Confessions of an Average Teenage Overeatter Post #1
I must admit it's pretty weird to create a blog in which I divulge all my life secrets for potentially all cyber space to read...although there is always the chance no one ever sees or reads any entries... Anyhow which ever is the outcome of my decision to create a blog I hope it relieves a bit of the load I carry upon my shoulders. I am your average female teenager. There is nothing about me that makes me outstanding, cool, or popular... I am simply me. I attend a regular public high school and deal with the same day to day scenarios most high school teens experience. Being that I am simply only one average person in this entire world filled with average people, you may ask "Why?" what on earth must have possessed me to create a blog if I have nothing extraordinary to offer? the truth is, I don't know why... I just know that regardless of whether or not someone actually takes the time to read this blog it's something I had to do. On this note I will like to continue by revealing to you day to day aspects of my life. For one I am a insulin-dependent diabetic. I was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of six and today almost 11 years later I still look for a way to cope with such characteristic. I currently reside in a small home with my mother and siblings. My parents are divorced. My father had multiple affairs, and my mother finally decided that a loveless marriage and a hostile environment was not one she wanted to give to her children. therefore, my mother finally stored up enough courage to serve up my father with divorce papers. Its been officially over two years since my parents officially ended things (even though the divorce papers were served almost six years ago). Since then my mother who was use to living the life of a typical housewife took up a place in the life of employment as a housekeeper. We struggle to make ends meet but we manage. I have an older brother who seems to have lost his way in life. I don't understand him. I try to; but I just cant seem to grasp completely the nature of his ways. He works part time to "help" with the household needs; but seems to spend his money on junk food, friend outings, cigarettes, and marijuana. He graduated high school 3 years ago yet has only managed to attend one semester of community college. I also have a younger brother, he is a very bright fellow. In him I see aspiring greatness however he worries me too. He shares a room with my older brother and I fear he may be negatively influenced by him. he also seems to compulsively eat which frightens me because I feel that awful habit is influenced by me. I am a straight A student. I am not smart but I get my work done and it attributes to my good grades. I am flawed in many ways but I hide everything behind my figurative mask. I am overweight and I often try to pin my over weight to a slow- diabetic metabolism. this excuse I use is complete and utter BULL. I'm overweight because instead of expressing how I feel I divulge mountains and mountains of food. But of course no one knows this because I hardly eat in front of everyone and I over exercise in front of everyone. I've got them all fooled because I sneak around and eat. I HATE myself... especially when I cry to my peers saying " I eat right... I exercise... why am I fat?" I know damn right I am fat... I just lack the strength to admit it. I mean take this blog as an example: I'm hiding behind a false name a false identity...Why?... because I am a coward simple as that. The only thing that bring me some comfort is the fact that I know my eating is a compulsive way to rid myself of emotions. I understand that my eating is only a temporary fix but I have hope that my blog is a blog for a chance to readapt myself of myself. And if that never happens I hope that at least one day: today, tomorrow, or 20 years from now someone comes across this entry and identifies with a piece of it and realizes that no matter how horrible their life may seem they are not alone in this this struggle we call life. Yours Truly, L.L