#p:noah

[peuldoongie]

Asterum's Chic Princess 💜✨💤🏋️

[peuldoongie]

Watch Me Woo! 'ppoppo'mance

[matteo-emerson]

“Yooo Noah” Matteo said, taking a sip of his drink as he made his way over to the other. “How’s it going? Love the costume”

@lumiiniferous​

[rezathevamp-blog]

Losing Soulmates || Reza&Noah

time and hearts will wear us thin, so which path will you take, cause we both know a break does exactly what it says on the tin

One final phone call

Clutching the phone between numb fingers, Reza half expected Noah to not pick up. Almost hoped it, too, because what the fuck could he even say at this point? Was there anything that could make this better? It probably wasn't begging Noah to talk to him on the phone while his throat still felt fucking raw. "Hey," he breathed out as soon as the dial tone was replaced with silence and quiet breathing. "Look, I wish I knew the right thing to say and maybe there isn't even a right thing to say here but... fuck, there's got to be something I can do, right? I don't..." he swallowed thickly to try and hide the voice crack, "I don't want to lose you."

Standing there looking at his phone as it vibrated softly on his bedspread Noah took a deep breath. Because while he put on a brave mask, and talked an angry game, he knew the second he heard Reza’s voice he was just going to fall apart. Piece by broken piece. Sliding the lock button Noah put the phone tentatively to his ear, steeling himself against Reza’s voice. The other boy was upset, and on the verge of tears. It was definitely obvious by the way he talked. But in the end Noah just listened vowing to give Reza his full ten minutes even though he already knew what the outcome of this phone call would be “I don’t” Noah started trying to gather the right words. Something that would be truthful but not too harsh or cause him to start crying… which he was loathe to admit but very liable to do right now “I don’t want to lose you either Reza. But healthy relationship can’t be one sided. And before you say, I’ll change for you, that’s not what a healthy relationship is either Rez and you know it. These things- they have to come from the heart. You have to want to share. And I get it. Trust me. It took me a long fucking time to even be comfortable saying the shit I do about myself, and my life. But I just. I know what I need” The last sentence was barely a whisper, the wetness already lurking at the corners of the older boy’s eyes.

The soft voice on the other end of the line was a surprise. Reza had expected the same stoic tone he'd been left with back at the apartment last night, something to match his curt and angry replies online, but there was just steely pain. Pain that easily transferred to Reza as well with the words spoken. And it was almost hilarious, Noah assuming that the vampire had any sort of knowledge about the workings of a 'healthy relationship', but he supposed he knew that Noah chugging down a beer in pain wasn't a sign of one. And maybe Reza worrying about him finding out about his past every other day wasn't the best, either. Noah making him happy was a selfish notion that Reza had clung onto for way too long now. "I do want to share," he choked out, despite the sensible part of his brain telling him that this conversation was useless. Noah's whisper was all the confirmation he needed but the desperate arguments just slipped out. It was like autopilot, clawing at anything that meant he wouldn't be alone. "I can be what you need, it's not a change just... I'll just be better and... Fuck..." he sighed angrily, wiping away the tears creeping up. "Sorry, this isn't..." Brain tugging in every direction, he found himself lost for words.

“Reza” Noah said gently into the phone, his need to comfort outweighing the rest of his emotions. He was still angry and upset and deep down, but he didn’t actually want to make Reza’s suffer, the younger boy’s voice already practically trembling with every syllable. “You know that saying these things, is just-just trying to put a bandaid on the inevitable at this point. Its.-” Noah paused trying to find the words, sniffing a bit to keep that dam wetness at the corner of his eyes at bay. And noah hated this with every fiber of his being right now, having to be logical and rational when he just wanted to say fuck it and let Reza have it. But purposefully hurting reza wouldn’t make his own pain lessen. No Noah knew from experience that only time would do that. Time and Distance “It’s not that we can’t come back together in the future or some shit. But. If we’re going to make this work, we both need some time.”

Noah's gentle tone guided Reza away from the gaping, dark hole of anxiety and self pity, allowing him to take a small step back and actually listen to what he was saying. The way he was practically manipulating Noah into staying, a few ill spoken words away from guilt tripping him into a relationship. It was less deliberate but just as shit as what had been done to Reza back in the day. "I... I know," he whispered back, hand gripping the phone like a lifeline, lest he slip back into begging Noah to stay somewhere he clearly didn't want to stay. He pushed past the brutal sting in his chest at the thought, hanging onto Noah's very weak promise of the future. A lot of things could happen over 'time'. His stomach clenched at the thought of all the people that could be or become the right person for Noah during this 'time.' But that didn't matter. Or it couldn't matter. "Okay. I... If that's what you need then it's... it's for the best." He knew his voice was dull, hardly believable, but it was the best he could do at this point. Just recycled lines from every break up scenario ever. Because that's what this was, no matter how badly his brain wanted to ignore that fact.

Listening to the shift in Reza’s tone Noah frowned slightly. He had expected more begging from the other boy, especially after how this whole thing had started. But it seemed like… maybe Reza also knew that they were broken? Not irreparable, but enough to hurt. Sitting down Noah just let the silence of the moment wash over not exactly knowing what to say next. Because endings were always the most difficult weren’t they. “Reza, even though we are going to be on a break what i said last night still stands.” Noah’s voice was barely more than a whisper at this point. Because he’d never said what came next to any other significant other before, let alone his first male one. ”I m-may not,” Shit. He was crying now, the reality of the situation finally sinking in.While he knew this was for the best Noah desperately didn’t want this to end. He didn’t want Reza to disappear from his life again even if this time it was Noah’s own making. Wiping the back of his hand across his eyes though he soldiered on, knowing what he was going to say next needed to be said. For Reza’s sake. “I-I may not be able not be there for you f-for a good while, but If you get into some shit and really need me call alright. Because you are o-ohana. Whether you are my boyfriend, or just my friend, or e-even just someone who comes to pet the dogs when I am away. You’re still ohana, and that parts not changing ok.”

The silence was deafening, to a point where the noises far away outside his apartment sounded loud. Noah finally spoke and Reza wasn't sure how reassuring the 'break' part was, even though it provided hope that Noah wasn't just bailing on this relationship to find something better. Someone better. Wishing more than anything that this shit wasn't happening over the phone, that he at least had Noah's presence to make everything slightly better despite the situation, Reza's eyes closed. He could see him now, the way his breath caught with the tears and Reza's face was just as wet as he imagined Noah's to be. The way everything was slowly sinking in as Noah spoke, Reza's chest feeling tighter and tighter, was harrowing. "Okay," he just barely managed to choke out, shivers wracking his body. It took everything in him to let this happen, to not bite and claw his way forward in an attempt to keep Noah fully. God, did he want to. More than anything. "And same..." Reza sniffed, "same goes for you." Fuck, his chest felt ready to implode, whole body curling up in a protective attempt. "I think our ten minutes are almost up..." he breathed, eyes squeezed shut and praying that he could get the last words out without completely cracking. "Mein ap say muhabat karta hoon." And then he removed the phone from his ear, blindly hanging up to spare himself the hurt of Noah doing it. Body wracked with bittersweet sobs because a sensible part of his brain knew Noah was right, but the pain demanded to be felt for now.

And Noah knew he should have expected the click behind Reza’s words, the other boy still to fragile to do anything but run. But he was still mildly surprised when it happened, mind still trying to decipher the Urdu words Reza was whispering. Sitting there though Noah put down the phone silently a small wrecked sob pushing its way out of his chest. Fucking Noah Kalani had been kidnapped, he’d had a kidney transplant, he’d fucking lost his whole family. But somehow, this felt worse. This hurt so much worse. Probably because he had wanted it to work so fucking bad. He had wanted to love and be loved by reza so fucking bad. And the other probably barely even knew it. Slumping over Noah pulled his knees up to his chest trying to breathe through his tears, before a wet nose pressed its way onto his back. “Come here” he whispered patting a spot on his bed as Kea jumped up, nuzzling him affectionately before curling up next to him. And Noah didn’t know when he fell asleep, he just knew that eventually he did, his body fully clothed, the tears that streamed down his cheeks creating sticky patches on his cheeks when they finally dried.

[thisismarion]

@nxahblake

The anxiety of the meeting came and went without a warning, but had pushed her to get ready specially early in the morning. Not like she put a big amount of care in what she wore or how she did her hair or makeup, but she figured that since last time Noah had seen her a total mess after working out, she would make a little bit of an effort. If not the first impression, the second one was just as important. At this point she had been excited, even, because never would she imagine someone would ask her out– well, for coffee– at this point. She had given up on that life, knew she would end up like her mother, taking care of the bakery, maybe putting up an actual restaurant somewhere else, and she had made her peace with that. But suddenly there was some sort of hope for something else, hope she hadn’t felt in six years since her divorce. 

Even if she was ready, it took Marion a couple hours to talk herself out of the house. That same excitement had turned into nervousness and disbelief that the guy she was meeting was twenty five years old, almost one whole decade younger than she was. “What are you doing, Marion...” She asked herself as she started her car and drove to the cafe they agreed to meet over text. When she looked at the time, she was still a few minutes too early. She thought of waiting in the car, but the summer heat would ruin her efforts of looking decent, so instead she faced her anxiety and took a seat in the cafe, waiting for Noah.

[rezathevamp-blog]

Better Love Story Than Twilight || Reza&Noah

Alternatively titled: A vampire and a half-werewolf walk into a cake shop

Aside from Reza’s very bruised ego, things were going well. Better than well, even. 

It had been like deja vu, going to see a scary movie on a first real date with someone he genuinely liked. At first, the thought had worried him as comparisons rarely worked out in Reza’s head, but it had taken that worry all of two seconds to vanish the second the two of them got into Noah’s truck. The vehicle was starting to feel familiar at this point; a carrier of many different memories. But now it carried the two of them. Going on a date. A date with Noah fucking Kalani (apparently his old tendencies of falling head over heels in a ‘school girl crush’ kinda way were still very much present).

Reza had bugged Noah about his physical health for a bit, obviously, but their chatter after that had just... clicked. It was comfortable and exciting. Mildly terrifying, too. Even with the occasional snarky nicknames thrown around, which were starting to feel like flirting at this point and Reza honestly didn’t hate that, they managed to stay on safe topics. The movie and which snacks to get there (mostly Noah’s pondering, Reza had snacked up on something that definitely wasn’t popcorn before leaving the apartment). Noah’s dogs. Where they were going for dessert afterwards. Simple topics, yet Reza felt like bursting with emotion every time Noah opened his mouth or glanced over or... did anything really. Most of them were positive. Some inappropriate, exhumed from a very neglected part of Reza’s brain. 

The movie itself had gone just as great, aside from the whole bruising of Reza’s ego (which was honestly small and pretty hard to bruise). The vampire had half expected to leave permanent dents in Noah’s arm from how hard he’d squeezed it at every jump scare. He’d foregone lacing his fingers with Noah’s at one point out of worry that he’d accidentally crack the fragile bones in his hand. Noah’s much discussed muscles had seemed like a less sensitive target. And they really had been nice to hold onto. 

“Are you sure your arm’s okay?” Reza badgered once they’d left the movie theater. It was getting warmer outside and the wide variety cake shop they were heading to was conveniently close to the theater, prompting the decision to just walk over. Reza was thankful for the fresh air; he felt almost breathless after the two hours inside (despite the technicality of not needing air), mostly because of the jump scares. Possibly also because it was sinking in more and more that this was a real date and at the end of Reza’s last real date with someone... As soon as the thoughts had rolled in, it was hard to keep them at bay. The room in his head for suppressing thoughts and/or feelings was much too crammed and he really needed to stop checking Noah out so blatantly. It was making him feel like a fucking predator. “I’m pretty sure my self esteem getting the shit kicked out of it is plenty of injuries for tonight.”

[rezathevamp-blog]

Honey, I’m Home || Noah&Reza

Was this a good idea? Considering Reza had come up with it all on his own, the answer was probably no. Like a big, fat no. But seeing as he'd went through with ideas far fucking worse than this one, he figured he might as well. After all, turning back now would mean wasting the disgusting food concoction he'd bought on the way here, the here being Noah's home. A lot had changed in the last few months, some people were completely gone or different but one thing had mercifully stayed the same; Noah was still here. For how long Reza could stay optimistic about that was very unclear. After all, the vampire had completely vanished on literally the same night that Noah had bared his soul to him, ugly scars and all. Not exactly a positive stepping stone in their... relationship? Their something. Reza really just hoped that this something wasn't about to turn into a nothing. As bad as four months cooped up with a bunch of slayers and people that sorta seemed to hate his guts had been, the one good thing was that it given him plenty of time to think. There hadn't been room for any distractions, which he'd become oh-so-very good at. So he'd thought about himself, about Noah, reluctantly about Heath and just about shit in general. One conclusion was that he needed to find out whether or not Noah even had the sexual orientation for this to go... from something to something else. As it was right now, Reza's odds looked bleak. He left the bike a short distance down the driveway, trudging up towards the door with his helmet tucked under one arm, the box of fat and empty calories under the other, and a nervous stone in his stomach. And then he knocked.

Lifting his head from his phone Noah scrunched his eyebrows a little, the sounds of the knocking ringing in his ears. It was an odd sound to hear reverberating throughout the kitchen, and even more strange to Noah. Because really A) who would be knocking at this hour? And B) who did he even know that knocked anymore? I mean most of his and Cahill’s friends practically had keys. Placing his phone coffee table Noah figured he’d better at least answer it. If not for his sake, then for the dogs sake, both of their bodies pretty wiggly with the excitement only a new person could bring. Caleb was doing a really good job of not barking though which was surprising because he usually was the first one to go balls to the walls when anything startled him “That’s my good mannered boy” Noah smiled out at the little pup a sense of happiness rushing over him. And he should have known that it wasn’t going to last, that feeling of just, happy contentment that he had whenever he looked at his dogs. The feeling that he had worked so hard to get back after the whole Reza thing. But then again how could he have known? How could Noah have known that the second he opened the door, it would feel as if all the air in his lungs had been forcibly removed? How could he have known that even after all this time he would still feel as deeply for this man standing before him as he did for the scrawny little vampire the boy had obviously left behind. How could he have known that after what seemed like an indeterminate amount of time Reza Burki would just be quietly standing on his porch again? Gaping a little at the sight before him Noah tried to get himself in gear, tried to make himself say something. Anything really. But the only thing he could manage to whisper out in the moment before the dogs came barreling out to slobber all over their old friend was “You’re alive”

Seeing Noah appear in the doorway -- hell, just smelling him and the dogs and everything with the first gust of wind from inside the house, brought memories flooding back with way too much gusto. Reza could almost feel the big, strong frame hanging off his shoulders as he'd dragged Noah inside from the driveway; could feel the sadness that had permeated Noah's very being, sadness that was somehow mingled with relief that Reza had hoped was because of his presence; could remember the way he'd been snatched into a half asleep hug while trying to get Noah into bed safe and sound and most prominently, he remembered just how much he'd wanted to do something more, something that hadn't been appropriate with a drunk and devastated Noah. And speaking of devastated... "You're alive." Resisting the sarcastic urge to correct him with an 'undead, actually', Reza smiled instead - a small and sad smile. And then dogs were barrelling into his feet, threatening to knock him off balance as he tried to pet them both while also attempting to keep eye contact with Noah. "I'm sorry," came the reply, finally, once the dogs were semi-content with the attention they received. Reza straightened out, swallowed thickly. He'd never been that good at apologies. "If you want to listen, I can explain everything," he said softly, dark eyes never leaving the shocked ones staring straight back. What if Noah just slammed the door right now and refused to listen? Reza really was desperately hoping for this to work out. "I brought food?"

Standing there still winded Noah just blinked a couple times, the urge to just knock Reza down and bury himself in the smell (who knew that “mr health conscious” would ever miss the faint hint of cigarettes?) and body of the boy prickling at the top of his skin. But then with everything came flooding back with clarity, the night where he felt just so much better about his progress. He’d shared, with someone he cared about, and they didn’t think him a horrible person. No in fact he felt. He felt like Reza may even have cared about him, in a way Noah could maybe have only dreamed of. But all of that progress was lost the instant Noah figured out the kid wasn’t coming back. And while Noah felt happy that Reza was alive and well, he just. He couldn’t forget what the other had done to him. And they hadn’t even been together. “You know what No.” He started letting his anger at Reza overtaking the joy he had from seeing him again. “Fuck your apology and fuck you for thinking you could show up with fucking food and everything would be alright. Because it’s not.” He shook his head ushering the dogs back inside of the house and shutting the door behind them. I was just them two now standing there in the dimly lit darkness of his porch. Just him and reza and the force of the rage that was swelling over every inch of Noah’s body. Because Noah deserved better, it had taken him 4+ months to get that through his head and Reza just showing up on his doorstep was not going to change that. “I-I fucking looked for you.” He started again to break the silence, knowing that if he didnt just barrel through Reza would say something. Anything. And Noah would be right back where he started. Utterly in love with someone who destroyed his fucking heart with no remorse. “After you stopped replying I looked for you everywhere. I asked everyone I could. I went into that fucking vampire club bar thing.” Noah spat arms shaking. Because yea that had been a night he never wanted to remember ever again. “But that’s not even the point. The point is, you knew. I mean I don’t know to what degree, but you knew. You knew how much this would devastate me, just-just disappearing like that, after I’ve already lost so many people in my life that I care about. But you fucking did it anyway. And while I’m happy you’re not dead or undead or whatever the fuck vampires are when they pass on. What you did to me was not ok. And sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

Aaand there it was. It really did seem like Reza was never getting this apology thing right, whether it was procrastinating it forever, playing the most pathetic victim ever or just showing up at the first possible chance and offering to bare his soul. Fuck. His jaw clenched as he let Noah's anger wash over him, resisting the urge to tell him something - anything to make it better. He knew he could (or hoped he could) if Noah would just let him, but butting in right now seemed like the wrong thing to do. So he waited, the leather of his gloves creaking as his hands clenched. The thought of Noah surrounded by Ashkent's scummiest scum filled Reza with a very protective feeling and yeah, made him feel even shittier for leaving even though he hadn't really left. After Noah's completely heart-shattering rant, Reza realized that he'd actually had much more of an impact on the other man than he'd initially thought. Still undervaluing how much people cared, it seemed. When he was sure that Noah had nothing more to add at this moment, Reza carefully put down the bag of food, helmet still hanging limply from his other hand. "I know it doesn't. But sorry is literally the only place I know where to start because I'm shit at this, but... I don't want you to feel like this, I really don't. This is literally the farthest thing from what I wanted." He was getting jittery, feeling like this was going South real fast, but giving up this easily was worse than vanishing in the first place. "And I really do have an explanation for why I vanished because it wasn't by choice and I really fucking hope you believe me because I would never have hurt you on purpose and-" Reza cut himself off from the rambling, not wanting Noah to feel like he wasn't able to talk more. So he just gripped his helmet tighter. "So if you wanna talk, we can talk. If you don't, then I'll fuck off."

“If you didn’t want me to feel like this you would have just told me” Noah huffed out at Reza anger getting the best of him. Because seriously what had been so bad he couldn’t at least send a small goodbye text. A ‘don’t worry about me’ sort of text. Or just. Something. Anything, other than the deafening radio silence he received. Looking up at Reza though Noah softened a little. Anger dissipating slightly. Because while it was easy to hate on Reza in the moment, he knew deep down that the boy (or rather man now) in front of him had a complicated life if he hadn’t texted him he probably really didn’t have a choice. Or at least in this instance thats what Noah was going to choose to believe. Because the alternative was even more utterly heart destroying. Walking over to the end of the porch though Noah sighed a bit, the weight of all the emotions that had been going on feeling like a ton of bricks “So, I’m sure its apparent that I really don’t want to talk” He said sitting down on the porch swing, his legs going up into their normal criss cross pattern, and his arms involuntarily reaching out for one of the ratty old outdoor pillows that was nestled in the corner. And it was a weird habit, he knew that (especially since he had gotten almost too big for the porch swing now) but it was a comforting habit to Noah, reminiscent of all the times he and Cahill would just sit out on the porch after a hard day. “But I know my therapist would be disappointed in me if i didn’t at least hear you out.’ He continued squeezing the pillow closer to him. As if it were his new armor against whatever weapons Reza was going to hurl at his battered body now. “But this doesn’t change anything.” he started again eyes looking straight at Reza with eyes narrowed. Because even though he felt more vulnerable now than he’d ever had it still didn’t quell the pit of anger inside of him “This doesn’t change the fact that I deserve better. And this doesn’t change the fact that I’d still really like to just punch you in your fucking face right now and erase your entire existence from porch and my phone and my life.”

Noah's anger was still bubbling and yeah, Reza had made some astounding self improvement with his own patience and anger issues but there was still a long ways to go. If things continued on this path where Noah assumed what had happened and Reza continued to feel like shit, then the path would be a very short one. Thankfully, due to whatever fairness the universe might have owed Reza, Noah seemed to deflate all of a sudden. Reza watched warily as the heavy frame trudged from the doorway over to the other side of the porch, still waiting for the next burst of anger. It didn't come right away and it seemed like Reza was actually going to get a chance to explain himself - before Noah's eyes narrowed and he hurtled out what was probably the biggest possible 'fuck you' to Reza's fairly fragile confidence. Jaw clenched, face turned away from Noah as to hide the familiar feeling of his eyes changing hue, Reza forced air into his stupid, useless lungs. When it did literally nothing, he tore off his gloves instead and shaky hands dug out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket. It wasn't until he'd lit one up and taken a seat on the porch's steps, far enough away from Noah as to not suffocate him in the smoke (because he obviously deserved better than a disgusting smoker), that Reza spoke. "I think they snatched me up right about.... there," he pointed with the cigarette to a patch of grass a good few feet from the porch, "and then, y'know, bagged my head and knocked me out cold. A group of heroic slayers, that try not to kill the 'innocent vampires' out there but instead, use them to do their dirty work." Sarcasm dripped from every word and Reza continued without looking over at Noah. "It took them a while to consider whether or not my connection to all the shitty people back in the day made me just another expendable pile of dust but lucky me, they decided it didn't. Since I haven't actually killed anyone, they 'let' me be part of their program. Track down vamps that have killed people or deal drugs or sell slayer blood -- the list of crimes that warrant death goes on." Reza inhaled some smoke, trying to gauge Noah's reaction without looking. "Best part is, I didn't have a fucking say in any of it. They drove me off to some shit place town hours away from here, smashed my phone, cleaned out my 'apartment' apparently, and pretty much made me vanish. Too risky for them to let me contact anyone, just in case I was trying to sic some of those pesky, killer vampires on their HQ. Which meant no contacting you, or my sister, or anyone." He finally couldn't take it anymore, turning his head to look over to the balled up Noah (something that Reza definitely would have poked fun at under different circumstances). "I literally got back last night. You're the first person in this shitty town that I came to see. Even though I'm starting to suspect it was a mistake. And sorry to break it to you but erasing me is going to be a real bitch because I'm stuck here while there are still vampires to hunt down and kill. But I'll try my best to stay out of your way. It's the least you deserve." Fuck. Had his eyes gleamed red again? His own anger was rearing its ugly head so Reza figured now was a good time to shut up. So he sat on the porch steps, taking more shaky drags from his cigarette.

Looking out at the large expanse of lawn before him, Noah started by justing listening to Reza, fully expecting the lamest excuse. You know something that would have justified Noah’s anger. But what he didn’t expect was the worst. The god awful worst for Reza, and the way his heart just melted as the other spoke. Sitting there for a few moment moments with his emotional whiplash Noah chanced a look at the other boy. It was easy to tell that Reza was upset. And it was all Noah’s fault. Noah had made him upset by assuming he was a shitty person. Fuck. Slowly the older boy extricated himself from his position on the swing caught between the overwhelming need to just smother the hurting boy before him with attention and just not wanting to be around him at all. Because he was bound to hurt him again wasn’t he? Thats was just Reza’s life wasn’t it? “So we still need to talk about us.” he said slowly easing himself down towards Reza the urge to just reach out and smother the damn cancer stick he’d lit strong. But that was just it. Even though he hated that damn cigarette Noah would probably never ask him to change. Because it was a part of Reza. Part the good and part of the bad, and at this moment he wanted all of it. “But i just-” Noah paused not even knowing where to go with all of this information his hands caught between pulling Reza closer and pushing him away. “Are they hurting you?” It was less of an actual sentence and more of a whisper between them, as he finally looked in Reza’s direction Noah’s eyes full of worry. Because no matter what happened between them, no matter how this ended, with Reza in his life again or gone for good Noah would always worry for his safety. Because Reza was his… his friend. His pack. He was one of the few people the Hawaiian boy had opened up to and one of the few people that he didn’t want to ever leave him, if his tantrum was any thing to go by. But that was something for another time. Right now Noah’s focus was solely on Reza’s well being.

Reza wanted to be mad at Noah for his choice of words. He wanted to lash out more and lather every syllable with scathing sarcasm but all of that completely faded away when he heard the porch creak under heavy feet. Aside from the very important fact of not having come here to snap at Noah and make him feel bad, Reza also realized that for the millionth time, he was settling into a victim position. The fact was very much reflected in Noah's eyes, looking torn between anger and pity and as much as he would have liked all the comfort in the world from those big arms, he didn't want it like this. Toughen up, Burki. His mind nervously skated past the 'us' part, not quite ready do dive into the deep end just seconds after he'd managed to calm himself down, and instead Reza took notice of Noah's disapproving stare. Right. Smelly cigarette. With one last quick drag, Reza crushed it under his boot. "Not at all, actually. Aside from the initial kidnapping part. I mean, they've been bossy and mean and really sarcastically judgemental over my fashion choices but... I got set up with a half decent apartment and..." he grimaced, "a food supply. To keep me on the side of the angels, ya'know?" Reza smiled wryly, shooting a glance over at Noah. The Noah who still managed to find space in his clearly packed tight mind to care whether or not Reza was in trouble. "I'm sorry about your football sitch," he added after a beat.

Watching as the other quickly stomped out his cigarette Noah practically rolled his eyes at the other. Because it was not his intention to make Reza stomp out his cigarette even though he was happy that he did. “You don’t have to-” He started trying to figure out how he wanted to phrase what he was going to say next. Because on the one hand he did really hate smoking, but on the other hand he didn’t want his needs to always supplant Reza’s own comfort “I think what i mean to say is If you want to smoke, smoke. I’ll get over it. Plus its not like you can get cancer or anything so I really have nothing to worry about with you.” He shrugged out kinda wanting to get off the topic. Though their new topic wasn’t a great trade off either. “Well that’s good they aren’t hurting you. And are treating you well it seems” He nudged Reza with his elbow eyes shining a little. Yea. He’d noticed how Reza was filling out clothes better. But then again who wouldn’t? “How did you know-?” He started eyebrow raised not pegging Reza for someone who knew about sport schedules until it hit him like a ton of bricks “Oh” Reza had been stalking his profiles. Trying not to let the second wave of hurt wash over him at the thought of Reza being in the know about him but in turn Noah knowing nothing the older boy ran a hand through his hair “Its alright. I mean my body is thankful I’m not constantly putting it in danger of being hurt anymore, but my soul is-” Noah paused looking down at his bare feet on the steps. “It’s hard. Football was my thing you know. And to not have it anymore. Lets just say my anger and like pent up werewolf aggression hasn’t really had an outlet for a while. So sorry about, well-” He motioned with a hand hoping Reza would get the hint. Because yes he was angry at Reza but there were better ways to handle your anger and exploding and yelling expletives at someone was not one of them.

Reza huffed out a little laugh, waving off Noah's concern. "Just say thanks. These things are gross and I used to hate it when people smoked them around me so don't even mention it." 'So does you getting over it imply that we're actually going to spend time together..?' The nudge was unexpected but so many types of welcome. "Yeah, I mean, with nothing else to do while they found me... something to do, I kinda got dragged into their ridiculous training for a while. Which is nice, y'know, not looking like a used mop swallowed by clothing." Wait, was that even what Noah had been mentioning? Or had it just been the lack of permanent eyebags? Fuck, well... "It's fine," Reza assured him, cold hands rubbing together in his lap. "I get... pent up aggression. So to literally throw your old offer back at you; if you ever wanna, like, spar or something then I'd be happy to. Get rid off all that angst." Reza's very poor impression of Noah had him chuckling to himself and yeah, maybe it was inappropriate considering how tense the mood had literally been five minutes ago but he didn't care. Hanging around Noah made him want to just have a nice time and not worry about all the harrowing shit all the time. Even if that meant making jokes on Noah's expense.

“Then why do you? Smoke I mean.” Noah asked curious as to what would change in Reza’s mind. He couldn’t think of any situation which would change his mind on the habit so it would be interesting to hear Reza’s take on it. Letting the better atmosphere fill the air between them Noah tried not to blush as the subject of Reza’s new body came up. “Yea well, you did-” He paused trying to gather his thoughts for the upteenth time today. Because really what was he supposed to say to that? Just the fact that they were on this subject was dangerous territory, especially for their ever precarious relationship. “Well. You did well. I mean I think the way you looked before was still good too but” Noah shrugged off eyes averted, wishing and praying they could just like drop this subject now. Or bury him in a whole before his whole body just turned scarlet. That would be nice. Feeling the embarrassment though drop straight out of him as Reza tried to joke though Noah narrowed his expression. “Don’t tempt me right now Nosferatu” He replied rolling his eyes at Reza’s horrible impression of himself “I’ve been oscillating between wanting to kick you down the porch stairs and being happy that you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere since I saw you” The statement still had a slight bite to it, part of Noah still completely serious about the whole kicking him down the porch stairs thing and part of him just playing.

Reza shrugged, not that surprised by the question. "Peer pressure. And now I'm too much of a wimp to quit. Plus, it's this whole aesthetic thing and I'm going to stop that joke there because you might actually believe me." It was always a relief, seeing Noah get mildly flustered just when Reza had convinced himself that he was definitely the more awkward out of the two, and making things more or less tied once again. A decent balance. Not like the very precarious balance Reza had tested by making fun of Noah. "Sorry, sorry, bad timing. Bad everything." At least Noah wasn't too angry for nicknames -- a positive sign. "But you have mentioned physical violence like... a lot so if you actually do want to spar, just for a chance to smack me in the face, then I'm definitely accustomed to a beating." A pause. Reza resisted the urge to flop back onto the porch. "That sounded awful on every level and I take it back, it's just nerves from this whole apology thing and all of this and feel free to just kick me in the face right now to end this." And here he was, once more going for the crown of awkwardness. "I practised some simple defensive fighting a while back, is what I meant to say." Yup, he was definitely regretting that cigarette he smushed, hands feeling much too fiddly and empty. "Also, please do something with the food I brought because I'm obviously not going to eat it. You can have at it and still be mad at me, promise."

"So what you’re saying is I basically just have to peer pressure you to stop and you’ll stop?” Noah replied shaking his head a bit playfully at the other boy. God leave it to Reza Burki to pick up a bad habit simply because it looked cool. Biting his lip slightly Noah tried his best to not butt in while Reza gathered himself. Because it just. It all sounded wrong and it all just made Noah feel even worse about the things he had said and the things he’d threatened. “You know I’d never actually hurt you.” he said quietly as he looked out across the dark expanse of lawn in front of the boys, a somberness ot his demeanor. “I mean on purpose that is.” he went on to clarify, because you know if they did ever spar there could be an outside chance of hurting Reza on accident. And Noah would be loathe to eat his own words, even if it was not taken that way at all. “I mean I’m angry at this whole situation yes, and I talk a lot about physical violence because, well that’s just kind of the angsty werewolf way. But I would never actually hurt you. Just you know for your information.” It wasn’t as relevant to the conversation as Noah would liked but part of him felt that it needed to be said. Because for all his joking about beating Reza up and hurting him (just as much as Noah felt hurt right now), that was really the last thing the older boy ever wanted to do. Because Reza was. Well Reza. and their situation was complicated yes. But if this night proved anything Noah was pretty much ride or die for this boy. “It’s good though that they taught you defensive skills. Those will definitely come in handy here in good old Ashkent.” He nodded slightly trying to figure out how the hell he’d actually probably made the situation worse. Looking over at the food though Noah could feel the awkwardness dissipate a little and their conversation switch back to the jokier side of things. Which was obvisouly where the two felt the most safe. “Depends what did you bring me, Edward? he questioned grabby hands reaching out for the bag.

Rolling his eyes, Reza sniffed in offence (barely). "Try me. Although that would almost be like a nice favor on your part. I'll consider letting you bully me into quitting." All this back and forth was making Reza's head spin, his own mind going from nervous anxiety to relief to embarrassment to whatever the hell else, and Noah right next to him not seeming to fare any better. The constant switching of anger and very soft, cinnamon bun caring was rough on Reza's teetering anxiety. "Some solid information to have," was the only thing he could muster as a response, lame as it was, but thankfully Noah had accepted the very obvious food-related change of subject. "It's really tempting to reply with dog food but... this place close to where I live has these things that I'm pretty sure are bred from some pizza and burger mix, maybe fries, I'm not sure. All I know is that people like it and it's probably going to wrap around your heart and squeeze it to death with like... a noose made out of transfats. Which sounded like something you'd enjoy. The food, not the... death part." The bag was dropped on Noah's lap, seeing as the space between them on the porch had become a bit to sparse. Clearing his throat, Reza shifted around on the porch, wondering how long he had here before he too would start to feel the first prickles of hunger. Probably not that long.

Snorting slightly Noah smiled, the first time he truly felt like doing so since Reza even arrived. “It would be less bullying and me just being so annoying about shit you’d have to quit.” Because it would. Noah practically lived at the hospital for the year or so after his transplant, he could spout of tons and tons of mundane medical facts. Especially for the bad habits. They usually had literature. Clearing his throat a little as the whole conversation was switched back to sad, Noah just nodded. They were going to have to have “the conversation” sooner or later. The one they kept ramping up to and never actually getting to. He knew it. Reza knew it. Hey even Jesus probably knew it. But apparently that was going to be a topic for another time. Which was fine by Noah, the boy pretty exhausted from the emotional whiplash just seeing Reza had given him. “Well Kea and Caleb get a raw diet, so i mean, if you wanted to go there the dog food I have wouldn’t actually be that bad” Noah chided sticking his tongue out at the other as he graciously accepted the bag. See as long as Noah stopped thinking about how just utterly devastated he was when Reza left him everything would be fine. Just fine. Right? Focusing on what Reza was saying though Noah just rolled his eyes. “Kid if you think the way to my heart is food that would kill me, then you would be spot on” He grinned light heartedly taking the box out of the bag, and opening it. Wow, that looked interesting to say the least, but the smell was amazing. “Alright here goes nothing” Noah started picking up the burger thing as best he could and taking the biggest bit he could manage. And it was. Amazing utterly amazing and just, Fucking Reza Burki. Goddamn him. “Holy Fuck.” Noah breathed out still chewing, eyes blown wide in disbelief. “This is almost better than sex. Like. Seriously. And I’ve fucking had some good sex.” Noah practically moaned out taking another bite of the burger/pizza/thing.

So moving onto food had apparently been the worst possible change of subject but really, how the fuck should Reza have been able to predict... that. Was he squirming? No, thank fuck for this being literally the only time he wasn't fidgeting. Although not fidgeting might look suspicious now but with the way Noah was going at it, it was doubtful he'd notice anything. It didn't even seem like he was noticing those... sounds he was making and yeah, no, Reza could not take this for another second - fuck that. "Are we flirting?" he blurted out before his brain caught up to his mouth, and then his mouth simply went ahead and fucking continued. "This... whatever, the whole back and forth and joking and when I got to use your shower and, and... you calling me when you're drunk and talking about sex and doing... that." Reza gestured a bit too wildly in Noah's general direction, realizing that he was on his feet now and there was no stopping this immediate train wreck and after all the work he'd put into the apology, this was how he was going to ruin it? "Am I reading into it or not because not knowing is making me crazy and it's fine if you're not gay, or whatever, or if you are something not straight but not into me at all because I'm cool with... that but it's most of what I thought about for the last four fucking months and I can't not know. So... uhm..." The realization of his monolouge hit him like a slap in the face and Reza wondered whether vampires could pass out from sheer panic. "I... sorry."

Deep down inside Noah knew that this day would come, the one where both he and Reza would finally define their relationship for good or for bad. But what Noah didn’t know was at the exact moment it was going to happen he’d be stuffing his mouth with the most delicious pizza/burger/thing known to man. “What?” Noah mumbled out eyes completely in shock as the boy just kept going words flying out of his mouth. But see while Reza was choking on the weight of his confession Noah was actually choking. Like as in I was so surprised that you are confronting me about if i like you or not that the burger went down the wrong pipe and I can’t breathe I think i might die type choking. Because that was just Noah Kalani’s life apparently. Coughing violently Noah turned to the side, the burger all but abandoned in the box on his lap now. Damn it. Noah could feel this moment going south very quickly, the tears already welling up at the corners of his eyes as he went through his fit. But he tried his hardest to pull himself together and finally after what seemed like forever he took a fresh breath, his whole body shaking now with the effort he just exerted. Leaning back onto the hard wood of the porch porch Noah just well laid there, trying to catch his breath. And trying to make sense of everything that Reza was saying. Because it was true, they had been flirting and Noah was into him and probably bisexual as the day is long he just. Didn’t have the mental or the lung capacity for any of that right now. So he just laid there on the porch, breathing heavy and trying not to look at Reza.

If Reza had possessed even just an ounce of confidence upon coming to Noah's house, the last shreds of it had definitely gone up in flames at the sound of Noah completely and utterly freaking out at the questions. Because who wouldn't when berated with... whatever the hell had spilled out of Reza's mouth, he couldn't even remember what the fuck he'd said and Noah was... choking? Oh, no... Horrified of doing anything to make the situation even worse, the vampire just froze and dumbly listened to Noah's pounding heartbeat, like the stone in his gut was keeping him completely grounded. No, he wasn't actually choking to death - thank fuck. No need for any physical contact that would inevitably fuck things up worse, even though he doubted things could get worse than Noah trying to wheeze some air back into his lungs while doing everything but meeting Reza's pathetically desperate gaze. His mouth opened and immediately closed. There was nothing more to say except another pitiful "sorry." It was surprising that his legs actually held him up as he turned for the cycle, helmet and gloves abandoned for the sheer need to get the hell out of here. This had been a mistake, start to finish and as if to further verify that, Reza's phone was vibrating with a text. If he didn't check in soon and let them know why he was at an unfamiliar address, well... it was a good thing Reza was leaving, anyway.

Laying there Noah almost didn’t realize Reza was leaving until he heard the small sorry from the others lips and jolted back into a sitting position. Fuck. Reza was walking away, they were losing each other again, all because of some ill-timed choking and Noah’s inability to well. Come out essentially. And well, if he had had it another way, something better, he would have taken that. But it was now or never essentially and we wasn’t about to let Reza run away from this. Vaulting off the porch with his supernatural agility Noah closed the gap between them reaching out of any small piece of reza to sop the boy from leaving. “Reza” He called out grabbing the others hand. It was the first time they had touched since Reza came back and Noah could tell his heart was just going off the rails with the content, the wolf side of his brain now screaming good things at him and the human side of his brain screaming that this was a mistake. He should just let him go because all he was going to do was hurt him agin. Standing there though as Reza turned back to face him Noah just. Noah didn’t care about any of it anymore, and he just let the words fall from his lips. “It’s true I’m- I’m and idiot that flirts to much, and just loves too deeply and falls too hard and just doesn’t even know his own sexual orientation anymore because who would have thought he liked dudes now.” Noah paused feeling his heart start to beat even more widely in his chest. He’d never actually said it out loud and even just hearing those words. Internally he wanted to hide and never speak about this ever again, but for Reza’s sake he pressed on. Because to Noah no matter the outcome keeping Reza in his life was worth this risk, worth, someone knowing that their perfect little straight football jock kid may not be as well heterosexual as they thought. ”But I can’t.-“ He stopped again trying not let himself get so worked up that we was crying. Because yea that was sexy wasn’t it “Don’t. Please just don’t leave me” he whispered still holding on to Reza’s arm and unspoken again hanging in the air between them

Was this the way all genuine relationships worked? Or non-relationships or whatever the label was? Like a badly written scene from a B-class movie where neither character knew what in the actual living hell was going on? Reza very limited experience with any sort of relationship hadn't prepared him at all. Trying to deal with someone else's struggling feelings while also juggling his own was hard -- scratch that, devastating; and he'd been genuinely wondering just why the hell people continued to put themselves out there for this stupid, risky relationship thing when there were far more important things to worry about in life, when the answer arrived. In the form of Noah grabbing his hand. Right. Stupid, panic inducing risk equals a slim possibility of reward. Feeling a phantom pounding in his chest, reminiscent of when something had actually beat inside there, Reza clenched his jaw and turned back. His teeth were piercing the inside of his cheek (were there fangs too? Maybe, he didn't trust any of the sensory signals his body was giving off right now) and even thought there was no clear, vocal confirmation that Noah... well, felt the same, the implication was strong enough to make Reza's mouth go dry. Aside from the blood due to his cut cheek. "I won't. It's the last thing I wanna do right now. Or at all." Reza had never experienced someone wanting him around this vehemently. It was overwhelming, but something he wanted to get used to. Something he wanted to live up to, despite all the shitfuckery that was dropped on his life on a regular basis. He wondered whether he'd literally begun to shake before realizing it was his phone again. Shit. "I really... really need to answer this text. To not get a very pissed of Slayer in your driveway," he said softly, eyes locked with Noah's for the first time without the wave of awkwardness and uncertainty.

Standing there feeling more vulnerable than he ever had before Noah focused on Reza and the hand under his. He’d never noticed before just how cold Reza was, and how badly his werewolf blood just wanted to warm him up. holding onto that hand for dear life Noah could practically feel the vibration just as Reza had eyes still locked on the other. “Alright” Noah breathed out heart still pounding away in his chest a little. Squeezing the other’s hand a little the older boy managed to let go of it (it was a heavy mental struggle with that one though), trusting in Reza’s words and wanting to give the kid a little space to text his “bosses” or whatever they were. “I’ll just be over here uh then” Noah said pointing back toward their little area on the porch. The aftermath looking a little awkward. with the abandoned pizza thing just spilled haphazardly on the side of the porch from when Noah jumped up “You know cleaning the porch and trying to figure out how to tell my future kids that their dad initially kinda came out after nearly choking to death on a pizza hamburger hybrid” It was another joke, an awkward one at most considering they hadn’t really defined their well everything. But if their relationship was going to ever go back to the way it was Noah needed to get back to that place. And that place was flirty jokey, awkward and kinda utterly in love with Reza Burki. So thats what he was going to do.

Reza smiled gratefully before rushing to pick up his phone, eyes continuously flicking over towards Noah as if to make sure he wasn't just going to sneak off into the house or get one of his alpha buddies to come make good on that 'beat up the vampire' threat or whatever else paranoid thing Reza's brain could come up with. Instead of all that, the lovable mass of muscles was simply fiddling with the carnage of the calorie fest and awkwardly joking and Reza had no regrets whatsoever. Well, regarding this, at least. "I'm sure they won't be surprised by..." Reza trailed off as soon as he unlocked the phone, the three new texts worse than he'd been expecting. "I... can't believe I'm fucking saying this but I have to... go. Just to take care of a thing. Here, in town. For like a few hours max and..." Reza's hand ran roughly through his hair, frustration seeping from every pore. "Fuck, I'm sorry, just... Can I give you my new cell number? And address of my apartment, just in case and, uh..." he rambled while hastily typing out a reply and making his way closer to Noah again. "Leaving is literally the fucking last thing I want to do and... I'd tell them to fuck off if I could but... I'll call, okay? Soon as I'm done? Promise."

And there is was again. The other shoe dropping right out from under him as Noah was just picking up the pieces. Reza needed to go. Reza was going to leave again. Fuck. But this time was different, this time Noah was able to turn around and see the frustration on the other boy’s face, to see just how much he didn’t want to go. And for that moment it was enough. Meeting Reza in the middle Noah took the phone from his hand programming his own phone number into it. He was going to call him when he was done. And Noah was going to have to be ok with that. He had no other choice after all “Go kick ass for me ok” He said trying to smile at Reza, trying to be ok when he clearly was not. “And you don’t have to actually call or anything jut a quick text. Just so I know you got home alright” Noah nodded trying to quell the still ever present panic. Reza was saying goodbye at least. So even if Noah never saw him again it wasn’t a complete disappearance. “I’m-i’m going to hug you now ok” Noah said with a gulp not knowing why this whole thing was so damn awkward. I mean he and his friends hugged all the time, gave them out like candy to babies. But then again most of his friends also didn’t just confess to possibly liking him,, or whatever the hell the past ten minutes were. So there was that. Putting his arms around the other boy though Noah drew him as close as he could noticing just how much more of Reza there seemed to be now. Not that they had hugged or anything before. But still. Sniffing slightly Noah took in Reza’s scent for reference, mentally cataloging it in case he needed to go on a manhunt again, the possibility of Reza just up and leaving again never far out of his mind. “Stay safe” He finally whispered against the smaller boy’s head as he let him go, hoping that this wouldn’t be the last time.

It seemed like all that chaos earlier, the frustrated yelling and scathing remarks, had been enough of an outlet for both of them as the two very different boys had their first serious and calm conversation. Reza could have imploded with relief; Noah wasn't mad and seemed to actually believe him. It felt pretty damn nice. The feeling of complete implosion only got stronger when Noah wrapped his arms fully around him. The height difference made it so that Reza's head was nestled rather comfortably in Noah's chest; it was almost overwhelming, the raw smell of Noah that Reza had grown accustomed to, the warmth of his skin, the soft yet so damn firm muscles and the steady beating of a heart. Reza would have been content just standing here for an undecided amount of time, his own arms curling back around Noah's shoulder blades. But aside from the fact that hugging forever was just highly unpractical, Reza really did have to leave. And yeah, he most definitely had a very soft, content smile on his face as they broke the hug, his own skin feeling that much cooler without the Noah's warmth. "I will. And I'll call," he added, because Noah deserved more than just a casual text. Reza's phone vibrated again. With a very frustrated huff, he went for his helmet and gloves. "Talk to you soon," he called over his shoulder as he bolted for the cycle, a different kind of jittery feeling taking over as he left one nerve racking situation for another.

[teddyryker-blog]

@noahkamura requested a starter at the Vixen Den involving alcohol

Parties had never been Teddy’s scene, not until this year when alcohol became a regular part of his life. Even now, he tended to stick to drinking in hotel rooms or in his dorm, only attending parties he knew he wouldn’t be alone at and he was still too anxious to venture along to Eden’s Twilight. He trusted the team and he trusted the Vixens, therefore it didn’t take a lot to convince Teddy that going to a party at the den was a good idea.

So he was drunk, hammered, positively ‘sloshed’ as his good friend Oliver would say, stumbling through the building and going back and forth between wanting to sit down forever or running around until he tired himself out. As he so often did, Teddy found himself pacing aimlessly up and down the same corridor, looking confused because he’d had vodka and now it was gone. He heard a door and his head shot up, grinning over in Noah’s direction and stumbling over to him, trying not to fall.

“Noaaaaaaah,” he called in greeting, “I lost my vodka and I’m sad about it. Have you seen it? It was cherry flavoured it was so good,” he slurred.