Jared felt as if all his energy had been drained away, he felt weak, useless, stupid, and overall like a piece of trash. Sam had left again and it was all his fault, just as it always was. He always managed to drive Sam away, and it hurt, quite a lot too to be honest. And the worst was that it always was for the same reasons, at least that's what it seemed like anyway.
"Your stupid childish behavior doesn't make this any better. It just fucking irritates me and makes me want to leave."
Sam's words rang in his head, over and over again, each time feeling like a stab in the heart.
"Promise me you won't leave again. Pinky promise me."
"I pinky promise."
Jared pushed himself off of his bed, going through his drawers, closet, taking out all the stuff he had used or would have used in the past for pranks. Some shirts with silly designs, and stupid messages written on them, took all his candy, pie, everything, and dumped it all on the big black trashcan that was sitting outside of the house.
“You deserve love… someone that cares. You’re too kind to be treated this way…”
What had happened to that Sam? What had happened to the Sam that he first knew, the one that had pulled him out of his darkness and showed him light again? What had happened to the man who had kissed him and confessed his love to him the night that Jared showed completely beat up at his house?
“I care… a lot about you… and I felt— maybe you need that… right now…Not that I—Um…I just—I really… like you… I have… for a while…”
And oh, how he needed that right now, how much he needed for someone to just hold him, and tell him that things were gonna be alright. Or-- Or that this was just a nightmare, a nightmare he would wake up from soon.
"Jared— I love you… I just… I’m so afraid what’s going to happen… I’m so afraid you’re gonna— I don’t want to lose you… I need you…”
Tears were running down his cheeks as he fell face down on the bed, and gripped tightly at the sheets. Why? Why had he gone and driven Sam away? Why couldn't he just control his stupid fucking child like behavior and just have left Sam had his time? No. He had to go ahead and drive him away. You always drive everyone away in the end, why the fuck do you even try anymore when you already know what the outcome will be? Jared stared down at their engagement ring, a small smile spreading across his tear stained face as good, happy memories came back, and he tried so hard to grip onto all of them.
"I love you too, Jay. More than anything in this world."
Tears started running down his cheeks again as he took off the silver band, staring at it for a few moments before throwing it across the room, a noise between a scream and a sob escaping him as he curled into a little ball, pulling his knees up to his chest. "YOU PROMISED!" He screamed into the nothing. "You promised." He said, voice weak, broken. "--You promised."
