Someday, someone is going to look at you like you’re the best thing in the world. Unknown.
Well, I have just noticed that one of those days, sometimes we forget our own cross. The thing(s) that is meant to be carried for the rest of our life, or perhaps, it is not a life time. Perhaps, it is held for certain of time. The thing is, we often forget that we are still carrying that cross. Or or or maybe we don’t forget at all, maybe we think that we have new cross to be held as we think we have finished holding the first cross. We think through God, we have won that cross. Well, tough life my friend, sometimes the first cross hasn’t finished at all. You are still holding it. You are still struggling with it. You are honored to be trusted with another cross or you are poured with new blessing as you feel the joy and seem like to be distracted.
That is me. I thought my first cross that I’ve carried since I was at a matriculation stage to be called and served as a wife, has been finished as I am honored to hold a new one. No. it’s still there. I am still struggling with it. Of course it is hard, but as I am carrying that cross, at the same time God strengthens me. It is two sides of a coin.
I always know that my strength is my husband. It has always been him. But this time, when I had moment to notice that I am still carrying the same cross, my strength is not just him. Apparently, God gives me another shoulder pad. It is our Celine. It is not just her existence, but it is also her affection to me. Someday, out of nowhere, she looks at me as I’m the best thing in her world. I do not remember when did it start, but I’ve always been touched by the way she looks at me. This kind of love, I never felt it before. She is not our first born, but she certainly is our first daughter. And of course it is definitely not a one-sided love. I have no idea how much longer God gives that kind of love for me as we all know, a little girl is growing up, probably doesn’t prefer to be called as a big girl, but a woman instead. Probably is not comfortable to be poured with hundred of kisses on her cheeks and forehead anymore. Probably will be excluding her mom from her gang with her cool girlfriends. Probably will be distracted with a love at her first sight. I don’t know. I have no idea, but I do hope it is a life time love. I don’t know. I have no idea, but I want to take that love with a grateful heart. I want to feel and enjoy that kind of love as it lasts. I want to be proud of her as always. And I want to celebrate her existence, her love. I want to celebrate her.
Celine, you may not our first born, but you always will be our first daughter. I am forever grateful for you entering my life. Should you always know that you are loved. Should you always know, even when you change, you are always be the best thing in my world. And it is a life time.