#p.a.n.d.a.s.

[jaidenreed]

Lost

Mark lately I've been very scared. I've been scared of a disease called P.A.N.D.A.S but it's not very well known or believed in. Basically it's when the strep virus attacks the brain and cause changes to a person overnight. The symptoms can hold me back from being myself and can vary depending on the person some symptoms such as ocd, tics, or needing reassurance are just some of the less severe symptoms but this disease can make you think you did something you know you didn't or think things you don't want to think and the scary part is you have no control over what's happening your just forced to deal with it. I know it can be recurring but I never thought I'd have to go through it again after getting rid of it for over a year thanks to my lovely mother who found a doctor that could help but now I'm afraid it could be returning and I don't know what to do and now I just feel so lost. I'll be graduating next year and don't know anything about what I want to be or how I'm even going to get their. I'm sorry I know none or this is any of your guys business but you and Jack are a big part of my life you guys are always their to help me smile everyday so thank you so much for being their when I feel down or lonly and thank you to the community's as well you all are always very accepting and a great group of people. I think I've rambled on long enouf but thank you guys for just listening and being their it really means a lot. --- Jaiden

[ukulelesongsmakemehappy]

I really, really, really hope this isn’t strep and that my brain will feel better very soon.

[ukulelesongsmakemehappy]

It's time for me to play "Are My Strep Antibodies Attacking My Brain Again or am I Just Really Depressed?"

[ukulelesongsmakemehappy]

So either my P.A.N.D.A.S. is causing chaos again or I need to change my medication...

[love-sing-smile]

What if it never gets better? What if I stay this sick, or get worse? What if I don't get to do everything I want to because I'm too sick? What if I never get to travel? What if I can't handle school? What if no one wants to fall in love with the sick girl? What if my friends and family got tired of putting up with me? What if everything gets worse? What if I can't do this?

[dreamsofbone]

At 8 AM I am going to get tested for P.A.N.D.A.S. by means of ASO, EEG, hs-CRP.  It's relatively new, and the DSM v is redefining OCD so that it is far broader.  After talking to him for two hours, he told me that he believes I have dysphoria, but it is secondary to something else.  He is curious of PANDAS, and it connects to me in interesting ways, such as my having speech problems when I was in elementary school and why I found solace in amphetamines and marijuana (he mentioned marijuana, which is especially illegal in the DR, without my mention of using it) due to the quick release of dopamine.  He believes I've less dopamine than I should have, which could possibly be caused by an infection of the brain as a child from streptococcus, which I had when I was 6 (this is part of PANDAS, and what I will be tested for). PANDAS is more common in people of latin origin, and usually presents itself between the ages of 3-13, which happen to fit my time period of fugue. I also started becoming artistic around that time, and my doctor friend theorizes that my "tic" is art, since it is something that I do without thinking, like how one daydreams.  He also prescribed me 75mg of bupropion hydrochloride to be taken once after breakfast and once after lunch.

Dissociation, he said, was a possible side effect to PANDAS.  We shall see tomorrow how this will unfold.  If it is, in fact, PANDAS, it would mean I won't have to see another psychiatrist, for the treatment I'd need would be biological and not psychiatric.  It still creeps me out to think of my state of mind being due to a brain infection, but at least it'd allow me to make a full 180...in theory.

The psychologist/psychiatrist I saw today is one of the best in the country, and also studied in Chili, which is the central hub for psychology/psychiatry.  He is very well-reknown, and has also saved the life of a second-cousin of mine who was highly suicidal and severely depressed.

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