liability.

teddy ryker · #10 · defensive dealer the foxhole court

[teddyryker-blog]

colinjessup:

It’s not like Colin thought that they could make it to the Championships without ever dropping a game. He might have wanted to, wanted to believe in his teammates because it felt like he owed them at least that much, but it wasn’t something he just couldn’t bring himself to do, not that whole-heartedly. Doubt protects him. Besides, he’s not sure if there’s anyone on the team who had believed it: Colin isn’t sure if even Grant does, or if it’s just his job to say so. To pretend.

But it sucks. Losing. Sucks wondering how much of it is his fault, when so many of their backliners are newer than he is, relying on his experience on the court. After a game like that, it’s hard to feel like that’s anything but a joke: After a game like that, he misses playing with Zia more than ever. After a game like that, he wonders if he’s really as good as he thinks he is, or if a better backliner partner had just elevated his play.

A loss makes him feel adrift—so many of the Foxes tense and snappish, avoiding each other in their bad moods, even when it seems like they should be doing the opposite, coming together when their chips are down, to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. But then again, they’re Foxes—if they always did the right thing, or the smart thing, they might not be where they are.

It doesn’t mean Colin likes it. He doesn’t like the cloud hanging over Fox Tower, their practices. He doesn’t like it when everyone’s disparate, scattered to the winds, when he knows that he isn’t enough to pull them back together. That there isn’t enough of him. That he wants to at all is maybe the thing he likes the least—it feels like the opposite of self-preservation. Feels like asking for disappointment—something he never did until he became a Fox.

So when he’s bored and he’s alone—(which are both basically the same thing for him)—he can’t stop himself from going looking. The roof is a natural first place to look and, lo and behold, he hits the jackpot: it’s Teddy. Even if Colin apparently scares the crap out of him. “Yeah, well, maybe if you checked your phone, you would have known I was looking for you,” he says, with a hint of a whine in his voice. “I texted you.”

There’s probably a couple of people that could’ve turned up then and made Teddy feel a bit better and Colin was definitely at the top of that list. He’d taken Teddy in a bad numerous times by now and if he hadn’t been able to cheer him up, which was rare, he’d at least kept him company. Sometimes Teddy just wanted company which was considerably easier to handle than his terrible, drunken ideas.

He figures right now that the last thing the team needs is for Teddy to go on one of his rampages. He’s got classes he should be studying for, games he should be preparing for, so they don’t lose again, and one of these days his antics are going to get him in trouble that could take all of that away from him. He knows he needs to stay focused or, in this case, get re-focused.

Teddy was still shaken up from meeting his step-dad, even though he really had no reason to be. It was a lot of take in, he’d heard about him and his half-sister over phone calls with his mom but it was weird knowing that they were, like, definitely real. He figured maybe he was just upset because it was a reminder that whilst he’d been stuck in Oakland, with a psychopath for a father, his mum had been rebuilding her life without him and that hurt.

“You did? Wait, I turned it off...” He reached for his phone and switched it back on, briefly catching a glimpse of Colin’s text as a string of messages from his mom and various group chats lit up the phone. “Oh my god, stop,” he muttered, turning the phone back off and shoving it underneath one of his books. “I wasn’t avoiding you,” he quickly assured Colin. Teddy patted Bacon to get him to move then held up the other end of the blanket towards Colin. “Come here, distract me from studying before I lose my mind once and for all.”

[teddyryker-blog]

teddy ryker as a basic af cat

[teddyryker-blog]

The roof of Fox Tower was a place of comfort for Teddy which was odd for someone with a small fear of heights. He’d been spending a lot of time there since the game; it was quiet, it was secluded, it was a good place to clear his head and usually people that if you were on the roof, you didn’t want to be bothered.

Teddy had been, for lack of a better phrase, kind of a jerk since the game. He was pissed off that they’d lost and he’d been snippy the past few days, walking around with a face like thunder and snapping at anyone that looked at him for too long, even the other Foxes or the Vixens. It wasn’t usually this bad, lost games happened but it didn’t help what had happened after.

He wasn’t mad that his mom had turned up and he wasn’t mad that she brought along Jake, his step-dad. He was mad that they hadn’t warned him they were coming and that it’d thrown him off during the game, he’d been so worried about having to talk to them after that it completely blew his concentration. Jake wasn’t even a bad guy, quite the opposite actually; he was friendly and talkative, he wanted to know about Teddy and made every effort to let Teddy know he was a good person. It wasn’t enough for someone who grew up with a dad like Teddy’s.

It was dark now and Teddy had been on the roof for ours, Bacon lying on one side of him and on the other was his flask of coffee, a few books, a crumpled cigarette packet and his phone, which he’d switched off to avoid having to talk to anyone. It was getting colder these days too so he had a blanket around his shoulders that swamped his smaller frame. He was engrossed in the school work he’d fallen behind on and the sound of the door made him jump.

“Jesus Christ, don’t do that!” He exclaimed, looking up and huffing out breath to recover from the surprise. “You scared the shit out of me, what do you want?”

[teddyryker-blog]

@jakefeldman

👻 Our muse visit a haunted place!

Teddy lived for Halloween. Christmas hadn’t interested him in years, Easter was just a break from classes, and his birthday was just, like...a reminder that he was one year closer to death. The ridiculousness of Halloween appealed to him hugely; it was an excuse to dress up as something bizarre, eat enough sugar to give yourself diabetes in one night, watch terrible horror movies, and drink pumpkin flavoured vodka (which, for the record, is not as nice as it sounds).

The campus was doing it’s usual Halloween related stuff and Teddy would participate in most of it, as long as he had time between practices and recovering from practices, but he wanted to do something different. He loved the idea of getting drunk in a unicorn onesie as much as the next person but Halloween was meant to be...scary? Right? So he got an idea.

“What are you doing tonight?” Teddy asked as he dropped down into the chair opposite Jake in the library. “Because...” he reached into his hoodie’s pocket and plucked out a crinkled print out he’d gotten from a computer minutes before and shoved it across the table to him. MOST HAUNTED PLACES IN PALMETTO - THE OLD BARN. He waggled his eyebrows at Jake and nodded at the paper. “You wanna come with?”

[rpstartersforyou]

October/Halloween starters!

🍁 Our muses rake up piles of leaves and jump in them! 🌾 Our muses go on a hay ride! ☈ Our muses go through a corn maze! ☠ Our muses watch horror movies! 🔥 Our muses roast marshmallows by a bonfire! 🔼 Our muses go camping! 🐤 Our muses go on a nature hike! 🍂 Our muses collect leaves and make a scrap book with them! 🏬 Our muses go costume shopping! 🎨 Our muses make their own halloween costumes! 🍬 Our muses go trick-or-treating! ( no matter the age! ) 🏰 Our muses go through a haunted house! 🎃 Our muses go pumpkin picking! ✄ Our muses decorate the house for halloween! 🍎 Our muses make candy-apples! 👻 Our muse visit a haunted place! ( House, graveyard, ect ) 🏠 Our muses go around town scaring people! 🎉 Our muses throw a halloween party! 🚽 Our muses tee pee peoples houses! 📖 Our muses tell scary stories! 👀 Our muses play truth or dare! ( Scary related ) 🔪 Our muses carve pumpkins!

[4a0000-deactivated20180901]

Hello! How are you?

moving from one crisis to another as elegantly as I can 

[teddyryker-blog]

Teddy is fairly confident that Colin is also in favour of not repeating the aftermath of the last game. He never wanted to make Colin angry or worried about him, he didn’t want to put that kind of tension between them because he kinda needed Colin, needed his friendship and the comfort of his consistency in Teddy’s life. Teddy just wants fun; light-hearted banter, drinking, antics, and of course spooning.

He isn’t even on the same planet as the person he was last time, he’s not in the mood to endanger himself or isolate himself in his room; he’s feeling good, he wants to be around the team and is it even a real game unless he’s hanging out with Colin after? He can’t even remember what he used to after games before he and Colin were really friends, all Teddy knows is that he much prefers things the way they are now than to when he used to keep the team at arms length, refusing to make any important connections in case they were ripped away from him. He’s still scared of that now sometimes but he’s learning to accept that maybe things can pan out okay/.

Teddy feigns shock, utter disbelief, at Colin’s question. He gasps loudly and dramatically slumps against the wall. “You wound me,” he exclaimed, “after everything I’ve done for you. And to think I was gonna invite you to help bleach my hair,” he added, holding up the box of bleach with a slightly more eager look in his eye. “Such a shame. I guess if you don’t care about me, I’ll just go wallow in my loneliness. Maybe I’ll befriend the elderly couple downstairs and have them adopt me, maybe I’ll go to the other team’s campus and bribe them for alcohol. Who knows!”

[teddyryker-blog]

camtrask:

“I try to be as comforting as possible,” she said seriously, though her lips twitched into a smile. “I need you to understand that I’m not doing open heart surgery, I’m just going to make sure your lungs sound like lungs. Like… you get that, right?” Cameron was only teasing, mainly out of companionship because she knew what it was like to not trust medical professionals, though to her, it had been fear of being discovered. It would’ve taken one invasive question for the doctors growing up to find out she was an orphan, in which case things would be ruined.

Though Teddy assured her Bacon wouldn’t disrupt, she hadn’t made any similar promises, and upon seeing the dog she’d taken care of for a bit last year, she immediately crossed the room  to him. “It’s my bud!” she cooed, scratching behind his ears and grinning as his tail continued to hit against the mattress. “Did you miss me? Huh?” Booping his nose with hers, Cameron left Bacon to his nap before going to the sink to wash her hands, still talking to Teddy as she went. “It’ll be fine. And I get to talk about you in class, that’s fun, right?”

She returned to Teddy on his bed, grinning as she set her bag down and pulled out some equipment on loan to her. “Let’s do eyes first. And like I said, it’s not testing your vision, just checking your pupil responses.” She clicked on her light, pressing it to her own eye before leaning in to peer at Teddy’s pupils. “Follow the light.” She started moving her light around before smiling. “So how are you?”

“To be honest, if you wanted to take one of my kidneys and sell it on the black market I’d be okay with that,” Teddy joked as he moved aside some of the mess in the room so there was actually space to walk. Teddy was a horrible roommate, he was compulsively untidy and the room was constantly littered with discarded books and Bacon’s toys and laundry. As gross as it was, the entire space kind of stank of dog but Teddy had gone noseblind to it by now.

People didn’t really mind that once they actually came into contact with Bacon because, like, he’s completely irresistible. Teddy grinned as he watched Cameron fuss over him because Bacon could definitely do with some extra human interaction. Just before Cameron came in, Teddy had been trying to get some reading done but Bacon kept dropping his ball into Teddy’s lap, desperate for some attention when Teddy just didn’t have the time. It wasn’t like he’d been able to concentrate on the reading anyway, he was kind of glad Cameron had actually turned up because now he had an excuse not to do it at all. He’d take Bacon for a really good walk after as an apology for neglecting him.

“Do you want me to give you some selfies so you can build a little slideshow? Make everyone of jealous of how devastatingly good looking your test subjects are?” Teddy teased, watching Cameron unpack her equipment with interest. It all looked rather professional, much more so than the ever growing mountain of books Teddy had to collect for his own classes. “Try not to blind me,” he deadpanned, grinning as he followed the light with his eyes. “I’m good,” he said, forcing himself not to make eye contact with Cameron and continue looking into the light. “Still trying to get back into the swing of things. Exy is easy when it’s just Exy but with classes to it’s...a lot. What about you?”

[pondwitch]

apparently now its ‘politically incorrect’ to drive really fast while your friend leans out the side of your truck bed and hits mailboxes with an aluminum bat

[sebnavarro-blog1]

It’s long past time since he should have gone to sleep, but he’s still awake and sitting at a table in the lobby of the hotel with his laptop open, playing game footage on what feels like and endless loop at this point. He has a headache blooming behind his eyes, he’s had one ever since he came off the court–his offense had provided a lead going into halftime and one of his strikers had won the game ultimately, but it had been by the skin of their teeth ultimately. He can’t fix the defense, he wouldn’t know where to start, but if he can just–find some way to create enough offense to take the pressure off–he sighs and lets his head rest in his hands, drags his fingers through his hair. For the fifteenth time the player on the screen plants his feet and pulls to his opposite side, and he still doesn’t know what to do with that information. 

He stretches his arms over his head and groans, leaning back in his chair until the back legs are the only ones on the ground. He hears footsteps coming towards him and blinks his eyes a couple of times to make them focus, closes the lid of his laptop. “Unless you have enough coffee to make me forget my name and or a secret Exy playbook with all of the answers, I’m gonna have to ask why you’re still up.” He says with a small smile, even though he feels frayed at the edges. “Coach and all of that.” 

[teddyryker-blog]

Teddy had walked past Sebastian a few times now, glancing at the back of his head ever time he went out for a cigarette or to get a snack or something. It was late now, Teddy was seriously considering getting back into bed even though he’d already spent a couple of hours trying to sleep and that hadn’t worked. He wished sleep was a bit more like Exy, where you actually succeed when you put effort in.

He has no idea what could be so interesting that the other could be sat at his laptop so long but Teddy figures if neither of them are sleeping then he may as well join him. He runs out for coffee first and smiles at Sebastian when he finally looks up from his computer and Teddy sets the coffee cup on his desk.

“This is your lucky day then,” he said, perching on the edge of the table and glancing at the laptop. “Can’t you, like, chill for one night? Were you seriously working?” Teddy can’t bring himself to think about Exy for at least 12 hours after a game. They spend weeks working up to these games and when they win, it’s like all the stress from the lead up to it collapses and is either replaced by a lot of sleep or alcohol.

[teddyryker-blog]

camtrask:

Cameron burst out into laughter at that response, hanging her stethoscope around her neck. “Hang on there’s a lot to unpack here. First of all, nurses and doctors don’t do the eye thing. That’s optometrists. Second, I’m the last person to comment on height. Us shorties gotta stick together.” She was pleased Teddy had answered the door. He was one of her favorite people and not just because of his dog, and lately, she felt like they hadn’t gotten to hang out as much as they may have in the past. So even though she’d be checking various vitals of his, it still felt like a good opportunity.

“Now that we’ve established I’m gonna be nice, I can come in, right?” She didn’t wait for an answer, walking into his dorm that was a mirror image of her own. She always liked seeing the way her teammates made the dorms their own. They all lived in identical spaces, but each one felt like walking into someone’s world, a little glimpse of what they were like when they weren’t around anyone. She figured the impression hers gave off was that she loved the Foxes due to all her pictures, but that wasn’t exactly news.

“Okay so I don’t have to ask you weird medically invasive questions, but I do have to take your temperature, check your reflexes, listen to your lungs, and have you do some stretches.” Cameron put her stethoscope into her ears with a mock menacing look on her face. “Pick your poison first, or potential future nurse’s choice?”

“That’s all comforting information,” Teddy said, “so far you’re doing a 10/10 job and that’s coming from a guy that avoids doctors like the plague.” He didn’t like medical professionals but he trusted Cameron; she wasn’t quite a professional yet but Teddy reckoned he’d still be okay with putting his life in her hands. Plus, like, letting her do this meant they got to hang out and that was something Teddy was always interested in doing.

Teddy stood aside and held the door open for Cameron to come in, gently closing it behind her. Bacon, who was curled up on the end of Teddy’s bed, immediately looked up when Cameron entered the room and his tail started thwacking against Teddy’s mattress but didn’t move to greet her, instead just watching her move around the room. Bacon liked visitors, especially when he spent most of his day in a room with either Teddy or his roommates. “Don’t worry, he’s too lazy to try and disrupt...whatever it is you’re gonna be doing,” Teddy said, gesturing over to Bacon.

He perched on his bed next to the dog and gently scratched his ears as Cameron explained, nodding along and trying to convince himself that this wasn’t going to be all that bad. It sounded like the physicals Abby gave them and those were pretty much just tedious more than anything else. “That doesn’t sound that awful,” Teddy said, more to himself than anything, “I’ll let the future nurse pick. I’m gonna give you as many opportunities to mess up as possible so I can laugh about it forever,” Teddy teased.

[colinjessup-blog]

Maybe this is what it feels like, when you start expecting something more than failure. A win is a win, he shouldn’t be looking a gift horse in the mouth, but it still feels like he’d set his expectations higher—like they all had—only to come up just a little short. 

Maybe it’s karma: after the last game he’d been uncharacteristically surly, hiding from his teammates, licking his own wounds. Being in another hotel again, it’s hard not to remember it: they all look the same. He’s not sure if that’s a good reminder or a bad one—it’s funny how distant just two weeks ago can feel. 

So he’s looking on the bright side, or at least he’s trying to—at least he got to play his entire half. At least he wasn’t taken off the court bleeding this time. At least Arlo scored and bailed their asses out. At least they won. Their path to the Championships continues, still unimpeded, and that’s all that really matters. If they’re playing in a Championship game come January, then they won’t even remember what it felt like to win but just barely tonight. 

Someone has to make sure the Foxes don’t fracture, someone has to make sure they treat a win like a win. It’s a task Colin usually relishes, being the life of the party, pleading and cajoling to get everyone to join him. But he can admit that lately it’s just felt so hard. He’s just felt so tired. But he also hasn’t felt like himself—so maybe he should just suck it up. Fill the role he’s meant to fill. 

And, well, he’d wrapped a bottle of vodka in his sweatpants, just for this occasion. No point letting it go to waste. “Hey!” he calls down the hall, head poking out of his room. “You better not think you’re getting out of celebrating. But if you want mixers, that’s on you.”

[teddyryker-blog]

This week felt...better. Teddy should’ve been pleased, happy, for a few weeks running now but this was the first time he’d experienced any real post-game happiness since the season started. He was a mess after their last game because he had no cause to celebrate; what was there to celebrate when Teddy hadn’t been able to make it through a half of the game?

He was genuinely a bit proud of himself tonight though. Getting a point was a big deal to Teddy, especially when he spent so much of their last season either getting injured or getting thrown off the court. Honestly, it was kinda nice to get ino the changing rooms without Wymack yelling at him for something. And even though it’d almost been too close, they’d still won and that in itself was incentive to be happy about the night.

In honour of this occasion, Teddy came up with a really, really, fantastic idea; probably one of the best he’s ever had. He’s got a fox tattoo and a bunch of orange clothes and stuff but...his hair. It’s always been black, always a bit unruly, and always near enough the same style. He needs to change it up, needs it to be orange as fuck, maybe needs an ‘F’ shaved into the side of his head. He needs to radiate Fox Pride to the absolute maximum

He’s walking back to his room and reading the instructions on the hair bleach he’s bought when Colin’s voice rings down the corridor after him and Teddy pauses, turning and frowning. “You have vodka!” He exclaims, “I can sense it. Like how a dog can sense a tsunami. Sharing is caring, Jessup.”

[teddyryker-blog]

colinjessup:

This protective instinct is new to Colin. He’d used to just have his hands full taking care of himself, looked the other way and didn’t care when other people were hurt, when other people were suffering—doing anything more, caring, seemed like just another luxury he couldn’t afford. But everything’s been changing, he’s been changing, faster than he can keep up with: before coming to Palmetto and knowing the Foxes, he never would have fought Marley’s ex-husband in the Evermore parking lot; he never would have fought a sizable chunk of the Lions roster for Zia at the Winter Banquet—and he wouldn’t be feeling this way now, like he wants to protect Teddy somehow, even if it’s too late to have stopped this hurt from happening.

But, more than that, he feels guilty. He didn’t know that this had happened. How many times since had he flirted with Dominic in the dorm room shared by all three of them, not knowing that he’d bruised his best friend? What does it say about him that he thinks he might do it again—that he doesn’t have the strength or the self-esteem or what-the-fuck-ever to turn away when someone’s interested in him? 

He feels exhausted—the whiplash from raising his voice at Teddy to earnestly holding his hand feels a lot like a racquet to the face, being jerked around on the court, caught between an opposing player and an unforgiving wall. And he knows that Teddy must feel even worse. Maybe that’s an excuse—it feels like he has the prefect window now, full disclosure, the honesty he just promised Teddy he wanted to give him, this whole confusing Dom situation that just got ten times more confusing—but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what to think.

“D’ya wanna just—go back to my room and watch Netflix or something? We can be bruised and cranky together.” So many of these nights, win or lose, have ended up the same way: Colin and Teddy off on their own, doing their own thing. It’d feel wrong not to and, besides, he just wants to keep Teddy—close. It’s stupid, because it’s not like anything bad’s going to happen to Teddy now, and he’s probably gotten his fill of self-destruction already tonight, but it would still make Colin feel better.

Just like that, it’s over. Teddy didn’t want to argue with Colin ever and if they’d really argued, if they’d gotten into a fight that could damage their friendship permanently, it really would’ve been the icing on the cake for Teddy’s night. He did things that other people disagreed with and they were right to disagree with them; Teddy did things that were harmful to himself and sometimes others and he always regretted them but he never considered the dangers or consequences at the time. The truckers he met could’ve hurt him, if he hadn’t left when he had he might be past the point of being able to get back to the team. It didn’t occur to Teddy when he just wanted to drink and be a bit miserable in front of people he didn’t know.

Except he should feel like he can feel like this in front of the team because at least it’d be safer. They would reign him back in if he tried to do something destructive, keep him out of situations where he could land in serious trouble. Teddy never let that happen with the team because he wasn’t going to be their responsibility, he’d only ever gotten close to that when it came to Colin. If Colin came to him a total mess then Teddy would do anything in his power to fix it; he’d drive him out into the middle of nowhere like Colin had for him, he’d give him things to break or even just some company whilst he vented his troubles. Teddy never used to let himself be vulnerable to someone and have them really try to make him feel better and he still wasn’t quite used to it.

He feels confident that things are settled between them when Colin offers some quiet time accompanied with Netflix and probably some well-earned sleep. It’s familiar, it’s comfortable, it’s something Teddy can do even when he feels like crap and doesn’t feel like doing much of anything.

“Abso-lutely,” Teddy breathed as he scrunched up the now empty bag of fries and tossed it into a trash can. His exhaustion was evident in his ruffled hair and bloodshot, drooping eyes...or maybe that was the alcohol...maybe it was both. “I think it’s your turn to be big spoon,” he said on the tail end of a yawn.

[teddyryker-blog]

dominic-murphy:

The team manager slid a hand along his jaw, flexing against the ache of it and then tilting his head back. He clenched his teeth for a moment as Teddy started to lay into him, and it fanned those flames in him sharp enough to make him want to go for the other again. But instead, Dominic shoved his hands down into his pockets, digging his nails into his palms. It had to be enough, it had to be enough.

He couldn’t lose this. If he fucked up, it was on him- and he had fucked up.

He didn’t get second chances. Wymack wouldn’t allow it.

He’d have to go home and see his mama’s face and know he’d fucked up.

“I’m fucking sorry,” he snapped out, throwing his hands up in the air. “I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have gotten as pissed as I did. It wasn’t-” He couldn’t make the words come out, and they tasted of ash in his mouth. Dominic didn’t back down from fights because it was always a weakness, it was always something someone else could use against him but he had to be better.

He couldn’t lose this.

“There were some fuckers who caught me on my way back from class. Friends of the frat boys who tried to get me kicked out at the end of last year and nearly did.” Dominic doesn’t know how much of his story Teddy knows and he doesn’t care, he’s got to say this and then he has to go. “I just wanted to come back and read and calm down so something like this didn’t happen. Jesus fuck, I’m sorry.” I responded without thinking, I let my temper get the best of me, I’m just another black kid with a bad attitude. 

Dominic crossed his arms over his chest, and for once his expression was more than apathy. There was genuine remorse mixing with the anger still there, and he lowered his head with a sigh. 

Sometimes it was easier to get angry than to back down. It was usually how Teddy worked, at least back in Oakland, and the outcome was never good but he didn’t like to walk away because then he just stored away the anger. He and his friends used to get into the most explosive fights but at least when all the anger and aggression was out it could be forgotten. If things were never dealt with then Teddy just stayed angry.

And this wasn’t dealing with things but Teddy figured after Dom had essentially attacked him, he should be allowed to give the man a piece of his mind. He hadn’t come here to get the same treatment he got at home, he wasn’t going to live in a room with someone who got that angry over something like this without letting him know it was out of order.

He remained silent as Dom explained himself and Teddy absorbed nearly none of it. He was feeling insensitive because he was angry, because it wasn’t 100% his fault that Dom was angry too. Teddy knew best that tempers were hard to control but luckily he had Exy as an outlet - but he wasn’t going to be Dom’s outlet. 

So he said nothing. Instead, Teddy snatched up the kindle and shoved it in his backpack which he slung over his shoulder again. He needed to get out of this room, if he just went for a walk and got the damn kindle fixed sooner rather than later then maybe it’d give him some peace of mind.

“I’ll fix it,” he said again, his tone as sharp as ever. “do not touch me again.”

[camtrask]

Sports medicine had seemed like an easy enough choice for Cameron, not because she thought it would be an easy major, but rather because it fit what she wanted in life the most. She didn’t actually want to have a backup plan. Cameron knew she wasn’t unique, that she, just like most of the other Foxes, wanted to play Exy professionally more than anything else in the world. There were so many people vying for the same precious few positions, and while she believed she could probably do it, not having a plan B went against everything her father had ever taught her. “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket,” he’d always said, and while it was cliche, it was true. Escaping poverty was something she was so lucky to be able to say she did, and to ever go back to that life would feel like she’d failed everyone who’d worked to push her out of it. Exy was her first choice, but becoming a team nurse someday would at least keep her close to the sport if it didn’t work out.

Still, the homework was a pain in the ass. So much of it was practical. Most people in her major were also athletes, but none of her classmates played Exy, and her practice schedule often conflicted with the study sessions for group projects set up by the others. This week’s assignment was to give a mock physical exam to someone, and while the rest of the class had partnered up and found a time to do it, Cameron had been left in the dust.

So she meandered down the hall of Fox Tower, stopping outside the first door she heard voices on the other side of and knocking. When her teammate opened the door, she grinned, holding up her stethoscope in one hand and a bag of tongue depressors in the other. “Hi, can I give you a mock physical exam? Is that a weird question? Just lungs, reflexes, vision, that kind of stuff.”

[teddyryker-blog]

Teddy didn’t get on particularly well with medical professionals, it was a dislike that went back years and years and years and not even Abby with her kind demeanour could make him feel any kind of good about doctors. He was sick a lot as a kid; his dad used to bring up just how much money he spent on medical bills when Teddy was a baby at any opportunity and it was hardly encouraging. There were always problems with vitamin deficiencies, stunted growth, things like dyslexia and mentions of ADHD that made Teddy feel like there was always something wrong with him and always made Mandy feel like she had to treat him like glass.

He was better these days. He could drink less and stop smoking and maybe eat something that didn’t come from Chipotle once in a while but overall he felt good in himself. He always felt pretty good at the beginning of the season when the practices and routine kicked his metabolism into gear; he felt fitter and stronger...at least for the first few weeks. He was starting to feel the effects of Exy on his body with the aches and pains that never quite went away and his need to do stretches every morning because his muscles were so tense. His jeans were also starting to feel looser which, like, never hurt Teddy but he figured he should be taking in more protein or something.

Teddy opened the door to Cameron and smiled at her until she help up the stethoscope. His smile went a little tense and he raised his eyebrows, eyeing it in a ‘what the fuck is this’ kind of manner. “A...mock physical,” he repeated, eyeing Cameron up curiously, “I mean...yeah, okay, but if you tell me I need glasses or say anything about my height then I’m never speaking to you again.”

[teddyryker-blog]

colinjessup:

For most of his life, Colin had had his mother—and no one else. They moved around so much, they kept so many secrets, no one ever had the chance to know him. For a long time, it hadn’t seemed to matter: there was someone there who knew him, knew everything he’d been through, knew everything about him, and that was all he needed, was an anchor to keep himself steady. He’d made the choice to cut himself off from that, and in his lowest moments he feels so ungrateful, like it was a mistake, like he’d taken for granted what it was like to have someone know him like that, and love him anyway.

And it also makes him feel useless, because his mother had known everything about him without him having to tell her, without him having to say anything at all. He doesn’t know how to have that with anyone else. He never learned.

It hadn’t always seemed so bad—people didn’t have to know the bad shit about him, the things he was ashamed of, he could keep that to himself and have people like him. But sometime over the past year he’d been thawing, wanting to reach out more, and the only thing stopping him is how incompetent he feels at it. And it shows with Teddy more than with anyone else—because he knows more about Teddy than he does about just about anyone else. “I know. I want that too. I do.”

He feels sick then, looking at a fading bruise in dim light, holding on to Teddy’s hand tight enough in return that he doesn’t know how Teddy isn’t wincing from it, before he forces himself to loosen his grip. It’s hard not to remember: Teddy in a hotel room in Texas, telling him that his dad had tried to kill him; Teddy in the park where Bacon used to live, telling him that his dad had killed someone else. Hard not to put the pieces together: of a life that had more violence in it than Colin could imagine—and it’s not like Colin’s own life hadn’t had its share of violence. He swallows, and when that doesn’t seem to help, swallows again, one hand hovering uselessly by Teddy’s neck, like he wants to touch even though he knows that’s a stupid fucking idea. “Don’t. Don’t make excuses for that—it’s not okay, what the fuck.” 

It wasn’t like Teddy had grown up as the most open person in the world. Feelings weren’t really up for discussion in his household, even when it came to someone like Mandy who’d tried her best to raise Teddy into a functional human being. There was always something going on; always cops on their doorstep, people going missing, ending up in hospital, ending up dead. It was easier to keep your thoughts to yourself because that way you could ignore them and pretend like nothing got to you, like nothing could hurt you.

That part never came easy to Teddy because he was an emotional kid, the things he used to see - even experience himself - used to crush him but it wasn’t until he got older that he realised he could pretend everything was fine. That was how his siblings did it but Teddy was never going to be exactly like them and that became obvious when he came to Palmetto. Everything he’d taught himself about staying stoic and reserved went out the window when he met this team and even though he thinks he’s probably better off for it, he misses having the option to shut down.

He wishes he could shut down now when he sees the look on Colin’s face. He doesn’t ever want people to be worried about him but he recognises that it’s normal that Colin is because...well, he’d gotten hurt. Teddy doesn’t want to make excuses for Dominic’s actions but he wants to forgive him because he apologised, even though Teddy hasn’t slept properly since it happened and he’s been actively avoiding Dominic because he can’t get the anger in his voice and the rage in his expression out of his head. It’s not a good feeling to have come from a home built entirely on fear and ended up in another one where Teddy’s been scared of someone he has to live with.

“It doesn’t hurt that bad now,” he assures Colin, “It’s not like I’ve not had worse, right? He just scared me mostly.” He shouldn’t be trying to down-play it now because this had really set the mood for Teddy’s week but he’s not sure if he is down-playing it for his sake or for Colin’s. “Just that and what happened in the game it like...makes me remember stuff and it messed me up a bit today.” He huffed out an anxious breath then winced because even that left an uncomfortable feeling in his throat and reminded him of the ache in his ribs. “I want this week to be over.”

[teddyryker-blog]

colinjessup:

He thinks they’re fighting. Raised voices, raised emotions. Only it doesn’t feel like most fights Colin can remember being a part of—he’s not fighting to win, he’s not fighting to hurt. He’s upset because Teddy’s hurting himself; because he wants Teddy to be nice to himself. The intensity of his own reaction surprises him, how out of control he feels, without a roadmap of what this looks like or how to find his way through. 

And, just as quickly as he’d lashed out, he feels himself softening, shoulders slumping. He feels himself reaching out for Teddy’s hand, enveloping it in both of his own and holding on too tight. “You can. You always can.” Abruptly, he feels a lump forming in his throat, hard to swallow around. He’s felt guilty before—he knows that he hasn’t confided in Teddy as much as Teddy’s confided in him, and this seems like the result. Teddy pulling back. Teddy thinking that he can’t or shouldn’t come to Colin. It makes his guilt feel more urgent, though, when it feels like it’s hurting Teddy, or hurting their friendship—both things that Colin doesn’t want to do. “I know I haven’t—I know I haven’t been fair, to you. And I don’t—I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to hear about anything that’s going on with you. I always do.”

He blows out a breath—he doesn’t like making promises, doesn’t like backing himself into a corner he can’t find his way out of, but it feels like the only way. This moment will pass, this feeling will fade, and Colin will let himself talk him out of doing what he thinks he should, if he’s allowed to. So he won’t.“And I want you to hear—about me, too. I’m sorry it hasn’t seemed that way. If you want to—we could talk, sometime. When you’re not drunk. When I know what to say.” 

It takes a little while for the rest of what Teddy said to filter in—but when it does, he feels something sinking in his chest. It’s disappointment, but he’s not entirely sure he wants to know more. Doesn’t want to put himself in the middle between his best friend and someone—someone he’s fucked. Especially when he knows what side he’ll ultimately end up on, when Teddy looks like this. How it wouldn’t even be a choice. He leans in closer, and when his voice comes out, it’s harder than it has been, even more urgent: “What did he do?”

It seems like when things are just getting started, the fight goes out of Colin and Teddy is much the same. He doesn’t have it in him; Teddy could argue for the whole of California but not when it comes to people like Colin when he has so much to lose from raising his voice and throwing harsh words. And Colin must know it’s bad when he chooses to react like this, being as patient as ever with Teddy and choosing to backtrack to before the shouting because when Drunk Teddy is also Sad Teddy, nothing good can come out of anger.

Teddy goes slack when Colin takes his hand and he all but slumps against the wall next to them, still not quite able to look Colin in the eye. He doesn’t know if it’s shame or guilt, probably a combination of both now because he can hear that Colin is upset and it’s strange for Teddy. A lot of their relationship evolves around banter and teasing, he’s had Colin using soft words but it was never out of guilt, it was always trying to make Teddy feel better because everything was utterly shit. He wants to know about Colin and who he was before the Foxes, why he doesn’t have a place to go home to during the breaks and why he doesn’t mention a family back home.

It took losing Mandy for Teddy to truly realise what it was like to have no one, he doesn’t feel like he can count his mother as ‘someone’ yet because their relationship is too new and fragile, he can’t open up to her like he did with his sister and he can’t put everything on his friends, it isn’t fair. “I’m never gonna force you to talk about yourself,” Teddy said eventually, “like, the shit I told you, I’m not expecting that level of stuff but I just wanna know you better.” 

There’s an edge to Colin’s tone and it makes Teddy tense nervously for a second because now he actually has to explain. “I-...He...” Teddy sighed and gripped Colin’s hand, pulling them both into the light and lifting his head a bit, exposing the yellowing bruise on his neck. “I broke the screen on his...Kindle or something - on accident, duh - and he kinda lost it. It was my fault, he was right, I should’ve been more careful with my stuff.”