship, his constant and inappropriate behavior towards her, and instead of confronting him. I coddled him.”
Curly took a deep breath, “When Anya told Jimmy he…spiraled, and crashed the ship to a meteor off course. I ran to the room after the crash to try and steer the ship off the course…but it was too late, I spent the remainder of my time on the medical bay being taken care of by Anya and F/N, who oftentimes fed me my painkillers. Then, after F/N defined themselves from Jimmy after he got a hold of the gun in the emergency case, we were both put into the last remaining cryopod.”
When Curly finally decides to lift his head from the mic and towards the families his voice then drops, “I allowed it all to happen.” He first turns to Daisuke's family, “Your son died because I believe keeping the ship operational mattered more than keeping people safe. I'm sorry.” He then repeats the same apology to Anya’s mother who's shell shocked face is now forced into Curly's memory until the day he dies, then to his family he apologies for being such a failure that his mother had raised him better and he understood what it meant if he was to be left.
There is no defense.
No justification.
Just an explanation and apology, laid bare and insufficient to the families that are now being force fed the torture their loved ones endured in their final moments.
When it's over, no one applauds.
No one forgives him.
That isn't the point.
Soon enough, it was your time to give the statement, where you explained what happened after it all.
You tell them everything.
Your heart aches violently as you speak about your fellow coworkers on board the Tuplar.
“Anya and Daisuke were my only true friends on board the Tuplar, I found myself confiding in both of them and with their existence the months after the crash allowed me to feel better after being abused and belittled by Jimmy.” You sigh, “Anya had swallowed all the rest of the medication left in the med bay after months upon months, I didn't know she was pregnant, I had no idea she was being abused by Jimmy and I wish I had known so I could've done more for her.”
You choke up as you continue, nothing to hear but your very own tears hit the podium, “Daisuke was put out of his misery after Jimmy had told him to go into the vent leading to the medical room to save Anya when we wanted to help her at what Daisuke and I believed was a psychotic break, he suffered injuries that result in multiple lacerations on his body from a previously damaged vent. Swansea was the one who used the axe to stop his slow death after Jimmy poured mouthwash onto his wounds since we lacked any wound cleaner that we had been using for Curly's body.”
A silence falls as you try to think about your approach for the end, though you try your hardest to make sure you can properly assemble yourself before the crowd, “Swansea was shot by Jimmy, something I only found out after keeping Daisuke company whilst he was dying. Then, Jimmy put all the bodies at the table like a final supper. Jimmy cut off Curly's flesh from his leg and he ate it then forced me to eat it as well, it went on like that for days, I think, before we had our quarrel where the cryopods were being kept. I…I hurt him, I beat on him until I shot him and locked Curly and I in the cryopods.”
You then nod with silence still in the room, after you finish talking there begins an eruption of questions and sobs allowing you to fully take control of the individuals. Soon enough, you and Curly were dismissed. Both of you are going behind the stage to share a one on one chat with one another. You don't waste a second, finding your hand on his cheek as fast as possible.
A smack you had been yearning for such a long time.
Curly doesn't say anything as you sigh, feeling the hot tears begins to prickle your eyes, “You don't…You could never understand what the fuck I have been through to just end up here…” You find your heart pounding against your chest, flames licking at your vocal chords, “Ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to die. Until…Daisuke? It felt like…” You looked at Curly for a moment, but you see those blue eyes as nothing more than a reason you're now stuck in this situation.
“Before Tuplar, Daisuke and I were…” You look around for the word, you try to think about what you and Daisuke had for a moment if it was the relationship you believed he and you shared or if it was just some teenage fling that happens to break each other before college.
“I loved Daisuke, and I'm sure as hell he loved me too but I was too scared for him to realize that. I was hoping it would be like the last relationships, where I just kind of went along with whatever my partner wanted and I just existed? I was like a dog to be showed off, cared for, seen as equal, reprimanded when needed and then…”
A soft sigh leaves you, “Daisuke made that part feel nicer, like I wasn't just a lifeless blow up doll taking whatever was given to me but was an actual human, but not just a human. I was loved, loved so hard that I didn't have to worry about being careless when I knew there was someone to always fall on…but, I didn't. I couldn't just sit there and be loved, I kept overthinking it, what would happen after college, what would happen if I got pregnant, what would happen if one day he decided to love me but Daisuke, being Daisuke, would just lie to me just let me be happy and live in the security of love.”
You could feel your eyes get hot with the tears brimming your bottom lashes, you don't wipe them though since who could stop you now. “One night, we had sex…It was the first I had ever had consensual sex with anyone before then and I had genuinely enjoyed it? Sure, he was awful the way any inexperienced person was but I didn't focus on how bad he was with his hands or if he accidentally went too rough because after everything, he'd ask me if I was okay–” You choke oh phlegm building up in your throat as the tears begin to boil over your cheek.
“I always felt like my life was passing me by, childhood, preteen, teenaged years, being a young adult–It’d not that I don't remember it's just what is there to remember? I was just there. Existing day by day, because I had to. That's it. But, when it came to Daisuke I felt like I had to be in the moment. He'd ask me everything, like how I felt about something, how it tasted, if I liked it, if I cared, if I wanted to be somewhere, what I wanted to do. It was weird to be put first in a world that always saw me as just another homosapien. I never resented him for it, or hated him for loving me but…I was terrified, terrified someone could see me as he saw me, terrified because I knew I'd always be the way I am and I hate the way I am. I couldn't allow him to feel so happy with me the way we did that night, the many nights before, the days before, the months, the years–I can't allow him to be this happy with something that was never going to last.”
A silence falls between the two of you, nothing but your soft sobs as your fists balled up to find your face. You wondered if Curly would comfort you, if he had it in him to bring that hand on your shoulder and try to tell you it's okay. Though, you already know what to expect from him. So, you quickly sniffle and suck up what you can do. You continue to allow all your entrails to continue to obscenely plop onto the floor before the man.
“As a child, what I've wanted more than anything was to be dead. I knew what was going to happen, when my mom kept pushing me and telling me to be better, to do better, when she belittled Daisuke to me and to his face, no matter what he did, there was nothing that was going to stop me from fulfilling my purpose on this earth which I had decided on all those years ago.” Curly questions it, “A purpose?” You only nod, your wet eye lashes flutter close as you can't look him in the eyes as you tell him, like a bad child admitting they've broken a vase, “Get the degree my mother always wanted, and then I'll kill myself.”
A defeating silence falls between the two of you, allowing your eyes to open once more, you're met by the sight of the fear stricken look on Curly's face. Your eyes don't meet his, it takes a few minutes before Curly begins to speak up, “Hey. We all tried to escape. Didn’t work for any of us. I’ve thought many times, 'Is this what peace feels like? And, is it good enough?' If I’m being real, it certainly isn’t the best." So all I can do is try to make my life one I’m not trying to run from all the time. Sometimes I’ll be promoted, buy a house, fall in love. But other times I’ll just have some awful fucking cake with my friend. But now…What do I do when everything is gone?”
You only huff out a sigh, you feel your nails begin to dig into your palms with irritation at that stupid look on his face and then he began to speak, “In that quietness, in the cryogenics pod, in my mind, I continued to replay those months I spent with my crew ultimately leading up to me ending up in the pod. It was a repeat, and as soon as I was in the cryogenics chamber it would just restart all over again–”
You’re quick to cut him of, “I saw what Anya did, when she killed herself, why she did it in that room…It all made sense to me in that moment, and the fact you couldn't even look me in the eyes or her mother just tells me all I need to fucking know.”
You can hear him try to explain himself, just like he did on the stage, he tries to apologize again and you don't listen to him.
“Shut the fuck up, Orion.”
You take in another breath as Curly finally begins to shut up, “No one else can talk. Not you, not Jimmy, not Swansea, not Daisuke, not Anya.” questions rise up, it doesn't need to.
Your job is done.
It clicks for you in that moment that there's no need to continue, to allow him in your personal business if all you were going to be met was by the same pointless apologies that did nothing but allow him to bask in the light that was a new job opening after the whole crew had been let go.
“Bigger and brighter things, huh?”
There's no resolution.
No lesson neatly learned.
“Let's hope you still have that going for you.”
Just two people departing and taking in the weight of what they survived—and what he allowed. And somewhere behind it all, the knowledge that telling the truth didn't save anyone. It only made sure that the story couldn't be buried with the ship.
Curly gets dropped off by his extended family, his parents and siblings can't face him for the moment as they practically grieve the man Curly was believed to be. There's the same apartment that has awaited him for a long time, learning how to use the equipment in the hospital was the only human interaction outside of his family.
The man can't sleep that night, he can't even bring himself to the room as he lays on the couch just staring up at the feeling or staring off the terrace into the night sky during the crack of dawn.
The neural interface hums softly at his temples as the system brings his body online. Assisted movement, manual breathing, a completely relied on system that was guaranteed and necessary to keep him alive. His legs didn't hurt anymore, not really–they just didn't belong to him. The exoskeleton that locks into place with the clock he had been becoming slowly familiar with.
Curly wakes to hate, he doesn't even know why he even opened the phone his brother had gotten him, it vibrated profusely on the wood floor until he silenced it. There were no real new groceries since he had been going to his family’s house for dinner every night, removal from the family group chat guaranteed his belief that he was disowned for the time being.
If Jimmy taught him anything, then a hunch isn't just a hint.
The man decided no breakfast for him, what is the point in eating when he can't even taste anymore.
So, he reaches for his remote with hands that still don't feel like hands.
Soon enough the television turns on.
BREAKING NEWS !
A survivor of the Tuplar tragedy was found dead earlier this morning. A self inflicted gun shot wound found in the head of a body found in an empty motel. Authorities have confirmed the death has been ruled a suicide. A note has also been recovered but has not been released to the public as it's still being held in evi–
Curly stares at his reflection of the black screen of the now powered off television, he's just looking back into those same blue blood shot eyes before you call his name.
“Orion…”
He laughs.
It slips out of him, sharp and sudden, bouncing against the walls of the room with nothing stopping from it becoming louder and louder. There's a vocal fry, with his voicebox overheating from the strain on his vocal chords, sounds wrong coming through the vocal modulation, flattened and artificial, like the system doesn’t know how to process it.
“Of course,” he says to no one. “Of-fucking-course.”
The laugh keeps going longer than it should, a wheeze leaving him before his modulation begins to go wrong leaving him to be met by a much more different sound. It's like he's watching Jimmy find the gun in the medical room all over again, as his shoulders shake, his chest tightens.
The system flags irregular breathing, but it doesn’t intervene fast enough.
The laughter breaks.
What replaces roars from his throat.
Curly’s hands curl uselessly in his lap as the sound turns inward, collapsing into something wet and broken. He bows his head, forehead resting against the cold brace of the exoskeleton, and for the first time since the Tuplar, he doesn’t try to steady himself.
And Curly continues to cry, God knows how long, trapped in a body that works just well enough to keep him alive, knowing—with a clarity no technology can soften–that even now, even after everything, survival was never the same thing as being saved.
The sobs that escape him are now from his throat, the voice modulation decommissioned without a care from Curly as he continues to allow himself to sob, even just for this moment.
A real, true cry.
Something he deserved after everything.
©ouchthathurts please don't translate, claim as yours, redistribute and/or plagiarize in any way. likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated!