#pandq

[pandqthinkitthrough]

The Spins, in theUnderworld

P: I just realized that when ancient cultures talked about "The Underworld," they meant that in the context of a Flat Earth. The Under World was actually UNDER their world, because they didn't know they lived on a sphere. Q: Yeah, what did... *sigh* ... what did you envision "The Underworld" to signifiy? P: I had an image of something like the Star Levels on Super Mario World. Q: With the spinning around warping effect? P: Yeah, I always expected to be arrive in the afterlife pretty dizzy.

[pandqthinkitthrough]

What I think about when others are talking

P: Hey, I think something is wrong with Facebook. I just got this reply to a post I made on your wall three weeks ago....

Q: No, no- I put that there this morning. I finally thought of something.

P: You’ve been thinking about a banal, conversational comment on your unremarkable status update for three weeks? Q: What do you do with your spare time?

[pandqthinkitthrough]

Lyrical Analysis, I

Q: If ten thousand lightning bugs only distribute one thousand hugs, there are a lot of free-loading lightning bugs. Probably what happens when you create some kind of insect welfare state. P: 100% of the work is done by 10% of the magical glowing abdomens.

[pandqthinkitthrough]

Invisibility

Q: What would you do with a magical ring of invisibility? P: Just live my life as I do now, but with a lot less shame and embarrassment. Q: Most people say they would sneak into the bedrooms of their favorite celebrities.... P: I would go to the gym, but no longer have to pretend that no one can see me. I would go equally unnoticed while walking down the street, though.

[pandqthinkitthrough]

Ownmost Stabbing

P: New word of the day: Aletheia.

Q: Wow, how do you DISCOVER all of these new words?

P: ....

Q: ....

P: Well, I could ask you a similar question: How do YOU keep finding my knife blades in your abdomen?

Q: Hermeneutic circle. Please call an ambulance.

[pandqthinkitthrough]

Cell for One, Please.

P: I just found out about Japanese Host Clubs. This sounds like my own personal hell: I go a restaurant and pay extra for an excitable human to come make human-like noises at me. I can scarcely imagine a worse arrangement. I need the opposite of this: a restaurant where I sit alone in a simple room and, ideally, a waiter just gives my food through a slit in a door.

Q: I think that's called "Jail."

P: Do they take reservations?

Q: I understand the food is not very good.

P: I'm sure the ambiance will more than make up for that.

Q: Your optimism will go unrewarded.

[pandqthinkitthrough]

Education Should be Horrifying

P: You got a job. Q: I did. P: You were hired to create new SnappleFacts for the inside caps of Snapple bottles. Q: Yes. P: You no longer have a job. Q: That is correct. P: Why do you no longer have a job? Q: Evidently, there were creative disagreements. P: How many of your SnappleFacts were copied out of the Wikipedia entry on Illithids? Q: ... I was working on a folder of Cuthulu content. I was going to branch out. P: When you describe the biology of a creature with tentacles and psionic powers that feeds on the minds of other creatures, people cannot taste the kiwi-strawberry through their horrified tears. Q: I thought folks might want learn about the larval stages. P: The larval stages involve sentient creatures becoming possessed by evil and highly intelligent malevolent beings. Q: ... does that not go with kiwi-strawberry? P: No. Q: ... More of a mango-pineapple concept?

[pandqthinkitthrough]

First Come, First Liked

P: I like that Facebook lists my friends who “Liked” my status in the order in which they submitted their approbation. By compiling enough data, I can rank my friends according to their fondness of me. Q: That is both horrible and untrue. P: Data doesn’t lie- or are you just admitting that you don’t believe in science and you think airplanes, computers, and medicine are just magical illusions?

Q: .... I could probably write a script to like anything you post as soon as you publish it... P: Have you seen the things I post? Q: ... There are so many that I cannot un-etch from the flesh of my mind-record...