#outoflecture;

[disgustcdnoisc]

[[ ooc. it's been literal y e a r s but please come find me at illyrianbabyrhysand if you miss me lol. i miss you crazy bunch ]]

[disgustcdnoisc]

~

[disgustcdnoisc]

@lavellout replied to your post:[[MOR] So, having taken a nice long break from...

I don’t use skype like at all but if you ever feel like sending an IM even if it’s from another blog I’ll still be around

[Thank you <3 You’re definitely still one of the people I want to keep around, so if I move to another blog, you can expect a follow from there. Right now, I’m just not much on tumblr in general aside from my personal blog, but that one’s mostly random thought blurbs and fandom reblogs]

[disgustcdnoisc]

So, having taken a nice long break from this blog, I’ve realized that I don’t even miss it that much here. I used to be invested in playing Cassandra, but the fandom has been so freaking toxic, big bunch of hypocrites attacking people like we’re not all part of the same fandom, and people who had said from the get-go that they’d talk to me personally about things talking behind my back to other RP partners. If you were butthurt about something I’ve done, at least you could’ve had the decency to come talk to me about it, with your so-called good intentions and straightforwardness. People who claimed to be friends are no longer talking to me and have made no effort to contact me, and I’m not here to endlessly chase after people.

My life’s busy, my birthday’s coming up, I’m on two times a week of muay thai training, horse riding whenever the weather allows it, costuming, working as a vet assistant and tomorrow’s my first shift on the animal rescue ambulance. To put it in short: I don’t have time for this bullshit. If I come back here, I want this to be a pleasant place where I can write without feeling pressure, talk to people without having to look over my shoulder and be on a dashboard that doesn’t have fights every other day. So, chances are, if I do come back, I’m going to do a big blog overhaul and follow people I want to keep on my list, and maybe give out the url to a select few people who ask for it. I’ll be keeping this blog for all the good fun writing I’ve had with a couple people, but I definitely need a clean slate if I choose to come back. 

Between all the stuff I’m doing on a day to day basis, preparing for a convention abroad, trying to get my life and love life on track and finally getting proper mental healthcare, I do not have time for asshattery.

My skype has been posted numerous times so anyone who wants or has wanted to contact me while I wasn’t and am still not going to be on here for a bit knew how to do so. I need to finish my Cass cosplay for the end of the month and get past the birthday madness, after that I’ll see if and when I’ll return.

[disgustcdnoisc]

outoflecture; this blog is on temporary hiatus. i am available on skype at posseloverdean for those interested; please let me know who you are upon adding me. this is a queued post that will appear on your dashboard several times during my hiatus. see you all when i get back.

[disgustcdnoisc]

outoflecture; skype is here. let me know who you are upon adding me.

[disgustcdnoisc]

outoflecture; as you may or may not have noticed from the running of my queue and nothing else, I’m taking a small break from this blog. I can be found on Dean, those who don’t have the URL yet can ask for it if they want to talk to me there. I know I’m not going to delete Cassandra because I enjoy writing her too much, but I need a break from the chaos that this blog has been. When I come back, I intend to keep it a clean blog, or I will start a new one and keep that cleaner. Thank you to everyone who’s checked in with me, I’m perfectly fine at the moment, just not comfortable being here for the time being. If I haven’t specifically told you so, you’re not the reason why I feel uncomfortable, so don’t worry about that. I still enjoy talking to and writing with you guys, that’s not going to change. Hopefully you’ll all still be here when I get back <3

[disgustcdnoisc]

I’m slowly losing my interest in being here. It’s not because I don’t like writing Cassandra, because good grief, I do. I love this character with every fiber of my being :’) But it’s been stressful rather than fun lately, and I figured making a change to my rules would help, but it really hasn’t.

In fact, it’s made things worse, though not in terms of stress. It’s gotten so bad that I don’t want to reblog memes anymore because the times I do, I’ll receive none and end up deleting the memes I’ve reblogged again. It’s gotten quiet, I feel isolated, I feel underappreciated and I feel like I don’t belong in this fandom.

I just don’t know what to do with this. I regret making any changes in the first place; at least I had some interaction to counter the things that were stressing me out before the blog overhaul. 

I really feel like I don’t even exist here. That’s not meant to be offensive towards the people who do appreciate me being here and come talk to me every once in a while, but I also don’t think it’d make much of a difference if I just vanished.

In fact, some people would probably be relieved if I did. I’m just still holding on because I don’t want to give Cass up just yet. I really love writing for her.

Who knows, maybe I’ll make a second blog that’s cleaner, start fresh there and keep this one to return to if things are nice here. I just don’t know anymore.