Nobody has to identify as queer and telling people they must identify with it whether they want to or not is invariably wrong, obviously.
But the term is also one that has been reclaimed by activists since before I was born, and it’s one that has strong associations with defiance against oppressive structures, and it’s one that carries with it an ambiguity that’s valuable to many people who aren’t sure of the specifics of their identity or don’t want to explain them in detail all the time. I’m queer because I reject the idea that I should conform, I’m queer as an act of rebellion against an oppressive society, I’m queer in solidarity with the activists who have used the term before me, and I’m queer because I do not owe every person I encounter a full explanation of my gender and orientation.
No one should be demanding it be used as an umbrella for people who don’t want to be included in it, and it’s wrong when people do that- but please remember that when a queer person refers to the queer community, we’re usually referring to other people who also self-identify as queer. Just because you could be part of a community if you wanted to doesn’t mean you automatically are part of it. You don’t have to be queer if you don’t want to and I will not call you queer unless you identify that way, but I am queer, I am part of a community of other people who also identify as queer, and you do have to respect that.